


Spontaneous Attraction

by Space_Interrobang



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Biting, Breathplay, Cum Play, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Drunk!Kyungsoo, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fun shenanigans to follow, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Multi, Phone Sex, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Reader doesnt know exo, Shameless Smut, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-01-04 01:50:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 110,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12159144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Interrobang/pseuds/Space_Interrobang
Summary: One night while working your part time job as a driver you pick up a drunk patron who can't remember his address, and an unlikely series of coincidences lead you to reconsider the existence of fate.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a random writing prompt I found. I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think. The rating will go up in later chapters. They will be marked for your dirty minds to enjoy seperately if you wish.
> 
> For more Exo writing and content feel free to follow me at Dorkyungsoowrites.tumblr.com

There was about a dozen people on the sidewalk outside the club. Most were in groups, but the person you were assigned to pick up was suppost to be alone. You rolled down your window and shouted over the nearby conversation.

"Did any of you order a ride?" A guy that was previously staring down at his phone against the wall looked up and waved. You smiled politely. Taking in his appearence as he made his way to your car, you mentally prepared yourself. He was trashed. His button down shirt was only half tucked into his jeans, and not in the fashionable way you saw some celebrities wear it. The more concerning fact was that his shoes didn't match. Every step he took made it seem like gusts of wind were throwing him left and right. He even knocked into a girl near the curb who he could have easily avoided, making her stumble forward. She was telling him to fuck off as his hands found the handle to the backseat door. His hair was ruffled, but too short to look that much out of place. Although he had a handsome face, you noticed when he was closer. It wasn't anything in particular that stuck out to you. He was just naturally blessed you supposed. The stranger practically fell into your backseat, slamming the door shut. You gripped the steering wheel tighter. He couldn't seem to get his hands to coordinate enough to buckle the seatbelt, scowling after two failed attempts. "So," you tried to be as casual and polite as possible. "Where am I taking you?" He looked up at you through the reflection in your rearview mirror with glazed eyes.

"What?" His voice was tired and slow. Deeper than you expected. You couldn't tell if the roughness to it was from fatigue, too much use, or if it was naturally that way.

"Well I need an address," you told him with a kind smile. His eyes narrowed, thinking. You could almost hear the gears grinding. This guy really should have stopped three drinks ago.

"I...I don't...remember...?" You cocked an eyebrow. He waved noncommittaly with a limp wrist. "Just...start driving. I'll remember. I need to get out of here."

"Are you sure?"

"I can't think with all these people around," he replied like it was a complaint. Reluctantly, you did what he said. It was his money he was wasting for you to go in circles anyway. The man leaned forward, hands on the center console, and stared at you.

"What?" you laughed nervously. He smiled. A blush crept up your neck. He had a nice smile. It was contagious. Your grip on the steering wheel relaxed again. Maybe he wouldn't be like the other drunk passengers you've handled. He seemed nice. Not in a 'my initial suave charm is disarming' kind of way. He was genuine. Something about the vibe he gave off drew you to him. You were curious.

"Thanks for rescuing me," the man said gratefully.

"Not usually the club type?" He huffed out a laugh. Elbow on the console, he leaned his head on his hand.

"My friends drag me a lot of places."

"Couldn't you ask them for your address?" you offered hopefully. Without losing his bright smile he replied,

"Broke my phone."

"But you were looking at it when I pulled up. How did you even order a ride?"

"Party of one," he answered, glancing out the front window. You weren't sure how to respond to that. Then like he didn't say anything at all he added, "friend broke my phone. I made him call you then broke his. Revenge must be carried out." So he had just broken the phone he held on the sidewalk?

"Sounds like an interesting night." That was what flattened his smile.

"It was supposed to be fun." Your grin sagged slightly.

"I'm sorry you had a bad night."

"Don't be. Why should you care? I'm just some drunk who didn't want to ride home with his friends."

"So?" you threw back. "No one deserves to feel unhappy. I'm not heartless." After a minute of silence he leaned back in his seat. "Couldn't we turn around and find your friends?"

"No way." The stranger shook his head and pouted like a child. What thick lips he had, you ogled. Pink and curved and soft in all the best ways. You'd kill for lips like those. Hypothetically. "I'm not talking to them." You sighed and shuffled through your choices. Drive randomly until he passes out or throws up in your backseat, stop and abandon him on the street, go back to the club, pay parking fees and force him inside where his friends might or might not still be, or...

You sighed again and made what could have been the stupidest yet most wonderful decision of your life. Giving up the rest of your fairs for the weekend midnight run, you turned away from downtown. Eyes flickering back, you continued checking on him to see if he was going to be sick. He was almost like a lost child, looking around the interior of your car with a dazed expression. Completely in his own world. Then a previous thought came back to you. If you didn't ask you knew it would nag at you.

"By the way, why are you wearing two different types of shoes?" He looked out the window and answered,

"It's my birthday." Like that solved everything.

"Care to explain?"

"Where are we going? This doesn't look right." You sighed quietly.

"Did you remember your address?" Silence. "I'm taking you to the safest place for a drunk guy to sleep."

"It happens every year."

"Forgetting where you live?"

"Birthdays." You burst out into laughter. The stranger sneered at you in the mirror. "You're weird."

"You don't make any sense!" you argued, still smiling.

The rest of the drive went by without speaking. By the time you parked at your apartment building his eyes were drooping shut, slumping further and further down where he sat. You helped him out of the car and into your place. You weren't sure why you trusted this stranger to stay, but you couldn't just leave him somewhere and hope he wandered home like a lost puppy. Something told you you would regret not knowing more about him.

Kicking the door closed behind you, you carried him to your bedroom. If he threw up in your roommates bed or the couch she would kill you. She would actually kill you. She was the one who owned most of the furniture, and working night shifts, wouldn't know what to do if she found a stranger passed out in the apartment with no warning. The night shift thing only mattered because that meant she was out of patience and sanity from dealing with bozos. She didn't need more shit coming home. So you hid him away. The stranger was completely out of it when you layed him on your bed. He giggled and stretched.

"Night, beautiful." You couldn't keep the small smile from forming on your features. Whoever he was, he seemed like a good person. A good person who had a shitty birthday.

You tugged the mismatched shoes from his feet and pulled the covers over his legs. Before closing the door to leave him alone you placed a trashcan on the floor beside the bed and a glass of water on the nightstand. He caught your attention by squirming under the sheets. A few moments later his jeans were tossed to the ground. You covered your mouth, face heating. The stranger curled up on his side with a content smile and mumbled,

"Your pillow smells nice." Okay, so mysterious and cute stranger. You left before anything else could happen, and fell asleep on the couch.


	2. First Impressions ~ Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your favorite stranger wakes up with no knowledge of the night before.

In the morning you were woken up by your roommate.

"Stop falling asleep watching tv. It's not good for you," she mothered. "I'm going to sleep off this migraine. Please stay quiet." You nodded, getting up groggily. Then she was gone. Her room door shut and locked. Your eyes went to your own door. It was still closed. Going in carefully, peeking through a crack in the door, you saw the stranger. He was on his stomach, sheets tangled around his legs where he must have kicked them off in his sleep. One small respite was the trashcan by the bed was empty. He looked so peaceful. You didn't have the heart to disturb him. As quietly as you could, you grabbed a change of clothes and left again.

A little over an hour passed before he emerged. He was far more put together than the previous night. Hair combed down, shirt tucked into his jeans. His face was dusted lightly pink, wide eyes scanning around your apartment, generally giving off an awkward vibe. You looked up from your spot on the couch, turning off the tv you weren't really paying attention to, and offered a cheery smile.

"Hey, how are you feeling? You had a lot to drink last night." His eyes darted to you.

"Uh, last night..." he croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again, still not confident. "I'm sorry, I don't...how did I end up here?" You realized he didn't remember anything. So not so much awkwardness as confused. You decided to mess with him. Maybe just a little. Call it reconciliation for stealing your bed.

"You mean you don't remember what we did last night?" you feigned innocence. He averted his eyes, jaw clenching, and shifted his weight to his other foot.

"Not really," he admitted. You hadn't expected him to be so candid. You were intrigued.

"And here I thought my company was more memorable than that." You kept the light-hearted facade, finding it hard to hide your teasing smirk. The way his gaze dragged up the length of your body made your heartbeat quicken. How did he manage to do that with such a short look? He swallowed thickly, wetting his lips.

"So we, uh..." He couldn't seem to make himself finish the question. "I'm sorry. You're very beautiful, but I don't remember anything from last night. P-please forgive me," he finished in a small voice. He was obviously embarrassed. An honest, bashful, quiet stranger. Not what you were expecting when he sobered up, but it caught your interest. You stood up and walked over to him. An amused smile twisted your lips. You pat his shoulder as you walked by and into the kitchen.

"Come on, sweet thing. I saved you some breakfast. Eating will help with the hangover, and I'll tell you what happened last night." He followed you after shaking off his shock. You produced a plate from the fridge of eggs on toast and put it in the microwave nearby to heat it up. "Don't be shy," you offered. "Have a seat." The stranger padded slowly over to the island in the center of the room and sat on one of the three stools there.

"You...don't seem upset," he spoke up. At least he wasn't mumbling anymore. You slid his freshly heated food across the counter.

"Should I be? Would you like some orange juice or milk with that?"

"Yeah," he answered, observing you curiously. "I mean, yes please. To the juice." It didn't take long to fill a small glass and hand it to him. He thanked you and took a bite of food. You leaned forward on the island across from him.

"So, here's the story." He didn't pull his gaze away from you as you started speaking, listening intently. You found yourself avoiding his eyes. If you kept eye contact with him for more than a few seconds your face started feeling warm. "What I could piece together from what you told me, your friends dragged you to the club for your birthday, you hated it, one of them broke your phone so you made them call a ride to drive you home then proceeded to break their phone for revenge. I picked you up, we chatted a bit, but you couldn't remember your address and I couldn't get you to go back to ask your friends, so I took you back to my apartment. I helped you into bed, made sure you had the trashcan and water in case you got sick, and then proceeded out here to sleep on the couch. You removed your own pants, by the way. I left the room in case you took off more clothes." He paused mid-bite. You offered a kind smile. "Don't worry, you didn't have sex with anyone last night. You didn't even try to flirt. I just wanted to tease you a little, but it's good to know you think I'm beautiful." He resumed chewing, the tops of his ears turning red. "Half of what you were saying didn't make much sense to me, but you seemed like a good person so I didn't want to leave you alone. I hope you weren't too scared waking up in a place you don't know, but I promise I'm not some serial killer." One side of his mouth quirked up. He swallowed before talking.

"What kind of woman lets a stranger sleep in her bed?"

"Well I'm glad I did. You're turning out to be my favorite stranger."

"You're weird," he chuckled. You did the same.

"You said that last night, too, but I think you like it."

"I must have been talkative last night. What else did I say?"

"Well I got the feeling you don't really like crowds. At one point you mentioned a party of one? And you thought my pillow smelled nice."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I enjoy talking to you. There's something about you that's interesting to me. Although I have to ask, the two different types of shoes? You never answered me before."

"You mean you don't know either?" he questioned. "I was so confused. Neither of them are mine." You broke out into laughter.

"You're wonderful," you beamed. He glanced down and smiled shyly. "Can I have your number? I'd love to get to know you better."

"What?" He perked up, unbelieving.

"Maybe we can get dinner some time. Nowhere crowded, I promise." He sat gaping a minute before narrowing his eyes.

"Do you know my name?"

"Sure. You're my favorite stranger," you grinned back. He tried to hide his smile and shook his head.

"My real name?"

"You can properly introduce yourself when we meet at the restaraunt. I hear second impressions are more memorable anyway."

"I don't think I'm ever forgetting this morning. This is the strangest thing that's ever happened to me."

"So that's a yes?"

"I don't know. I work a lot. We could end up hating eachother."

"You'll never know unless you try."

"I don't even know your name," he pointed out.

"That's fine. Here." You unlocked your phone and set it in front of him. "Text yourself so you have my number when you get a new phone. We can set up a date. It'll be like we're meeting for the first time. That way I can get to know the real you instead of the mysterious handsome stranger." His hand hesitated over your screen, but did what you said. You took your phone back. "Awesome. Take your time eating. Ummm..." You whirled around to open a cabinet, then turned back with a bottle of pain medicine. "Here. I'm assuming you remember your address now? I don't mind driving you home."

"I'd appreciate that."

"Consider it a late birthday gift. By the way, happy birthday."

The stranger finished eating in silence while you went around tidying the place some. Mostly putting your bedroom back in order. Then you gave him a lift to his actual apartment building, saying a short, friendly goodbye. You had a good feeling about him.


	3. Second Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first date with the handsome stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff.

You couldn't get him out of your head. You were constantly distracted at work, wondering if he would actually show up. It was two days later he texted with a new phone and set up a date two weeks out. It was the only communication you had with him until you arrived at the restaraunt he had suggested. You had put on slightly nicer clothes than what you normally wore and waited anxiously outside the doors. Ten minutes late, you spotted him crossing the street nearby and sighed in relief. You took a deep breath to calm the pounding in your chest and smiled as he approached you. He was wearing a dark grey suit sans tie. You had to take another deep breath.

"Hello," you greeted slightly nervous. "You look really handsome." He looked down at himself like he wasn't sure you were seeing the same person, but smiled a little anyway.

"Thank you. You look pretty girl--pretty good--I mean, you look--" he sighed frustratedly. "I like your outfit." Your smile had widened as he stumbled over his words. It made you feel better knowing he was just as nervous as you. It took some of the pressure off.

"Thanks." You extended your hand. "My name is Y/N. It's a pleasure meeting you." He shook it once and let go. There was no magic spark. His palm was kind of clammy actually. Butterflies weren't bombarding your stomach, but when he introduced himself you just knew it was going to be a good night. Call it intuition, but there was something about this man that made you want to find out more. There was a mystery behind his dark, emotive eyes. You were eager to read it.

"It's a pleasure meeting you properly. I'm Kyungsoo. I'm also sorry I'm late."

"It's fine," you assured. "I'm glad I get the chance to talk to you again, Kyungsoo." He turned toward the front door and you followed. "What a lovely name." He didn't respond, but as he held the door open for you you caught the pink tint to his cheeks. He gave his name to the host, and you were lead to a booth near the back of the restaraunt he reserved. It wasn't that the place was particularly fancy, but he had reserved a time anyway so you didn't need to wait. Which made you wonder how far back he had called. It was a popular place. Maybe he even called right after you agreed to the venue. The thought made you smile. Sitting down across from him, he didn't speak until the waiter introduced themselves and left you with menus and water. He un-buttoned his jacket to sit more comfortably.

"I'm not exactly sure how to start this."

"A conversation?" you questioned with a light chuckle. He didn't agree, but he didn't refute your statement either. "Then allow me to help you out. Did you make up with your friends for dragging you to a club?"

"I don't think they'll be trying that again," he answered ominously. "My roommate was just happy I was okay after disappearing. The others, endless teasing about sleeping at a strange womans place."

"I guess it does sound kind of crazy. I bet they told you not to text me."

"You would be right."

"I can't blame them. My roommate would flip if she knew I was out on a date with a stranger."

"You didn't tell anyone?" he asked, surprised. Your smile turned bashful, glancing away a second. How were his eyes so intense?

"I know it sounds stupid, but I kind of liked the idea that I had this secret friend. It felt special." You couldn't read his expression. You scanned through the menu a minute. Kyungsoo spoke up suddenly, saying evenly,

"My roommate gave you a nickname." You looked at him through your eyelashes.

"Oh? What is it?"

"Ms. Anonymous."

"So do you have just the one roommate like me?"

"There's quite a few of us, but it's a big place."

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter had come back. You sat straight and nodded. After the waiter walked away you thought about more conversation topics.

"Do you listen to a lot of music?" He visibly stiffened, but his tone remained steady.

"Yes." Your eyes shined with excitement.

"What kind of genres are your favorite?" His shoulders relaxed. You shrugged it off.

"Most of what I listen to is pop or hip-hop, but I'll listen to just about any genre if the music is good."

"What makes the music good for you?" you asked with genuine interest. He hesitated, brows knitting together in confusion.

"I've never been asked that before."

"Sorry, no pressure. Music is one of the few things I know a lot about, and I love it so much I can get carried away sometimes talking about it. I'm a musician." His eyes went wide only for a second, otherwise showing no reaction.

"I thought you ran a motel for drunk strangers."

"Only in my free time," you chuckled. "Most of the time I teach private lessons and freelance around the city."

"What genres do you love most?"

"Oh I listen to everything, but not all as much as I'd like to. Work and looking for work keeps me pretty occupied. Though I guess classical, jazz, and rock are the majority of stuff I listen to lately. I'll listen to pop or hip-hop if it's on the radio sometimes, but I've never found an artist I really got into. To be fair I haven't really been looking. I can't stand country music, though. That's the only thing I'll never listen to if I can help it. They all sound the same, and not in the snobby classically trained musician way. I mean they actually sound freakishly similar. At least in pop there's an artistry to it, but country artists don't even try."

"An artistry to pop?" Kyungsoo repeated. Color him intrigued. Music he knew. Music he could connect with.

"Sure, if you pay attention. There's a reason it has its own genre. There are trope keys to put a song in and over-used chords, but they can be super creative and diverse in structure and variety and I love that. My old friends hated pop music cause they thought it was too repetitive, but if you find the right artist I think it can be great. Meaningful lyrics, the perfectly timed silence, or a good cluster chord, or a catchy bridge can make all the difference in my opinion. I'll listen to the same crappy song a million times if I like the chord progression. Ooh, or when there's a more melodic song and they modulate. It's so cliche, but I love hearing that. And when you find an artist whose voice you love and you get those descants?" You exhaled, speaking dreamily. "That's just so powerful. You get chills, but like, you feel calm at the same time. You know what I mean?" You noticed his expression hadn't changed, only listening with that intense stare. You couldn't tell what he was thinking, but felt like he could see straight through you. It withered your confidence slightly. "Sorry, stop me if I sound boring. We can talk about something else. Like, what do you do in your spare time?"

"You don't sound boring at all," he replied cooly. "You're passionate about music. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on it." Your face felt like it was on fire.

"Okay," you giggled nervously. As you sipped some water he asked,

"Are you warm? There's a vent blowing on this side if you want to switch."

"No, just flustered," you admitted bluntly. "I wasn't expecting you to be interested in my rants. Have you ever played an instrument? I only ask because I just realized I used some music theory terms and I don't want to assume anything."

"I'm decent at piano, and yes, I understand music theory."

"Oh a piano boy? Fun. Well then, Kyungsoo, what dumb thing would you like to hear me rant about in music next?"

"I don't know. What about the question you asked me earlier? What makes the music good for you?"

"That's a complicated answer," you grinned, leaning your arms on the edge of the table.

"We have all night." You sipped your water one more time. The longer you spent with him the more you liked him.

"I love it." Kyungsoo tilted his head like a confused puppy. "I love music. Always have, always will. It makes me happy. It's that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and the center of your chest where you know things are just...right." You shrugged and added, "as long as there's that, I think you shouldn't hold back and love without reserve. I don't know how else to explain it." You tried to live life like that as well, which explained why you asked a stranger on a date only because you had a 'good feeling' about his personality. The corner of his mouth lifted.

"I think I understand."

"I think it's story time," you declared, straightening your posture. "So it starts with me burning a lesson book and ends with a dog howling on stage."

"What?" Kyungsoo half-chuckled as his eyes turned to saucers.

"It's a fun story, I swear. Okay, so I was like eight years old. My piano teacher kept trying to get me to play Fur Elise for a recital, but I wanted to try something harder like a Brahms intermezzo. She wasn't having it so naturally my friend and I thought if I 'lost' it I'd be free to play what I wanted. Appearently we didn't know that printers existed. So the sheet music was tragically charred, but my idiot brain forgot another flaw in our plan; I had Fur Elise memorized from day one. I could probably still play it now from muscle memory alone I am so bitter about that song and Moonlight Sonata, and Canon in D. Anyway, the day of the recital my neighbor informs me her dog recently had a litter of puppies and wondered if our parents would be willing to adopt one. I mean it was a heavy burden," you over dramatized your hand gestures. "But I was willing to carry that puppy all the way to the car. I mean you see where this is going, right?"

"You brought a puppy to your recital? Have you always been crazy?"

"Everyone's a little crazy. I had it in the green room, but it got out somehow. So it runs out, plants itself next to the piano bench, and starts trying to sing along to Fur Elise. It was so adorable."

"Did your parents let you keep it?"

"Alas, no. Turned out we never had pets cause my dad was allergic, but a friend who also played in the recital was able to take it home. Named her Opera. I wish I'd kept in touch with him. He was a close friend growing up."

The rest of the night went perfectly. You kept casual conversation with Kyungsoo until the food arrived when you ate in comfortable silence. You kept catching each other stealing glances and smiling. Those eyes drawing you in every time you felt their weight on you. Hooded through his long eyelashes. Intimidating yet kind. At one point you couldn't hold back and said,

"You have really intense eyes." Kyungsoo froze and looked at you straight on.

"I'm sorry, I was glaring wasn't I? I promise I didn't mean to scare you. I--"

"It's okay," you interrupted with a grin. He must have been told off in the past before. That was the only reason you could think of for why he'd have such a strong reaction. You had the urge to reach out to comfort him, but the table made that impossible. Your fingers curling back in once you reached your water glass. "You're not scary at all, Kyungsoo." He pressed his lips shut tight and swallowed thickly. "I was trying to compliment you. I didn't think you were glaring. I just really like your eyes. Maybe I should've said amazing. I'm sorry."

"You think they're amazing?" he mumbled in disbelief. You glanced down and snagged your lip with your teeth briefly.

"Yeah."

"Oh...thank you." After a moment you caught sight of him reaching for you. Meeting you halfway on the tabletop. Your heartbeat picked up its pace as his fingers feathered over your knuckles. He covered your hand with his, squeezing once gently. He was so warm. When you looked up he offered an impish smile which you returned. Then you both took your hands back at the same time to continue eating. When dinner was over he walked you outside.

"I had a wonderful time," you told him with a shy smile. He mimicked it, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I had wonderful company." Your smile widened, heart racing.

"Can I see you again?"

"I think I'd like that, Y/N. I'll text you when I learn my work schedule monday."

"Maybe this time...movie night? My place?"

"What about your roommate?"

"She works nights at the hospital. She doesn't even have to know you're coming over if you want."

"Why would you think I want that?"

"You seem like a private person. I don't want to push you into anything you're uncomfortable with."

"I am warming up to the idea of being your secret stranger," he said with a soft smile.

"Then I look forward to hearing from you monday."

"Yeah," he replied, eyes practically molten, shimmering amber in the street light. "Have a good weekend."

"I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend, too. Thank you for an amazing night." Resting a hand on his arm, you leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Goodnight, Kyungsoo." It might have been your imagination, but you could have sworn he blushed. With a small wave, you both went your seperate ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I purposefully left the instrument the reader plays ambiguous so you could fill in the gap with whatever you want. I know I mentioned piano, but most of the musicians I know (including me) started on piano as a kid before choosing something else so I picture it like that.


	4. Second Impressions ~ Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo reminisces about the date to his roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You probably saw it coming from the tags, but here we go. Let it begin.

"Where were you at?" The query was put out the moment Kyungsoo entered the dorm. It was Baekhyun. The smaller boy poked his chest. "You look dressed for a date."

"Out," he answered shortly. He was still a little bitter that Baekhyun had forced him out drinking and broken his phone a few weeks ago. He was making a straight line to his room.

"Fine, don't tell me. I'll figure it out eventually." Kyungsoo didn't respond. He shut the door to his shared bedroom. Jongin set down the book he was holding.

"So, how was Ms. Anonymous?" he prompted. Kyungsoo started getting dressed for bed. "Soo, come on. Was she that bad? I thought you said she didn't recodnize you." Kyungsoo paused and replied over his shoulder.

"She's perfect." It was barely audible. Jongin bolted up.

"You liked her? Tell me everything. Did it go well? Did you find out her name?" Kyungsoo pulled on an old shirt and sweatpants and sat on the edge of his bed opposite Jongin.

"She's a musician." A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "Both her parents were, too. She hates country music. She said making pop music was an art. Her smile brightened the whole restaurant when she talked about it. Her name is Y/N."

"Wow," Jongin sighed. "What a beautiful name."

"I've never felt like this so soon after meeting someone. She's beautiful and smart and passionate, and funny and respectful."

"I've never seen you so starry-eyed, man. Not even with her." Even just as a pronoun Kyungsoo revolted at the mention of his ex. He diverted the topic.

"By the way, didn't one of the members have a dog as a kid named Opera?"

"Uh, yeah, I think that was Chanyeol. Why? Keep telling me about Y/N."

"She told me a story of her childhood friend having a dog with that name."

"You think they know eachother?"

"I don't know. It's really unlikely."

"We are so answering this question right now." Jongin bolted out of the room before he could protest, and returned a minute later with Chanyeol in tow.

"What is it?" The tall singer chuckled. Jongin was grinning from ear to ear and asked,

"Your dog, Opera, how did you get him again?"

"Opera was a she, and why? You two got a bet going or something?"

"Just answer." Kyungsoo watched with interest as he did.

"I've told this story a thousand times. My friend brought a puppy to our recital. She ran on stage and started howling while my friend played piano, and her dad turned out to be allergic so I adopted her and named her Opera because she liked to sing along to piano music."

"What was your friends name?" Jongin questioned after seeing Kyungsoo's eyes widen a fraction.

"Y/N. I've told you tons about her. We were really close growing up. She's the one who I lost touch with after moving schools. You know, the first girl I was ever with. How do you guys not remember this?"

"Oh my god," Jongin breathed in shock. Chanyeol seemed lost in thought.

"I wonder if she's doing well. She wanted to be a musician in Seoul. Maybe I should look her up."

"No need," Jongin chuckled then pointed. "Kyungsoo just got back from a date with her."

"What?" Chanyeols eyes bugged out of his head comically. "Are you sure? Goofy laugh, really spontaneous, smiles at everything, hates country music? That Y/N?" All he could do was nod. "W-well how is she? How did you meet?"

"She's the driver who took me to her apartment after my birthday when I drank too much."

"Holy shit. This has to be destiny. Soo, can I have her number?" His face scrunched in distaste.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I...think she likes me," he said, unsure.

"Does she know who Exo is?" Kyungsoo shook his head.

"And I want to keep it that way for as long as possible."

"I swear I won't say anything. I'll say I'm your roommate. Nothing else. Please, Soo." Without verbally agreeing Kyungsoo brought out his phone and showed him your number. Chanyeol didn't waste any time in calling.

You answered the unknown number with a bright,

"Hello, Y/N speaking."

"Y/N? Oh my god it really is you. Sorry, I'm just so excited. It's Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol. Do you remember me?"

"Of course I do," you replied a little warily. "How did you get my number?"

"Kyungsoo is my roommate."

"Oh...wow," you breathed. "Small world."

"That's the understatement of the year," he laughed. "How are you? What are you doing? Tell me everything."

"Chanyeol, I'm really happy to hear from you," you started seriously. "But...it's been years. You're only calling to catch up, right? Because I don't know how much Kyungsoo told you, but I really like him. This can't--"

"I know. I swear that isn't it. Are you free in the morning? I can come over and visit."

"...sure," you agreed after thinking. "But I have to be somewhere at noon."

"That's fine. Where's your apartment? How's eight? Is that too early? I'm so excited to see you again, dove."

"Just Y/N. Just Y/N is fine, Chanyeol."

"Oh...sorry," he replied sheepishly. "No nicknames. Got it. Text me your address?"

"Yeah."

"I'll see you in the morning."

"I look forward to it. Sleep well, Chanyeol."

"Sweet dreams. Bye." He hung up and bounced in place. "Thank you thank you thank you you're the best Kyungsoo."

"You're seeing her tomorrow?" Kyungsoo asked. Jongin added,

"She didn't even question why you didn't want to meet in public?"

"We're gonna have breakfast at her place. Oh, and Kyungsoo," he paused for dramatic effect. "I don't know what secret charm you cast on her, but she is so in love with you, man."

"How do you know?" Jongin asked.

"Because I know her. She wouldn't let me call her dove, her voice got noticably softer saying Kyungsoo's name. She shows her love instead of saying it, but she just told me she really likes you. I'm telling you, she has fallen hard. What did you do on that date?"

"We had dinner and talked," he answered with a shrug. Chanyeol scoffed.

"Unbelievable. How did she say goodbye? That's a big tell of hers."

"She suggested we have a movie date at her apartment, wished me a good weekend, thanked me for an amazing night, and kissed my cheek." Chanyeol waved his arms excitedly.

"Dude! She's totally fallen for you! Do you like her back?"

"I think so."

"He's being modest," Jongin cut in. "He told me she's perfect." Chanyeol's eyes sparkled.

"This is the best news ever. My old friend and my new friend getting together."

"Slow down," Kyungsoo told the tall singer firmly. "It was just one date. I'd hardly say I know her at all."

"Ugh, you always take relationships at a snails pace. Let her take you along her pace for a while. I think you'll have fun." Something clicked in Jongin's head, and he stammered a second.

"W-wait wait wait. Do you think she invited you to her apartment so you could...stay the night?"

"No way!" Chanyeol denied without missing a beat. "Y/N has rules around that sort of thing. Plus she's very conscious of other peoples' boundaries. She would never do something you didn't want. I'm sure it's totally innocent." Jongin came back in as the little devil to Chanyeol's angel.

"Yeah, but how long has it been since you last talked to her? People change a lot in college, and Soo said she was beautiful..."

"No way," he repeated. "I'm serious. Y/Ns not like that."

"I'll trust Chanyeol," Kyungsoo chimed in.

"No, go ahead and ignore me. It was just a theory. I obviously don't know her."

"I'm so excited for tomorrow."

"Chanyeol." Kyungsoo looked up at him with a blank expression. "How close were you and Y/N?" His features sagged.

"Y-you know..." he started lamely. "Pretty close. I've known her since we were eight. We might have gone out a little in high school." At Kyungsoo's raised eyebrow he talked faster. "But it was never gonna work. It was too weird being friends first so there's nothing to worry about. She probably barely remembers at this point and if anything she hates me now because I stopped talking to her when I moved schools. Oh shit, I should be nervous right now. What if she hates me? What if she only agreed so she could yell at my face? I'm sorry, I need to go." With that, Chanyeol left their room looking frantic.

"I know that look," Jongin accused. "Don't get jealous. He said it was nothing, and it was almost a decade ago. Nothing is going to happen."

"He said she was his first. That's not nothing," Kyungsoo skulked. His roommate sighed, unable to find the right words. There would be no convincing him. He was stubborn to a fault.


	5. Which Is Stronger?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion of old friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and angst.

Waking with the sunrise wasn't a fairytale dreamland. It was annoying. There was still an hour until your alarm went off, but the light coming in through the window in your bedroom shined in your eyes. It would be impossible to go back to sleep. Even if you did you would probably only feel more tired from only an hour passing. So you got an early start.

Chanyeol said he would be at your door at eight. That gave you two hours to shower, get ready, go over possible conversations in your head anxiously trying to find every outcome, make pancakes, somehow screw up making pancakes, give up, clean dishes, and go to the cafe two blocks down. You ordered a fruit cup and the last two of your favorite baked goods at that cafe: oversized chocolate muffins. The petite girl behind the counter had already started putting in your drink order when you came in. She asked how your morning was. You found out she got a boyfriend who had previously been in her study group for science. You told her you were happy for her and yes, you're still single, and no, you're not going to let her match-make you with one of her university friends. She had her heart in the right place, but you didn't think you could handle some jumped up frat boy. Not that she seemed the type, but her type seemed the type. She was a very sweet girl none-the-less, so you always made sure to talk to her when you went in. Her smile was one of those contagious ones that helped perk you up early in the morning.

The clock mocked you by acting like it was going slower. You sat with your face against the cool countertop on the island in the kitchen, the meager cafe breakfast spread out beside you. Why were you getting nervous? You shouldn't be. Chanyeol was a good friend. But then why did he stop texting when he moved? He sounded excited on the phone. Everything would click back into place once you saw him. Like nothing has changed. That's what happened when childhood friends reunited, right? You convinced yourself everything would be fine.

A succession of fast knocks carried over from the other room, and you shot up. You took a deep breath and put on a polite smile before swinging open the door. Well he certainly didn't get shorter. Though with a good deal less acne, the mask you assumed he wore outside tucked under his chin. It forced the strings to pull on and accentuate his ears. He wore his signiture jeans, t-shirt and goofy smile combo. Glancing down you noticed he was holding a cardboard tray with two coffees and a small brown bag. They were from the same cafe.

"Hey," he said after you stayed quiet for too long.

"Hey," you echoed. You stepped aside so he could enter. "Please, come in. I'll take those." You reached out. He handed over the cafe goods so you could hold them while he took off his shoes, mask and jacket. He followed you to the kitchen after shutting the front door.

"This is a really nice place," he commented. Grasping for conversation.

"Thanks."

"I realized when I got to your building you aren't much of a cook so I went to a cafe nearby. I tried to find chocolate muffins, but the barista said they just sold out. I mean who sells out of muffins at 8AM?" He froze when you walked around the island to sit on a stool and set down what he brought. You chuckled and held up a muffin.

"Great minds think alike." Chanyeol joined in your laughter and went to sit in the stool beside you. You both turned sideways to face eachother, his long legs staggered between yours, knees brushing. He emptied the bag he brought; two plain bagels and a fruit cup.

"I guess you already got coffee too, but here's a latte." He set the to-go cups on the counter, your feast set out before you. Maybe he didn't dislike you. Maybe there was a good reason why you drifted apart. The thought gave you hope.

"Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you," you told him honestly. He smiled impishly, grabbing one of the muffins. As he unwrapped it his fingers trembled slightly. You didn't want to let on you noticed in case it only got worse. "So, you're one of Kyungsoo's roommates?"

"Oh that? Yeah. We met years ago. Not long after high school. He's a good guy."

"He seemed like it."

"But how have you been? The only thing I could find out from Soo was that you're still a musician. You look like you're doing okay. I mean, you look good."

"I'm keeping up my half of the rent," you confirmed as he tore off a chunk of muffin and popped it into his mouth. You took the lid off one of the fruit cups. "Freelance gigs are getting harder to come by, but teaching private lessons is consistent and word travels around so I'm never bored. All the kids are really nice, too. There's always something more to strive toward, but I'm happy where I am for now." You sipped on your coffee. Keeping your hand around it, you stared at the cup and lowered your voice. "You missed a lot since high school. It's nice seeing you again."

"That makes me so happy," he replied. You looked up. "I was terrified to see you again." You cocked your head. He realized his poor phrasing. "I mean I was afraid you'd hate me after what happened."

"What did happen, Chanyeol?" He broke away from your gaze. A slight tension to the air. You needed answers, even if it was uncomfortable to hear.

"I don't know," he answered lamely. "I got busy, and made new friends, and then exams and I just...kept putting it off. By then it had been months and I thought it would be weird. The few times we did talk it felt like you weren't interested. I figured you moved on. So I left you alone. That doesn't mean I wasn't a dick about it, though. I know I shouldn't have just cut you out like that, but it was...too painful."

"It was painful to hang out with me?"

"How else would you phrase it?" Chanyeol laughed mirthlessly. "I was still so in love with you. You think it didn't hurt me, too? I missed you more than anything, Y/N." The confession fizzled any arguments you wanted to make. His deep brown eyes flickered back to yours, vulnerable and shining. "I needed time to move on." There was a short silence where you were both trying to determine what the other was thinking. The awkwardness began to slacken as you started to understand. "But don't you think it's destiny that we found eachother again? Out of all the side jobs you decided to work that night in that area as a driver, and you just happen to pick up Kyungsoo? And you just happen to go on a date with him because he somehow forgot where he lived and by some miraculous act of kindness brought him here and got his phone number after taking care of him?"

"I don't believe in destiny," you responded. "I just did something nice and Kyungsoo turned out to be nice, too. It isn't all that hard to find me if you look." His lips pressed into a firm line as he stuffed a bigger chunk of muffin in his mouth. "I know I could've looked for you too, but you made it pretty obvious you didn't want to be around me." After eating a few pieces of fruit in awkward silence you sighed tiredly. "I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to guilt you. I get it. I moved on from that a long time ago. I just wanted to clear the air so maybe we could start fresh. I'm sure you've changed a lot. I'm definitely digging the new haircut more." That made him crack a smile. It warmed your heart. Making him sad felt like you were kicking a puppy. "What do you do now?"

"Music production," he spit out quickly. You attributed it to nerves. His hand still shook bringing the coffee cup to his lips. Your eyes widened, the corners of your mouth pulling up.

"No kidding. That's so cool. What kind of music do you make?"

"Kyungsoo actually works with me. Our recent stuff has been more hip-hop, but the company has a say, too."

"Assholes," you rolled your eyes. "Corporations don't know jack shit about meaningful music. They're just a bunch of heartless suits. I hope they don't hold you back too much." Chanyeol shook his head.

"I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I love my work."

"Good. You'll have to let me listen to some of the songs you've helped with. You've always been a really talented musician, and you always loved hip-hop. I'm sure I'll love anything you've written or mixed."

"I don't doubt that. I'm pretty amazing." His boast made you giggle.

"I'll look forward to it." His hand wasn't trembling the next time he sipped his coffee.

It wasn't time travel. Things didn't click. Life wasn't always as easy as a switch. You weren't the girl he realized he was in love with in high school anymore. He wasn't the boy who cradled his phone on rainy nights while you talked to him until dreams took over anymore. Neither of you were the kids who would skip class to make out in your newest procured spot. Both of you had new foods you liked and disliked, new friends, new responsibilities, different habits, maybe a few new scars, songs that reminded you of...someone else. However, he could still make you laugh, and there was still that calm feeling in the center of your chest that he left behind every time he was around. It was a foundation. That was enough.


	6. The Heart...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you can't ignore it anymore.

Three months. Everything was fine for three months. You had gone on several more dates with Kyungsoo, and enjoyed all of them. Even the one where it started pouring rain while you were walking and you had to travel to your apartment while drenched on two different buses. He had given you the baseball cap he was wearing to help shield you. You caught a minor cold, but the memory of his arm around you on the bus, hand sliding up and down your arm to keep you warm, was a precious one. You gathered rather quickly that he wasn't the most physical person. Being someone who almost exclusively shows affection physically it was a small challenge to make sure you didn't move too fast. So when he did something like that it made you happy that he was comfortable enough to be that close to you. Sometimes you think you see a spark of something more in his eyes, but then he'll look away. You'd ruined relationships before by trying to push so you were doing your best to follow his lead.

On the other side of things, Chanyeol had started making it routine to visit you at least once a week. It didn't matter if it was for early morning breakfast or a late night movie, at some point he would be knocking on your door. Your roommate briefly met him one time on her way in after her shift, but she was basically a zombie so she collapsed into bed after saying hello. You still didn't tell her about Kyungsoo. You used Chanyeol to vent everything to since he was his friend.

It was obvious in hindsight, but you were oblivious until the last second. You made excuses for him, brushed off his behavior as him settling back into your old friendship. It was comfortable. It was familiar. You should have noticed how familiar sooner.

Chanyeol was relaxing on the couch with you watching a movie. You shared a blanket with him while he leaned into your side. You weren't really paying attention to the tv, though, too absorbed in your conversation with him.

"It's not like it's purely negative," you told him, searching for the right words. "I know he likes me. He's said so. Why else would he keep asking me out? I just wish he'd show it a bit more, you know? When we're alone in my apartment he's relaxed and caring, and he'll let me sit beside him and hold his hand, but whenever we go out he's suddenly so distant. It's like he doesn't want to be seen with me."

"I think Kyungsoo just likes to keep his private life from others," Chanyeol tried to explain. "Don't take it personally."

"I'm trying," you sighed. "But do you know he hasn't even kissed me? It's been three months. Does he have a bad past with women or something? Is he not attracted to me like that? Is he asexual?"

"Oh no," the boy chuckled. "Definitely not asexual. Look, I don't feel right telling you about this. You should just ask him yourself. I promise it has nothing to do with you. What guy wouldn't look at you and find you extremely sexy?"

"Someone who's gay," you quipped back.

"My friends would disagree with that. You know what I mean. You've only gotten more attractive since high school." You laughed at his comment. "I'm serious," he egged on to make you laugh more, a grin spread across his face. "With that body and your killer personality? You are one hot piece of ass." Your laughter grew with the blush on your cheeks. "Don't pretend like you don't know." Chanyeol teasingly poked your side. You flinched away. You watched the mischevious glint grow in his eyes as he did it again. "I saw some of the outfits you put on for your dates. It's no wonder you caught a cold in that cute little skirt." You fell back into the arm of the couch, trying and failing to block yourself from being tickled more. Chanyeol was much larger and stronger than you. His hands pushed your knees down and away from your chest so he was hovering over you. You gasped for air through your giggles. "Trying to show off these legs?" His fingers quickly skimmed up your thighs before resuming their attack on your sides, tears pricking your eyes as you begged him to stop. Your strength was sapped from you, so your weak attempts at shoving on his arms and chest were futile. "Even I was shocked when you wore that revealing little dress last week. If I didn't know better I would think you're trying to get him to sleep with you." He stilled, and then he stilled you by pinning your wrists down. Distracted by catching your breath, eyes closed, you didn't see. "That deep cut neck line." His voice was lower, breathier. "All I thought about was how you would look stepping out of that dress. I don't know how he's kept his hands off you. Even in these sweatpants you're driving me crazy." Your eyelids fluttered open. You hadn't seen how close he'd gotten. Chanyeol's face was centimeters from yours, pupils consuming the color around them. Did you hear him right? "A guy can only hold back for so long before he..." Chanyeol's sentence trailed. He licked his lips and swallowed audibly, tone going back to normal. "He might not even know you're trying to get his attention. It's better if you're direct with him. I know you aren't shy. The next time you go out you should initiate the kiss." Yeah, you must have heard wrong. You shrugged it off.

"What if he's not ready? He should want it, too."

"Trust me," Chanyeol assured with a soft smile. "If I know him at all, he wants you. He just has a hard time trusting people. It's a long story."

"Then should I ask first? Is that too awkward?" He shook his head.

"You're thinking too much. You have to just...do it." His speech slowed, eyes boring into yours as if in a trance. "Wasn't that a saying of yours? If you like someone, then you shouldn't hold back. Things will just feel...right," he finished in a whisper. Chanyeol leaned down so his lips ghosted over yours. For a moment the touch was so light you almost couldn't feel him, and then his eyes slid closed. He added pressure, mouth moving along yours at a glacial pace. Like he was afraid of hurting you. His lower lip trembled as he fit it between yours. He sucked gently, coaxing your lips apart. Your body obeyed without your brain catching up. When you did the ice melted with a quiet moan from above you. Chanyeol planted a searing kiss to your mouth, taking in a deep breath through his nose, brows knitting together, making you dizzy. His desire deepened instantaneously. He was like burning embers that couldn't be quenched once they were stoked. His need seeped through to you.

You were brought back to your parents' couch.

It wasn't a particularly special day. Maybe you hadn't spoken in a week since an awkward encounter, but he had been acting alright that night. Chanyeol was hanging out like he always did back then, stealing gobbs of food from your fridge. You shared a blanket and let re-runs of some old sitcom drone in the background. As the night went on the arm he put around your shoulder hugged tighter. Eventually you asked if something was wrong. He looked at you with a nervous smile.

"Okay. Here we go. What if you were my girlfriend?" The question was so unexpected your gut reaction was to laugh.

"What?"

"You know, what if we dated? We'd basically be doing what we do now but with kissing and stuff."

"Why? We're fine like we are now. What difference does it make?" Chanyeol's ears turned red, gaze flickering away in a bout of shyness.

"Because then I'll be the only one who can kiss you...and stuff."

"You don't think it will be weird?" you asked. You remember the room becoming unbearably warm, heart hammering against your chest. Thoughts of a night one week ago springing to mind. It must be why he was bringing it up.

"Do you?"

"I don't know. I never thought you liked me like that."

"It gets kinda hard to ignore after a while." You fell into his bait.

"What's hard to ignore?"

"I, um...I think I love you."

"Oh," you sighed out, eyes wide. His arm slipped from your shoulder. He was avoiding your eyes. The past week since the incident made perfect sense suddenly. Back then you didn't think about consequences. If you wanted to do something, you generally did. So you brought your fingers up to brush the hair from his eyes. He watched you move forward nervously, and you fit your lips together with his. Both his hands went to cup your face while your arms went around his neck. He was gentle at first until you said,

"I love you, too." It was like something snapped, and the night became a haze of lips and teeth and tangled, awkward limbs. He was passionate almost to the point of frenzy, having kept his desires under his tongue for who knows how long. You didn't actually have sex with him. You weren't crazy enough to try that in the middle of your parents house. But his hands wandered and his body covered yours, and you knew down in your chest it wasn't a mistake.


	7. ...Or The Head?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well that went about as well as it could have...sort of.

This wasn't high school. This was your apartment on your roommates' couch.

Something stirred in the pit of your stomach. His tongue brushed yours, and suddenly you were acutely aware of each point of contact he had on your body. The vice grip his fingers held around your wrists, his long hair fanning over your forehead, the way his hips were nestled in the middle of your knees. Chanyeol tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

Your mind connected with reality again. You broke away, turning your face before he could connect your mouths again. He saw it as an invitation to trail down your jaw to your neck. He took the skin at the juncture of your jaw and rolled it between his teeth. The stirring in your stomach revealed itself as uncomfortable churning. It was wrong. You were tensing under him. You couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"Chanyeol," you beckoned his attention firmly. He hummed as a response. "Please stop." The corner of his mouth pulled up as he mumbled,

"Would you rather move to the bed, dove?" Bending your leg awkwardly and huffing, you stuck your knee into his chest and pushed. He jumped away from you with wide eyes, releasing your hands. You sat up, but seeing him leaning back on his hands, legs sprawled out like a fawn who can't learn to walk right, your anger quickly diminished.

"What made you think doing that was okay?"

"I-I'm sorry," the boy stammered. "I thought--"

"You weren't thinking," you snapped back. You needed distance. You stood up and paced around the back side of the couch. "This isn't high school. Kyungsoo's your friend," you chided. "You can't just--do you still like me?"

"I thought it was obvious," Chanyeol answered quietly. "Being around you again; I thought you wanted me too."

"From what clues?" you replied indignantly. "Was it when I told you this couldn't turn into anything? Or when I was asking for your advice on the best way to seduce your roommate?"

"You weren't using double entendres?"

"I don't think you know what that means."

"You were just telling me how Kyungsoo isn't physical enough with you. I can be here for you. You won't ever think that with me. Please, dove." He straightened his legs, torso bent to see you over the back of the sofa. "It felt so good to kiss you again. Didn't you feel it too? How naturally we go together? I know you better than anyone. I can make you feel good all the time. I still love you. This confession sounds more pathetic than romantic like in my head, but choose me."

"This isn't a choice, Chanyeol." You gestured almost robotically, words clipped. "You know the me from high school. Not me as I am now. We broke up for a reason. I don't care if we never have sex; I don't want anyone but Kyungsoo. Okay?" You raked your fingers through your hair anxiously. An airy laugh passed your lips. The realization hit you. The words had left you without hesitation. Your eyes were trained off in the distance. "I think I love him." Your palms dragged down the sides of your face, a grin cracking through the annoyance previously etched there. "I love him. Oh my god..."

"Are you serious?" One hand continued down to clutch at your shirt left of center on your chest. The other stopped over your mouth.

"Oh god," you groaned. "And I just kissed his roommate." There was a long silence. Your eyes darted to Chanyeol who still looked dumbfounded. "I think you should go." The boy stood. His features dropped, a mixture of longing and defeat. "I don't think it's a good idea to hang out with you alone anymore."

"Why does it feel like I'm being dumped?" Chanyeol questioned no one in particular. The hand over your mouth left and pointed to the front door. Your emotions were tangling in your throat. The longer he stayed the harder it was to hold them in. You needed to be alone. It was too much to deal with at once.

"Please get out." It only took a few quick strides for him to reach you.

"Tell me I'll still be able to see you. I can't lose you again, dove. Tell me what to do so you'll forgive me. How can I make this work?" He reached out toward you, but you smacked his hand away, taking a step back and hardening your voice.

"Don't. Touch me." His mouth gaped open. Before he had a chance to say more your fuse ran out. You wouldn't coddle him like a child. He could handle these things. If he got upset you just wouldn't look him in the eye. "Who knows how Kyungsoo's going to react to this, Chanyeol. I don't want to lose him. Do you realize how much this means to me? I've been happier these last three months than I can ever remember being, and that's because of him. Not you. Are you understanding me? I love Do Kyungsoo, and you, Park Chanyeol, have just risked possibly the best thing to ever happen to me over a high school crush. I can't..." You took a steadying breath. "I can't be around you right now."

"Y/N, I'm so sorry." Chanyeol took a step forward, pleading. You stopped him by holding up a hand. You hugged yourself and shook your head, eyes welling with tears. Breath coming in shallower gasps. "I had no idea you felt that way. I'm such an idiot, please, forgive me. And take deep breaths. Don't panic." When you didn't move he released a long sigh. "If me leaving helps...then I guess I'll go. But I am really sorry for kissing you. I would never intentionally try to ruin your relationship. You know I would never force you into something you don't want. I was an idiot who read the situation wrong. I hope you'll forgive me."

"Thank you for apologizing, but I need you to leave." You refused to move from your spot staring at the floor until you heard the front door open and close again.

All you could think about was how to tell Kyungsoo and beg the universe you didn't screw up too much. It was Chanyeol who kissed you, but you should have pushed sooner. Plus you've seen too many friends go through a relationship where their partner cheated, and it generally doesn't matter who initiated it. It was still wrong.

After taking a few minutes to calm down you grabbed your phone and texted Kyungsoo. You didn't want to blow it out of proportion so you asked when the next time you could meet up in person was because you wanted to see him. If you'd said you wanted to talk, well, good news usually never follows that sentence. Best to avoid that phrase. His reply came swiftly.

'I'm not working as long tomorrow. I can come over for a late dinner?'

'Perfect. Is take out okay?'

'Sure, I'm fine with whatever you want. Should I bring a movie?'

'Your choice. I'll look forward to it.'

'See you tomorrow. Sleep well.'

'Sweet dreams.'

Okay. You could survive one day. Hopefully.


	8. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely not the reaction you expected.

Four knocks. You startled at the loud banging. It was the middle of the night. The only people who would be here was a returning Chanyeol, who you didn't want to see, or your roommate who lost her key, who should be in the middle of her shift. You dragged yourself from the sofa to open the door, the creaking wood sounding a hundred times louder in the silence of the apartment. You peeked your head around. Kyungsoo was standing in your doorway.

Dark circles stained under his eyes. With the worn through jeans and baggy grey sweater he almost looked sick. If it weren't for the flush to his face you would have worried yourself. He seemed exhausted. You opened the door as a silent invitation, and he came inside. He clicked the door shut behind him. With the hallway light blocked the only illumination you had was from the muted tv behind you, casting harsh shadows on his features. The colors flickered back and forth.

You opened your mouth to ask why he was there when he put his hands on either side of your face, cradling your jaw. Your brain short-circuited, paralyzing you. The drowsiness that had fogged over you tore away, heart racing. His skin felt like it was on fire. His eyes were darting across your face like he was searching for something. Then he took a step closer so there was hardly any space between your bodies. His eyes landed on your lips, adams apple bobbing as he swallowed. Kyungsoo caught your worried gaze and spoke hoarsely.

"This seemed a lot simpler in my head." His voice sounded like it had been over-used. The husky tone caused chills on the back of your neck. "I want to kiss you." You sensed a second half and remained motionless. "Why is this so difficult?"

"Kyungsoo," you whispered sadly. "You need to know Chanyeol kissed me earlier. I pushed him away, but I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let myself get in that situation in the first place." There was no reaction. You were prepared to continue going, but he cut in.

"He told me everything. That's not why I came. I think..." Another bob of his adams apple. "I love you too." A ball of emotion jumped up into your throat, eyes widening. Kyungsoo glanced down and nodded once as if affirming to himself. "Yes." Back to your eyes. All you could do was stare. His confession shook you in such a juxtaposing way.

On one side you were confused why he wasn't more upset and why he was still holding your face, and slow to take in the information that Chanyeol had gone straight to Kyungsoo to admit he kissed you. On the other you felt like you could fly. Kyungsoo just said he loved you back. Your body was numb except where he touched you, but every nerve was on edge. Or maybe it was more accurate to say everything that wasn't you and Kyungsoo was numbed to your senses, caged in this quasi-reality he created.

What was this reaction? You'd never been so quiet in a moment where you so clearly were supposed to reply. Your thoughts were drudging through molasses. The longer you stayed silent the closer Kyungsoo got. He tilted his head, mouth centimeters from yours. His dark eyes wavered, unsure. His breathing quivered, fanning over your skin as his plush lips parted slightly. He froze up. You waited with bated breath expectantly. What stopped him?

One hand left your cheek. His fingers skimmed down your arm before resting on your waist, leaving a trail of goosebumps. Your hips were pulled forward so you were flush with Kyungsoo's torso. He was moving slowly, deliberately. You savored the anticipation, the air buzzing with static electricity waiting to form lightning. You were in the eye of a storm. Your apartment was clouded, oxygen thinning so your lungs tightened. His voice was the thunder reverberating in the calm. You felt his words sink into your chest and engulf every thought that wasn't him.

"I should have done this sooner." You counted. One, two, three. The gap closed, his lips fitting with yours seamlessly. Lightning shot down your spine. Your eyes closed, leaning into him easily. He pulled away all too soon. "Thank you for waiting for me," he mumbled. One, two. You chased after his lips, silencing him. Kyungsoo gasped, allowing you to deepen the kiss. Your entire body was on edge, sparking with pleasure. The hand on your waist tightened. Your hands bunched the sides of his sweater, keeping him against you. The corner of your mouth pulled up, unable to contain your joy and relief. Kyungsoo's mouth moved gently over yours, earnest and sure in the effortless glide that synched to your movements. Basking in this moment where you could hold eachother close with no other thoughts. The next time you broke apart was for air. You looked at him to find him watching you with hooded eyes.

"You're worth waiting for," you breathed. And you didn't care how cheesy you sounded. "I love you, Kyungsoo." One. His arms went around to embrace you and released a heavy sigh, his breath tickling your ear.

"You're mine." It sent a visible shiver through you. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, memorizing the heat of his body pressed to yours. His sweater smelled like laundry detergent and sea salt.

Kyungsoo stepped away after a long moment. He kicked his shoes off and took your hands in his, walking backwards towards your bedroom. You followed silently, turning off the tv on your way. He offered a shy smile when closing your bedroom door. Your hands dropped, watching him nervously while he peeled back the covers on your bed and climbed underneath. Your finger caught the light switch on your way over, and you layed beside him. He put a hand on your waist and asked,

"Is this okay?" You nodded. He inched closer. "The reason I didn't kiss you until now is because of my last girlfriend," he began explaining. "She didn't care about me. Not the real me. We broke up because I caught her cheating. It's been hard finding someone who's genuine, but I hope you understand why I trust you."

"Not really..." you answered. "I just kissed your roommate like two hours ago. I was afraid you'd be mad."

"At him, not you. You pushed him away, and yelled at him that you love me from what I was told." You lowered your voice.

"I don't think I was yelling."

"Chanyeol told me that before that confession you said you didn't care if we ever get more physical. That you just wanted to be with me. Did you mean that?"

"Of course I did," you replied immediantly. "You're really sexy to me, but it's not why I'm with you." Kyungsoo smiled warmly at you.

"That's why I trust you."

"Oh," you breathed. You hesitantly layed your palm flat on his chest, leaning closer. "I am sorry you had to go through that with your ex. It's awful how often that happens to people."

"That was a long time ago. I have this new amazing girlfriend now."

"Oh yeah?" you chuckled. "Lucky gal."

"I don't think luck had anything to do with it." His thumb stroked back and forth on your side. You pressed your forehead to his chest to hide your blush. He kissed the top of your head. "Goodnight, jagi." Your goodnight was muffled by his sweater.

"Sweet dreams, Kyungsoo."


	9. Accidentally On Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caution: secrets spilled, beans everywhere.

The morning after was possibly the most at peace you'd ever been. You woke up to his phone alarm, arm slung across his stomach, head on his chest. His deep, sharp intake of air waking up forced you to move, but as soon as he silenced his phone he had pulled you back, shifting to his side. He peppered feather light kisses across your face making you laugh and capture his lips in yours to still them. You were safe with him. You were comfortable. It was the first time in a very, very long time where you didn't feel lonely at all. Not one ounce of negativity existed. And you were happy. Content.

Your own alarm went off not too long after so you both reluctantly got ready for the day. You drove him back to his apartment to change before work, and you left to go meet a new student. They had requested an early morning lesson.

Not wanting to disturb your roommate who slept in the daytime you taught lessons through a music store. They were rather large, and you'd been teaching there for a few years, so you had keys to go in early and use the studio rooms they kept in the back of the building. One of the soundproof rooms had become an overflow for inventory storage at some point, so there were five to choose from. Since the new student wanted piano lessons, you really had a choice of three.

Having explained the situation out over the phone, you waited outside the front door for him to arrive. He showed up right on time. Tapping your shoulder, you turned on your heels to be met by a man around your height. He had a mop of chesnut hair on his head, but a mask covered most of his face. The rest of his attire seemed like normal clothes, a large hoodie pulled over his shirt to block out the morning chill. His eyes scrunched as he held out his hand, assuming he was smiling under the mask.

"I'm excited to meet you, ma'am. My name is Baekhyun." You shook his hand gladly.

"It's good to meet you, too. Please, just call me Y/N. Shall we?" You released his hand to lead him inside, re-locking the door behind you so when the owner came in he wouldn't nag you about leaving the front unattended with the door not locked. He followed you back into one of the soundproof practice rooms. There was a few music stands and a stand-up wooden piano against the wall. You sat on a chair beside the piano where you had previously set your bag of teaching supplies. Baekhyun stuffed the mask he wore in his pocket and draped the hoodie over the bench next to where he sat at the piano. He turned toward you expectantly.

He was younger looking than you thought with an angular jaw and soft features. Very cute looking. You suspected he was around your age, though. You grinned and started.

"So, Baekhyun, you said over the phone you have some previous experience with piano. How many years did you play?" His smile widened a fraction.

"I quit in middle school, but tried picking it back up later. I wouldn't say I'm a beginner, but I'm sure I can benefit from formal lessons."

"That's fantastic," you replied genuinely. "What made you want to start music again? I'm just trying to determine where to start you so you're not bored."

"Well I sing so I figured I should be able to play better to help with composing."

"A singer/songwriter whose so young?" you gaped. "That's amazing. Honestly. I always wished I had a prettier voice. I wish you the best. The music industry can be hard. I hope you never feel discouraged. You seem like a sweet person."

"Thank you," the man chuckled.

"What's your favorite type of music to sing?"

"New music," he answered with a smirk. "I like following idol groups. Do you?"

"Haven't tried. Maybe you can recommend me some good bands later. I have a lesson book in mind, but I'd like to get a feel of your technique first to see if there's any bad habits we should be concerned with."

"Anything you say, Y/N." This boy certainly was chipper. It cheered you up, his energy infecting you.

"How good are you at sight-reading?"

"Not at all."

"That's fine. You pick a song you already know and I'll watch. Don't feel any pressure to be perfect. This is just a warm-up. Play how you normally would." Baekhyun nodded and hovered his delicate fingers over the keys. You already needed to stop him. "Try not to hunch over the keys. You should be able to play without looking down."

"I've never been able to do that," he told you, his smirk flattening.

"Oh, then I'm sorry. We'll work on it together. It's not wrong per se, but it hinders you when you get more advanced so it's better to start learning now."

"Got it." He reset and began playing a slower song. You couldn't place it so you assumed it was an original work of his or from one of those idol groups he said he enjoyed. You took mental notes and waited for him to finish. You shifted your chair to be closer to the bench and put a hand over the keys.

"The first thing I noticed is how tense you got," you told him plainly. "Put your hand next to mine and mimick the position." He did so, but it looked forced, knuckles protruding more like his fingers were stuck. "Relax your hand," you instructed gently. "The only part of you that should be stiff when playing is your posture, and even then most professionals develop their own style. No matter how intense the music gets you should feel like your fingers are gliding across the keys. It lends itself to a more cohesive sound. Does that make sense?" You played a simple chord. Baekhyun let his hand loosen up and copied you. You smiled at him and sat back. "Perfect. You're a fast learner."

"You're very nice," the boy commented. You chuckled and thanked him, digging in your bag for the right lesson book. "And beautiful. Do you have a boyfriend?" You kept your smile and set the book up on the piano for him to look at.

"That's very flattering, and you're handsome, but yes I have a boyfriend already, and I don't date students."

"What's his name? If you don't mind me asking."

"I do mind, actually. This has nothing to do with piano."

"I bet he's not as charming as me," Baekhyun grinned. You could hear the teasing in his tone. Meeting his gaze, he wiggled his eyebrows, making you giggle. He pouted. "Oh come on, pretty please."

"Why do you care so much?"

"I want to know why you like this guy so much."

"Frankly I find this innappropriate and I would appreciate if you focused on the lesson." He shrunk away, smile sagging.

"I'm sorry." You hadn't meant to sound snappy. You sighed.

"That's alright. You didn't mean any harm. Why don't you open that book and we'll start."

"You actually think I'm here for piano lessons, don't you?"

"Excuse me?" You cocked an eyebrow, watching him warily. He scoffed and smirked.

"Stop playing dumb, I know you're dating Kyungsoo so you know who I am."

"I...don't know how you know my boyfriends name, but I don't know you. I think maybe you should go."

"Seriously? Byun Baekhyun, main vocalist for Exo?"

"Like hugs and kisses?"

"E-x-o. Exo. The male idol group? Come on. Tell me you at least know that."

"I told you I don't follow idol groups. I'm sorry. I'm very confused right now." Baekhyun sighed.

"Look." He pulled out his phone and showed you a photo. Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were together with a few other guys on some sort of red carpet event. Your mouth gaped open. "This is our band. Kyungsoo also sings. You really didn't know?" You shook your head, shutting your mouth so you wouldn't look like a total idiot. "Work never came up? What did he tell you he did?" You forced your gaze to Baekhyun when he lowered his phone.

"Music production. You're telling the truth?"

"Search his name on the internet if you don't believe me." You took out your phone, fingers typing and sitting back in your chair stunned at the results. After scrolling through the first few results you felt your eyes watering. "What's wrong?" Baekhyun question worridly. "Shouldn't you be happy?"

"You think I'm happy learning this?" you chuckled bitterly, stuffing your phone in your pocket. You swiped at your eyes to keep the tears from falling. "I just learned the guy I've been dating for three months has been lying to face."

"I fucked up, didn't I?" the boy replied softly. "Kyungsoo's going to kill me."

"No no no sweetheart," you consoled, calming yourself in the process. "Thank you for telling me. You were probably trying to be a good friend and make sure I wasn't taking advantage of him or something. I'm the idiot. Please don't feel bad." You took a moment to gather your thoughts. "So your group; do you all live together?" He nodded. "What does Chanyeol do?" His nose scrunched as he asked,

"How do you know Chanyeol?"

"We're old friends," you answered absently. "I hadn't talked to him in years until I met Kyungsoo."

"Oh wait, I think I remember now. You're Y/N right? The ex girlfriend from high school?" Another nod. His boxy smile returned. "Then I'm sure they had a good reason for not telling you about us. Chanyeol's horrible at keeping secrets from his friends. Don't even think about it. Do you have some free time?"

"I have a few more lessons this afternoon."

"You should come with me to the studio and meet everyone. You can talk to Kyungsoo, too."

"Right now?" He nodded enthusiastically.

"It'll be fun! I'm sure everyone will love to meet you. Kyungsoo hardly ever tells us about his personal life unless we nag him."

"Sorry I'm kind of the same way, and I just met you. I don't really feel comfortable following you anywhere."

"That's a very smart attitude to have." This boy did not quit, did he? Nothing was discouraging him. "What if I told you some things about our group? Would you feel safer then?"

"Sure," you answered hesitantly. Baekhyun swivled on the bench to face you fully and grinned.

"We've been together since 2012. We work for SM Entertainment. We're currently in our off season, but I know we have some concerts in Japan coming up soon. There are nine of us. I'm the charismatic, funny, sexy member with the voice of an angel." You had to hold back your laughter. "Half of our vocals were recording yesterday so you won't be able to meet all of us since the other half is recording today. The others are probably just practicing so it's not a big deal if you visit for a few minutes."

"You really want me to meet your friends, don't you?"

"It'll be so much fun! Come on, please. I'll even buy you lunch." You put away the shock you were feeling to the side of your brain. If nothing else you would get answers from Kyungsoo and maybe an entertaining story. Especially if they were all as hyper as Baekhyun appeared to be.

"Alright. As long as I won't be bothering anyone."

"You won't, I swear. You are so awesome. Let's go." He adorned his hoodie and mask while you got your bag, and started following him.

"Hey, we can take my car if you want."

"Really? That sounds great." He switched roles and followed you to your car and gave you the address.

Sitting beside Baekhyun, you were beginning to understand why Kyungsoo seemed so wary when you were out. If he really was an idol he would want to stay under the radar. Knowing him he wanted to keep his relationship status hidden as well which you could understand. It was hard to imagine living a life where almost nothing about you is private. A small smile worked its way onto your features. It reminded you of when he said he enjoyed being your secret stranger.

"After you." You had arrived at a large building and Baekhyun held open the door for you to enter. After going up the elevator a bit he put his mask away again. He had been chattering next to you the entire way, but you only caught fragments, distracted. You think he was telling you about their last concert.

Entering what appeared to be a dance practice studio, loud music played while three guys went through some moves. You recodnized one of them as Chanyeol. You walked closer, sticking behind Baekhyun. He paused the music and got everyones attention. Chanyeol whirled around and stared at you in shock.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" His face had a sheen of sweat. So did the other two. One wasn't much shorter than Chanyeol with sharp features and bright bleached hair. The third looked younger with a splash of jet black hair falling around his face. Baekhyun gestured to you and announced,

"Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N, you know Chanyeol." He pointed to the blonde. "That's Sehun, and that," moving to the third guy. "Is Minseok." You waved awkwardly and smiled so you could greet them properly.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you. I'm--"

"She's Kyungsoos girlfriend," Baekhyun interrupted, bouncing up and down excitedly. "Sorry," he quickly apologized. "I couldn't wait."

"Whoa really?" The man he called Sehun chuckled and sauntered closer. He had a friendly smile. "How long have you been going out?"

"Three months," you answered. The third man approached you and held out his hand. You shook it gladly. The smile he returned made the apples of his cheeks squish, gummy and bright.

"Excuse the members if they ogle a bit. We don't meet Kyungsoo's partners usually. How did you figure it out, Baek?"

"I blackmailed Jongin for her name and he told me she taught private music lessons. She's a musician. How cool is that?" Their joy at learning these simple things about their bandmate fascinated you. It calmed your nerves. Chanyeol called your name, coming up to your side.

"You um...I guess you know what I do now."

"Yup."

"I wanted to tell you sooner, but Kyungsoo made me promise. I'm sorry."

"Seems like that's all you can say these days is say sorry," you mumbled. Only he heard you because his face dropped. A pang of guilt hit you for even thinking those words, but you didn't want to cause a scene. Baekhyun draped his arm around your shoulders.

"So are you gonna give us the details?"

"What details?" Minseok slung a barrage of questions at you.

"How did you meet? What made you like him? Did he tell you he didn't want you to meet us? Why does Chanyeol know you already?"

"Okay, um, Chanyeol and I were friends growing up so when I met Kyungsoo we started talking again. He never said he didn't want me to meet you, but until this morning I didn't really know you existed."

"Wait what?" Baekhyun cut in for you by saying,

"She didn't know who Exo was. Kyungsoo never told her what he did for work." Minseok shaped an 'o' with his lips and nodded. You continued.

"How we met is actually pretty funny."

"Is it embarressing?" Sehun asked. Instead of answering him directly you told the story.

"Some weekends I work as a driver and Kyungsoo was one of the people I picked up. I believe it was his birthday and he desperately wanted to leave a club he was dragged to by, well now I'm guessing y'all. Except he didn't remember his address because he was so drunk. I couldn't get him to go ask one of his friends he said was inside and he seemed like a decent person who was having a shitty night. I couldn't just leave him somewhere so I let him sleep at my apartment." You paused while Sehun burst out laughing. Baekhyun chuckled, but had almost the same disbelieving look as Minseok.

"Are you serious?" The dark-haired boy said. You couldn't hold back your smile.

"Yeah, I know it's kind of crazy, but he didn't seem dangerous. When he woke up the next morning he didn't remember much so I explained everything." You shrugged. "He was quiet, but really nice and kind of mysterious so I asked for his number. Fast forward, now I'm here."

"He gave his phone number to a total stranger? That is so unlike Kyungsoo," Minseok commented. Sehun hit Minseok's chest with the back of his hand.

"Hey, maybe because she didn't recodnize him he figured she actually liked him instead of his status. I'd do the same thing."

"Is it really that hard for you guys to find someone who cares about you instead of your looks and job?" Baekhyun ruffled your hair and replied,

"Oh you sweet, cute, naive child." You knew he was mostly joking, but you pushed his arm away anyway.

"Excuse me for believing most people have good hearts and are decent human beings. That stuff is so shallow."

"I wish I knew more women like you, Y/N," Sehun chuckled. Your heart sank slightly. All of them had probably been through similar situations to what Kyungsoo had described to you about his ex girlfriend. Which looking back made more sense. She only liked him because he was an idol. How could you be mad at him for being scared of that happening with you if he told you the truth? You made a mental note to assure him learning about his work didn't change anything. Chanyeol stayed quiet, observing the conversation over Sehuns shoulder.

"Then what made you attracted to Kyungsoo?" It was Minseok again. You folded your hands in front of yourself.

"Yeah, he's so shy I'd be surprised if he said more than five sentences on your first date," Baekhyun commented before you could answer. "It's good he found someone who can handle that awkwardness." You were going to be more vague, but appearently they didn't think he was charming enough to get your attention from one meeting.

"He was kind and funny and a little weird. It was cute. I...I don't know," you glanced away. "There was something about him that intrigued me. I liked talking to him. Yeah he's handsome obviously, but I wanted to get to know him more. It was more like I had a good feeling about his personality and thought it would be fun."

"That sounds like something you'd do," Chanyeol piped up. "Leap into something head first without thinking because it could be an adventure."

"Hey, but I was right this time," you grinned and chuckled.

"Sounds like you really like him," Sehun said with a warm smile. You felt your face heating. You saw Chanyeol's smile take on a sad note. He was letting you go without a fight, and you knew it. He really cared about his friends being happy. So he was backing off, and even encouraged Kyungsoo to hold on to you the night before. You would always be grateful for that. It was just telling him you forgive him that was the hard part. You'd need to be alone first. You returned the warm smile to Sehun and shrugged to make your next statement carry less weight.

"He makes me happy." Sehun's eyes flickered behind you so you turned on your heels. Kyungsoo was stepping hesitantly through the studio doorway with a water bottle in hand.

"Y/N," he breathed out in shock. His eyes darted to each person in the room as he got closer. "How are you here? Chanyeol?"

"Wasn't me," the tall boy defended quickly and pointed. "Baekhyun brought her."

"Hey man, she deserved to know who we are," Baekhyun shot over. It was almost like they were afraid of his reaction.

"Kyungsoo, it's okay," you smiled. He stopped in front of you. "I get why you didn't want me to know what you do, and I'm still a little bit in shock, but you wouldn't have been able to keep this a secret forever. Baekhyun seemed really determined if nothing else."

"Baekhyun's going to be missing in a minute," he glared over at the boy. You gently pressed your fingers to his jaw, turning him to face you.

"He didn't do anything wrong. I'm glad he told me. I don't know much about idols and record companies and everything, but it's really amazing that you're a singer. I have nothing but respect for anyone who's willing to go through all that hard training for something they love." You traced his cheekbone with your thumb. "You should be proud of what you do."

"You aren't mad that I lied to you?"

"Honestly, I am a little upset, but I know you meant well. I'll get over it." You lowered your voice in hopes the others wouldn't overhear. "I also know that everything you told me last night was sincere, and I'd have to be really petty and immature to make a big deal out of this."

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner." Kyungsoo wrapped his fingers around your hand.

"Apology accepted, idiot," you replied softly. Kyungsoo chuckled and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. "After all, you are my favorite stranger."

"So," Baekhyun spoke up. "I'm not in trouble?" Kyungsoo smirked and released your hand so you could face the others again.

"You can thank Y/N for that."

"You're the best. Seriously," he told you. Kyungsoo got your attention.

"Would you like to eat lunch while you're here? Or do you have lessons?"

"I have three lessons in a few hours and rehearsal this afternoon. Baekhyun was kind enough to offer to pay for my lunch. Can he join us?"

"Can I come too?" Sehun chimed in. "I'd like to get to know Y/N more."

"I think everyone will," Minseok said.

"Well Kyungsoo told me he's not working too late tonight. Would you all be able to come over for dinner maybe?" you offered. "Then I won't feel like I'm intruding on your work."

"I don't know about everyone, but--"

"Yes!" Baekhyun shouted with a giant grin. "Hell to the yes. We are so there. What are you cooking?"

"Y/N doesn't cook often," Chanyeol told the group. "She's pretty shit at it."

"Guilty. It's whatever takeout you want, though. I promise to make a proper effort next time."

"Are you sure your roommate won't mind?"

"She's gone by eight. Don't worry."

"Why is your roommate leaving at eight?" Sehun questioned.

"She works nights as a nurse."

"Sounds nice and conveniant for you to spend some alone time with Y/N," Baekhyun teased. You chuckled,

"You just speak your mind don't you?"

"Constantly."

"It's so annoying," the others complained at once.

"I like it."

"I knew you were my favorite. Are you guys coming for lunch?"

"I need to stay and practice," Chanyeol responded.

"I'm the one helping Chanyeol," Minseok added. "But I'll definitely see you tonight. I'll let the others know they're invited."

"Thank you so much. That's very helpful. Chanyeol can tell you the address. I look forward to meeting the rest of your group, especially if they're all as polite and wonderful as you three have been to me so far."

"Keep a sharp eye on her, Kyungsoo," Baekhyun winked at you. "She's a charmer."

"I'm not worried," he said cooly. You bit your lip and turned away to deflect the conversation.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"There's a cafeteria downstairs."

"No, we're not eating at work," Baekhyun insisted. Sehun fell in behind you as the four of you began walking to the elevator.

"There's a cheap pasta shop close to the dorms," the blonde suggested.

"How far away is that?"

"Like ten minutes of walking."

"Sounds great."


	10. Accidentally On Purpose ~ Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How hard could hosting dinner for eight people be?

They were punctual, to their credit. Baekhyun had insisted on getting your number at lunch and kept you updated through the afternoon. You weren't sure if you should regret that decision or not. It started as funny, but could easily cross the line into annoying if he kept it up for several days.

'Yixing says he's too tired.'

'Nvm he heard free food.'

'We'll bring dinner at 8:15. Chanyeol refuses to reveal any stories of you in high school. Luckily I'm a master at charming people.'

'He threw a water bottle at me. I'm trusting you for the juicy details tonight.'

'I think Jongin is the most nervcited to meet you. That's nervous and excited. Do you think it'll catch on? Anyway try to go easy on him. He can be shy.'

'If you panic the safeword is 'Baekhyunismyfavorite'. That way I know to swoop in and change the conversation topic.'

'Something came up. Yixing can't come after all.'

'We're just waiting on Kyungsoo. Be there in half an hour.'

Almost immediantly after receiving the last one from Baekhyun a notification from Kyungsoo popped up.

'This may seem unreasonable, but I know they're going to ask personal questions. I would prefer if you kept our private life out of tonights conversation. And don't let them intimidate you. They are good people at heart, but they come off strong. If at any point you want us to leave say the word, okay? I'll see you soon.' You responded right away.

'I understand. I won't say much beyond the normal "how long have you been together?" stuff. I know you weren't planning on me meeting them anytime soon, but I'm glad that I can be a part of this side of your life. There shouldn't be secrets between us. Trust goes two ways.'

'I know that. I was being a coward. I'll apologize to the moon and back.'

'No need. I said I forgive you. I just want to know it won't happen again.'

'Never. I swear. Can I talk to you alone later?'

'Of course.'

Your head snapped up from your phone as your roommate came out to the living area in her scrubs.

"That friend of yours coming over tonight?"

"Yeah. Same shift times?"

"I'll be back home a little early actually, but I'll be quiet. You know, that friend comes over here an awful lot while I'm at work. You sure he isn't more than a friend?" Her smirk made you smile.

"No," you shook your head with a laugh. "Still tragically single I'm afraid."

"That doesn't mean he can't fuck you every now and then on the side. I was tired the day I met him, not blind."

"We're not having sex," you laughed harder. She eyed you suspiciously.

"Not on my couch you aren't. Anyway I'm not an idiot. I know that lovestruck dopey grin, and no one blushes that much at their phone all the time. Tell me when you're ready, but don't forget I'm here whenever you need advice, okay?"

"I know."

"I'll put in for some time off soon. Let me know when you're free and we'll go clubbing or something. I miss getting drunk with you."

"Only because you're hopeless without the best wingman in the universe," you boasted. She smiled and headed toward the door.

"Have fun with your hot friend!" She left and all you had to do was wait. So of course you threw back a drink and started on a beer. It would keep you from being too stiff and quiet. You didn't want to come off awkward or shy since you knew you weren't, but nerves could do weird things. You'd taken the afternoon whenever you could spare brain power to come to terms with everything that happened; process it. A lot of your interactions with Kyungsoo made more sense. Why he was so seemingly cold to you in public, why he visibly got tense on your first date when you asked about his favorite music, why he never talked about work, why he couldn't see you very often unless he sacrificed sleep. Even the night before his voice had been hoarse, but with what Baekhyun said it was actually because he had been recording vocals all day.

Precisely at 8:17 they knocked, and you went to open the door and greet them with a bright smile.

"Ta-da!" Baekhyun announced. You stepped back so they could all enter.

"Hey. Please come in and make yourselves at home." The eight boys crowded your entryway in a jumble as coats and shoes were being piled to the side. Kyungsoo got to you first, offering an apologetic smile.

"They're making me introduce you individually."

"Thank you for being okay with this."

"Baekhyun was right," he admitted quietly. "You deserve to meet them. You're going to be around for a long time. I hope. And they're like family."

"Y/N," Baekhyun hopped over and opened his arms. You hugged him briefly. "Thank you for having us over. We'll try to be good guests." He shifted to the side as a new person came up to you. He had sandy colored hair falling around his eyes in loose waves, his smile bright and sincere. Kyungsoo sighed and introduced him.

"Y/N, this is Jongdae. He's one of the main vocalists." He shook the hand you had held out.

"Fair warning I'm pretty terrible with names so you'll probably have to repeat that to me at some point tonight."

"No problem. I'm the same way," he replied with a reassuring smile. "I was surprised to hear about meeting Kyungsoo's girlfriend."

"That seems to be the theme here, yes." He chuckled at that. Sehun popped his head in to the conversation quickly with multiple bags in his hands.

"Where should I set the food?"

"I cleared the island countertop in the kitchen just through there." You pointed to the correct doorway to the side and he walked off with someone else who had the other half of the food.

"I'll go help them," Jongdae offered and followed after the others. Baekhyun was wandering your living room and looking at everything. You took a breath and turned to be greeted by another tall man. You would call him more classicaly handsome. Tall, strong jaw line, dark hair, pouty lips. He smiled nervously and shook your hand.

"This is Jongin," Kyungsoo told you. "He's the main dancer and singer in our group. He's my actual roommate. The others share seperate rooms. He was the only other person I told about you besides Chanyeol."

"So you're the one who named me Ms. Anonymous. I thought that was cute. It's a pleasure meeting you, Jongin," you spoke dutifully. He glanced away, but came back to meet your gaze.

"Please, I've wanted to meet you for months. Soo says only good things about you, but he didn't exagerrate how pretty you are. You have a nice smile."

"Thank you," you replied, a little heat creeping up your cheeks.

"I should go help the others." Out of the corner of your eye you saw Chanyeol going back to the kitchen. Minseok was the last from the doorway to greet you. He grinned and pulled you into his arms.

"I'm a hugger, too." You pat his back before he let go. "Don't worry Kyungsoo, I got this. I'm Minseok and I'm a main vocalist."

"Then who is the rapper?"

"Chanyeol and Sehun both are."

"Oh, that seems fitting. I feel like I'm missing someone, though."

"That would be me, sorry," a new voice cut in. He also had dark hair, but he held a more mature aura around him. The grin stretching his lips was friendly and warm.

"Y/N, this is the leader of Exo, Junmyeon," your boyfriend finished his introductions. He held out his hand and you shook it.

"It's great meeting you, Y/N. I'll try to keep the boys in line. You have a lovely apartment."

"That's very nice of you to say, thank you, but don't trouble yourself. Tonight is supposed to be relaxing and fun for you too. I can worry over their behavior."

"Do you want to come get some food? I'm pretty sure Chanyeol already handed out plates."

"It's disappearing as we speak," you joked, exagerrating the dramatic tone in your voice. "We can't waste time. Come on, Kyungsoo. The spicy chicken awaits." He cracked a small smile as you grabbed his hand and followed you to the kitchen. Chanyeol had indeed handed out plates, and also helped with pouring drinks. It was only minor chaos. They were surprisingly organized as far as dishing out each of their portions, but your small kitchen had people bumping into eachother. You raised your voice some. "There isn't enough space in here so you can sit anywhere in the living room." Sehun brushed past you with his plate and a can of soda, thanking you. You made your way to Chanyeol who was opening a beer. "I appreciate the help, but you're a guest. You should relax."

"I don't want to be in your way," he replied. You lowered your volume.

"Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'll explain later, but I'm not mad at you." He was gauging your facial expression, pursing his lips before nodding.

After getting everyone food and drink you all gathered around the living room. Sehun and two of the new men you met shared the sofa. Kyungsoo's 'actual roommate' claimed the one other comfortable chair on the right side of the couch. Baekhyun, Minseok and Chanyeol had to bring in the kitchen stools, lined up on the left side. Since Kyungsoo and you were last you had to sit criss-cross on pillows in front of the coffee table and use it like a normal dining table. Surprisingly, the man with light brown, wavy hair spoke first. You had already forgotten his name. Was it Jundae?

"Baek and Sehun already caught us up on how you met, but I want to hear more about that first time where Kyungsoo blacked out. He had to have said something embarrassing." To your right Kyungsoo pleaded with his eyes, chewing.

"Not at all," you lied. Chanyeol scoffed.

"Only cause it takes a miracle to embarrass you."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Now hold on," Baekhyun jumped in after washing down a mouthful of food. "Is that why Chanyeol wouldn't tell me any good stories from high school? You didn't count them as embarrassing? Bullshit, there's gotta be at least one funny story."

"Sure, let me think a second."

"I better not be the main victim in this story," Chanyeol threatened.

"Calm your elephant ears it won't be about you." You thought back a minute. "None of you are sensitive about more mature stuff are you? Like drinking and sex and stuff?"

"I am _made_ of questions right now," Minseok said enthusiastically. The others looked intrigued as well.

"Technically this was college, but I was at a party with friends. As with all my best stories it involves something catching on fire. So you don't think I'm a total monster you need to understand my close friend had just caught her long-term boyfriend cheating on her in her own bed. He was a fucking dick face. Okay, on with the story. We're already hammered and she spots little ol' dick face through the second story balcony window about to hook up with another chick, so I made a plan. She agreed and ran upstairs. I stayed out on the front lawn watching the window. A few minutes later, bam! Dick face comes busting out on the balcony as naked as the day he was born!" Most of them burst into hysterics, the sandy haired boy and Kyungsoo staring at you in disbelief. "She locked him out and his nickname the rest of college was balloon dick. I swear I've never seen a guys penis switch so fast from rock hard to nothing."

"Holy shit, Y/N!" Chanyeol exclaimed with big eyes. "What the hell did you tell your friend to do?!"

"I told her to barge in and get mad and act like she wanted make-up sex when he tried to apologize then embarrass him. I didn't think she'd lock him outside, but it was fucking brilliant!"

"That is so ruthless," he chortled.

"What about the fire?" Kyungsoo's roommate questioned.

"Oh my god I almost forgot. There was a bonfire and I may have accidentally smashed my drink on it and set fire to the front lawn."

"What happened?"

"We ran like hell! Are you kidding? There were people with drugs there. I'm not getting arrested over a prank."

"Your girlfriend is so cool," Baekhyun said evenly, staring at you with sparkling eyes. "I need you to become my best friend like yesterday."

"Do you think maybe that was too...much?" the leader asked hesitantly.

"The naked thing? Of course, but it happened and we can laugh about it now. He wasn't scarred for life or anything. He owned that nickname. He was a jerk, but a confident jerk with the decency to admit he deserved it."

"But I want to hear about you," Sehun whined. "Can we hear a story about you? Please?"

"Sure, I got nothing to hide," you shrugged. "But I get one from each of you in return. They don't have to be embarrassing, just entertaining." They agreed. You ate a small bite while you thought of another story. A plate clattered as Minseok put his food down on the coffee table.

"You're taking too long. I have one that you'll like." You glanced at Kyungsoo, who whipped his head around right before you could meet his gaze. Smiling internally that you caught him staring you gave Minseok your full attention, scooping dinner into your mouth bit by bit as he talked. "One time I came back to the dorm and there was a nerf gun sitting outside with a note that said, 'Here is your weapon. Loser cooks dinner. Good luck.' I had no idea what was going to happen." If you were a dog your tail would have thrashed harder.

"What happened? Did you win?" Minseok chuckled at your eagerness.

"No, but that's not the good part. At some point in the commotion of running and screaming and ducking a can of tomato sauce went everywhere in the kitchen. It actually looked like a murder scene."

"Hey, I could've broken my ankle falling in that," Sehun complained.

"Then stop being an idiot who spills tomato sauce on the floor."

"We tried keeping an idiot jar at one time," Kyungsoo spoke. "But Baekhyun and Sehun kept filling it up too quickly."

"That's so mean," you replied through your laughter. He smiled. You put your forehead to his shoulder and tried calming down.

"I was forced to put money in that jar," Baekhyun argued.

"Why do you think it didn't last long?" Minseok egged on. Chanyeol suggested they bring it back.

"But we always bought pizza with that money." They continued to bicker around you. Kyungsoo lifted your head enough to put his lips by your ear and whispered,

"Thank you for tonight."

"Oooh!" a high voice shrilled in a sing-song voice. "Y/N is biting her lip. I bet Kyungsoo just whispered something dirty into her ear." You straightened your posture and attached the voice to Minseok who made a kissy face at you and snickered. You raised an eyebrow.

"Are you actually betting or mocking?" He studied you a second and answered,

"Mocking."

"Your friends sure are bold." You saw his smile falter like he was about to apologize, but you couldn't hold back your own grin. "I like them. I'm having fun." You looked around the room. "I'm really glad I could meet you all. This is nice."

"We'll be sure to bring Yixing next time," the leader told you. "He would have liked your party story."

"You're Jongin, right?"

"I'm Jongin," the tall boy in the armchair chuckled, raising his hand. They went down the line.

"I'm Junmyeon."

"Jongdae."

"Sehun." You stopped them at the three stools and pointed.

"Minseok and Baekhyun. Right?" The boy who mocked you moments ago grinned proudly.

"You remembered." Baekhyun nudged him.

"It's because we're her favorites."

"I'm pretty sure Kyungsoo is her favorite," Chanyeol added dryly. It brought your attention to the man sitting beside you. His hand was on your knee. You weren't sure when that happened. The smile curving his lips was more relaxed, a mischievous glint in his eyes like he was holding a secret. To steer the topic you said,

"I just remembered another story."

"Do tell," Sehun smirked.

"This was high school. It happened because Chanyeol was an idiot, but I don't think I ever told you about it."

"Hey, when did I ever--"

"Shush!" Baekhyun snapped immediantly. "I wanna hear."

"I was part of the group that put together our school dance. At the time I had a crush on a guy in the same group. I wasn't exactly popular back then, mind you. Right after the dance started some girls freaking kidnapped me and duct taped me to a bike rack out front. The embarrassing part would be where they drew on my face and brought the guy out to taunt me. I mean I must have looked ridiculous," you laughed. Since you were a few others joined in.

"Why is that because of Chanyeol?" Jongdae questioned.

"Because I'd written a confession letter to him as a joke and Chanyeol decided to give it to him without telling me. It's how they found out. I mean geez, his girlfriend is the one who taped me. I wasn't going to say anything."

"But I was at that dance," Chanyeol argued. "I don't remember that happening."

"That's cause a teacher chaperone found me and let me loose not too long after so I went home."

"How have I never heard this story?"

"I didn't want you blaming yourself," you shrugged.

"Yeah, smart move," he caved. It made you chuckle.

"You're so predictable. Oh! When I first moved here I met this clarinet player who took me to an open mic at a jazz club. I played piano next to him improvising. In one hour we cleared the whole place out." That got the room laughing again. "I was so embarrassed I haven't played there again." Jongin got your attention to ask,

"Should I put my plate in the sink?"

"Oh no, don't worry about that sweetheart." Kyungsoo's hand slipped from your knee as you stood up. "I'll take it."

"Thank you very much."

"No problem." You collected a few of the others' empty plates as well and went into the kitchen. You heard garbled conversation, but couldn't make out any of what was being said. As you rinsed the dishes so you could wash them easier after they left, Kyungsoo walked up beside you at the sink. He set down his own plate and leaned his hip on the counter.

"Do you need any help?"

"Maybe there is one thing," you answered. He waited expectantly. "I think I hurt myself falling for you. Kiss it better?" He huffed out a weak laugh, shaking his head.

"That was awful. I'm actually angry now."

"You still laughed."

"At how stupid it was." You rinsed off the final plate and shut off the water. Right after you dried your hands Kyungsoo turned you to face him with a hand on your neck, fingers going into your hair. He pulled you close and pressed your lips together.

The warmth that spread through your body had you melting in his arms. He placed his other hand on the small of your back, yours resting at his waist. He urged your lips to part, exploring your mouth with his tongue until you were light-headed. When he broke away your lips still tingled. Although that might have been from the spicy dinner you just ate. You chose to think otherwise. Kyungsoo smirked at your dazed expression.

"Better?" The bastard was teasing you. You pinched your lower lip between your teeth. He traced the edge of your jaw with his thumb. "I wanted to say thank you for keeping the conversation off of our relationship. I don't have the right to ask any favors from you after what happened this morning. And I promise never to betray your trust again. I know what that's like, and I never want to hurt you. Yes I kept what I do a secret to see if you liked me for me, but after I got my answer I still didn't tell you. You shouldn't have had to hear about Exo through Baekhyun. I'm sorry. I hope learning all of this doesn't change how you treat or think of me or Chanyeol." Your fingers clenched into the fabric of his shirt.

"Nothing has changed, Kyungsoo. I'm just glad there are no more secrets. I promise. It's a job. It's not you."

"You're incredible, jagiya." He crashed his lips into yours more firmly than before, but pulled away just as quickly. You gasped as he journeyed down the side of your neck. You were pushed back against the counter. He nipped your skin and you had to hold back a moan.

"Kyungsoo. Your friends." He stopped immediantly and took a step back, looking away bashfully.

"Sorry."

"No I--I liked it." You cleared your throat. "We should probably get back." He nodded and followed you. Once you sat back down Junmyeon spoke to you.

"We were just trying to guess how many instruments you play."

"No we weren't," Baekhyun scoffed, making Junmyeon roll his eyes and sigh. "We were betting on whether Kyungsoo went to the kitchen to make out with you."

"How old are you, Baekhyun?" Your question made him pause.

"A year older than Kyungsoo."

"Okay wasn't expecting that. Even more reason for you to know better than to gossip about someones personal life."

"It's not anyone. It's Kyungsoo."

"Baek, shut up. Y/N obviously doesn't want you asking about that stuff." Minseok jumped in. You thanked him. "I'm about the only person he'll listen to. Let me know if I need to scold him anytime."

"Really?"

"Minseok is the oldest in the group," Kyungsoo explained. Jongdae added,

"And the strongest."

"Then who's the youngest?"

"Hello," Sehun waved. You beamed over at Minseok.

"I am liking you more and more as time passes. You have a wonderful personality." The tips of his ears tinted red as he laughed it off.

"Don't let Soo know that." You patted your boyfriends knee and quickly replied,

"Don't worry. I still love you more." The air in the apartment turned static. It took you several moments of watching all of their blank stares to grasp the situation. Even Chanyeol was shocked you would admit that in front of a room full of his closest friends. Kyungsoo, ever suave, simply smirked and said,

"Idiot." Your eyes went to him, suddenly feeling very small sitting on the ground. He shook his head in mock disappointment. Moving over, he placed a chaste kiss to your cheek. "I love you, too." Still with the painted smirk, Kyungsoo leaned back on his hands. "So, she told two stories. I think that means we owe her some funny anecdotes, right?" That snapped the room back into motion. His eyes were going from one person to the next as if daring them to say something about your exchange. When did the living room get so hot?

He had been adamant about avoiding your private lives all night, but to save you any teasing or embarrassment he acted like saying those words were a casual occurence. Like it wasn't only the second time admitting that to eachother. Also the way one side of his mouth quirked up made your heart skip. Normally saying you love someone after the first time isn't a big deal, but for you it was. Those words meant a lot to you. You rarely used them so when you told someone it carried weight. Chanyeol could count the number of times you'd said it to him in a non joking manner with his fingers. It was a precious sentiment meant to convey to the person you were talking to that you truly loved them. It wasn't just some line to use when you were apologizing like most of your ex's did. The fact that you used it three times in two days when talking about or with Kyungsoo stunned you. Twice you didn't even think about it. It rolled off your tongue so easily. It was effortless. Like forgiving him for hiding his career from you for so long. You would do anything for him. There were no doubts hitching the thought in your mind to force you to mull it over. You were in love with Kyungsoo.

Jongin's boisterous laugh snapped you out of your thoughts. Sehun was recounting a story from his high school to the room. You forced your head to focus on the conversation. The rest of the night went by like a rocket. All of them had stories to share, talking over each other sometimes and trying to out-do them. They had an insane amount of energy. It piled and by the time they went home your face hurt from smiling and laughing so much. They were rowdy and a bit immature every now and then, but you could see how close they were. It really was like having dinner with your boyfriends seven brothers, and you would treasure those memories. You hoped you could become close friends with them in time. They were good people with fun, unique personalities. It would be a guaranteed adventure with them around.


	11. Rules*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rules were made for a reason. It wasn't always to break them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning

The hand on your thigh squeezed as it inched higher. Plush lips moved against yours lazily. Kyungsoo remained seated next to you on the couch, one arm slung around your shoulders. Pulling you closer subtly.

For the past few weeks Kyungsoo had become more comfortable around you. With the secret out he relaxed into himself. He laughed more, talked more about how his days went, made an effort to eat breakfast with you once a week when Chanyeol stopped coming. You had made up with your old friend, but both of you agreed it was best he only see you in group settings for a while. You learned Kyungsoo wore glasses. The next thing you learned was how hot he looked in said glasses. At your insistence that you loved them he began wearing them more around you. He wasn't afraid of speaking his mind. If his schedules changed he would apologize for canceling a date, and one time to make up for it even taught you how to make pancakes. You're pretty sure there would be a stain on the ceiling forever. One of your favorite things, however, was his quick-forming habit of stealing kisses from you.

The first time it happened he said you looked cute. The next, food was on your lip. His explanations grew weaker and more corny as he kept going. The kisses lasted longer, too. His hands slowly started to wander. He would make your head spin and get you worked up only to pull away when your hands slipped along the same path he had on your body. Almost like he was holding himself back. It was like he was testing you. You said you would wait for him to be ready, but his constant almosts made you want him more.

After having a few drinks with you that night he pecked your lips and told you they looked lonely. You both cracked up and joked about how Junmyeon's humor was rubbing off on him. You were tipsy, but the way his eyes swam as they glared at the movie playing on the tv made you think he had less of a tolerance than you. It wasn't even halfway through the film when he had turned his head and kissed the corner of your mouth. It got your attention so he could capture your lips fully.

That's how you ended up with his hand on your thigh, mouth trailing down your jaw to your neck. His tongue darted out to lick your skin before gently nipping it, making you shiver.

"Movie too boring?" you asked in a teasing tone.

"Restless," he mumbled back roughly. When he continued to suck on the same spot you shoved him away lightly.

"You're going to leave a mark." He huffed, but bent his head to do the same thing just above the collar of your shirt. You let out a shaky breath as you rubbed your thighs together, fingernails digging into your palm. Heat creeped down your body and pooled between your legs. He was going to stop soon, and you didn't think you could keep your composure the rest of the movie when he did. He felt your thighs move to press together tightly and lifted his lips to your ear.

"Are you getting turned on by this?" You didn't need to look to know he was smirking. When you didn't answer he gently bit the shell of your ear. "I know you want to touch me." You felt his eyes on you as he unfurled the fist you made in your lap and set your palm on his thigh. You knew your were blushing. Kyungsoo chuckled darkly after you pulled your hand back. "All this waiting and now you're going to make me work for it?"

"You're just teasing me."

"Don't you want to find out?" The hand on your thigh left to turn your face towards him, capturing your bottom lip with both of his. You whimpered in the back of your throat. You'd imagined pinning him down on your sofa and riding him so many times. The alcohol had you caring less if it was only teasing. In a string of boldness you twisted around and straddled his lap, knees digging in to the cushions on either side of his hips. His hands flew to your waist. Kyungsoo broke apart when you grinded your hips down, feeling his growing arousal. He watched you with hooded eyes. You echoed his words.

"Are you getting turned on by this?" You repeated the action a bit harder and heard him curse under his breath. His fingers slipped under the hem of your shirt, lifting the material. You raised your arms for him to finish removing it, the shirt dropping beside him on the couch carelessly. His dark eyes raked in the newly exposed skin before attaching his lips to your collarbone. His movements were more urgent and slightly clumsy. Being further away from where anyone would see a mark if you wore a shirt you let him bite and suck until a deep purple color bloomed. Seeking friction, you kept grinding down onto his clothed member, earning quiet grunts and heavy sighs. His mouth journeyed to the swell of your breast. You were starting to understand he had a thing for biting and marking. You tangled a hand through the hair on the back of his head. There was more to grip since he'd been growing it out. Just this simple friction of his jeans on your core and kissing wasn't supposed to feel this good, was it? God, you felt high. Every sensation doubled across your body. Your skin tingling with electricity. It was hot and it was too much, and you wanted more. When Kyungsoo seemed satisfied with the second mark his lips dragged up the side of your throat. The timbre of his voice was deeper but tender as he sighed,

"Fuck, I want you so badly." Goosebumps followed his fingertips up your spine, stopping at the clasp on your bra. "Can I?" His question came out slightly slurred. A flashback to a similar situation slapped you with reality. What were you doing? You stopped your hips and put your forehead to his shoulder to mutter,

"Shit." Now you were being the tease. You tore his hands from your torso. He looked at you confused as you stood up and put your shirt back on.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," you answered gently. "I don't think tonight is a good idea."

"Why?"

"You're drunk."

"It was only a few drinks," he tried to brush off. "I can still make rational decisions. You've seen me when I'm actually drunk."

"Doesn't matter." You were going to stand your ground on this one. "It's--" you sighed. "With the chance of this sounding stupid, it's a rule of mine not to have sex if either me or the other person is inebriated. I'm sorry. I really want to, but I can't." Kyungsoo looked off to the side a minute thoughtfully before nodding.

"Okay." You rejoined on the couch beside him.

"Really?" He nodded. "Thank you."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." You glanced when he tugged on his jeans and readjusted how he sat, the bulge in his pants still prevalent. "Eyes on the tv, pervert." Your gaze snapped to his and he chuckled. You blushed and did what he said.

"If you want to pretend you need to use the restroom you can, um, go take care of that."

"Thanks for the offer, but I have better self control than that. You'll learn." His voice was full of promises. The response had your imagination reeling, swallowing thickly. He smiled proudly at your reaction and went back to watching the movie. Teasing bastard. He was making it hard to take the higher ground.

That rule stood firmly in your mind, however. Not surprisingly, it came about because of Chanyeol. Neither of you liked to bring it up. It's not like you remember very many details of the encounter anyway. You were impulsive, dumbass teenagers drunk at a party.

It was at a house party. You think it was a friend of a friend's brother's college graduation or something. Didn't matter what the party was for. All you were told was there would be alcohol and all your other friends would be there too. This was right before you started dating Chanyeol. The bass downstairs was giving you a headache so Chanyeol took you to a bedroom on the second floor. The entire night he had been glaring at any guy that danced with you. At one point someone was refilling your drink and Chanyeol swooped over with one already handy. He steered you off the dancefloor and once you told him your head hurt he lead you upstairs. You had never been so unbalanced in your life, and it didn't help that Chanyeol's uncoordinated limbs were in the way. You both crashed on the large bed and you set your drink somewhere. Probably the floor.

"Why are you acting so protective suddenly?" You had questioned. You were still oblivious to his feelings at that point.

"I've always protected you from creeps."

"He wasn't a creep."

"He shouldn't have been touching you like that," he grumbled, pouting. The room swayed so you moved with it to keep it still. You poked Chanyeol's chest.

"What? Jealous?"

"He just wanted to fuck you and leave you like some cheap whore."

"Maybe that's what I want," you countered. His eyes grew wide. "I'm sick of being a virgin. It's nothing special to me. I just want it over with so guys stop running away."

"Run away?"

"The second I tell a boyfriend I'm a virgin he gets scared I'll fall in love with him or hurt me or some other bullshit. The older I get the worse it is. It's just a nuisance at this point. I want to know what it feels like to have sex." Chanyeol shifted and cupped your face, holding you still. His dark brown eyes pierced yours.

"I won't run." It took your brain several seconds to comprehend anything.

"What?"

"I'll sleep with you." You pushed his hand off and pretended to laugh.

"Ha ha very funny."

"I'm serious, dove" he replied. "I know you better than anyone, and then it won't be with some nameless stranger. It'll be someone who cares about you." You squinted your eyes at him suspiciously. "You said yourself it's not special to you. It'll be tonight only and everything will go back to normal."

"Aren't you a virgin, too?"

"Yeah..."

"Well great," you said sarcastically, throwing your hands up. "You'll never get me off."

"I've watched porn and read books and stuff."

"Because porn is exactly what you should be basing sex off of." You rolled your eyes.

"Say yes and I'll prove it."

"Fine," you agreed without thinking. Chanyeol crushed your lips to his and pushed you down on the bed. He tasted like vodka. Your memory was hazy on the details of how he got your clothes off, but you distinctly remember how the bass of the music downstairs pounded in your chest. His mouth closed around one of your nipples and sucked the same time he slid a finger inside of you. You arched off the sheets and moaned. Chanyeol groaned,

"You're so fucking wet. Do you want me that badly already?" You felt yourself stretch as he added a second finger, pumping in and out of you slowly. It was remarkably different from feeling your own fingers, and you suddenly understood why your other close friend was so obsessed with her boyfriends hands. You gasped sharply when he placed a tentative kitten lick to your clit. You hadn't realized he moved down that far on your body. "You have to talk to me, dove. Does it feel good?"

"Yes," you whined, hips bucking up into his hand. Trying desperately for him to reach something you didn't know. "More, please Chanyeol." You knotted a hand in his long, soft hair and urged his mouth down. He licked again. His tongue was so warm. "Keep doing that." He pressed his tongue harder to you, moved in circles, then sucked. Your breath hitched and you let out a loud moan with his name. "Fuck, don't stop. Chanyeol. Please don't stop." He continued to work you with his mouth and fingers. For some reason it didn't feel weird. It should have been weird the guy you grew up with had his head between your legs. Instead there was this blast of adrenaline and excitement. Like you'd secretly been wishing for this to happen. Like he belonged with you. Finally he twisted his wrist and hit just the right spot, stars bursting behind your eyelids as you came around his long fingers. Chasing air back into your lungs, you had to pull his head up and grab his wrist to stop him. "Too sensitive." Chanyeol licked the juices from his fingers, never breaking from your gaze. He sat back on his knees while you watched him undo his jeans.

"I am so glad I got to taste you first," he growled. "I already proved you wrong."

"Don't get too cocky. I can still find that other guy downstairs."

"You're insufferably stubborn," he griped. You giggled and squirmed on the mattress impatiently. He kicked off his pants and boxers at the same time then gripped the collar of his shirt and threw it behind him. You stared wantonly at his lithe frame. How his collarbones stuck out, skin stretched taut over his naturally lanky figure. The little 'v' in his hips and the trail of hair from his navel leading to his hard and leaking cock. A smile formed on your lips and you found yourself thinking, 'finally.' Chanyeol collapsed forward, catching himself on either side of your head, bouncing once on the springy mattress. "Are you sure you're ready?" he asked. You nodded emphatically. Chanyeol looked down and guided himself to your entrance, going back to watch your face as he pressed forward. You screwed your eyes shut and breathed deeply, focusing on relaxing your muscles. At first it was like a slight pressure, but your hand snapped up to his shoulder once the head was in, the stretching unfamiliar. He halted instantly and kissed your forehead. You took another deep breath before nodding.

"Okay, keep going." Chanyeol inched further into you, and you made it most of the way before there was a slight stinging sensation and you hissed, nails digging into his chest and shoulder. "H-hold on. Hold on. Give me a second."

"Are you okay? Did I not do enough?" Chanyeol whispered urgently. You opened your eyes briefly to see him biting his lips hard. He was doing his best to control himself. Two deep, shaking breaths, and you let up.

"I'm okay. I'm okay I promise." He sheathed himself fully inside of you before releasing a breath it seemed like he was holding. The way he stretched and filled your walls took you a minute to adjust to. Chanyeol kept still so you could, peppering kisses along your neck and face. He waited patiently for you to slip your hands into his hair and say, "go ahead, Chanyeol." His hips went back until he was almost all the way out before rocking carefully in again. Chanyeol groaned and dropped his face into the crook of your neck.

"It feels so fucking good." On the second thrust the uncomfortableness went away and spread pleasure all the way to your toes. It wasn't like anything you'd felt before. It was a very specific pleasure unique to connecting your body with someone elses. "It's such an overused phrase, but goddammit you're so fucking tight, dove. So tight and hot and wet and--" Chanyeol's voice caught in a high-pitched whine as you wrapped your legs around his waist. It drove him deeper. Your nails ran down his back as his hips picked up speed. You did your best to match each of his thrusts. Chanyeol was panting. "Does it feel good for you too, dove?"

"Yes," you answered easily. "You feel so good, Chanyeol. Fuck me. Harder, please." He didn't hesitate to give you what you wanted. You called out. There was a familiar tightness gathering in your abdomen. But it felt like more as Chanyeol reached deep inside you. It was going to be more. A fuller orgasm? More intense? Satisfying? You weren't sure, but you wanted to find out.

"That's it, dove. Scream my name so everyone hears how good I'm fucking you right now." Chanyeol lifted his head. Deep brown ringed large pupils, lips red from chewing on them so much. How anyones eyes could look so innocent while pounding into you was beyond you. You were far past the dillusion of purity at that point. Sweat gathered on his forehead, eyebrows furrowing. "Is this not enough?" Without warning he pulled out from you. You whimpered at the unexpected empty feeling it gave you. He flipped you around so you were on your knees, leaning forward on your forearms as he re-entered you with a low moan. He hit a sweet spot and the coil in you jerked tighter.

"Fuck! Right there!" Chanyeol grabbed your hips with bruising strength while he continuously slammed into that spot over and over again.

"You like this better? Isn't this what you wanted? To be fucked like a whore?" You keened into the mattress, fingers grappling at the sheets. You opened your mouth to warn Chanyeol of your peak, but it hit you harder than you anticipated. You were yelling into the covers, quaking and tensing through the rattling pleasure, mind blank. A string of curses left his mouth, hips stuttering. That empty feeling was back and Chanyeol came with a load groan. The sheets were stained and a void materialized inside of you as you returned to reality. His hands were pulling you back against his chest, mouth awkwardly moving on your neck, but you were lonely. The emptiness was more than the absense of his cock. Not even his burning skin and the alcohol you consumed was warming you. The room continued to wobble, thoughts swimming, limbs heavy. You don't remember how you got home.

The sick, dirty feeling that encompassed you the next morning was something you never wanted to experience again. It wasn't that you didn't enjoy it. You couldn't pinpoint why you felt nauseous. It wasn't hangover nausea, either. Something didn't feel right inside of you for the next few days. Some pocket in your gut opened up whenever you thought about Chanyeol's hands on you. Like he took something. Like he still had it and wouldn't give it back. You were fidgety and spaced out constantly. He didn't speak to you for a week. Avoiding you whenever he could.

So you made a rule never to sleep with someone if either of you were drunk. You couldn't risk the regret. You couldn't risk the emptiness coming back. Chanyeol had been your best friend and it almost broke you. You cared too much about Kyungsoo to take that chance. Instead you let the movie finish, and called a cab to take Kyungsoo home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Kyungsoo action, I swear.


	12. Full Circle*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *wiggles eyebrows*  
> I don't even know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning

Your roommate was finally making good on her deal of taking a night off to go out drinking with you. She purposefully timed it with a concert you were playing with one of the local symphonies. She would come watch you perform then take you out to celebrate. Having been in concerts your whole life you owned far too many varieties of fancy black and white clothes. In order to keep from having to change you chose a black form fitting dress that was shorter than your normal concert attire. You'd worn it once and decided the length wasn't conducive to sitting modestly on a raised stage for hours. The lower portion fluttered with lighter material and had a slit stretching from the hem almost to your hip that showed when you stood with your feet apart. It being more strappy with a v-cut neckline you tossed a cardigan you knew you could ditch over it, put extra effort in your hair and makeup, and headed out.

The concert went almost perfectly. During the march the lower brass got off tempo for a few bars, but were quick to correct it. The concerto you practiced where it was just you and a violinist for a large portion couldn't have sounded better. You had run through that piece countless times with that violinist so you came to understand how they played. The big surprise was who you saw after.

After stowing your instrument away properly, complimenting some of the other players, and saying goodbye to the ones you made friends with, you walked to your car to see your roommate talking with Chanyeol, Sehun and Kyungsoo. They were decked out in suits. You had to pause a moment to take the sight of them in head to toe. The black and white suits had obviously been tailored, fitting each of their figures immaculately. Chanyeol had his blazer slung over one arm, sleeves of the dress shirt under rolled up to his elbows sans tie. Sehun added his own flare by wearing colorful sneakers. Your mouth went dry at the sight of Kyungsoo. His hair was styled back with some sort of pomade, dark rimmed glasses perched on his nose, nothing on his person out of place. He stood with his hands in his pockets, listening to the other three talk. His skin practically glowed from the dim dusk light over the horizon. You don't think you've ever seen someone so handsome. When you reached them you got a hug from your roommate and Chanyeol, showering you with compliments. But all you could think was,

"How are you guys here? I thought you had work?"

"They said they snuck away to come see you perform," your roommate answered giddily. "Isn't that just the sweetest thing you've ever heard? And they all look so dapper." You folded your hands in front of you and smiled.

"Thank you for coming. This is a really nice surprise. I hope you enjoyed it."

"You were incredible," Kyungsoo responded first. Your face began to heat up. He hadn't taken his eyes off you since he spotted you. A small smile played on his lips.

"Totally worth the scolding we'll get later," Sehun added. "I had no idea you were so talented."

"That concerto was beautiful." Chanyeol had to get his comments in. "You were already amazing in high school, but this was a whole other level. Of course the other musicians were great too, but I think everyone saw how fantastic you were."

"Chanyeol was just introducing me to his roommates before you came out." Your friend was still full of energy. She linked her arm with yours and hugged it so she was stuck to your side. "I see why you're such close friends with Chanyeol. I'm still working on getting these other two shy boys to open up."

"Kyungsoo never speaks," your old friend laughed. The woman on your side slid her gaze to Sehun.

"Then what's your story, sweetheart? Bashful around women?" He chuckled under his breath and replied in a soft voice,

"I guess you could say that." Sehun looked to you. "Do you and your friend want to come out to dinner with us? So we can brag about you more?"

"You boys are just sweeter than sugar," she answered before you could. "But Y/N already promised to go out on the town with me. As much as I'd love to get to know you this is my first night off from the hospital in weeks and I need to drink and dance with my girl." Her arms detached from you as if realizing something. Her fingers slipped under the shoulders of your cardigan you had kept wrapped tightly around you. "By the way, we had a deal; only sexy clothes." She tugged the material off your arms and you shifted under the weight of all three mens' stares. She glanced back and forth twice and nodded. "Oh yeah, definitely good reactions. Nice choice. Ooh, isn't this the one with the slit?" Her hand grabbed the lower part of your dress and pulled up, the slit opening wider. You quickly slapped her hands away.

"Really? In public?" you scolded. "How are you the more responsible out of the two of us?"

"This is my day off. I am living it to the fullest. You should, too. Unless..." She eyed you, raising an accusatory eyebrow. "That secret boyfriend of yours would be jealous?"

"I told you there is no secret boyfriend," you sighed. "I'm not as wild and sexy as you when you have fun."

"Bullshit!" Chanyeol interjected. At your glare he shut his lips tight. "Sorry."

"This isn't college."

"Obviously. You were more fun in college," she replied in a ploy to get you to cave.

"Wait." Sehun's eyes widened a fraction and pointed at your roommate. "Is she your friend from the party story?"

"Party story?"

"Balloon dick," you provided. She busted out in giggles.

"I forgot about him. Holy shit I was not in my right mind when I did that. You told them? Oh god now I feel embarrassed."

"Don't be. We all thought it was really funny," Sehun told her. "You sound like a fun person."

"With terrible taste in guys," she replied with a roll of her eyes, her smile never dropping.

"Don't even get me started on your ex's," you threatened playfully. "If you want embarrassing I'll tell them about your last break-up."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Her last girlfriend dumped her during sex," you blurted. Your roommate scrambled to cover your mouth, but you held her away. She opted to hit your arm instead which you laughed off.

"G-girlfriend?" Sehun stammered quietly. His shock went away, something like disappointment replacing it. "Oh..."

"Ugh fine you win. You're fun. I don't have much dirt on you. We should go. If it gets too late my pull at the club won't give us free drinks."

"For you. I'm staying sober to drive you home." She was already tugging on your arm.

"Come on, I'm ready to be slutty and irresponsible with you tonight." You allowed her to pull you to the driver door. She looked over your shoulder to add, "please don't judge me on this first impression I'm usually way more mature." She got in the passenger side, holding your cardigan hostage. You turned around to wave.

"Sorry to cut this short, but I did promise her. I really appreciate seeing you here." You looked to Kyungsoo. You couldn't read his expression. Disappointment mixed with longing? Annoyance? "It means the world to me that you came and enjoyed it. You look extremely handsome in those suits. I hope I can see you again soon." Kyungsoo called your name before you could fully turn around.

"Please stay safe."

"Thank you." You got behind the wheel and drove away. You didn't realize just how soon you would see them again. On your way to the club your roommate poked your arm and gave you a suggestive look.

"So, you would have me, an intillectual who went to college to study people, believe you're friends with the three hottest guys I've ever seen in my entire life, and are not hitting at least one of them? For fucks sake you even used to bone Chanyeol. And did you see the ass on that Sehun guy? If you're not already you need to get on that, girl. Men don't just suit up and skip work to see a friend of a friends concert for kicks."

"You studied nursing. That's anatomy," you countered.

"I took two years of psychology." You chuckled and shook your head.

"Then what's your professional opinion?"

"Chanyeol still likes you. That's obvious. The shorter guy who was next to him, though...the one with glasses..." You waited for her to continue. "When I took your cardigan he was looking at you with this intense stare. He was totally eye fucking you, hun. He wants it. Bad. If you don't believe me the next time you see him and you laugh, put your hand on his thigh, but don't pull it away, and see how he reacts."

"Sure. Alright."

The club she picked was easy to get in to, and appearently her 'hook-up' was one of the bartenders who she flirted with while bandaging stitches. He allowed her three free drinks, so she ordered the strongest ones. She was a light-weight. You clung to her for the next hour or so, babysitting so she didn't hurt herself, but also afraid of being left alone in the packed building. The dancing was fun, you had to admit. Even sober. You weren't the best, but your friends' lowered inhibitions helped loosen you up. You weren't sure how long you danced before two guys came up to join you. Not comfortable at all, you told your friend you would go to the bathroom. Only when you came out she was gone. Gone for three minutes and she ditched you. You tried searching and eventually felt your rising anxiousness. Leaning back on the wall in the hallway where the bathrooms were, you tried your phone. There was a text. A horribly misspelled text, but to sum up,

'Took the car to fuck the bartender see you tomorrow.'

You sighed. Of course she would do something stupid the instant you weren't watching her. She had a habit of ditching you when you went out clubbing, but that night there was only two of you. No other friends to fall back on. Absorbing the fact you were alone you felt your chest constrict. Suddenly the bass was deafening, dozens of raised voices speaking over the music crowding your ears. You needed air.

The sidewalk out front had a smaller crowd. The chilly night air made you shiver, but it was better than the chaos inside. It would be pretty simple to take the bus to your apartment. First, you pulled out your phone and called someone you knew would calm you down.

"Hello? Y/N?"

"Kyungsoo," you sighed happily. "Thank god you're awake."

"We just got back to the dorms. I didn't expect to hear from you. You sound upset."

"The truth? I'm scared."

"Are you okay?" You heard the shift in his voice. You talked as calmly as possible.

"Yes, I'm fine. My roommate though, she kinda ditched me. I figured she would, but she took the car. I can take the bus back, but I just...I'm scared of going back alone this late at night. I was wondering if you would stay on the phone with me? To keep me company?"

"Which club are you at? I'll come pick you up."

"You don't--"

"I do," he interrupted shortly. "I'm not letting you go around the city in the middle of the night alone. Where are you?" You told him. "Are you out front?"

"Yes."

"Stay exactly where you are, don't talk to anyone, and pretend to be texting or something. I'll be there soon." You thanked him before he hung up. The small creep of fear buzzed in the back of your brain while you stood outside waiting. Your comfort from some stranger harrassing you was knowing a bouncer was five feet away. You hugged yourself, rubbing up and down on your bare arms, cursing that you didn't take your cardigan back.

Time passed slower, but eventually you saw a car pull up and a window rolled down halfway to reveal Kyungsoo. He gestured to you so you got in the passenger side. He rolled up the window. You were grateful for the heat. A click echoed. When you looked over Kyungsoo was removing the blazer from the suit he still wore and re-buckling his seatbelt. You took it from him gladly and quickly put it over your shivering frame and put on your own seatbelt. He began driving. You pulled the material close to your body. Then all you could smell was his cologne. It wasn't super strong, but fresh and sweet.

Another warmth came into contact with your knee. Kyungsoo was steering with one hand, the one on your leg moving up and down on your freezing skin. The comforting motion instantly relaxed you. Having him touch you, be near you, made you feel safe. You didn't expect him to have that strong of an effect on you. Any anxiety you felt melted away. He never went past the hem of your dress, but after a few minutes you started to wish he would. Kyungsoo was silent for the majority of the drive. The only thing he asked was,

"Are you feeling better?" To which you responded,

"Yes, thank you." When he parked at your building you were quick to ask if he wanted to come up for a few minutes since you hardly spoke after the concert. He agreed and followed you up to your apartment. You went straight to the kitchen to down a glass of water. You offered to get something for him. Instead of answering you felt hands on your waist. You froze facing the counter, his chest pressing to your back.

"Did you know I had this whole night planned?" Your heart raced. You hid your trembling hands in the borrowed over-sized blazer you wore. His voice was right next to your ear. "I was going to take you out to dinner before driving you here so we could have...dessert." He puncuated the last word by sliding one of his hands down until his fingertips brushed the bare skin of your thigh. You swallowed thickly, tongue darting out to wet your lips. "But all you did was tease me." His hot breath tickled your neck. "First you come out and have swollen red lips from playing." His fingertips hiked the material of your dress aside and traced the slit upwards slowly, leaving a trail of fire. "Then your roommate tells me you're going out with her to a club in this." Kyungsoo used his free hand to push all your hair to one side. Then the blazer was pushed away until it hung loosely off your shoulders, only staying on because of his chest and your bent arms, still paralyzed over the counter next to the glass you used. Your breaths were coming more shallow. "I hate the thought that all those other guys were staring at you, dancing with you, flirting with you." He lowered his voice, lips barely ghosting over the spot just under your ear. "I was worried something happened when you called. No one should be able to touch you like this except me." The fingertips on the outside of your thigh dipped under the dress, palm flattening as his hand followed the curve of your leg to your inner thigh. He was dangerously close to your core. You were afraid if he touched you your knees would give out beneath you. Kyungsoo followed the slope of your neck to your shoulder using his mouth with a feather-light touch. A shudder ran down your spine. His second hand snaked around to your front, splaying on your stomach, moving closer so his body molded to yours. You felt his growing arousal pressing into your backside. "You've been driving me crazy all night." He subtly rocked his hips forward, grinding into you. "You look breathtaking, jagiya. I want to feel you. Will you say yes?" You swallowed again, preparing to strengthen your voice. Your answer still ended up coming out as a whisper.

"Yes. Of course yes." Kyungsoo retracted his hands and spun you, crashing his lips into yours in a heated kiss. He pried your mouth open with his tongue and you were already gone. His desperation was clear, but he was still very aware of the pressure his mouth put on yours. It was a gentle, quiet passion. Something that simmers under the surface. It grows and grows, and you don't recodnize how hot it's gotten until it breaks through and consumes you. Your skin was already burning.

Kyungsoo broke away breathless. You were stunned by the warmth making his dark eyes shine. His face was flushed. It was your turn to take the initiative. You grabbed his tie and smirked, pulling him back to your bedroom. You shut the door out of habit and stood at the side of your bed. Suddenly reality seemed to hit Kyungsoo and he licked his lips nervously. Reaching up, you carefully took the glasses from his face, folded them, and set them on the small table by the bed. You let his blazer fall completely off your shoulders. You tugged playfully on his tie one more time, framing his upper lip with both of yours. He sank into it after a few seconds.

A thrill shot down your body as his hands skimmed up your arms. His mouth journeyed down your jaw to your neck. He found a particularly sensitive area and a moan tumbled from your lips. It seemed to give him more confidence, fingers hooking in the straps of your dress. They were pulled over your shoulders, his fingers immediantly dipping behind you to find the zipper. The fabric loosened around your body. You finished tugging the dress off your arms, around your hips, to pool around your ankles. He mapped out the curves on your body, gently caressing every part of skin he could reach as his mouth continued lower, lightly nipping and licking every now and then. Not to the extent of leaving marks like before. It was like you had become this delicate thing he needed to revel in. Almost like he was praising you without words; treating you like you were precious.

Once he kissed across your collarbones and reached your breasts he straightened his posture. Without saying anything he yanked the tie loose enough from around his neck to lift it over his head and threw it away. You started to deftly undo the buttons on his shirt. He finished removing it from his shoulders, but he stopped you when you reached for the white undershirt he wore. Kyungsoo took your wrists, urging you backwards until you got the hint and fell onto the mattress. You laid back on your pillows, Kyungsoo climbing on after to hover over you. He bent his head down, creating a trail of kisses from your naval to your chest. You rubbed your thighs together, your core aching. He seemed determined to travel his lips over every part of you, and it was driving you up the wall. However, it just felt too nice to beg him to stop and do more. It made your heart swell to have him show his appreciation of your body. To be made to feel wanted and worth taking his time.

Arching your back, you reached behind yourself to unhook the clasps on your bra, tossing it carelessly to the floor. He circled one of your nipples with his tongue while his hand worked your other breast. He created a seal around the hardening bud and sucked, making you whimper. You tangled a hand in the hair on the back of his head. He took your nipple in between his teeth and you arched into the touch. After soothing it with his tongue he switched to repeat the actions on your other breast. Finally seeing Kyungsoo in bed with you stoked the desire within you. The almost physical ache in your chest to please him. You'd prove you were worthy of the more vulnerable parts of him he was going to show you. You brought him up to your lips, kissing him deeply.

It was starting to bother you that he was still mostly dressed. With practiced fingers, you reached between your bodies to undo his pants. You pushed them down his hips and he kicked them off the rest of the way. It was your turn to trace the line of his jaw with your lips, wandering the side of his neck after. Your fingers slipped under the hem of his undershirt, running up and down his sides first. He released a shaky breath. Turning your wrists, your palms ran over the smooth surface of his stomach up to his chest, bunching the fabric as they went. You helped him take it off so you were both left in only your underwear. You took more time to trace his collarbone with your mouth. Fingertips memorized the dips and curves of his torso. From his firm chest to the ridges of his ribs and across his surprisingly toned stomach then around to rest in the middle of his shoulder blades. Kyungsoo shuddered and you let a smile grace your lips. You mumbled breathily against his heated skin,

"Youre so stunning." An airy chuckle filled your ears. Kyungsoo sat up enough to see your face. He was smiling genuinely, pink dusting his cheeks. You think he was flustered. Leaning his weight on one hand, he brought the other to your face, moving a few loose strands of hair away. The way his gaze lingered on every curve as it drew up your form reminded you of the first time you met him. How those emotive, mysterious, rich brown eyes could capture you with a single look. How he drew you in without trying. How a million specific things had to occur so you could meet him in the first place. How you couldn't imagine not having met him now that you were together. How you never wanted to look away. When he replied his voice was dripping honey.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you." Kyungsoo ghosted his fingertips down from your face until they met the waistband of your underwear. It was like he was waiting for permission. Chewing on your lower lip, you raised your hips, and the flimsy material was dragged down your legs. You impatiently went to do the same to him, but he stopped you and pinned your hands on either side of your head. You struggled beneath him and whined frustratedly.

"Please, Kyungsoo. I want you. Please stop teasing me." His eyes darkened, swimming with desire. He moved both your wrists above your head and held them with one hand. His other moved lower, watching as you gasped when he ran two fingers up your slit. It was easy to coat his fingers with your arousal so he could smoothly circle your clit. Your eyes closed, letting out a long moan. You were already worked up so much. He deftly moved his fingers to dip inside of you. He moved them in and out of you steadily, curling and seeking out that one spot to make you fall apart. You bucked your hips up into his hand, the coil tightening inside of you.

"Look at me." You obeyed the softly spoken request. "Tell me who made you this wet." With a quivering voice you answered,

"You."

"Who?"

"You, Kyungsoo."

"That's it," he encouraged, speeding up his hand.

"Fuck, you're so good Kyungsoo. I'm a mess every time I think about you." His breath hitched minutely. He seemed to be enjoying the praise. So you decided to continue. "It feels so much better with your fingers. You're sexier than anything I imagined." His mouth attacked the side of your neck, teeth digging in harshly before laving it with his tongue. The corners of your lips twitched up, proud of your effect on him, craning your neck to give him better access. A groan left you as he continued. For the night you decided you didn't care where he left marks. Kyungsoo kept abusing the sensative flesh, euphoria rippling across your skin. The coil wound tighter, pressure rising and spreading, sitting just on the edge. "Kyungsoo I'm s-so close. Please." You were thankful he didn't seem to be in a teasing mood anymore. He plunged his fingers deep inside of you, the heel of his palm grinding into your clit, and it tipped you that little bit you needed. Your muscles tensed, spasming around his fingers. Your hands still being held down above your head, all you could do was writhe on the sheets while he worked you down.

He kissed you once soundly and withdrew both his hands, sitting back on his knees. You watched with glazed eyes as he took the fingers covered in your arousal between his lips. One side of his mouth turned up, sucking them clean. You swore the heady look in his gaze was temptation personified. Once he had done that he ran a hand through his hair and tousled it, ruining the product that kept it back. The newly loosened hair bounced with a few locks sticking out in all different directions. He ran through it again, but it didn't help much. It looked like he'd just woken up. Couple it with his flushed complexion, short breaths and kiss-swollen lips and instead he looked completely and utterly fucked. It was the perfect picture of sin. The only thought going through your head in that moment was how much you wanted him. You wanted his weight pressing down on you, his moans next to your ear. You wanted to feel every inch of his skin as your bodies connected and know it was you making him feel good.

A moment of clarity struck when you caught your breath. Kyungsoo waited patiently as you twisted over enough to open the drawer on your nightstand. You came back with a condom and you saw him bite his lip. You could tell he was putting on false confidence. It was easy to spot because you used to be more self-conscious, too. It could have been nerves, but add on the way he kept you from undressing him too fast and reacted to your compliments and his natural tendency to be shy, and you were more likely to believe he doesn't have the greatest confidence in his image. Also, with the chance you were wrong, pointing out that he had nothing to worry about might have made it worse, so you pretended not to notice. You drew his mouth to yours with a hand on the back of his neck.

It wouldn't stop you from trying to help out a little, though. You caught him off guard and flipped your positions on the bed. Kyungsoo's hands went to your thighs, trying not to show a reaction, but eyes widening a fraction. You bit his lower lip and tugged lightly to distract from the hand you snuck in between your bodies. He gasped sharply as you rubbed him over his underwear. It wasn't like he was unimpressive, either. However, you knew someone could be the hottest, richest, most popular person and still be insecure. You were going to enjoy boosting his ego some. You hummed and kissed the hollow under his jaw. You attempted to sound sultry when you spoke next.

"You're so hard for me. I can't wait to feel you inside of me. I'm gonna make you feel so good, sweetheart." His fingers flexed on the tops of your thighs, releasing a heavy sigh. You were slow and methodical as your mouth traveled down his throat and chest. Basking in the sensation of his skin under your lips and hands. You stopped at the bottom of his ribcage and sat up. Hooking your fingers under his waistband, you glanced up at him through your eyelashes. "May I?" Kyungsoo lifted his hips, and you discarded his last piece of clothing. You licked your lips unconsciously as his hard member was finally out of its confines. You wrapped your fingers around the base of his cock and stroked him a couple of times, thumb swiping over the head to spread the precum that was beading. His fingers flexed again, cursing under his breath. You tore open the foil packet with your teeth and rolled the condom on. With nothing in your way anymore you positioned your hips and sank onto him until his entire length was buried inside you. Your voice got caught in your throat. The stretch was more than you expected, but he filled you so perfectly. You couldn't recall ever feeling this full. You supported yourself on his chest while you adjusted. It rose and fell in a staggered pattern to match his uneven breaths. His hands smoothed over your hips to your waist then you felt more than heard him speak. His chest rumbled, voice gruff.

"Are you okay?" The absurdity of the question almost had you laughing. He probably asked because you had been still for so long.

"Yeah, more than okay. I just needed a second." Raising your hips until he was almost out of you, a groan left you as you lowered again. You started a slow rhythm, smiling a little when Kyungsoo's eyes drifted shut, head tipped back. You leaned forward a bit, and the angle change mixed with him matching your hips' movements had him hitting all the right spots. "Fuck, you feel amazing." He was biting down on his lip harshly. You used one hand to brush down his cheekbone, thumb swiping at his upper lip. It got his attention to look at you. "Don't hold anything back, Kyungsoo. I love your voice. I want to hear how good I'm making you feel." Your hand went back to his chest. He released his lower lip, and the next time you sunk down on him a loud moan tore from his throat. Lightning jolted up your spine at the sound. You moved faster.

Suddenly you were pulled down so your face was hidden in his neck, his mouth assualting your collar bone. He tangled one hand in your hair, the other kneading at your breast before rolling a nipple between his fingers. You called out his name, earning a soft grunt and a hard bite. His teeth definitely left indents on your shoulder. The sharp sting turned to a dull throbbing as he teased the line of pain and pleasure.

"Can I turn you over?" Kyungsoo questioned with a sigh. You nodded without thinking. You whined when he pulled out of you. He switched places with you, kneeling between your legs. You wrapped them around his waist as he thrust back into you. You dug your fingernails into his back when he bent down, slamming into your tight heat over and over at a faster pace. His cock was able to reach deeper, hitting directly into that one spot that had your thighs shaking.

"R-right there," you begged. "Please don't stop. Please don't stop." Kyungsoo's forehead was beginning to gather sweat. His back bowed slightly so he could litter your chest with more marks. One of your hands slid up to knot in his hair and pulled lightly, eliciting a groan from him. Finally being able to hear the noises he makes made you yearn to hear it more. His musical voice was something you could easily get addicted to. Kyungsoo's lips met yours, pouring all your need into the kiss. While he enjoyed seeing marks blossom on your skin, every other action was still delicate. You couldn't get a read on him. At that point it was difficult to think straight anyway. When he pulled away he went back to your neck, panting hotly next to your ear.

"Do you like how I'm fucking you, jagiya? Are you gonna cum for me?" At first all you could do was nod, mewling as your nails raked down his back and making him hiss. You could tell you were getting close. That same familiar pressure was building.

"Kyungsoo," you rasped. "I want to see your face when you cum. Will you do that for me?" Without hesitating his head lifted, eyes clouded over with lust. The hand in his hair slipped down and gripped his arm. "Fuck, you're doing so good. You're so amazing, Kyungsoo." His hips snapped harder into yours, and your mind went blank, the waves crashing over you and rushing through your whole body. His name tumbled from your lips and his rhythm faltered. You watched his eyes screw shut, eyebrows furrowing as his mouth fell open. Loud, choked off moans and breathless curses broke apart his voice as he went over the edge with you. The wanton sounds filled the small bedroom. Kyungsoo rolled his hips a few more times to bring you both down from your high. His lips met yours, moving languidly while the adrenaline thinned in your system and chased oxygen back into your lungs. He moaned into your mouth, palms gliding over your thighs and up your form until he could lace his fingers with yours and press them into the mattress. The simple gesture made your heart flutter.

Over-sensitivity forced him to move, pulling out from you and disposing of the condom. You pulled him close next to you and carded your fingers through his soft hair. You pecked his lips and smiled.

"That was definitely worth waiting for." Kyungsoo cracked a half smile at your comment. Using your free hand you traced a line down the center of his chest. Your grin brightened when he shivered. "I don't know how to say this without sounding shallow or cheesy, but your body really is very sexy." His gaze dropped, chuckling. He took the hand on his chest in his.

"Thank you," he muttered quietly. "You're amazing, too."

"You're lucky I have good make-up by the way," you teased. "I'm pretty sure my whole neck is gonna be bruised."

"I'm sorry. You don't like it?"

"No, I love it."

"Good." Those shining, warm eyes flickered back up to meet your gaze. "I like knowing that you're walking around with my marks so everyone knows you're taken."

"In that case maybe I shouldn't cover them up tomorrow." He growled in the back of his throat, arm coming around your middle. You giggled when he fluttered kisses along your jaw and neck. Soon both of you felt the exhaustion of the night surround you, and fell asleep content.


	13. Sunrise*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning

The beeping needed to end. You groaned pathetically and forced your eyes open. The incessant, grating electronic sound was coming from the floor. More specifically, Kyungsoo's pants. He stirred beside you, but you weren't going to wait. You rolled over so you could snatch his discarded attire from the floor without leaving the comfort of the sheets. You quickly found his phone and shut off the alarm. A warm hand rested on your back.

"Can you give me my phone, jagi? There's a back-up alarm I need to shut off." Chills twisted down your spine at Kyungsoo's morning voice. It was tired and gravely and quiet enough to almost be incoherent. You rolled back to where you were and handed over the phone. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes while he unlocked the screen and tapped a few things. Not even ten seconds later he was throwing the phone back to the floor. You yelped in surprise as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him. He kissed your lips once sweetly.

"What are you doing?" you giggled. A quick glance confirmed your hopes that his hair would be mussed and going in all directions. A contented smile formed on his face, leaning his forehead against yours.

"Good morning." You echoed his smile.

"Good morning." Kyungsoo tilted his head and reconnected your mouths. He urged you onto your back, weight pressing down on you as he continued the lazy movements. Your eyes fell closed. Kyungsoo trailed sloppy, open-mouthed kisses down your jaw and neck. You hummed at the pleasant sensation. Each brush of skin felt amplified, senses sparking each nerve on edge in the early hours of the morning. When he kept going past your collarbone you forced yourself to be more awake and mumbled his name in questioning. His palms smoothed up your sides and cupped your breasts.

"Tell me if I should stop." He rolled both of your nipples between his fingers, making you gasp. Your breathing picked up as he slid further down your body. The covers moved with him and exposed you to the chilly air. You didn't try resisting as he pushed your legs apart and settled between them. Knowing where this was going, you bunched the sheets in your hands. You shivered when his hot breath fanned over your core. He looked up at you through his eyelashes then turned his head, attaching his lips to the inside of your thigh. A pleading moan left you as he worked a mark into the soft flesh.

"Why do you love teasing me so much?" Rather than answer he created another petal of color further up. After he was satisfied with that his hands layed on your inner thighs. He licked one long stripe up your folds and you threw your head back. You couldn't contain your satisfied groan.

Kyungsoo decided he was through teasing. His tongue dipped inside your entrance and stroked your walls. The lewd sounds only raised your need for more. He moaned. Violent waves of pleasure fired up your spine, his name quaking in your throat. You tangled your fingers in his messy hair. Kyungsoo slid his tongue up to circle your clit then flattened it. He had enervated you to a mewling mess in barely any time at all. He alternated his ministrations just often enough to where you didn't get jaded to the motion. His fingers dug into your thigh and hip to keep you steadfast. Your high was racing toward you as your thighs quivered. Your voice shook when you panted,

"That feels so fucking good. Don't stop. Please."

"Y/N I'm in trouble." Your roommate barged in to your room. Kyungsoo startled, head lifting and hands going to either side of your chest, the sheet around his waist shielding the majority of both of you. Your gaze lingered on his visage on its way to your roommate. His thick lips and chin shined with your arousal, eyes half lidded, head bowed to hide his face from the unexpected interruption. The tops of his ears turning a deep shade of red. She stood in your doorway in the same clothes from the night before, a grin spreading across her features. "I knew it!" she screamed triumphantly. "I knew you had to be fucking one of them!" Her volume lowered as the realization of who was above you hit her. "Kyungsoo, right? The silent broody short one with pretty lips and glasses? Don't be shy. I'm really happy to know it's you actually."

"What do you want?" you questioned in a bored tone.

"I swear I'll let you finish in a second. I have to know, is your friend Sehun single?"

"Are you still drunk?"

"No."

"Please leave. This can wait."

"It's a quick yes or no," she pushed. "By the way, just a bit of advice, she loves being dominated and called names." Kyungsoo quirked an eyebrow at you, tongue darting out to swipe along his lips. Your face heated. The gap before anyone spoke was heavy. Kyungsoo responded for you, voice flowing like melted chocolate; rich and alluring.

"Sehun is single and told me you were cute. I'd leave now so I can finish ravishing my girlfriend. If you hear screaming, you'll know I've taken your advice." Your roommate purred jokingly and giggled.

"I like this one, hun. He's a keeper. I'll just go down the street to the cafe for an hour. Have fun, kids." With a wave, she left. Door shutting behind her. You released a breath you didn't realize you were holding. Kyungsoo wiped his face with the back of his hand then smirked.

"So, one hour."

"Yup," you replied dumbly. You were still hung up on him saying something about you screaming.

"What's this about liking to be called names? What kind of names?" Your mouth opened and closed a few times, brain not connecting the words together right away.

"You don't have to--"

"I do," he clipped. Exactly like the night before on the phone. You didn't have to listen, but you wanted to please him. You wanted to give in to his charms. He was in control. His hips lowered until you felt his hard member rubbing against your soaking core. "Tell me."

"Okay..." He waited patiently. His heat was covering you. His hips between your knees. Your cheeks burned as you told your confession. "When playing rougher I sometimes like...being called a slut...and stuff." You looked away from him. His lustful eyes burdensome. "I like begging for it and being told what to do. But regular affectionate nicknames work too, I-I just. I don't know it's stupid." He hummed as if contemplating something.

"Would you like it if I did that now?"

"I'd love anything you do," you admitted shyly.

"Look at me." You obeyed. "Tell me what you want, jagiya."

"I want you to fuck me." Kyungsoo snagged his lower lip with his teeth.

"Be more specific."

"Your cock. I want your cock inside me." He tutted condescendingly.

"Manners."

"Please?"

"Better manners," he demanded.

"Please sir?"

"Closer."

"Please Kyungsoo?" you tried. He pecked your lips.

"Good girl." The praise made your heart flutter. You smiled warmly. A smooth roll of his hips had him buried fully inside of you, hands flying to his back as you gasped at the sudden fullness. His forehead fell to your shoulder as he started thrusting at a moderate pace.

"C-condom," you stammered.

"I know," he breathed. One of his hands hooked under your leg, lifting it around his waist, allowing him a deeper angle. "I want to see my little slut covered in my cum." His mouth moved to your ear, biting the lobe lightly. The bold words made you dizzy with pleasure. "I think you want that, too." All you could do was nod. "Out loud."

"Yes, Kyungsoo," you forced. "I'll be your good girl."

"Anything else?"

"Y-yes." You took a big gulp of air. "Harder. Please Kyungsoo." His hips slammed forward, and you moaned shamelessly, pitch sliding.

"I love how my name sounds coming from you." He sat back then, bringing your other leg up. Hands behind your thighs, he pushed your knees closer to your chest. His glazed over eyes watched where his cock disappeared in you repeatedly and groaned luridly. "Look how well you take me. Did you like how I was going down on you before?"

"Yes," you answered quickly.

"You taste amazing, and such a pretty way of begging. Fuck you feel good." He reached a hand so he could rub fast circles into your clit. "Come on, be a good girl and cum for me," he encouraged, speeding up his hips. "Scream my name." You grappled at the sheets, his decadent voice careening you closer to your end. Your back arched off the bed, doing what he said as your high crashed through you. Satisfaction flooded your senses, pulling your muscles taut. Kyungsoo cursed under his breath, going even faster until he suddenly pulled out. He wrapped his lithe digits around his slick length and pumped a couple of times, head thrown back, before he found his release with a shuddering groan, painting your stomach in ropes of white. When he looked back down at you he hummed. The gruff sound could almost be mistaken as a purr. "Holy shit, I came really hard. You were perfect." Kyungsoo leaned down and kissed you once hotly. "Did you like that?"

"I love how you fuck me so much, Kyungsoo."

"Good girl. My good girl," he mumbled. He sat up some and dragged two fingers through the trail he left on your stomach and held them to your lips. You took them in greedily, licking and sucking, enjoying the unique flavor that would always be very Kyungsoo. He pulled his fingers out, coated in your saliva.

"Can I have more, Kyungsoo?" He watched with hooded eyes as he gathered more on his fingers and you cleaned them again.

"I bet those lips would look great wrapped around my cock. What do you think?" He removed his fingers.

"I think I like this dominate side of you. Maybe next time I can be in charge."

"I'm not nearly done with you," he replied with a smirk. Kyungsoo slid down until his face was between your legs again. You whimpered when he skipped subtle and went straight to sucking on your already sensitive clit. A hand went into his hair, tugging lightly. His movements were clean and quick, bringing you to the edge faster than you'd ever experienced before, balancing you just out of reach of the end you craved. Insides twisting harshly. He was taking advantage of your sensitivity, and you suspected this teasing was going to become another habit of his. When you began to tense he slowed down, using long, languid strokes of his tongue. It didn't take long for you to break down and beg.

"Kyungsoo, please. " He stopped altogether. You glanced down to see him wiping his face clean. He maneuvered up, mouths connecting so he could kiss you thoroughly. You tasted yourself on his tongue. When you went to wind your hands around his frame he stopped you and held them to the mattress on either side of you. His soft lips still brushed yours when speaking.

"I can't be late to work. You'll be good and wait for me, right?"

"W-wait? Until when?"

"I'll come back tonight. Don't worry."

"Kyungsoo," you pleaded, struggling to free your hands. He chuckled.

"I know you can do it. When I come back I promise to give you everything you want. While I'm gone you won't touch yourself, alright? I expect you to have a safeword ready."

"You're giving me homework?" You could hardly believe it. His smirk grew to a smug grin.

"Do you think you can handle it?" The image of him in his glasses and suit came to mind. You clenched and unclenched your fists. If he was going to play games, then you would follow his lead. No matter how badly the throbbing between your legs got. You would show him you had the willpower to accomplish what he wanted. Sure he was asking if you could do it, but you knew if you said no you would probably never get to see this side of him ever again. He would go back to delicate caresses and bashful bites. While not bad, you enjoyed exploring different things. Smiling mockingly you replied,

"Yes, teacher."

"Don't make me have to punish you. My last schedule ends at nine." Kyungsoo shifted and stood off the bed. A chill swept over you with the loss of his body heat. He started getting dressed. You watched him, fascinated. He was clearly starting to get aroused again, but acted totally composed as he tucked his length back into his underwear and pulled on his dress slacks.

Knowing you wanted to offer breakfast, you made for your dresser, but your legs quaked visibly as you did so. Appearently you were more tired than you thought. It would go away after a few minutes, you thought. You pulled on an oversized shirt, combing your hair down with your fingers. Turning to face Kyungsoo, he buttoned on his shirt while his eyes lingered on your form. They were hungry, drinking in your depraved state. You see what your roommate meant the night before; he looked like he was imagining all the ways he wanted to fuck you in his head. One side of his mouth lifted in a lop-sided smile when he met your own stare. You felt your face heating up and went to open the door.

"At least let me feed you breakfast before you go."

"Do you need help cooking?"

"No, it's no trouble. I may not be a great cook, but I know a few things. Are you okay with eggs?"

"That sounds delicious." Kyungsoo retrieved his cell phone and tie, stuffing them in his pocket, then tucked his shirt in before putting on the blazer.

"You know where the bathroom is. I'll go start heating up the pan." Arriving in the kitchen, your roommate sat at the island with a bowl of cereal. You rolled your eyes. "Why am I not surprised?" She grinned.

"You know you love me."

"Unfortunately," you sighed. You got the correct pan out and set it on the range to warm. She kept talking while you prepared everything you needed.

"Can't blame a best friend for being curious. Looks like the snooping wasn't necessarry. Those hickeys are no joke. Someone got their fill of mindblowing sex. Sounded like you were enjoying yourself, too. Lord bless the cheap, thin walls of an apartment complex." You chuckled at her commentary.

"He's actually very sweet."

"Please, the quiet ones are always the kinkiest."

"I wouldn't know. That was the first time he ever...stayed over."

"Oooh. What if he does ask for weird shit in the future? Eh, who am I kidding? You're kinky, too. You were made for each other." She shoved her unfinished bowl aside. "So, quickly before he comes out; how was he? Did he have a big dick? Or he just knew how to use it?"

"That is so not your business," you replied lightly so she didn't think you were upset.

"At least give me a rough idea. One to ten, hold up your fingers on how great it was."

"Why don't you tell me why you absolutely had to know if Sehun is single?" She giggled nervously. You inwardly thanked her floaty nature for being easy to divert conversation topics with her. She knew your tactics by now, but she understood it meant you didn't want to talk about it.

"So funny story, I couldn't go through with it last night. The bartender. I couldn't stop thinking about Sehun."

"That's not like you."

"I know," she complained. She put her elbows on the counter, fingertips rubbing her temples. "All I could imagine on the ride to his place was Sehun's smile. He was so polite, and his laugh?" she drawed out your name. "Please tell me he's secretly an asshole."

"He can be pretty snarky, but he's a really caring person."

"I'm doomed." Your roommate dropped her head to the counter. You started cooking the eggs.

"Why are you doomed? Kyungsoo said Sehun thought you were cute."

"He was just trying to get me out of the room," she answered defeatedly. "There's no way a guy like that would ever like me. Especially after that glowing first impression."

"First impressions aren't everything," you argued. "You shouldn't give up before you try. Do you want me to ask him about you to see if he's interested? I'll try not to be obvious."

"I would never date anyone if it wasn't for you." Her head lifted. "Thank you."

"Don't look so down. Would it cheer you up if I answered your question from earlier?" She perked.

"It might." You thought a moment and smirked to yourself then flipped the eggs.

"Eight." Your roommate ooh'd at you again.

"That high on the first night? Bitch do you know how jealous I am right now? Goddamn he must have some magic fingers." She spotted your smirk. "Tongue?" It spread into a grin. "Oh my god. And with those lips and that voice? No wonder you're weak in the knees."

"Shut up," you laughed. "You don't need to know what we do behind closed doors. Speaking of, do we need to bring back the college rule?"

"No, I'll knock next time. I'm sorry."

"Thank you. Apology accepted." She yawned. "Do you need to go to bed?"

"Need to shower first." Kyungsoo strolled in. You scooped the finished eggs on to two plates.

"Morning," he said curtly to your roommate with a slight incline of his head. You noticed he tamed his hair to fall normally again. She winked at him and replied playfully,

"Morning, hot stuff. Sorry for interrupting earlier. Someone didn't tell me she had a boyfriend." He didn't respond. Instead he walked up to you and kissed your cheek.

"Thank you for the food." He took his plate and leaned back on the counter while he ate.

"So how long--"

"Three months," you interrupted. "I wanted to keep it private." Kyungsoo looked at you sideways. Your roommate was quick to ask,

"Why?"

"Just liked the idea that I had this secret, I guess. Like it was special."

"Alright, I can take a hint. I won't pester you with questions. Is there anything I can do for you before you leave?" The last part was directed at Kyungsoo. He shook his head. She addressed you one more time. "Don't forget you have laundry duty this weekend. I'm getting ready for bed. I still have work tonight. It was nice seeing you." She hopped down from the stool and set her dish in the sink. "Oh." She paused in front of you. "I'll be home around eight in the morning tomorrow. You know, so plan around that if you two need to. Love you, darlin'. Have a good day at work." She kissed your cheek. You returned the gesture with a soft smile.

"Sweet dreams, hun. I'll put your midnight lunch in the fridge."

"You're the best." With a wave, she rounded the corner towards the bathroom. Kyungsoo had finished his food and set the plate in the sink.

"You're really close," he observed aloud.

"Of course. We've lived together for years. You're really close with your roommates."

"I am, but not like that."

"How do you mean?" You took a big bite of food.

"You act like a married couple." He waited while you finished chewing.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. Only saying the obvious I guess." At that he bent over to press his lips to the same spot she had. You moved to capture his lips with your own, but he stepped away. "I should go before I..." his statement trailed as his gaze roamed your barely clothed body. "Thank you for letting me stay over, and for the eggs. I, uh, really enjoyed it." Your heart warmed at his bashful smile.

"I really enjoyed your company. I'm excited to see you tonight." A gear clicked in your head. "Wait here a second." You rushed back to your room and returned with an item of his. "Your glasses."

"Oh, thank you," he replied in shock. He slipped them on his face. "I have them off so often I forget sometimes."

"That's fine. I hope you have a good day at work." You walked him to the front door. He tied on his shoes before placing one last kiss to your forehead.

"I'll see you tonight, jagiya."


	14. Sunset*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All smut again. Sorry not sorry.

The instant he entered your apartment the air gathered static. You greeted him while he shut the door behind him and toed off his shoes. He was back in plain clothes, but you had changed into an oversized shirt after coming back from work. It barely covered the only other piece of clothing banded around your hips. Kyungsoo looked at you, but something was different. His rich brown eyes turned molten, deep and burning. They trailed up the length of your body slowly, suggestively, tongue darting out to wet his lips when he saw all the marks he left on your neck and chest on display. You shifted under his intense stare, thumb massaging the palm of your other hand. An anxious habit.

He took a step toward you. You took one back instinctually. Your heart pounded against your ribs. Kyungsoo tilted his head slightly. His dark locks all hung to one side, fluffed and tangled like he'd just finished drying it after a shower. You wanted to comb your fingers through it to see if it was as soft as it looked.

Stalking closer, your back hit the hard surface of a wall watching as Kyungsoo got rid of the remaining space between you. His hands rested by his sides, but the way he peered at you from behind his glasses had you pinned. A few strands of hair fell across his forehead. It was like he was searching your face for something. The same fresh scent of his cologne mixed with vanilla drifted past your nose. You found yourself chewing on your lower lip as if you would be able to taste the sweetness. The static grew, tingling across the surface of your skin, waiting for any tiny spark to give it form.

The day had been torture. All your mind could do was daydream about what it was like to have his hands on you, touching you like he meant it. Like he couldn't get close enough. To have his whispers of praise and pleasure next to your ear. To have his mouth on your neck and between your thighs. Your fingertips would brush the bruises throughout the day, pressing lightly so the muted sting resurfaced momentarily with the memory. The only way you got through the day without relieving the ache those memories left you with yourself was keeping busy. Even then your imagination ran away from you sometimes wondering what Kyungsoo would do once he came back that night. Your chest constricted at the thought of him teasing you without mercy. He would probably smirk while doing it. Wanting to hear you beg. You entertained the idea that he would want to get rougher than simple bites. Maybe if you lied and said you didn't follow his instructions he would bend you over his knee and have you count the number times his hand came down on your ass. He had been pretty clear about wanting to see your lips around his cock; maybe he would force you on your knees and test the limit of your gag reflex.

They all had heat pooling in the pit of your stomach. Like then, as Kyungsoo watched your eyes flit to his lips and back up. His nose scrunched as his eyebrows came together, glaring. Normally steely, the lust floating on the surface morphed it into something carnal. The anticipation, the slight fear at his unknown capabilities, thrilled you. You had no idea what to expect, but had been craving it all day long regardless. It was intoxicating. You never knew someone could make you feel so much by just being near you. Mesmerized, you realized you would have done anything to feel his pillowy lips on yours in that moment. To release the lightning building on your skin. To give a satisfying ending to this song of his he had you singing to.

"Did you do your homework?" Kyungsoo questioned in a low voice. Light. It contrasted his intimidating image. It told you to relax. It invited you closer, wrapping around you. You trusted him. With a small nod he cocked a brow expectantly. "Well?" He was waiting to hear what your safeword was.

"Mercy," you whispered breathily.

"I like it," he agreed, features relaxing. "Is there anything else I should know before we start? Were you a good girl?"

"Yes Kyungsoo." You made certain to use his name. A good girl remembered her manners.

"You're not lying to me, are you?" Kyungsoo grabbed your wrists and held them to the wall on either side of your head. An unspoken danger sat under his tongue. "Because you know I don't fuck lying, disobediant brats. That's not who you are, is it pet?" The nickname caught you off guard. In a good way, you decided. The only other name he called you was jagiya.

"No. I waited for you just like you said, Soo. I promise."

"That's good to hear," he mumbled, one side of his mouth quirking up. He leaned in close enough for you to feel the warm puffs of air as he spoke. Not quite connecting your lips. "Good girls get rewarded. Let's see if you can keep it up." Kyungsoo pressed his lower half closer, knee urging your legs apart. The rough material of his jeans sat at the apex of your thighs. "No hands, no mouth. I want to watch you grind on my thigh." You rolled your hips at his words. The friction was hot and you moaned as you rubbed against him. The building static culminated and fired electricity through your veins, stretching and lighting up all the way to your fingertips. Kyungsoo pulled his head back enough to watch you comfortably. "Does that feel good?" You nodded emphatically. "You should know I prefer to hear you answer out loud."

"I'm sorry. Yes," you replied quickly. "Yes, it feels good. I want you so badly."

"Then work for it," he growled. Your hands were lifted above your head. He continued to taunt you while you desperately moved your hips back and forth to get the right angle so each slide had the layers blocking your bare skin pressing to your bundle of nerves. "You're really needy, aren't you pet?"

"Yes," you answered breathlessly. You were trapped in his eyes. Behind the layer of raw hunger was something much softer. Something like longing, but tempered, bubbling under the surface.

"What is it you need?"

"You, Kyungsoo." His grip tightened around your wrists.

"What about me? I'm right here. You have me."

"All of you. I need all of you. I need you to fuck me until I can't walk straight tomorrow. I've never wanted anyone so completely before." A petite smile flashed across his features, breaking the hardened facade briefly. Then it was back, but his tone was tender and scratchy from the low volume.

"In order to be fair I also kept from touching myself today. It created a problem a few times. I couldn't stop thinking about how sweet your skin was; like sugar. How it felt to have you cumming around my cock while you said my name. The way your legs shook while I went down on you and afterward in the kitchen. You're so sexy like this; barely dressed, writhing around with that desperate look on your face. But have you earned more? Do you think you deserve my cock?"

"I've been so good, Kyungsoo," you pleaded. His thigh was nice, but not enough to give you what you craved. He acted like he was contemplating it.

"You have behaved better than I expected. Let's go to your bedroom." He stepped away, releasing you. You followed him eagerly to your room and shut the door. Before you could do anything else Kyungsoo looked at you pointedly and held up a finger, telling you silently to wait. Your heart beat erratically in your chest. You were in total awe and confusion at how he stayed composed during all of this. A little annoyed too, to be honest. You wanted to effect him as strongly as he did with you. You wanted him to lose some of that control and give in to his more animalistic desires. You wanted base, unfiltered emotion, smothering you with his body while he fucked you into the mattress. Sweaty and rough. Drawn out and teasing could come later. But after denying yourself the entire day you didn't want gentle.

Still, you waited. You were determined to behave. The way he purred out the words 'good girl' when he was praising you was something you yearned for. Kyungsoo set his glasses on your nightstand then got on your bed. He sat up against the headboard and pat his lap. You immediantly climbed on after him, straddling his legs. You reached to cup his face, but he snatched your hands, narrowing his eyes.

"I said no hands," he reminded you firmly. He guided them over his shoulders. "Hold on to the headboard." You did as he said. You wet your lips, the urge to steal a kiss growing. His lips were just so soft and inviting. Kyungsoo surprised you by reaching into his pocket and pulling out a scarf. How had you not noticed that? You blinked at him innocently until he detangled the black, cottony fabric. He chuckled, amused. "Close your eyes, pet."

"No, please I want to see you."

"Are you talking back to me?" You froze, mouth agape and stammered,

"N-no. No, of course not." You let your eyes fall shut. He tied on the scarf around your head. There was total darkness. Your other senses picked up, feeling the heat radiating off of his body, the sweet scent of his cologne all you could smell. Or maybe that was his shampoo. You swallowed thickly.

"Can you see?"

"No Kyungsoo," you confirmed. His palms smoothed over the tops of your thighs and stopped, thumbs massaging circles into your hips. Your breathing grew shallow and uneven, knuckles turning white with their grip on the headboard.

"Tell me how much you want me," he ordered. "The more I like what you say, the more I'll give you." You steeled yourself, voice thick with arousal.

"I want you so much it hurts." Kyungsoo made a noise in the back of his throat like a moan, but swallowed it down before it could pass his lips. He interrupted you. His words wavered the tiniest amount, almost breathlessly.

"Where does my needy pet hurt the most?" You felt one of his hands leave you, a finger pressing to your lips. "Here?"

"No," you answered. His finger traced a line down your neck, ghosting over the marks there. "No." He continued over your shirt between your breasts. "Lower," you whispered.

"Are you sure?" You let a smile stretch your lips, amused at the little game he was playing.

"Lower." His finger dragged to the center of your stomach before he splayed his hand and held your waist. Suddenly your body jolted, gasping loudly. Kyungsoo had moved his other hand while you were distracted, thumb rubbing the same circles he had on your hip over your clothed clit. You whimpered, your gut clenching at the strong sensation.

"Is this where you meant?" Your agreement was repeated like a prayer. "Does it feel better when I do this?"

"More, oh fuck please more Kyungsoo," you begged. "Please let me cum." The last part came out almost as a sob. His movements stopped. The throbbing between your legs was stronger than ever, but you weren't left to endure much longer. His hands held you to his chest. You released the headboard as he guided you away. Your head hit a pillow. By then your chest was heaving with the effort of drawing oxygen into your lungs. Kyungsoo slid your ruined underwear from your legs.

"I did promise to finish what I started this morning," he mused. With that you felt his fingers grabbing your thighs, and his tongue swept up the length of your slit. His mouth came around your clit, a violent shudder running up your back. You bunched the sheets in your hands. Grappling for any sort of grounding object. There was no hope of you lasting for long. Without sight, the suction he added to the quick flicks of his tongue were stronger, amplifying the pressure building in you. It was a dam on the verge of bursting. You couldn't be bothered to control the volume of your voice, groans and whines jumping around on the scale. All your muscles wound tighter and tighter. Kyungsoo worked you in earnest, the slick wet sounds throwing your imagination into overdrive. You pictured what he looked like, head in between your legs, wisps of hair clinging to his forehead as it gathered sweat. A nice sheen was already in place on your body, making the shirt you still wore stick to your skin uncomfortably. You remembered how he had looked up at you through his eyelashes that morning. The way his eyes seemed to cloud over just before his eyelids fluttered closed and he moaned like you were the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted.

The memory coupled with a sharp spike as he very gently scraped his teeth over your sensitive bud careened you into your high. Your back arched off the bed with a broken shout of his name. The pleasure slammed through you at full force, drowning out everything that wasn't the pounding in your ears. Kyungsoo helped direct the waves, making sure you got as much out of your climax as you could. He lapped at your folds, humming. The vibrations triggered aftershocks, forcing tremors to rack your body. The pounding settled to the back of your head, fighting to even out your breathing. He only stopped when your legs began to relax around him. You fell limp, the joints in your fingers aching from the vice-like grip they had on the sheets. Somewhere you registered the sound of crinkling foil and a zipper, but you still jumped when the head of his cock brushed your entrance.

"Do you still need more?" Kyungsoo purred. You licked your lips, fingers twitching with the need to touch him.

"Yes, Kyungsoo," you rasped. "I need you." He pushed into you slowly, groaning in relief as he buried his entire length inside you. Your walls stretched and you reveled in the full feeling. Once his hips met yours he paused. A heavy sigh betrayed his calm tone when it quivered falling from his lips. He shifted, fingers dancing along the heated skin of your thighs and groping up your sides. It allowed you a moment to realize you could feel the material of his jeans he hadn't pushed all the way off. "Kyungsoo," you cooed. He didn't respond with words, but the pitch in his answering hum slid up in questioning. "Can I please see you? Touch you? Anything, just please." You gulped a sharp intake of air when you felt something warm and wet on your breast. Suddenly the fabric of your t-shirt was too rough as he swirled his tongue around a hardening nipple. He worked each of your breasts in turn, the air thinning in your room so you had to take in more. He wasn't saying no, but it also wasn't permission. You were about to beg again for an answer when the words got trapped in your throat. Kyungsoo pulled back until he was on the verge of leaving you empty again then snapped his hips forward. Shocks of pleasure lit up your insides. He repeated the action at an agonizingly slow pace. The effortless glide of his cock going out before slamming back in completely.

The warmth of his hands and mouth left you. The mattress dipped on either side of you where he held himself up. The need to feel his skin under your fingertips was getting to be too much. He hadn't even allowed a single kiss. It was driving you mad. Without giving a damn about the consequences, you blindly searched out for his arm. He said nothing as you followed it up. His muscles jumped under your touch. Your fingers got caught on the sleeve of his shirt he had appearently left on before trailing up the slope of his shoulder and neck. You traced the hard line of his jaw, admiring the way his pulse beat wildly under the surface, and cupped his face. To your surprise he leaned into you, nuzzling your palm before placing an open-mouthed kiss to the inside of your wrist.

Brightness invaded your sight, flinching at the jarring change. After a few seconds you adjusted, all the air leaving your lungs. Kyungsoo was looking down at you with such awe and adoration, wide rich brown eyes sparkling. Hair falling messily around his face, mouth slack, skin flushed red and glistening with sweat. It was vulnerable and intimate. Just staring at him made your heart swell in your chest, throat constricting as he watched you watching him. For the first time you could remember, you weren't scared of being seen. You were in your own little world with him. You never wanted the feeling to fade. Never wanted to not feel as happy as you were with Kyungsoo beside you. You fixed on his beautiful dark irises, flickering between yours, eyelashes fluttering when he blinked. You wrapped your legs around his waist, his movements speeding up as he connected deeper with you, wanting to feel all of you. A whimper fell from your mouth when he found that spot that always turned you into a mewling mess. He pounded harder, jostling you and the bed, headboard smacking into the wall with each thrust. He hooked an arm under your shoulder to hold you still, leaning on his forearm, fingers digging in until you were sure there would be fingerprint bruises shaped into your flesh. Your free hand reached out to his chest, stretching the collar as you bunched the soft fabric. The way his heart thumped against your palm rang through your head as confirmation that he wasn't as composed as he sounded when you had the blindfold on. You were affecting him in a way he didn't like showing, and it made you feel more connected. That you could have impacted his self so strongly that he would break down over you. The cold walls and silenced tongues and hidden perceptions vanished. No more unsure glances. No more 'just under the surface'. No more mysteries.

It started soft. A barely audible grunt that mixed with his labored breathing. The longer his actions persisted, gaze locked on to yours, hips rocking into you in a repeated, sensual rhythm, the more obvious the crescendo in his voice became. The sounds grew longer, moaning like his words were robbed from him and it was the only way he could convey how he felt. How amazing you were making him feel. He was close to coming undone and you ached to see him as satisfied as you were. Even with your own impending orgasm. His eyelids fought to stay open, and then finally, _finally_ he kissed you. His lips were desperate and clumsy, with intense fervor coloring every firm press. He tugged at your upper lip with his teeth, tongue dancing along yours in a rush of movements that made you dizzy. The hand not on your shoulder gave up holding his weight, leaving it all to his other forearm, and came down on your hip. It bridged close to the line of pain, but you couldn't be bothered because he was giving in just like you wanted. Fucking you without reservations. Your hands slid around to embrace him, one fisting in his shirt and the other tangling in his hair, feeling the dampness on the back of his neck from the exertion.

The sounds pouring out from his chest and throat were no longer soft. They ripped at his vocal chords, piercing the air and crowding your eardrums. His nose brushed yours when he broke away from your lips, slick foreheads pressing together. His eyes pinched shut, face scrunching, choked out moans combining with breathless profanities. Your name fanned across your mouth with his straining puffs of air. He sounded so small in comparison to the position he had you both in. You cocked your head and captured his thick lips once more, swallowing eachothers rising groans. Your jaw went slack as the pressure in you burst free unexpectedly. You held on to Kyungsoo for dear life like he was going to disappear, clenching and spasming around him, his name pouring out of you with overflowing praise. Your muscles shook and struggled to handle the strength of the pulses of ecstacy shooting through you. Kyungsoo's body rolled into yours, mouth like an ocean, drowning you. His tempo became erratic before his hips stuttered and he followed you off the edge. Biting out cracked moans as he worked all the tension from his body. With a few more languid thrusts, he slowed to a stop, shoulders and chest rising and falling rapidly as he gasped oxygen back into his system. He started lavishing your neck with lazy kisses, mouthing against the tingling, sensitive skin.

"I told you, you already have me. I love you." Without missing a beat he pinched your skin between his teeth before soothing the sting with his tongue. You sighed pleasantly at the sensation of him creating a fresh mark. Branding the memory of that night in your mind. His grip on your hip and shoulder fell away, palms caressing every inch of skin he could reach, leaving goosebumps in their wake. You felt it creep up on you again; the words that used to be foreign on your tongue. They were becoming less so the last few weeks. Every thought of Kyungsoo was followed by how entirely you loved him. It terrified you at first how quickly you had fallen for him, unable to quell the fire in your chest. Completely and unquestionably, you loved him. Perhaps from the first night you talked to him. Due to the broken trust from his last relationship, however, you had been insecure he didn't feel the same way. He had been apprehensive and cautious with his words around you. He kept careful distance between you to protect himself. Ever since you had hosted his band members at dinner he slowly let his guard down. Each time you saw him he revealed little pieces of his true self, endearing him to you in a way that was equally wonderful, exciting, petrifying, and comfortable. Going into his arms was beginning to be like coming home. His hold always lingered after you pulled away like he was reluctant to go. Not at all like the shy, light touches he used to do. His smile was bright and cheery, warming you. In those times alone with him it was hard to deny the thought that maybe destiny had played a small role in your meeting. That you were meant to care for him that night he was too drunk to remember where he lived. That you were fated to be the person to open up his heart again. Like the universe knew he just needed a little shove.

The fear of unreciprocated feelings died the night he first said he loved you. He had kissed you like no one ever had before, the memory seared into your brain. If you concentrated enough you could still feel the urgency of his lips on yours. As if he had been afraid he was too late. The same fire that had been plaguing you smoldering in his chest, hidden under his own trust issues and insecurities, steadily allowing it to fan into a blaze.

Kyungsoo sat up before you could find your voice again. He left you long enough to dispose of the condom he used and shed his jeans. He rolled you onto your side. No doubt he felt your thighs still shaking some from exhaustion when he intertwined your legs with his. He caged you in his arms, cradling you like he was protecting you from the world. Kyungsoo peppered kisses up your jawline to meet your lips. You carded your fingers through his hair, pushing the damp strands off his forehead. Tiredness was spreading through your limbs. Your thumb stroked along his cheekbone. It was too late for you. You were in far too deep to even consider controling the flames.

"I love you too, Kyungsoo. More than anything." His eyes reflected stars at your response. His smile grew slowly, lips stretching and turning up before parting to show off his teeth. Resting his forehead to yours, his arms tightened around you so you were flush with his body, melding together into one sweaty, sated, blissed out heap of sickeningly sweet touches and affectionate glances. Nothing else needed to be said. Your thoughts had settled in each others chests. A silent understanding. It was peaceful. Everything just felt...right. That was all you needed.


	15. 5 Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You start to understand his perspective more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little sentimental here.

Throwing back the covers, you shivered at the cold. Before you could fully sit up large palms were on your waist, pulling you backwards. You landed with a huff, arms encircling your torso so you were trapped with Kyungsoo's chest on your back. The man behind you groaned tiredly and nuzzled his face in the nape of your neck. His breath cascaded down the curve there, tickling your skin. You felt the vibrations in his chest as he murmered in a small voice,

"Stay." You chuckled under your breath at his cuteness.

"I have work. Did you not hear my alarm? You probably need to go, too."

"Just a little longer." You briefly wondered if you looked back if you would have found him pouting.

"Come on," you goaded, pushing on his arms. He tightened them and curled his legs closer to fit behind yours in defiance.

"I like holding you. Please?" You sighed.

"Only because you asked nicely." Lips brushed the back of your neck. You relaxed, enjoying the closeness.

"Do you feel okay? I was worried I was too rough last night." At his question you took the time to mentally scan yourself.

"My legs are a little sore, but I'm okay. I would've told you if it was too much."

"Good. That's good," he mumbled. Kyungsoo let one of his hands wander, skimming down your stomach. Fingers teased under the hem of your shirt.

"Your hands are cold," you smiled lazily. You braided your fingers with his on your hip.

"That's why I wanted you to stay a little longer," he replied.

"Sure it is." You guided your joined hands up your side to lay against your heated skin. His icy digits began to soak in the warmth. Another brush of lips made you shiver.

"I'm proud of you," he declared suddenly. You laughed, confused.

"What?"

"You were such a good girl last night." His voice had dropped an octave. It was breathy and seductive, luring you in like he'd cast a charm on you. You were entranced by how he went from pouty to provacative in no time flat. Your eyes drifted closed so his voice surrounded you and invaded every thought, solely focused on Kyungsoo. "You took everything I gave you. And so perfectly behaved, too." He placed a deliberate, slow kiss just above the collar of your shirt, tongue darting out to wet the skin. He blew lightly on it, causing it to prickle and a shudder crawled down your spine. "Why do you taste so good?" It wasn't meant to be answered. He sounded like he was talking more to himself than you. Tiny, exposed confessions rolling off his tongue after biting it for so long. Knowing it was safe. Knowing he could trust the soft words to float around in the early morning and not be judged or teased or rebuked. As if you ever would have, but the peek into his thoughts was fascinating. Months and you still could barely read what he was feeling unless he spoke it aloud. "You've driven me crazy since I woke up after my birthday and you served me breakfast. I couldn't understand why a woman who had no clue who I was took care of me like a close friend. You were patient and kind explaining everything to me. When you called me your favorite stranger I thought you couldn't possibly be more interesting. I had so many questions I wanted to ask to learn more about you. It was all so strange, but I didn't feel scared. I keep doing all these things--things I don't normally do." His no longer icy fingers drew random patterns on your side. Hard enough not to tickle, but light enough his nails didn't scrape. He never made big motions either so your hand stayed locked with his. "I gave my number to a stranger then set up a date before I even knew your name. I went on dates in public. I skipped out at work to see you. No matter what happens you keep finding ways to surprise me. I would dream up the next thing that would make me fall more for you during our breaks, but you always found something more creative when I saw you. Acting cute, being ridiculous, being funny, being you. There's not one set way to describe you. I was just pulled to you like a magnet. And then you said you loved me. You said it before and after you found out about my job without a shred of questioning. Like it was such an obvious, incontravertable fact that always existed. I was so overwhelmed w-with these--these urges..." You remembered when you hosted his band members for dinner and he had followed you to the kitchen. How feverish his kisses felt on your throat, pressed up against the counter. How he kept his hand on your knee most of the night. How you caught him staring at you every now and then.

Kyungsoo shifted his hips behind you and you felt his growing arousal. His soft lips dragged across your skin and paused over your pulse. His mouth didn't move away from your throat to talk next, sending vibrations through you.

"I felt all these urges that I tried to deny. To protect you, to have you, to touch you..." Another wet kiss followed by cool breath. With each added sentence you slipped further and further under his enchantment. Your breathing grew shallower, heat pooling between your legs. You were melting; pliant and responsive to his actions. "To kiss you..." With a roll of his hips, he grinded into your backside. His accompanying throaty whine would have been almost inaudible if his lips weren't right next to your ear. "To taste you..." His tongue licked one long line from the crook of your neck and shoulder to where he was before. Your body was buzzing, tingling with pleasure. "Sugar," he whispered with a small nip of teeth and roll of his hips. You grinded back as well. A shaky sigh passed over the slick trail he made, bringing on more shivers. "I'm sorry for teasing you so much these last few weeks. You kept your promises, but I wasn't making it easy. I just needed--" he paused, searching for the right way to phrase it. "I needed to be reminded of something." He chuckled lightly at some unknown joke. "I can't get enough of you now. Can I have you?"

"You already have me, idiot," you joked to lighten the serious mood. He smiled into your neck.

"Then let me phrase my question better." Kyungsoo tilted his head, hair falling to the side. "Can I fuck you against the shower wall?" You moaned happily at the idea, but reality was closing in.

"I don't know. I don't want to be late, and I definitely don't want to have to stop like yesterday."

"Then I'll just have to skip the teasing and go right to fucking you harder." Your breath hitched, eyes opening. You turned your head to see Kyungsoo watching you with heavily lidded eyes, biting the inside of his lip. He raised an eyebrow. He waited with bated breath for any sign you were agreeing. A devious smirk grew on your face.

"Only if I get to leave my own marks on you, too." He jumped away, sitting up, the sudden distance shaking the rest of the trance off. You chuckled at his panicky look. "I'll make sure it's where no one will see, relax." Kyungsoo sighed in relief and pushed his hand through his hair, getting caught halfway in tangles.

"Right, of course. Sorry," he said quickly. His other hand squeezed tighter around yours, pulling the braid of fingers from under your shirt. "Yeah, of course you can. It's only fair. But it has to be coverable by a t-shirt. We have a photoshoot tomorrow." The smirk widened to a smile.

"Then let me get an extra towel for you." Kyungsoo helped pull you up and got off the bed with you. You stumbled slightly on your feet, Kyungsoo catching you by your arm.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just clumbsy." He refused to let go of your hand while you picked out clothes and two fresh towels, but at least he offered to help carry. He observed your morning routine with a half smile. Like he was carrying a secret. Was he amused or just in a good mood? You were never sure.

After gathering what was necessary you dumped the change of clothes by the sink and hung the towels near the shower where you could reach them. Once you had the water heating up you turned to Kyungsoo whose eyes darted up to yours. He had been staring at your ass. You let it go, but laughed on the inside. He seemed almost obsessed with you being barely dressed. It wasn't the same look he would give you when you wore more revealing tops and his gaze would roam once in a while. Not quite as focused as the one he gave when you were totally naked like he was memorizing you. It was closer to the way he watched you yesterday morning; like he was thinking of the different ways to strip and fuck you using whatever stable enough surface was nearby. Maybe he liked the tease of having you covered just enough to be appropriate in front of others. Or maybe not appropriate, but things like lingerie that left that last little bit of someone to the imagination.

Either way, you weren't complaining. You were dating after all, and it made you feel sexy. Especially because his eyes were just naturally intense in normal situations. It made every glance more impactful. Some people say they're windows to the soul. Kyungsoo's eyes were more like canvases; painting his expression of feelings to reflect the situation around him. Reacting accordingly, thoughtfully. They colored his irises and crinkled at the corners. It was rarely a clear picture just like any artists work. Always left up to interpretation by the viewer. You'd spent more time than you would like to admit just watching his mind create new works. They would flicker and sparkle when he was excited, color popping off in changing bursts. You marveled at the strong saturation when he was enjoying food. Longer strokes with a richer pallete twirled around and danced to more abstract concepts and layered with other mediums whenever he talked about music. It was a complex gallery that continuously had you searching for the plaque that held a description. The only ones you'd found were obvious; an upturn of lips, raised eyebrows, a clenched fist, turning to hide his face. Things everyone did.

The one time you were caught trying to decipher his thoughts he had laughed at the confused, determined look on your face. You were walking with him in the park and decided to sit in the grass to rest a minute. Kyungsoo's gaze was fixed out on the long stretches of grass and trees and pathways watching the other people around you. With a hat and mask on you had to squint to glimpse at his eyes, but they were relaxed. Not shining, but not dull. Pastel smeared around to create a softening effect, never staying still as they darted around like he was seeing a whole different world from you. Your best guess was that he was daydreaming, but he could have just enjoyed being out in the sun. You hadn't realized how long you were staring, and suddenly his eyes morphed back to their normal paints, glancing your way, and laughter rang out from his mouth. His shoulders shook, corners of his eyes crinkling. The melodic sound warmed your cheeks and served to make you fall more for the--at that time--handsome stranger.

"What's so interesting? Is something on my face?" he asked good-naturedly. You snapped out of the memory. Kyungsoo was holding back his laughter in front of you in the bathroom.

"Sorry," you smiled and knew your face was red. "Just spaced out for a second. Let's get in." He released your hand. You reached for your shirt, but he stopped you and removed it himself. His smile sagged, eyebrows knitting together in worry. You looked sideways to your reflection in the mirror. A pattern of five small bruises laid out on your shoulder. You immediately knew if Kyungsoo put his hand there they would fit perfectly. The marks that had been purple were yellowing at the base of your neck and chest. The one he had made the night before stuck out on your skin next to the others. You turned your head and confirmed the same handprint bruises were on your hip where he gripped you, but lighter.

"You said you were okay," Kyungsoo muttered.

"I am," you insisted, not letting your grin fall. He licked his lips, but still looked concerned. With a few swift movements he had stripped the last of his clothes off and was pushing you backwards into the shower. The water hit his side and you visibly shivered at the chill of the tile meeting your back. Cupping your jaw on either side, his lips came forward and slid along yours. You opened to him without thought. The gentle, barely there way his hands fell to your shoulders and continued down your arms made you think he was afraid of breaking you. The shift was palpable. His fingers ghosted back up to hover around your biceps. His mouth dropped to your bruised shoulder and said hoarsly,

"I'm sorry for hurting you." Kyungsoo kissed the five fingerprint bruises. "I should've known I was holding you too hard." He liked marking you, but not causing pain it seemed. A strange juxtaposition. It was loving, but struck you as regret more than an apology. You pushed your fingers through his hair and pulled his head up to meet his gaze. Behind his sad eyes it looked like he was beating himself up over it. They weren't focused, dewy, and kept drifting to your shoulder.

The thought floated by in your mind that perhaps he was more scared of taking this step forward than he let on. It would be understandable. As far as you knew the last person he'd told he loved and was intimate with had completely screwed up how his brain handled relationships. That broken trust made people paranoid. It made them afraid. It made them question things they never would have in the past. You had been there for all of it with your best friend years ago. She looked at every new relationship--platonic or otherwise--with a newfound scrutiny. People weren't good until they screwed up anymore. They were unreliable and bound to turn on you until proven good. The worst was to see her self doubt eat at her. To see her unintentionally push others away so she wouldn't get hurt again. Was she being too clingy? Needy? Annoying? Passive? She cared so much about the smallest details. It broke your heart to watch, and it took you years of staying beside her to start building that trust in people back up. That no, it wasn't her fault and she wasn't going to end up living alone with only you forever. That she would find someone even more stubborn who won't give up on her.

So you resolved that you would be that person for Kyungsoo. Whatever his hang-ups. Whether he kept you at arms length for months or thought you were being too much. You weren't going to give up on him. Especially not after that confession that morning. He said he had been reminded of something, and that's what pushed him to do more than kiss you. Whatever that was, it gave him a reason to pull you closer past the doubt and trust you not to hurt him. Maybe that was why he was so worried; instead he had hurt you.

If Kyungsoo had been through anything similar than he hid it well during most moments. But that morning in the shower was not one of them. He was so frightened of screwing up. That you would abandon him because he thought he was being too...too what? Too possessive? That was ridiculous. You were a well kept secret from anyone outside his roommates and yours. The rare times you got alone with him you expected him to do things like this. It was natural to want to show physical affection, and you liked his method. The sentiment lingered on your skin for days after he was gone.

"Kyungsoo," you lilted. "I didn't say anything because I liked it. Don't worry over me."

"Are you sure? But the bruising..." His sentence faded into nothing.

"Don't ever hold back. That's what the safeword is for. I promise I like this. I really love this, in fact." He hummed dejectedly, searching your face for any sign of dishonesty. He didn't believe you yet. "It just shows me how much you want me to be yours." His dark brown eyes flickered to yours with a new sharpness. "And I love being yours, Kyungsoo." When he saw you weren't wavering he kissed you once shortly. Cautiously. When he pulled back you reached a hand to cup his face. He leaned into your palm like the night before, cheek burning. "I'm sorry to inform you that you're stuck with me. No exchanges or refunds." That earned you a lop-sided smile. The kind that starts with a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth, and when he can't hold it in it grows slowly. The kind that made Kyungsoo's whole being light up with a warm glow. The kind that made your heart beat flutter against your ribs. He covered your hand with his.

"Does that mean I'll have to put up with your bad jokes forever?" You echoed his grin and chuckled.

"Don't forget my crazy stories. You know something catches fire in all the good ones. At some point you're going to be part of that."

"Promise?" he replied softly.

"It's inevitable when you're so hot."

"And there's the humor."

"What can I say? I'm consistent." Kyungsoo sighed over-dramatically, shaking his head.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I can think of a few suggestions."


	16. On The Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should have known things were too calm. You could see a storm cresting your way.

The rest of the morning went by in a blur. You finished showering faster than you would have liked. What was satisfying was seeing the brightly colored petal on Kyungsoo's collarbone as he dried his hair with a towel. You liked the way it contrasted with his tan skin, and knowing you were the only two who would know it was there. Once he saw the time reality clicked in and the lazy morning was no more. Both of you got dressed and he ate a quick breakfast while you finished getting ready. When you came out he gave you a piece of toast you would have to eat on your way out the door.

After your morning lessons you went back to the apartment to eat and get your practice in before afternoon lessons. You were amused to find Kyungsoo had forgotten his glasses on your nightstand. They had to be important to have considering they helped him see better. You knew he could get along without them, but it would be more of a hassle, and you weren't sure the next time you would see him was. So you came up with a plan. A sort of half-formed, not totally thought out, shadow of a shell of a plan. Really it was deciding to deliver his glasses, but you didn't want that to be your only reason, thus the sort of plan. You were used to winging it. You literally made a living off of it sometimes playing improv at music gigs. Driving the path you remember taking a few weeks ago after taking a last minute stop, you found your way to where Kyungsoo worked. As far as you knew he was there most of the time. Unfortunately you forgot you needed a code to get in the building, and not wanting to spoil the surprise, called the first member to show up in your contact list.

"Hello?" You spoke tentatively when the call connected. "It's Y/N. I don't know if you remem--"

"Of course!" the chipper voice cut in. "What's up?"

"I wanted to surprise Kyungsoo, but I forgot I couldn't get in the building alone. Is it okay if you let me in? Or at least come get what I brought? I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Hey guys, I'll be right back!" he yelled away from the reciever to someone in the background. He replaced the phone next to his ear to talk to you. A door shut on his end. "What kind of surprise?"

"Mostly food, but I didn't forget about you guys either." There was an audible gasp.

"You brought us food? You are seriously the best." An elevator dinged. "Like actually the coolest. I didn't ask by the way you're in the parking deck right?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Awesome. It's like you have psychic powers. We just finished dance practice and I'm starving."

"They're more like snacks, but I'm glad I'm not interrupting your work."

"Free food is free food," he declared. "I'm almost there. Are you at the door?"

"Yup."

"See you in a second." He hung up the call. You waited with two flimsy plastic bags and not a minute later the door swung open. The boy beamed over at you, dark hair sticking to his forehead in damp clumps, sweat still dripping down his temple. A towel was around his neck, but he had yet to change out of his practice clothes because the baggy shirt was practically drenched, finishing off with basketball shorts and sneakers.

"Hey Baekhyun," you smiled back, stepping inside the building. His lanky arms came around you and hugged you tightly.

"I'm so happy to see you again."

"Me or the food?" He chuckled next to your ear.

"Both." Baekhyun pulled away and started leading you back the way he came. "How have you been?"

"Good, thanks. You?"

"Same as ever. Sehun showed us all that video of your concert. That was amazing. I haven't seen a performance like that since I was a kid. I wish I had gone with them." You both climbed on the elevator. He wiped his face with the towel after pressing the correct button.

"Sehun filmed the concert?"

"You didn't know?"

"First I'm hearing of it. Did he film the whole thing?" He nodded. "I should ask him if he can make a copy for me."

"I'm sure he will." You caught his hand trying to open one of the bags you held and yanked them out of his reach. "Aw come on," he whined. "You're about to give them to us soon."

"Then one more minute won't kill you."

"Pretty please?" He stuck out his lower lip and widened his eyes, hands clasped together in front of him. You rolled your eyes.

"That is so not the type of begging that works on me, but you have squishy cheeks," you replied. "It's cute." You poked one side of his face. His pout disappeared, swatting your hand away.

"I'll rub my squishy, sweaty cheeks all over your face," he threatened lamely. You laughed. The sweat didn't bother you to be honest. He had just been dancing for who knows how long; probably the whole morning. That was going to happen. The elevator opened. Like a switch had been flipped Baekhyun straightened and led you down several hallways silently. A few stray employees breezed past you. As long as you kept a respectable distance they acted like you were invisible. Finally you reached the right door and he let you in, closing it after following you.

Eight pairs of eyes flew to look at you. They were all dressed about the same as Baekhyun with minor alterations. A few wore sweats instead of shorts, and some had tank tops or had already cooled enough to put on a hoodie. Jongin and a guy you hadn't met yet wore beanies. Chanyeol startled a little just from not expecting you. One person jumped ten feet in the air because he was in the middle of changing. Jongin fumbled with his shirt, holding it to his chest while his face gradually got redder. You waved and greeted them while walking closer.

"Hey guys, it's good to see you again." Jongdae pushed Jongin's spare shirt in his face and he quickly pulled it over his head.

"Surprise!" Baekhyun cheered, running up behind you. Chanyeol sighed tiredly.

"What did you do this time, Baek?"

"Actually," you cut in. The group gathered around you. Minseok polished off a water bottle. "This was my idea. I thought I would surprise you." You extended one bag out in their general direction.

"Oh," Junmyeon replied and took it from you. "Thank you." A grin stretched his lips when he opened it, voice conveying more excitement. "Wow, this is perfect right now. Thank you." Baekhyun went to him and peeked in the bag.

"What is it? What is it? Whoo!" He pulled out a strawberry popsicle then leapt at you, almost tackling you in a hug. "Thanks babe!" He jokingly pecked your cheek before taking a few steps away and tearing open the packaging. You wiped your face of the spit and/or sweat he left behind. You didn't care to think about it too much. You decided to address the room while more people crowded around Junmyeon.

"I didn't know what you all liked so I just bought a bunch of different kinds of ice cream. Although there's a fudge one in there somewhere for Chanyeol."

"Got it!" Minseok announced and tossed it to the tall boy across the way. Kyungsoo made his way to you.

"Hey," you said in a softer voice, hoping the mild ruckus beside you while eight people argued over which frozen treat they wanted most drowned out your conversation. Producing your original purpose from your pocket, he chuckled. Kyungsoo slid them on his face. "You forgot your glasses this morning. I figured they were important, but I didn't want to come without a better excuse so." You gestured with your head. "Plus they deserve it. You work all the time. I also brought you this." He took the second bag from your hands and looked inside. "Don't lie," you teased and nudged his arm. "You were a little jealous that I cooked my roommate her work lunch." He smiled affectionately after seeing the plastic containers filled with sauteed vegetables, mushrooms, chicken and rice. "It's one of the few things I can cook so it's simple, but--" You were silenced by him pressing his lips to your cheek. He was gone as soon as he came, but the effect was still the same; you shut up. Glancing around, no one seemed to notice, or didn't care. The exchange was so quick you could have fooled yourself into thinking it didn't happen.

"Thank you. I love it." Kyungsoo flashed you another brilliant smile. "I'll enjoy it as soon as I can." He reached a hand out and hooked two fingers in the collar of your shirt, pulling it aside so he could see the fresh mark of color he left on you. His thumb ghosted over the abused skin, smile simmering to a smirk. He stepped closer, mouth inches from yours. "First I think I'll have something sweeter. You know how weak I am to the taste of sugar." You bit your lip. He knew. He knew how it would affect you and he loved that he could frustrate you so easily. He enjoyed knowing you were left wanting him. Kyungsoo glanced at your lips, tongue peeking out to wet his own, then turned and walked over to pick from the last dregs of slowly melting treats Junmyeon dangled from his fingertips like nothing happened. You took a steadying breath before scanning the room. Some of them had collapsed leaning against the mirrored wall with the rest hovering behind Junmyeon in the middle. Sehun caught your gaze and waved you over. Standing in a circle was Sehun, you, Minseok, Jongdae and the person you hadn't recodnized. All with their chosen desserts.

"Hey you're not blonde anymore," you observed. Sehun pushed his hair back. You weren't sure if it was close to his natural color, but it had been dyed a dark brown.

"Yeah, but I think I'm gonna go back to a more fun color soon."

"Like what?"

"Maybe pink?"

"That does sound fun. Maybe I'll dye mine too."

"Oh, right. You didn't get to meet Yixing the last time we hung out," he spoke like he almost forgot. The ninth member waved shyly and bowed his head in greeting. The jet black hair falling over his forehead from under his beanie, thick lips and sharp jawline made him look more like a model than a singer. Then again the same argument could be made for all of them.

"It's very nice to meet you," he spoke in a gentle, wispy voice.

"It's a pleasure meeting you too finally," you replied with a kind smile. "I'm Y/N. He said your name was Yixing?" He nodded once. "That's a nice name. So are you a singer or a rapper?"

"Singer."

"And a dope ass dancer," Sehun added.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to dinner last time. They told me what happened. It sounded fun."

"Don't worry about it. You're here now. If I remember correctly I was told you would really love my party story." That made a grin crack his shy mask open, chuckling lowly.

"They told me that, too. I can't believe you set a lawn on fire."

"Not on purpose," you countered. "Do you also play the piano then?"

"Yes, and guitar."

"Nice. You're very talented." He averted his eyes and thanked you. You looked up at Sehun. "Before I forget, Baekhyun said you recorded my concert. Do you mind making me a copy so I can hear it?"

"Sure. Give me some time though. We're really busy this next week."

"No rush. I really appreciate it." He leaned his arm on your shoulder, really rubbing in how tall he was. "You guys didn't get in too much trouble for coming did you?"

"Just a lecture this time. How was your girls night out?"

"Wonderful," you scoffed and rolled your eyes. "We hardly danced before my roommate decided she was done for the night. I think we would've been better off going to dinner with you."

"Well that's obvious. I'm the best company there is. Have you met me? I'm more charming than a prince."

"Maybe we can try again sometime Mr. Humble?" you teased.

"Your boyfriend won't get jealous?" he smiled brightly.

"He can come, too. Kind of like a double date." You watched carefully for his reaction to the suggestion. He blinked rapidly, stammering slightly.

"O-oh? A date? Are you sure she would l-like that?" Just as you thought; Sehun was all bark and no bite. It was perfect. You could already picture the endless banter between the two of them, but since his shyness ultimately would kick in he would go at her pace.

"If that makes you uncomfortable it can just be us."

"Uh no. No of course not. Why would I have a problem with that?"

"How hot is your roommate to get Sehun nervous like this?" Minseok chuckled.

"I'm not nervous," the tall boy snapped. "I just didn't think she was interested in knowing us, that's all. She dragged you out of there pretty quickly."

"That had nothing to do with you," you told him. "She thought you were polite, and she really liked your laugh."

"Sehun? Polite? Did you not talk?" Minseok jabbed again. You ignored him and spoke up before Sehun could say anything back.

"Think about it. Invite others if you want. It was only a suggestion." The oldest member went to your other side and put a hand on your shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak, but you only half heard over the stinging where his fingers held you. They were directly over the bruises and his hands were shockingly strong.

"So when are we going to be invited back to your place? You did promise you would cook next time."

"I'll look into it," you answered. You relaxed after his fingers let up, hand resting limp instead. "If you guys can tell me a time that would be best my schedule is flexible."

"I'm really looking forward to it." Taking a step back, both boys let you go.

"I should probably get going."

"Why?" Jongdae piped up, whining. He looked genuinely upset. His lips were stained bright red from the popsicle he was almost finished with. It gave you pause.

"I practice everyday too, you know," you replied.

"Why can't you do it later? We like when you visit us." You cocked your head.

"I...could I guess, but you're at work technically. I shouldn't be here."

"What's going on?" Baekhyun jumped in.

"Y/N wants to leave us," Minseok pouted, much like the younger had before in the elevator. His eyes were even bigger and he batted his eyelashes.

"But you just got here! Stay? Please?"

"I really wanted to invite you to lunch," Jongdae added. Still in that petulant tone. You broke down easily, giggling at the way his voice slid up and down in pitch dramatically when talking. Seeing him so disappointed made you want to get him to smile again. You had to resist the sudden strong urge to comfort him. You failed.

"I'm sorry, Jongdae," you cooed. "I'll stay and eat with you."

"So acting cute doesn't work, but whining like a child does?" Baekhyun asked, slightly annoyed.

"He's not a child," you defended, taking the few steps to stand by Jongdae. You looped your arm through his, hugging to his side. "And he didn't have to act cute. He is cute. Like a cat that needs attention."

"You don't find that extremely annoying?"

"It makes me want to take care of him. Why? Does Baekkie need extra love too?" At your teasing he closed off. It would seem you struck a chord too close to the chest with that one. Turning your attention to Jongdae, his cheeks were dusted pink. "You still want to go to lunch?" He glanced between you and Baekhyun before nodding.

"We can just bring back something from the cafeteria though since you can't stay long."

"Sounds great. Ready to go?" He bit off the last of his frozen treat and hummed his agreement. "Anyone else is free to join us." Kyungsoo strolled over, and you released Jongdae's arm.

"Why not," Sehun shrugged. "Let me get something." He bolted to the wall where a mixed pile of their things were strewn.

"Are you coming?" Kyungsoo didn't answer right away. In one hand was the lunch you made. In the other was a half eaten cone. His tongue dipped inside, using it to scoop ice cream up and into his mouth. You watched as some of the cream got on the corner of his mouth, adams apple bobbing when he swallowed. He wiped away the excess with the pad of his thumb, pushing his lower lip out. He put the digit between his lips and sucked it clean. A person should not look that erotic eating ice cream. It was incredible how a simple look or action from Kyungsoo would have your heart hammering in your chest.

"Y/N?" You whipped around to see Jongin. He had actually come over with Kyungsoo. You shook your head clear so you could focus. Kyungsoo smirked beside you and bit off a big chunk of cone to chew on casually.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said nervously, wringing his hands together. You tilted your head.

"What happened earlier?"

"Uh, y-you walked in and I...I'm sorry. I didn't expect you."

"Oh, you being shirtless?" You scoffed. "Don't apologize for that. It's just your body. Everyone has one. You shouldn't be embarrassed about that."

"Oh...okay," he replied slightly stunned. "I guess I'm used to a different reaction."

"Different how?" He rubbed the back of his neck, not meeting your eyes and mumbled,

"Fans screaming, I guess. I just wanted to make sure I didn't make you uncomfortable."

"Oh," you exhaled. "Well now I feel dumb. I'm sorry for even asking. I forget sometimes. I guess I don't think about it as being a big deal, but not everyone is that way. My roommate always had her anatomy and physiology books around in college, and she still shows me people she's worked on sometimes so it's just...it doesn't matter to me. I mean, good for you that you're fit and all. I'm glad you're healthy, but it's just a torso, you know? I don't understand people who get worked up over it."

"Wait," Sehun cut in. He had returned with a dress shirt over his normal one, but didn't button it. "You forget sometimes? Have you still never looked up any of our songs?"

"Of course I have," you answered. Then added sheepishly, "a few of them."

"Which ones? Did you see the music video?"

"No. Definitely not the music video. I made sure to only see lyric videos."

"So? What did you think?" Most of them were looking at you by then, eager for your opinion. You assumed they only cared because you had been professionally trained in music. They had tons of fans, you were sure, so they knew they were good. You tucked hair behind your ear.

"I only listened to the ones that people said you either composed or wrote yourself. It wasn't a huge spread, but I enjoyed them. Actually, I did listen to two songs not written by you. "What if" and "My Answer". The first one I really only liked for the lyrics. The backtrack was pretty generic synth which is fine since you're a pop group. The other I liked the piano. It was very empty orchestration, but it pulled the focus to your voices and the sentiment behind it which I think made it more emotional. Your voices are all really nice." You smiled bashfully at the various grins that earned. "They all blend together very well, and I'll admit to getting a little emotional while hearing some of the cluster chords you used. I know logically you all told me you're singers, but it still amazed me how beautiful all of you sounded."

"So which was your favorite?" Baekhyun questioned you. You didn't hesitate to answer,

"Oh, 'Promise', by far. The lyrics and the composition were heartwrenching. I actually got chills with Jongdae's high note at the end of the bridge. I'm not even sure if it was falsetto, but you could hear the back space in your voice really clearly which was impressive. I guess your the groups go-to descant guy. If I had to critique something it would be that that run would've been the perfect spot to modulate up a half step." Somewhere in the room you heard someone whisper,

"Told you so."

"You could really feel the love that was put into that song. It had a lot of soul to it, and the way it ended? Amazing. No resolution, strings and piano, that effect that made it sound like the music was being closed off suddenly? I really love that song."

"But you didn't listen to more?"

"I don't..." You started over. "I'd rather stay away from that stuff."

"That stuff?"

"Idol stuff," you elaborated. "I don't want to see your stage personas. It feels wrong somehow. I'm very proud of all of you; you're extremely talented and hard working, and I admire that. It's just, I know you as you and it's weird to see otherwise. If that makes sense."

"I guess," Sehun agreed. The others nodded and mumbled similar things.

"Chanyeol," you called to divert topics. The tall boy looked over at you. "You haven't said much. You're coming to eat with us right?"

"Uh yeah. Sure." You made a sweeping gesture with your arm.

"Lead the way." His returning smile was awkward and forced.

A group of you went down to get food and returned to eat away from the hordes of other employees. Everyone except Minseok formed a circle on the floor. He had disappeared at some point. You were sandwiched between Kyungsoo and Jongdae. You had only gotten a piece of fruit and some instant noodles while the other members got more substantial meals. Spotty conversations picked up to fill the silences between eating. You sifted through your mind for a decent conversation starter while slurping up some over-salted noodles. The main goal being to have a relaxed conversation with Chanyeol at the least. He hardly spoke to you still, and when he did it was awkward and clipped. It was like he was afraid of talking to you. Afraid of saying the wrong thing you would understand, but avoiding you all together was starting to take its toll. Until the night with the misguided kiss he had been fun and bright and joyful. You missed your friend. You missed having that relationship where outsiders could mistake you for siblings because you were so close. Not only in the sense of friendship, but also demeanor. You liked the same things, laughed at the same lame jokes. When you were still kids you even had some of the same mannerisms. You were nostalgic for his company. You wished he still barged in to your apartment to watch a movie like he lived there with you. It was an odd feeling of homesickness. It was difficult to pinpoint why you still craved his attention, but there he was sitting a few feet away and you couldn't help wanting him to close the distance. Even if it was a simple joke or inquiring about your work. You just wanted your friend back. He was one of the only ones you had. One of the few strings that tied you to a world outside of your work. Cut them all and you would be back where you were at the beginning of college, every thought consumed with music in one way or another, isolated and overwhelmed. It wasn't until your first roommate dropped out and you found your current one that you were forced out of your loneliness to experience the world. She pushed you like Chanyeol used to and prevented you from burning out. Those experiences reflected in how you played because you were feeling a wider spectrum of what it was to live, and could convey that to audiences no matter what music it was. It molded you into the person you became. Your friends made you into a better person. Without Chanyeol, even though you were only reunited for a few months before things went south, it felt like something vital had gone missing.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a hand on the small of your back. The light touch made you shiver and look up from your food. Kyungsoo held up a piece of chicken pinched in his chopsticks. You opened your mouth without thinking about it, and he fed you the morsel of meat. He smiled gently as you chewed. It was delicious, but considering it was one of three dishes you knew how to cook--therefore had cooked hundreds of times--it had better be decent. Kyungsoo's hand left to pick up the container holding the stir-fry you made and continued eating. The small gesture had your cheeks feeling warmer. Every time you thought you were understanding him better he did something like that. Always without explanation. It was infuriating and wonderful never knowing what he was thinking. Granted that morning he had confirmed thinking something similar about you so after he went back to eating you brushed it off as best you could. Ever since you entered the practice room he had been trying to fluster you. You were certain he was doing it on purpose, and you wouldn't give yourself away too much. If he knew how easily he could wrap you around his finger you didn't want to imagine how much he would tease you. It was bad enough knowing yourself if he wanted to pull you aside and fuck you at work you would probably give in embarrassingly easily. Letting him know that? He would probably pull you aside just to get you to beg then leave. He had a crazy amount of self control. When he did something it was thought out and performed with intent. Pretty much your opposite in that regard. You went with spontaneous gut feelings and took things as they came afterward in a way that made others think you were more assured than you were. Together you were a good balance, challenging eachother to be more.

"Ah shit," Junmyeon exclaimed across the circle, staring at his phone. He glanced your way while typing. "Sorry, Minseok just texted saying the manager wants some of us to see him before going back to practice. Something about the photos tomorrow." He got to his feet and shoved his phone in his pocket. "Baekhyun, Jongin, Jongdae, come on. When we come back the rest of you should go check in just in case so there's no confusion."

"We're never gonna get time to spend with Y/N," Jongdae complained. "It's not fair Kyungsoo can see her whenever he wants."

"I'm sure he sees plenty of her too," Chanyeol grumbled under his breath. You still heard it though, and you swallowed down your irritation. No one else had picked up on his words. The four members who were summoned shoveled in big mouthfuls of food before standing to follow Junmyeon.

"Hey," you called. You caught Jongdae's wrist. Once he looked down at you you let go. "You guys know I'm only a text away right? Unless I have rehearsals or a concert I'm free at night. I'm always more than happy to have you over for movies or something."

"That's very generous," he replied. He was much more serious. "But I was just complaining about now. We couldn't steal you from Kyungsoo like that."

"Steal me?"

"Your time," Baekhyun explained. "We hardly get time alone to date. We don't want to keep you from being together. Why did you think we were so happy to see you today?"

"That's really sweet and thoughtful of you guys."

"Says the woman who just surprised us with ice cream and cooked Kyungsoo lunch," Yixing threw over with a smirk.

"Come on, guys," Junmyeon insisted. Baekhyun gave you a quick, slightly awkward hug, then sprinted across the room, the four boys saying their thanks and farewells. When they were gone the room was much quieter. You looked between Chanyeol and Sehun.

"So that's why I haven't seen much of you guys?"

"And we stay busy," the youngest provided. "Why do you think I dragged Chanyeol to your concert with us? You should just come eat lunch with us every day."

"I don't know about that," you laughed nervously. Chanyeol was sulking, eyebrows furrowed, refusing to look at you. "I'm usually working and I'm obviously just getting in the way now."

"How?" Yixing questioned, mouth half full.

"Well, because..."

"It would really lift our spirits," Sehun told you.

"Your schedules are almost always erratic," you refused. "And I'm sure you don't need me to distract you."

"Baekhyun feels the same way, I know it. I think he actually listens to you. And Jongin's finally talking to your face."

"Leave her alone, Sehun," Chanyeol cut in dryly. Your gaze darted to the tall rapper. He was annoyed. Well, he had been the entire time you ate, but now he was speaking up. He picked at his last crumbs of food, glaring at his plate. "If she said no then the answer is no. She has a life outside of us."

"Not much of one," you joked. "But thanks for understanding." His response was a short hum. Only enough to acknowledge he heard you. "Chanyeol, are you...are you okay? You've been acting weird since I got here." His hand curled into a fist then opened again, words clipped when answering,

"Fine. Don't worry about me."

"But you are worrying me. Did something happen?"

"Like you actually care," he spat. You felt his words like a slap across the face. He shoved his empty plate to the side where they decided to make a trash pile to pick up later, the bag that had ice cream in it their recepticle.

"Of course I care, Chanyeol. I hate seeing people upset. Especially when those people are my friends. I'm just trying to find a way to help--"

"Well stop it," he seethed. Chanyeol sounded huskier. His voice trembled in his throat. You knew that tone. He was either about to explode in anger or break down in tears. Funny how often those two emotions went together. He got to his feet, and you noticed his hands were shaking as well. His eyes met yours only for a second, but it was long enough to see the pain lying there; the flaring embers. You prepared yourself for his outlash, knowing when he got worked up his furosity brought forward a darker side to the typically gentle giant. You would let him yell at you until he had drawn all the poison from inside him out. He normally bottled his anger, and when he was clearing his system he would spew venomous words until he burned himself out. Usually there's a grain of truth, but when he snaps he can't seem to control his tongue and small annoyances pile into monumental wrongs. Hiding his expression beneath his bangs, he gestured violently to add emphasis to his raised voice. "And for fucks sake you're not even trying to be subtle, Soo. Get a room if you can't keep your hands off her for one goddamn minute. I'm sick of watching you drool over her every fucking time you see her. We get it. Go fuck her in your own time."

"Whoa there," Sehun tried to calm. It didn't work. Chanyeol got louder, preventing Sehun from speaking anymore.

"No! I'm done with it! I'm done with this! I'm going back to work!" He turned on his heels. You panicked. You couldn't just let him go stew in his anger alone. There was more bothering him, but you felt helpless to do more than call after him. He yanked the door to the room open and threw a hateful, "stay the fuck away from me," over his shoulder.

Then he was gone.


	17. The Passing Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty Chanyeol is very angsty. Super brief mention of explicit things.

All the air left your lungs.

"How could he just leave like that?" You jumped up from where you sat. Your feet were automatically carrying you to follow Chanyeol, but Sehun's voice slowed your pace.

"He'll calm down on his own, Y/N. Give him some space."

"Maybe, but he doesn't have to be alone. I'm sorry, I need to help him. Excuse me." You flung open the door to the hallway and turned where Chanyeol had disappeared. You caught a door further down shutting and went there first. It was a practice room, you recodnized, but much nicer than what you were used to. The walls were soundproofed properly and the piano in the corner didn't look fifty years old. Sure enough there he was. Pacing angrily and swiping at his eyes.

"I said to stay away," he bit through his teeth. The crack in his voice betrayed him. "I can't see you right now."

"Well try raising your head," you quipped light-heartedly. Wrong approach. Chanyeol halted in his tracks and something snapped. He swung his fist out with a shout and despite the thick foam padding it connected with a painful thud to the wall. His back was to you. You were stunned by the sudden fire to his next words, shaking with emotion.

"I don't care what you do behind closed doors! You can fuck eachother all you want! You can suck his dick all fucking night! But don't bring that shit here! I know you like being a whore Y/N, but learn to keep that stuff private, and learn it now cause I'm sick of seeing this bullshit!"

"What did you just call me?" you asked, daring him to repeat himself.

"I said you're a disgusting, shameless whore. How do you think it feels knowing that one of my best friends is fucking the only woman I've--?" His voice tightened and cut off the rest of the sentence. He took a few uneven breaths to gain his control back. You didn't expect him to care about your sex life. You didn't expect him to even know you had slept with Kyungsoo. The man standing grew more frantic, whipping around to face you, his glare burning a hole straight through you. "Huh? How does it feel?!" His vocal chords were dragging across sandpaper, barely containing the twisted knot of emotions that made it harder to speak. "I thought we had something special! I thought we would be together forever, Y/N! We promised we would always be together! Do the years we were inseperable mean nothing to you? Am I that easy to throw aside and forget?! Is fucking Kyungsoo that much fucking better?! Do you scream his name like you used to scream mine? Swear you're his and only his? Do you beg him to bend you over and fuck you harder? Do your hands hold him against your body and kiss him until it feels like neither of you can breathe? Do you pull his hair when his oh-so-beautiful, perfect heart-shaped lips are on your cunt?" After an agonizing pause Chanyeol sneered; taking the quiet as his answer. "You're still the same pathetic bitch you were in high school. It's all just fucking lies. Whatever comeback you're about to say--why don't you do what you do best and swallow it." You crossed your arms over your chest and spoke as calmly as you could, but the underlying tension was still there.

"I know you don't mean any of that, Chanyeol." He took a step forward, towering over you, challenging you. You held your ground, catching his eyes. They were shiny, brimming with wetness. His chest rose and fell with strained breaths, fists curling by his sides, tensing up in a weak attempt to hide that he was shaking like a leaf. You sighed softly and gingerly took up one of his quaking hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. I promise I never meant to upset you. You know I would never intentionally hurt you. Please come back to me, goofball." All the rage sapped from his body in a rush. A sob cracked his throat as he blinked and tears streaked his cheeks. He collapsed to his knees and choked out,

"I'm sorry," before you were joining him and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. His hands fell limp at his sides, hiccuping gasps interrupted by his tight, raspy voice. "I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm not mad at you. I'm such an idiot." You tried shushing him, petting the back of his head.

"You're not an idiot."

"You should hate me. I'm being a dick. You should both hate me. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't be upset if you punched me. It's what I deserve."

"I could never hate you, Chanyeol," you replied as kindly as you could. "Stop thinking so negatively about yourself. I understand you didn't mean to snap. You needed to vent your anger. I'm here while you calm down. You're going to be okay. Whatever is bothering you I promise it'll be okay. I know it hurts, but you have to remember to take deep breaths. I'm here for you." At your assurance he let himself dive into the deep end. Face pressed to your shoulder, the cries came in earnest. His hands came around to clutch at your back, fingers digging in the fabric. Clinging to you like you were his only hope of coming back up for oxygen. "Everything is gonna be okay, sweet thing." You began rubbing a hand up and down the sobbing boys back in a soothing gesture. Chanyeol could do nothing but whimper and wail despairingly for several minutes.

The whole ordeal made your heart ache. Seeing Chanyeol cry was never an easy thing, and you hated that you were the cause of it. It reminded you of when you first broke up. You avoided thinking about that day. The memory was laced with too much confused pain. He was moving away so you knew it had to end. Both of you knew. With it being the last year of high school neither of you would be able to visit the other often, and you had committed to yourself that Chanyeol wasn't the guy you could picture staying by your side for happily ever after. You loved him, but you hadn't been in love with him. That fact didn't make it any easier to say goodbye.

The night before the moving truck took off he stayed at your place like he always did back then. He was already at the tipping point of breaking down when he snuck in to your bedroom, but his fervent, desperate kisses had your head spinning. He pressed you into the mattress and held you so closely you thought you might suffocate. Chanyeol was always a passionate person. When he wanted to do something he committed his entire self to it. It was a strength and a weakness sometimes. His large, rich brown eyes were wild when he stared down at you, flinging his shirt off his torso. He quickly undressed you, drinking you in and storing the memory of you layed out beneath him. His thirst and his hunger were unquenchable, and you recodnized it. You silently helped him finish stripping and let him take what he yearned for so completely. You gave him what he needed in those last hours together. You could still remember the way the moonlight made his pale, sweat slicked skin glow as clear as if you were watching a movie. The coarse, drawn out moans that flowed out of his lips. How amazing the slow build was as he used deep, languid thrusts so you felt every inch of him; rolling his body into yours with the easiness of calm ocean waves. The kind of comfortablness that could only have come from time. How Chanyeol hid his face from view and breathed wonderfully bittersweet words hotly against your ear. Things you weren't able to say back.

"We can find a way."  
"I'll wait for you if that's what you want."  
"There's nobody else I'd rather be with."  
"Please don't say goodbye."  
"Please. Not forever."  
"I'm so in love with you."  
"I'll always love you, dove."  
"I'm yours. Completely and always."

The knot in your throat tightened. You remember running your hands over an atlas that you had mapped with your fingers countless times before. You followed every curve and dip and blemish, and did your best to sooth the hurt. It never would have been enough to slake his desires. Nothing short of you giving yourself wholeheartedly to him would have satisfied the gap that you were leaving in eachothers lives. When you voiced the inevitable goodbye it became real for the both of you. After spending your entire lives together he was leaving, and you'd probably never see him again.

Yet there you were almost a decade later. The same hollow, constricting pain in your chest. The same desperate, overwhelmed person in your arms. You gingerly cupped Chanyeol's jaw and urged his head up a little. Enough to wipe the salty trails from his face. He bit his bottom lip harshly, refusing to look up. He blinked, but you caught the new tear with your thumb before it fell past his cheekbone. Chanyeol released his death grip on your shirt. Your hands went to his shoulders. His breathing was evening out.

"Take your time," you whispered. He nodded and sniffled, running the long sleeve of his hoodie under his nose. He took a few minutes to calm the well of tears from spilling over anymore. He still wouldn't look up.

"I don't want to love you," he breathed. You stiffened. "I don't want to feel this way."

"Don't say things like that."

"I hate myself for not being able to move on."

"Definitely don't say things like that," you insisted.

"I should be happy for you. I try to be," his voice croaked, still raw from sobbing.

"I know."

"The worst is seeing how perfect you are together. You deserve so much more than me. You deserve Kyungsoo. You're just so fucking happy together and it kills me."

"You don't have to tell me, Chanyeol. I know you're trying." He ignored your offer.

"Why couldn't I be that for you? Why wasn't I enough? You told me we could work as friends and I tried so hard to believe that was true cause I couldn't lose you again. I tried so fucking hard to support you. I'm the poor bastard who fell for you anyway. I guess that means I'm still just the pathetic little boy who fell in love with his friend who never really loved him back."

"I didn't know you were feeling this way all this time," you whispered. "I'm so sorry." Chanyeol lifted his head, eyes red and puffy. His trembling hand raised weakly, grabbing the collar of your shirt and stretching it to expose the new and fading bruises. He huffed out a humorless laugh and mumbled,

"I knew he was fucking you when he didn't come back to the dorms the last few nights." He poked the newest mark, bringing back the dull throbbing. "This is so confusing." You waited for him to explain. "I'm glad that Kyungsoo is finally trusting in his relationship with you, and you're happy, but then I want to be the only one who's that close to you." Another poke. He watched your skin change colors and fade back. "Because you're the only one that's been that close to me." He released you altogether and swiped at his eyes and cheeks. "I've caused you enough trouble today. Kyungsoo's gonna be pissed you came after me alone. You should find him."

"But you're obviously not feeling better yet."

"I'll find someone else to hug me," he smiled forcefully. "You should be with Kyungsoo." You still hesitated to leave him. His mouth was saying one thing, but there was a warm kind of longing in his eyes. The kind of look someone gave when they were lonely and didn't want to burden others. You brushed his bangs away.

"I don't want to just leave you like this. Tell me how I can help you. Please Chanyeol, you're such a big part of my life. I miss having my friend around."

"You don't need to take care of me anymore. I wanted things to go back to how they were too, but they can't. Not ever. I'm sick of trying to pretend like it doesn't bother me, and I can't be close to you without wanting more." You gazed forlornly as he turned his head away. He was right. It was realistic. That didn't make the sting any more bearable.

"Does this mean I'll never get to see you? Do you think we'll ever be friends again?"

"I don't know. I can't always avoid you, but right now it's...it's too much."

"Chanyeol--"

"Seriously, go." With a light push you let go of him. He fell back so he was sitting against the wall, knees pulled up, hanging his head. "I promise I'll be fine," he added when he noticed you hadn't moved. He wiped his nose on his sleeve again. You stood and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm sorry. I want you to be happy, too. I'd do just about anything for you to see that happen. You should know that." So you didn't risk saying something wrong you exited the room. The door shut quietly behind you. Turning to walk back to the dance practice room you entered to find some of the members had returned. However, Kyungsoo was missing. Baekhyun came bounding over before you had a chance to say his name.

"Is Chanyeol okay now? Sehun said he yelled at you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...I think. Do you mind--I mean I think he would appreciate having a friend right now. Can you please go to him?"

"Sure, of course. Why'd you leave?"

"He doesn't want me there. Where's Soo?" The boy shrugged.

"Where's Chanyeol?" You pointed.

"That way, last room on the right. Thank you, Baekhyun."

"I'm sorry your visit ended like this, but I hope we can see you again soon."

"I hope so too," you smiled politely. He waved and left the room. You quickly searched out Sehun and went to him. He had a knowing look on his face.

"Kyungsoo left," he told you right off. "Don't tell him I said this, but he probably went back into his practice room. Turn left out of here and go around the corner. It's first on the left. He looked pretty upset."

"Angry upset? Or sad upset?"

"I don't know. He just seemed in a rush to leave once you ran off."

"Thanks. I'm really sorry for causing all this trouble."

"Just go find your boyfriend," he griped. One side of his lips turned up. You flashed him a grateful smile and walked as quickly as you could to the door Sehun described. Your hand hesitated over the handle. Instead you knocked. A few moments later it swung open and Kyungsoo stood there.

"Can I come in?" you asked hesitantly. He stepped aside. You entered and he shut the door behind you. The room was the same size that Chanyeol was in, but instead of a piano a desk with a computer and microphone took up the furthest wall. There was an electric keyboard to the side, but it still felt cozy.

"I'm glad you could detach yourself from Chanyeol long enough to say bye," Kyungsoo muttered bitterly. He strolled around and stood in front of the two chairs tucked under the desk.

"He was crying," you argued. "I was trying to comfort him."

"How far did that go?" he bit, eyes cold. "Am I about to hear he kissed you again?"

"Of course not," you replied while doing your best to stay calm. "We hugged then he told me to leave because he knew you'd be angry."

"I'm not--" he stopped himself. His voice lowered. "You shouldn't be alone with him."

"Because you don't trust him? Or you don't trust me?" No response. "I was really hoping you had more faith in me after this morning." Seeing your disappointment made him cast his gaze away. "I'm doing my best to be patient with you, Kyungsoo. I'm taking this at your pace, and that won't change, but just...how many times do I have to prove you're the only person I want to be with? A dozen? A hundred? Because I will." His eyes shot up, wide with shock. "I'll prove it as many times as it takes." You took a step closer and held out your hand. "I'm sorry for staying alone with Chanyeol that long. We only talked, and we agreed it's best if we don't see eachother for a while. He doesn't seem to be over me yet, but he's happy that you're happy with me. He's really trying his best to respect that. You are, right? Happy?" Kyungsoo blinked a few times, stock still. Slowly, you placed your hand on his shoulder and took the last step to close the distance between your bodies. You pressed your lips to his gently. As you began to drift away a hand came around to the back of your neck and pulled you in to a longer kiss. His soft, thick lips framed yours easily. You didn't think you'd ever get used to his unexpected outbursts of passion. He left you in a state of dazed serenity.

"Of course I'm happy," he said with a slight smirk. "How could I not be with the most amazing, understanding girlfriend with me? I'm sorry for being so paranoid. You were just being kind. I want to trust you."

"That's all I need right now. Thank you for talking to me about it instead of staying quietly mad. The best way to fight things like this from happening is communication. As dumb and corny as that sounds." Kyungsoo nodded before wrapping you up in his arms.

"I like dumb and corny," he replied. "I like you, don't I?"

"And my jokes?"

"Let's not get too carried away." You laughed and he released you. "Thank you for lunch, by the way." He smiled sheepishly. "I really enjoyed it."

"Maybe next time I see you I'll try preparing something else."

"Actually, how would you feel about me helping?"

"With cooking? I'd love the help. I just thought you would want to relax after work."

"Cooking is relaxing."

"That's your opinion," you replied, earning you a chuckle.

"Come on, then. I'll walk you to your car."


	18. Not Enough Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's getting harder to cope with his busy work schedule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is fluffier than the summary makes it out to be.

It was high school all over again. Chanyeol was cutting you out. In his mind if he couldn't be with you, then he couldn't stand seeing you at all. The heartache was still too much. His absence had taken its toll on you the last couple of months. You would inquire about how he was doing literally every time you talked to the members, and they would always give you good news. You suspected it wasn't all true, but you had hope that he would return to being your friend soon. Then you invited everyone for dinner and a movie when they finally got an afternoon free. Except Chanyeol didn't show. Junmyeon said he was feeling too tired. It was bullshit, and only confirmed your suspicions, but you couldn't force Chanyeol to come. He would go at his own pace. You trusted Baekhyun and some of the others when they said they were encouraging him, but it didn't seem to be enough.

That wasn't your only problem. Your other glaring bit of drama still festering showed itself in its entirety after the other members left. It had been snowballing ever since Chanyeol's episode. It finally manifested in the form of a very petty and jealous Kyungsoo. All throughout the months he would try and hide it, but he wasn't one for subtlety. If Chanyeol entered conversation he would listen closer for your answers. If he had been particularly on edge or stressed the next time he visited would be filled with hours of his mouth and hands claiming you, biting and clawing at your skin, demanding his name from your lips. When someone got a little too close for his liking he would come to your side, always maintaining his touch on you somehow. At first you didn't mind. A hand on your lower back or a quick kiss to your forehead while you visited him at work for lunch was harmless and sweet. For whatever reason having all of them over for dinner at once triggered him to be greedier. He glared at any of the boys who hugged you or teased you. His hand never left your thigh during dinner. The one time you attempted to move it you wrapped your fingers around his, but he held on tighter. You paused when you saw he was gazing at you with such a heartfelt smile, and caved in to him. He followed you every time you went into the kitchen insisting he help with refilling drinks or doing dishes. When you all gathered to watch the movie he sat with his back against the front of the sofa on the floor and pulled you down on his lap. Some of the others teased Kyungsoo about needing a blanket to hide where his hands might wander. You would never forget how he dipped down to that obscene tone you had only ever previously heard when he was dominating you. That low voice that crackled, drenched with salacious promises.

"If you don't want to see it then keep your eyes on the tv." The room was stunned into silence as the film started. No one was brave enough to push back on Kyungsoo. His lips pressed fleeting kisses to your neck, brushing your hair away. You did your best to pay attention to the tv, but then his palms glided up your thighs, one stopping dangerously close to your center, the other sneaking under the hem of your shirt. His teeth lightly scraped your neck and you fought the urge to lull your head to the side and moan, goosebumps rising on your skin. You covered his hands with yours and moved them to hold you around your middle properly. He listened for the time being, resting his chin on your shoulder. As you got further into the movie he got bolder and your tolerance wore thinner. A bit of voyeuristic teasing can be fun, but he was trying to get under your clothes directly in front of all of the other members. Stealing the occasional glance around, your face heated the few times you caught them eyeing the pair of you awkwardly. They all watched at some point. Some in mild disbelief that Kyungsoo would be so shameless like Junmyeon and Yixing. Some slightly judgemental like Sehun and Jongin. Others with the oddest hint of interest and uncomfortableness like Jongdae, Baekhyun and Minseok. Minseok less uncomfortable and more encouraging weirdly enough. Not in a pervy 'I like to watch' way, but the one time your eyes met he had smirked. He scanned your situation with Kyungsoo toe to head. At that point he was latched on to the side of your throat and his fingers played around the waistband of your pants. Minseok arched one of his eyebrows up suggestively and nodded minutely as if silently saying, 'Good for you' before returning his attention to the movie. Jongdae, the sweet boy, had immediantly whipped his head back around with a new pink tint to his cheeks like he had been caught watching porn or something. Baekhyun was...well, his reaction was different. Your eyes caught his as he stared openly from the chair beside the sofa. Instead of turning away his dark eyes lingered, licking his lips when Kyungsoo teased his fingertips between your breasts then down your stomach before massaging your inner thigh. You were paralyzed; mortified but turned on at the same time. Then Kyungsoo was whispering in your ear.

"I think Baekhyun is enjoying this a little too much, don't you agree? He needs to learn his place. I think they all need to be reminded that I'm the only one who can get this close to you." Baekhyun shifted in his seat, gaze flickering down to follow Kyungsoo's other hand as it dipped under your shirt again. That time he pushed the line too far, the fabric raising with his movements. That snapped you out of it. You managed to shake your head clear and jumped to shove his hands away from you as fast as possible. Without looking for his reaction you maneuvered to sit beside him instead, knees pulled up to your chin. He sulked the rest of the movie, but at least none of the others were giving you shifty looks. You waited until everyone else said their goodnights and left your apartment to confront him.

"Okay, you've been acting childish all night," you began. His behavior was starting to annoy you. "I've been ignoring it, but you took things too far during the movie." Kyungsoo scoffed, standing in front of you by the entrance to your apartment.

"I've been childish?" he replied indignantly. "I'm not the one playing dumb to get more attention."

"Excuse me?"

"Like you didn't notice them flirting with you all night."

"No, I didn't," you argued. "I thought they were being polite and nice. You know, friendly? Is that not allowed? You're the one who was practically groping me in front of them all night."

"They shouldn't have been getting that close to you," he spat back.

"Hugs are too close?"

"It's not the hugging. It's what they do after." You sighed, exasperrated, and calmed your voice down. Now you were getting somewhere.

"And what's that, Kyungsoo?"

"Compliment you," he grumbled. Kyungsoo glanced away like he was embarrassed, some of the bitterness leaving his tone. "Look at you."

"I know Baekhyun and Minseok can stare a bit, but they don't mean anything by it. Plus you instigated it tonight."

"It's more than those two. And it doesn't look harmless to me. It's too similar to how Chanyeol would act."

"Why does that make you so jealous?"

"It's the way he would look at you," Kyungsoo admitted sourly. "Like you're the loveliest person he's ever seen. Like you're his favorite thing in the world." He shifted his weight to his other foot. "Chanyeol doesn't see you anymore, but there's still always someone taking your eyes away from me. And you've always looked back like I don't even exist; like all that mattered was them. Chanyeol and now the others. I just want to be the only one you look at that way." You think your heart melted a little. You chased off your bad mood and embraced Kyungsoo.

"I'm sorry," you told him sincerely. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and shoulder, arms coming around your middle. "I never meant to make you feel like you were less important, but you also need to understand I can't give you all of my attention all of the time. That doesn't mean you matter any less to me. It's good to have some space every now and then. You know, have other friends to hang out with so you don't go insane." Kyungsoo took a deep breath.

"I want to be selfish and keep you all to myself."

"I know, but it's not healthy."

"That doesn't stop me from wanting it, though."

"Oh sweetheart," you cooed. His arms tightened around you. "No amount of others trying to flirt with me, or the number of friends I make, will change how I feel about you. Or how strongly. You have to know by now you're already the only person on my mind no matter where I am. I promise I would never leave you." You kissed his temple and pulled away enough to see his face. He was trying to hide his pout, biting on his lower lip. "I'm not just saying that to calm you down. I mean it."

"I'm sorry for acting like that and making you uncomfortable. It was innappropriate. I'm trying to be better."

"It's already done," you replied dismissively and shook your head. "I know you meant well, and your friends are understanding. It's okay." His arms fell away the same time yours did. You gestured with your head further into the apartment, urging him to follow you. Once he stepped inside your bedroom you started stripping. He shut the door and watched with gentle, warm eyes as you changed into comfier clothes. You smiled and turned to pull on a pajama shirt. Warm hands came around you from behind, bunching the fabric hanging on your frame, lips on the nape of your neck, a deep voice in your ear.

"I need more of you."

"I'm right here," you said quietly, heat creeping up your face.

"I'm tired of only seeing you once a week. Twice if I'm lucky. We're always in a hurry. It's never enough time." Kyungsoo spun you around, irises shining in the reflection of light in the room. "Move in with me." Your natural instinct was to laugh, eyes wide.

"What?" He was serious, unwavering.

"We'll get an apartment together. Just the two of us. Then I can see you every day." You opened and closed your mouth a few times, but the words weren't forming, unable to fully comprehend what he was asking. "It'll be perfect," he insisted, a small smile playing on his lips. "No band members with zero sense of privacy. No roommates' schedule to work around. No more ridiculously early mornings for me to commute. A space just for us to be together." Kyungsoo took up one of your hands and braided your fingers together, holding it to his chest. His smile grew, though it was more nervous. "We'll find a place with thicker walls so you can practice at home, and a proper kitchen where I can cook for us, and teach you more recipes."

"Home?" you repeated in a whisper. The idea that you could have a place to call home with Kyungsoo stole any eloquency you could have. Home was a safe place. A comfortable place. Somewhere filled with loved ones who support you and stay by your side through everything. Where you could always be yourself without worrying. Home was something you hadn't really experienced except in more vague terms. Like saying home was wherever the person you loved was at. Never a physical place with four walls. But that's what he was offering; to create your own private world together away from the pressures of his job, your stresses, everything. Kyungsoo licked his lips anxiously and steeled himself, fingers squeezing yours. He nodded.

"Home." Those positive bullet points didn't come out of nowhere. He wasn't the type to throw this out on a whim. He had been thinking about this for who knows how long. You were sure he had planned how to ask down to the letter. If nothing else then so he didn't come off uncertain in any way. It was just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity.

"You've probably already thought out answers to any argument I could make, right?" you replied to try and lighten the heavyness that settled in the silences between. Kyungsoo chuckled softly.

"Probably."

"So what about your manager? Doesn't he want you to stay with the others?"

"I can talk to him. He already has an idea that we're dating."

"What about my roommate now? I can't just leave her alone."

"That's up to you, jagi. I won't force you to do anything."

"How can you possibly keep this quiet from everyone? Won't some news site notice you're living away from the rest of the group? And what if they see us together?"

"Paparazzi are annoying and invasive, but they're not Sauron," he laughed. "They can't see everything."

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just worried. I don't want to cause you any trouble." His smile sank a little. "That's not a no," you added quickly. "I just want you to be sure, and I need me to be sure, too. A lot could go wrong. What if it turns out we tried to move too fast? What if we're not ready?"

"What if we stay stuck as we are? Is that any better?" His rebuttle silenced your immediant worries. It sounded exactly like something you would normally say. He was taking a leap of faith. Telling you indirectly that the risk was worth it. That you were worth it. "I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't 100% sure," he declared. "I love you, and I want to be with you as much as I can. The idea that I could wake up next to you every morning..." Your heart raced, blush deepening. Those intense eyes hadn't left your face once. His lop-sided grin fought to keep from spreading wider. "Well, that's not such a bad thought, now is it?" Your gaze went to your joined hands and stammered,

"I-I need time to think. You've obviously put a lot of thought in-into this, but this is the last thing I expected tonight."

"No, you're right." He realized how much pressure he had just been putting on you. He kissed the back of your hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so used to you making fast decisions, but this is bigger. Take your time." You nodded and smiled gratefully. You had a lot of thinking to do. Kyungsoo gave you a chaste kiss and let you go. You sat on the edge of the bed while he changed into the clothes he had started keeping at your place when his nightly visits became more regular. Dazed and distracted, you watched with his back turned to you. It already felt so normal. You imagined what it would be like to see him every day like this; domestic and relaxed. Your things sitting on a shelf next to his. Hearing him humming random tunes in the morning, while cooking, or simply walking around. Falling asleep watching movies together. Running after him before he could leave because he forgot his glasses again. Coming back from rehearsal to find him sitting on the couch or against the headboard with a book. Arguing over whose turn it was to do the dishes, or him finding out the chaos your room is always left in before you leave for a performance. Discovering his weird or annoying quirks.

Kyungsoo joined you on the bed and you both crawled under the sheets. He held you from behind, curling up against you with an arm draped over your waist. You gingerly placed your hand over his on your stomach. His fingers spread so yours fell naturally between them and held on. With him you were always more peaceful. Laying in his arms, as cliche as it might sound, was where you felt the most safe. As his breathing started to match yours you smiled to yourself. He was right. Waking up like this every morning wasn't that bad of a thought. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For reference I went back to estimate the timeline in case anyone was confused. As of the end of this chapter they've been dating approximently 8-9 months.


	19. Thinking Out Loud*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think y'all deserve a smut break.

"Thoughts?"

That was the caption you put under the message you sent to Kyungsoo. Two and a half painstaking weeks of mulling it over and discussing with your friend about Kyungsoo. She was moody about it. Sad at first, then ecstatic you were getting along so well, then upset again because her best friend was leaving her. You told her it wouldn't make you two any less close, but she knew better, and honestly you did too. That was the biggest hang-up. Your schedules were already so unsynchronized, and without the dusk and dawn chats you had every day it was going to be harder to see her. You talked it out logically with her.

"Answer with the first thing that comes to your head. Forget everything else," she had prompted. "Do you love me?"

"Of course," you grinned, laughing a little.

"Have you loved living with me?"

"Also obviously yes."

"If I were to say I wanted my partner to move in would you still be hesitating to go?"

"...no...not as much," you admitted.

"There. See? I want you to be happy, hun. Say yes to the handsome bastard. I've seen the way he looks at you when saying goodbye in the morning. I can get along fine alone honestly. I never really needed a roommate for rent purposes. You better visit often, but you're always welcome back."

That was that, really. You didn't have to worry about your friend, you had a good feeling about it. To top it off you held fast to your logic that if you have to debate on doing something or not for too long then you already know the answer. It's never failed you before. You agreed to move in with Kyungsoo. You weren't surprised when the timing was horrible. They were leaving on tour. For two months. Of course.

You chose to view the silver lining. It gave your current roommate time to transition, and gave you time to apartment hunt and plan out the details. That way when he returned you could check out the ones you liked best in person. Kyungsoo would exchange listings with you in his rare spare time. Typically while eating. He had been giddy at first, but for once you were the one pulling him back towards reality. He had never been apartment hunting before so the minutiae was lost on him. It took a week of you sending him links to better prospects for him to start grasping what to look for. Searching by area, price range for one bedroom versus two, were utilities included in that, is there laundry in the unit or in a seperate communal area, was there designated parking spaces, etc, etc, blah blah blah. It was monotonous, but research was crucial to find a decent place so you weren't ripped off or stuck somewhere that turned out to be poorly managed. Been there. Not doing that again.

However, the aforementioned text had nothing to do with that. You decided you were missing him a little. A lot, actually. So you shot a short clip while wearing lingerie. It was meant to be a surprise for when he returned, but that went out the window rather quickly. It was all black, stockings held up by a thin, almost all sheer garter belt. The matching underwear and bra were decorated with lace. You liked this set when shopping because of the bit of optional flare you wore. A delicate, slightly elastic ribbon that circled your throat like a necklace. Only where the pendant usually sat on a necklace the ribbon continued in a straight line under your bra between your breasts to a small loop where it could be unhooked at the top of the thong. It gave the illusion everything was connected. So you pulled on one of Kyungsoo's shirts he left behind and set up your phone camera. You stood in front of a mirror, recording your hands gently gliding up your body while taking his shirt with it in the process. You swayed your hips and turned your torso slightly as well so it really showed off how good you looked. When the piece of clothing was close to your chin you giggled and dropped the material then stopped recording. It took you a few tries to get a video you were satisfied was sexy enough before sending it.

When your phone told you it sent succesfully you changed back into regular pajamas. Kyungsoo would be performing so you didn't see a point to keeping it on. It took several hours for him to reply. By then it was the middle of the night and you were close to falling asleep when your phone began ringing. You pushed yourself up on a forearm, squinting at the bright screen when you picked up the phone from your nightstand. Upon seeing his name light up you wiped the fatigue from your eyes and flopped back on your pillow. You cleared your throat before answering so he didn't worry he was waking you up.

"Hey Kyungsoo." You did your best to sound cheerful. "How are you?" His deceptively mellow, deep, almost breathy voice sent chills along your skin.

"You know damn well how." He sounded far too calm for his biting words. "Did you think just because I'm busy with touring you could get away with teasing me like that? Do you understand how close the others were to seeing that video?" You smirked and replied innocently,

"It's been so long since you played with your pet. I was only letting you know I'm thinking about you." He sighed quietly into the reciever. "It's getting really hard to be good."

"I know it is, jagi. Only two more weeks."

"Did you at least like my outfit? I was going to surprise you, but I got excited."

"Of course," he answered flatly.

"What did you like about it?"

"Jagi, I have to be awake again in five hours. Can we please save this for when I come back?"

"I meant it when I sent that text," you complained. "I want to know what you thought when you saw the video." A long pause. You chewed on your bottom lip anxiously. There was a heavy click like a door shutting and fabric rustling on the other line.

"Use your imagination." How could he be so frustrating? It was an easy question. All he had to do was say you looked sexy. That's all you wanted. If he was going to be stubborn then you would just need to try harder.

"Okay then, I'm imagining you were on your hotel bed. You replayed the video a few times, but you couldn't stop yourself from getting turned on. After all it's been just as long for you unless you've been bad, and I looked sexy as hell." That earned a soft chuckle. The bright sound chimed in your ear and made your chest ache to be with him in person. "Maybe the tightness in your pants got too uncomfortable so you decided to call me to distract yourself. Although you said the other members almost saw it so maybe you were riding back to the hotel when you checked your messages. In that case I can see you blushing and trying to hide your phone. I wonder if you got hard and had to try and cover it up. You are adorable when you're flustered, sweetheart. You get all fidgety and giggly, and your face goes all red. I think you were so frustrated you tried to palm yourself a little bit and got caught. It would explain why you sounded so irritated when I picked up."

"That's some imagination," Kyungsoo breathed. "Totally wrong, but creative."

"Then tell me the real answer. Please?"

"You are something else," he muttered. "Alright, jagi. You want to know what really happened when I saw your message?"

"Please," you repeated.

"Junmyeon needed to borrow my phone because his ran out of charge, but when I saw your message I had to snatch it back and make up an excuse so he'd go away. On our way to the hotel I couldn't get you out of my head so I decided to call you when we arrived." He paused briefly. You thought that was the end so you opened your mouth to speak, but he continued at a lower volume. Slower; so that you heard every syllable clearly. "I kept imagining what it would be like to rip that little outfit off before fucking you until you lost your voice. It looked like you had on a fucking leash. I wanted to pull you down to your knees so you could fix the problem you made. The one thing you got right? I am currently sitting on the hotel bed."

"Alone?"

"Did you think I'd speak to you like this in front of the other members?"

"Not really, but you're making this so difficult." He took the bait.

"What is?" You trailed your fingertips down so your hand rested on your lower stomach.

"Trying not to touch myself while you talk." His breath hitched. You smiled triumphantly and settled back into your pillows. "You know how much I love your voice, Soo. It makes me want to misbehave."

"Don't you dare," he growled back. "Only I get to touch your pussy. And only you can touch my cock. I don't care how needy you get. Those are the rules, pet."

"Maybe I'm tired of your rules," you purred. It was the first time you were actually trying to shift the power dynamic. You'd disobeyed before for the fun of it, but you never took full control. Not being able to see him made you bolder it seems. And the fact it's been over a month since you were together. You might have been a bit desperate.

"How disappointing to hear. Don't you still want to make your sweetheart proud of how well you follow orders?"

"What's the harm if you're on the phone with me? You're still involved. Wouldn't you like to listen?" The gap of silence was too long. You slipped your fingers beneath your underwear and hissed softly at the sudden stimulation. A fire lit inside your gut, eyes falling closed. "I'm so wet already Soo," you sighed. His sweetness vanished, replaced with a huskiness that you've come to recodnize as Kyungsoo trying to hide how his steely, calm composure was crumbling.

"Take your hand away," he ordered. "Do it now and apologize."

"No," you answered. You couldn't help the smile that formed at the thrill it gave you to hold some of the power. "I don't care anymore. This feels too good. Should I use my creative imagination to picture you're the one here touching me? Will hearing me moan your name make you realize how much I miss you? How much I miss those hands, and that mouth, and that gorgeous cock." You took a trembling breath, voice lowering to become raspier. "I miss the way you play with my pussy, master."

"Disobediant little brat," Kyungsoo gritted through his teeth. "You know how much I hate that name." You moaned happily.

"That's right, sweetheart. Tell me how bad I'm being. Scold me so I'll listen to you." A throaty groan hit your ears through the phone. You began pumping your fingers in and out of yourself, breath coming more shallow. It wasn't near as good as having his fingers. His were thicker than yours, soft from never building calluses playing guitar or working a more manual job, and they could reach deeper so they curled into just the right spot. You did, however, hold a very vivid imagination. So the pleasure you felt wasn't lacking. There was another rustle that came through the speaker paired with a huff of air.

"Fuck," he whispered. "How can you be so selfish? You don't think I'm just as frustrated? It would've been so easy to get off before now, but I wanted to save everything for you." His voice strained. "Only you."

"Are you touching yourself right now?" you teased. He moaned quietly, breathlessly. The phone speaker was thinning the sound through the static over the line. It was just a hair off from how his voice actually sounds like. It sent another jolt of heat through you, and you squirmed against the sheets, spreading your legs wider. "So much for sticking to the rules, huh Kyungsoo?"

"Shut up," he snapped. "You have no idea how hard I've been ever since that stupid video. Teasing me with that outfit and that pretty, perfect skin, waiting for me to mark it all over again. You couldn't have waited just a little bit longer. I think I've spoiled you too much. You need to learn better patience." He must have changed something he was doing because there was a small whimper that was cut off, voice snagging in his throat. You remembered he was in a hotel so he was probably trying to stay quiet. When he spoke again his pitch was higher, tone almost pleading. "It hurts." That was a problem you were glad to fix. You were getting closer, fingers speeding up a little as some of your muscles started tensing. You did your best to not sound as breathless as him.

"How are you on the bed?"

"Laying at the end. Feet on the floor," he panted. The new image of Kyungsoo in a hotel room, phone pressed to his ear, bucking his hips up into his hand, hair sticking to his forehead, was more than enough fuel. The fire in your gut stretched and spread.

"Close your eyes and picture I'm there. What would I do, Kyungsoo? How am I touching you?"

"You're teasing me through my boxers," he struggled to answer. "Hand running up and down my cock."

"Do you want more? Or are you going to keep being stubborn?"

"More."

"Put me on speaker and take off your pants," you exhaled shakily. The sound quality lessened, but somehow you were able to hear more. The a/c was rattling in the background. You heard the distinct sound of a zipper. He huffed and grunted softly while fabric scratched and wrinkled over the reciever. "Did you listen?"

"They're off," Kyungsoo sighed pleasantly.

"Take off your shirt, too." The break was shorter that time. He hummed in questioning, waiting. "Stroke your cock nice and slow for me, sweetheart."

"Fuck your hand feels good." He sounded winded already.

"Run the other hand up your side and play with your nipples." You moaned as you switched to circle your clit. "You're doing so good for me, sweetheart." A sharp intake of air overcame the static on his side.

"Shit. You're gonna make me cum too early."

"As long as I can hear it."

"You're so naughty today." You weren't sure if he was annoyed or aroused by that fact.

"I can't wait to see what punishment you'll give me."

"Plural," he replied. "Punishments."

"Tighten your grip and go faster. Then scratch at your skin and pull your hair." Your quick orders didn't disappoint. You knew how to exploit what he likes. He sucked in a trembling breath and whimpered. "Does that feel good? Do you like how I'm touching you?"

"P-please...it hurts so fucking bad."

"What hurts, Soo?"

"Y-you..." He started over. "I do. I hurt. All over. It's been too long. It's so difficult not to cum." He was attempting to say it without saying it. That just wouldn't do.

"Be direct, sweetheart, or else I won't understand how to make it better. Where does it hurt the most?"

"My cock. My fucking cock hurts and my thighs are burning. Is that enough?" he practically begged. "Pulling my hair isn't working. It's just making me want it harder." His breathing grew louder and more ragged, drowning out any other noises in the background. Kyungsoo groaned angrily. "I'm fucking lightheaded, sugar. It's so fucking hard and slick from my precum and you're fucking around to amuse yourself."

"That's right..." you pretended to recall. "You said you were saving yourself for me. Do you think now's a good time?"

"I'm so ready for you, jagi. So ready to make a fucking mess everywhere. Anywhere you want it. Fucking take it all I can't--say it. Please say it."

"You want to cum with me, sweetheart?" The only answer you got was a whine. "Cum on my stomach. Ruin my pretty, unmarked skin. Give me what I want, Kyungsoo." He choked out another, more depraved whine. His panting grew louder, catching on every inhale and exhaling quickly in an attempt to prevent being too noisy. He sounded wrecked and you drank it all in, admiring how easily you could make him like this when you tried. In between one of his gulps of air he whispered your name reverantly. You felt it like a gentle carress across your cheek. Eyes shut, your mind conjured the tingling sensation of his breath down your neck as if he was beside you, and it pushed you over the edge. Your grip on the phone shook as you arched off the mattress, falling on the pillow by your head. Your moaning triggered his release. He sounded far away and muffled, groans fracturing and tapering off into tiny, simpering mewls while he worked all the pent up frustration from his body. You eased yourself down before putting the phone back to your ear, satisfaction settling in your bones. You called his name softly.

"Sugar," he crooned tiredly. His rough, rich voice made your stomach do flips. "Thank you."

"Do you feel better?" He simply moaned, still trying to catch his breath.

"You sounded really sexy. Fuck you're amazing." Finally, you thought. He called you sexy. "I tried to keep myself quiet by biting my arm, but it really stings. How do you put up with me?" You laughed softly. Rolling to your side, you reached out and grabbed a pillow to hug. It was dark, but since your eyes adjusted you could see clean across to the window on the opposite wall. No body to block your way hogging all the covers and constantly moving around in his sleep. A weight pressed on your chest, so you curled more in on yourself. You really were missing Kyungsoo more than you thought. But he didn't need to hear you mention it all the time. He couldn't do anything about it, and you wanted to be as supportive as possible.

"Is it as big of a mess as you thought?"

"Yeah," he replied. You heard the smile in his voice. "I missed this feeling." A small hum and an overexagerrated smack of lips. "You would love the taste."

"Fucking tease," you muttered.

"See? It would've been better if we had waited. Then you would be able to see me."

"You could take a picture."

"I'm not that simple, jagi."

"I can hear your smug smirk," you shot back, making him chuckle. "You should probably clean yourself up so you can get some rest." More rustling and you recodnized the little moan he made while stretching. It sounded clearer. He must have taken you off speaker.

"In a minute."

"Whatever you say. Just don't neglect your sleep. I'll talk to you again soon."

"Wait. Hold on." It went silent for a solid minute or so before he called your name in questioning.

"Yeah?"

"Don't send any more videos. Please. I don't think I can take it."

"Alright. I promise. I'll wait until you come back."

"Good, because when this ends we all get four days off in a row, and I don't think we're leaving bed."

"Four days with just you? Sounds like heaven," you agreed.

"I can't wait to see you again, jagi."

"Same here. It's lonely without you."

"Don't worry. I'll be back soon, and then we can move somewhere where I can make sure you're never lonely."

"You're such a sentimental dork," you grinned. His chuckle chimed through the phone again. You halted your farewell when there was a muffled, shocked shout on the other end of the call. A door slammed shut.

"Fucking at least put a sign on the door or something!" a new voice grumbled. "Jesus christ, Soo. You're usually more discreet about this. Miss Y/N much? You look like a hot fucking mess. Here's a towel. You shower first."

"Sorry jagi," Kyungsoo said to you. "Jongin came back. I need to go."

"Th-that...s-she was..I'm so sorry," the other boy stumbled over his words. You could practically hear his face getting red. "Please tell her I'm sorry. I-I swear I didn't mean to interrupt. If I had known I-I never--"

"He's funny when he's embarrassed," you mused.

"She doesn't care," Kyungsoo relayed. "We're done anyway." You snickered at his candor. You loved how blunt he was. It was part of his charm. Then he was back to talking to you. "Goodnight, jagi. Rest well."

"Sweet dreams, Kyungsoo."

After hanging up you got a message from him. Tapping on the notification, a video was downloading. You played it and immediately thanked every entity in existence you were alone. Kyungsoo was zoomed in too far as usual, dark hair falling away from his face and jutting out in odd angles, forehead shining with persperation. He had a full face of makeup on. You were taken aback at first. He almost didn't look like him. His tiny blemishes and moles were covered and smoothed out, contouring tricking the camera into making his cheeks appear thinner. Shimmering highlighter swept across his cheekbones, and his eyes were much more prominant on his face. A thin line of eyeliner and precicely applied eyeshadow was smoked out to bring out his natural eye shape. His lips looked glossy and pinker than usual as well. You didn't have a lot of time to take it in, but it wasn't bad. Just...unexpected. The camera zoomed out, and you bit your bottom lip hard. The frame cut off at his navel, but you swore you felt your heart stop working for several seconds. His entire chest and stomach was smattered with his release, angry red marks clawed into his flesh randomly from his short fingernails. One line of liquid by his ribs was cascading down his side about to stain the overstuffed white comforter on the hotel bed. He used his free hand, starting at the 'v' in his hips. The camera was unstable, but you caught the irritated horseshoe teeth marks on his forearm. The pads of his fingers dragged slowly up his torso, smearing a few of the erratic, crooked lines. Up his heavily rising and falling stomach, over a nipple all the way to his clavicle. Halfway up he stretched and arched his back towards the camera. Staring transfixed while his skin pulled taut over muscle and bone briefly, a trail near the bottom of the frame crept upwards before he eased back onto the bed. The white contrasted his tan skin in such a tantalizing way. It did not help in the least that Kyungsoo had sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and was watching the camera. It was relaxed. Lazy almost, but the intimacy of it made it seem less pornagraphic. You were less lusting after him and more just in awe that he could do something like this at all. It was so outside his normal comfort zone. He must have been delirious from lack of sleep, you reasoned. As he brought his hand to his mouth, what had gathered dripped once on his chin before his tongue could go out and lick the stickiness from his fingers, an obscene moan falling past his lips. It was juxtaposed in his own perfectly strange way with those owlish, innocent eyes. They twinkled with amusement as his hand dropped tiredly onto his chest, uncaring of the steadily drying mess covering himself. He must have muted his mic to record this while you talked. The corner of his mouth quirked up, and the video ended. The message beneath:

"Thoughts?"


	20. Mutual Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking out apartments feat. a surprise visitor.

This place isn't well maintained. Well that other place had a bitchy manager. There was the one a little further away that was perfect, but that would defeat one of the main purposes of getting a place together.

When Kyungsoo returned from tour he had collapsed into your bed and slept for twenty hours. You let him rest, but he was determined to go out with you on his second day of time off. So you went and visited a few of your favorite prospects around town, but nothing was turning up.

"We're not going to find an apartment that has everything," you reminded Kyungsoo. "What's your number one, can't live without it, condition?"

"It has to be close to work," he answered resolutely.

"Alright. That means it might need to be a studio."

"Isn't that just a nicer way of saying everything is in one room?"

"Pretty much, but it's expensive near your work."

"What's your 'must have'?" he questioned back. You paused to think, looking outside the front windshield of your car. You were parked in a covered deck with several other vehicles.

"Clean, I guess," you answered. "I just want to know the landlord actually cares, you know?" Kyungsoo nodded once. He linked your fingers together on the center console.

"We don't have to rush this. If you'd rather wait that's okay."

"No, I want to. It's just..." He waited expectantly. "There is a few more places that could work, but the lease contract minimum is a year and there's a ton of contingencies. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea."

"You mean you aren't sure we'll still be together in a year," he corrected. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at your guilty expression. "And I'm the one with trust issues."

"I don't mean it like that," you argued. "Okay maybe a little. I'm just trying not to be too impulsive. Ask any of my close friends; they'll tell you I've always put too much blind faith in people. The first apartment I lived in was awful. Plus my roommate ditched out early without warning. I lost a lot getting out of there. It was a bad situation. I don't want to be stupid and get in over my head." He squeezed your hand once for reassurance.

"You're not stupid, and this is nothing like back then. I can't believe I'm the one having to encourage this. It's starting to sound like you doubt you want to do this anymore."

"That's my stress talking," you replied defeatedly. "I don't mean to come off that way. I hate being an adult."

"That I can understand. Let's go look at one of them at least. If it doesn't work then we can put off apartment hunting for a while. After, I invited Minseok to dinner with us."

"You did?"

"He's a really intelligent guy," he replied with a shrug. "I thought he could help. He's also very persuasive when he wants to be and wants an excuse to escape the dorms for the night."

"Okay," you agreed. "If you want to then we'll go. Let me find the address."

A few hours later you were being seated at a restaraunt. A bit more than a family place, but nothing to get dressed up for. As per custom when you went out in public Minseok had called ahead and asked for a booth in the back so there was little chance of them being recodnized. They sat on one side while you settled across from Kyungsoo on the other side of the table nearest the edge. Kyungsoo you were used to wearing regular clothes, but you had never done anything social with Minseok outside of your apartment. In fact, thinking about it, you hadn't seen any of them outside of work or movie nights besides Baekhyun. That was only when first meeting him. Minseok had a more elegant style to him. His crisp blue button-down and black slacks made him look ready for a date. It also matched his maturity well, you decided. It didn't age down his face as drastically as some of his other clothes. If you didn't know him you would have thought he was a successful business manager or something.

"So did you have any luck?" Minseok beamed brightly once your drinks were ordered. His smile infected your mood and eased some of your stress. That was probably your favorite thing about him. He has such a strong presence that he can affect most peoples' moods just like that. If he's happy, you suddenly cheer up. If he's annoyed you feel the need to shut up so you don't make him angrier. You had never seen him sad, but you imagined it would be difficult to bare. He was an authoritative force. Either that or you're just severely empathetic.

"I think so," Kyungsoo answered without looking up from his menu. "The last place we saw was great."

"I think it's good, too. We just need to be careful," you added.

"Why's that?" Minseok appeared genuinly interested.

"She's worried about all the clauses in the leasing contract."

"That's pretty standard for any decent apartment building," the older boy commented.

"Maybe. I don't know," you said.

"Are they unreasonable?"

"No, but there's a lot."

"Did they give you a copy? I can look at it."

"That's really kind, but you don't have to. You're busy enough as it is."

"I'm totally free for the next two days."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Why?"

"Well cause...cause you're you."

"And?" he prompted, arching an eyebrow quizically.

"I guess I figured you had a girlfriend you wanted to visit." Minseok chuckled at your answer. "Boyfriend?" He continued showing an amused smile. You looked down at the menu and added sarcastically, "well excuse me for thinking someone as charming and handsome as you has a significant other."

"You think I'm charming?" the boy teased.

"Don't even start," you warned good-naturedly. "Kyungsoo is sitting right next to you."

"I know. And his girlfriend just admitted she likes me." Your head shot up.

"That is not what I said."

"But it's what you implied. What did it for you? Was it my beautiful eyes?" He batted his eyelashes playfully and you had to laugh. He was trying to get a reaction out of you.

"Alright, I get it. You can stop joking now."

"You know I'm just teasing, right Soo? You know me."

"I do," he confirmed.

"Soo never has to worry about me hitting on you for real."

"Okay..." you replied slowly. "Now I'm curious. Care to explain?"

"I'm not exactly a relationship person."

"Ah, you're a fuckboy."

"That's such a negative word."

"How about a guy that sleeps with any pair of legs that breaths?" Kyungsoo cut in dryly, looking up from his menu. You tried to hold in your laughter while Minseok pouted.

"Not everyone finds one person they love, okay? It's not like I fuck everyone I flirt with."

"You're just trying to spread the love then, I take it?" You meant it as a joke, but his smile returned.

"You get it. I make people feel attractive. It boosts them up to get attention from someone like me. How is that bad?"

"Someone like you, huh?" The waiter returned and you all ordered. He left behind your drinks. When he was out of sight again Minseok leaned an elbow on the table to get closer. That shit eating grin still plastered on his face.

"Do you really think the night you met Kyungsoo would've been the same if it was one of the other members?" He was so confident it made you want to hit him, but you also wanted to listen more. No wonder Kyungsoo said he could be persuasive. "I know if it was me--"

"Don't. Go there," Kyungsoo interrupted.

"All I'm saying is this conversation would be completely different if you had met me first."

"I probably wouldn't have met Kyungsoo, so yeah."

"That's true, but you would have had a few mindblowing weeks to remember." That made you laugh.

"Someone thinks highly of himself."

"That's a compliment to you, babygirl. You deserve more than a one night stand."

"I also technically met Chanyeol first."

"Yeah you messed him up pretty bad. Can't blame him. You're amazing, and he has a soft heart."

"Not like you?"

"Not like me," he replied with a wide smile and a quiet laugh. "You're pretty cool when you're focused on one person. This is really fun, Soo. I don't think I've ever gotten to talk to Y/N for this long before. I see why you fell so fast. She's--"

"Not yours to talk to alone," you cut in. Kyungsoo bit the inside of his lip when you turned your attention to him. "What do you think about Minseok's boasting?" He held your gaze while answering.

"His preferences are an aquired taste."

"There are plenty of people who like having a daddy," the boy next to Kyungsoo argued. You froze momentarily with your drink halfway to your lips, processing that he had actually said that out in public. You sipped while Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant, and please be more appropriate around Y/N."

"You're one to talk," Minseok scoffed. "A little birdie told me you got rather frustrated on tour and needed to call Y/N for help."

"That's not your business."

"Neither is my dating life. Now we're even." He looked smugly over at you. "You understand the irony, right? Soo is probably the second or third kinkiest out of everyone."

"Next to you?" you replied.

"Next to Baekhyun, actually."

"So glad I know that now."

"How about we change topics before I hit Minseok?" Kyungsoo said lowly. Minseok clicked his tongue.

"Touchy touchy. Does she ever get so jealous?"

"No."

"You should try relaxing."

"Minseok," you said firmly. His smile sunk. "For the record, I like that he's protective over me. Don't talk about things you don't know anything about." The older boys wide eyes flickered between Kyungsoo and you a few times before relenting. He chuckled weakly to try and brush it off.

"From the looks of it Soo's ready to jump your bones after that little statement. I think our Kyungsoo has a thing for fealty." The man mentioned stared at his glass with a sudden newfound fascination, fingers running up and down, smearing the condensation forming. You needed to divert the conversation.

"Back to our original topic. I think if Kyungsoo likes the last place we saw then we'll go for it." His eyes shot up to yours, one side of his mouth lifting.

"Really?" You smiled back kindly.

"Really really."

"I thought you were undecided."

"Well I decided I'm thinking too much about it. It was a great apartment. We should go for it."

"That means so much, sugar." You felt your face heating up at the use of his nickname for you in front of someone else.

"Congradulations," Minseok grinned. Appearently he didn't notice or didn't care to comment. "You're finally making an honest housewife out of Soo." That earned him a punch on the thigh that he laughed off.

The waiter materialized with your food, and the three of you began eating. Minseok tried to keep conversation up by telling you various stories from their tour. You politely nodded, listening, and chimed in every now and then so he didn't think you were uninterested, but otherwise sat quietly. Partway through your meal you noticed a tall woman in a chef's uniform walking around and chatting with a few of the tables. You watched her out of the corner of your eye, silently hoping she didn't come your way. She would ask if you were satisfied with everything to which you would feel obligated to grin and exagerrate how delicious it was. It was good food, but you'd rather not have Minseok's storytelling interrupted by some stranger. You swore chefs only did this to stroke their own ego anyway. It's not like you were dining on fine french cuisine or anything spectacular.

No such luck was had. When her gaze drifted to your table her feet started walking your direction. You swallowed your food and took a sip of your drink in preparation. Minseok halted his story when she stopped beside the table. Her short jet black hair was tucked behind her ears and stood out against her pale skin, slightly plump cheeks squishing like Minseok's as she smiled. Glancing down you couldn't help but think how beautiful her filled out figure looked in that uniform. She looked like she belonged in it, exuding power. You assumed she was the head chef.

"Well look who found their way in to my restaraunt. Long time no see, Kyungsoo." Wait. She knew him? Was she a fan? You looked to Kyungsoo, but he was far more startled than you. His back had gone stiff as a board, eyes wide and wavering over her features. Minseok was in the midst of shaking off his own shocked expression and put a hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder as it morphed into something hard and disgusted.

"I didn't realize they let snakes in the kitchen." It was like he hoped if he put enough poison into his words they would kill her. Her smile simmered to a smirk, glancing your way. Her eyes studied you then went back to the other two.

"Is this your new neglected piece of work?" Kyungsoo clenched his jaw, but remained paralyzed. It didn't take much work for you to figure out this was his ex. An unfamiliar sensation bubbled up in the pit of your stomach as it sank in. This was the woman who made Kyungsoo suffer so much. Who pulled out all his insecurities by pretending to like him and then sleep with someone behind his back.

"I highly recommend you walk away, she-devil." Minseok's tone suggested something violent, and the tension hung in the air. "Go find someone elses soul to buy."

"I just wanted to come say hi," she replied in an obviously fake sweet voice. "The new girl is pretty." Her gaze swept to your side of the table again. "She must have the patience and temperment of a saint to handle this quiet prude. That's not just his charm, you know. He really can't stomach anything mildly adventurous or unchivalrous." She had some gall to waltz up to you and act like she knew anything about him. The sensation grew, balling your hands into fists under the table. The woman took a step closer to Kyungsoo and held his chin with her fingertips. "You were always such a sweet boy, weren't you?" Her thumb ghosted over his bottom lip and his mouth parted slightly. Kyungsoo nodded minutely and that flaming tangle boiled just under the surface of your skin. It was like he was under some fucking spell where that woman was the only thing he could see. Like his sole purpose had suddenly become to please her. His gaze hadn't strayed from her face once since he saw her, and it bothered you more than you'd care to admit. His eyes were glazed over, and he remained still as a statue. Minseok was stuck in disbelief. "You've gotten even more handsome since I last saw you," she lilted.

"Thank you," he whispered back. He wet his lips, and something cracked inside of your chest. You had tried your best to be understanding. You had compromised where you could with his worries and little spouts of jealousy, giving extra attention to him when you noticed him slipping in to himself. You comforted him and listened to him and loved him. You kept your heart on your sleeve, bare and vulnerable to continuously prove yourself. He had your complete and utter trust without trying. You never even thought to consider Kyungsoo was capable of hurting you.

There was your blind faith again. The consequences were directly in front of you. Anger and sadness and helplessness knotted together and made it almost impossible to think straight. That woman was bending over to bring her face closer to his. You saw him take in a big breath before exhaling, trembling as it spilled over his lips. She spoke up once more in that sickening tone.

"I've missed feeling these perfect lips all over my body. Do you remember those long nights we'd spend together?" He nodded once without hesitating. Red encompassed everything and you snapped, standing abruptly. You grabbed her wrist too tightly and yanked her hand away so it was between you and her as her posture straightened.

"Don't fucking touch him," you seethed. Even you were surprised by the rawness of your voice, shaking as the words sizzled your tongue. "Don't talk to him. Don't look at him. Don't even think about him." Her laugh made your skin crawl. It only infuriated you more.

"So the saint does talk. Tell me then, how long has he been holding out on you? You don't look like his type."

"You hurt him," you replied, ignoring her taunts. Your speech came quicker the more you let the heated knot fester. "You used him and made him feel like it was his fault, but it was you. You fucked another person. How fucking awful of a human being do you need to be to do something like that? Kyungsoo is nothing short of amazing. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. Do you even feel the least bit guilty about what you put him through?" She knew her smile irritated you.

"No. He was boring, and if I were you I'd jump ship as early as possible so you're not disappointed."

"I can't stand people like you." Your grip wrung tighter around her wrist, turning your knuckles white and making her wince.

"Hey, let go of me." When you didn't immediately listen her grin dropped, second hand attempting to pry yours off. "Let go of me psycho."

"Apologize." She stopped out of pure shock. There was a twinkle of fear in her eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Is the witch not used to being told what to do? You heard me. Apologize."

"You're fucking crazy."

"Admit how fucked up what you did to him is and apologize." Your hand twisted the tiniest bit and she cried out softly. Not enough to turn heads, but enough to snap Minseok out of his trance.

"Alright, fine!" she spit out swiftly. "I need my hand to cook. I'm a selfish bitch without a moral compass and I'm sorry."

"I can't believe she actually admitted it," Minseok said quietly.

"Mean it," you bit out. She looked to where he sat, but your stare was fixed on her.

"Everything was my fault. I'm a bitch and proud of it. I had fun stringing you along." Back to you. "Happy? Let me go." You released your grip. She scowled at the faint purplish and red hue ringed around her wrist. So much for her perfect porcelain skin. You were weirdly proud of it. "Someone should lock up this pathetic cunt," she muttered just loud enough.

"Open your disgusting mouth one more time," you warned. Her eyes snapped to yours defiantly.

"Or what, princess--" She flinched away and shut up. Your open palm raised, but before it could connect with the side of her face someone stopped you. Minseok had stretched over Kyungsoo's shoulder to hold your wrist. He was looking at you with wide, surprised eyes. Your blind rage fizzled into guilt. He held your gaze while you slowed your heartrate, relaxing your hand. Minseok let your arm fall back to your side. Chancing a glance at Kyungsoo you felt your eyes well with tears. He had a crestfallen expression.

"I can't believe you were actually about to hit her," Kyungsoo said quietly. It was directed at you, but his gaze was still on the other woman.

"Are you defending this snake?" Minseok questioned his friend in disbelief.

"Shows how much he cares about you," she added smugly. "What would happen if I let his fans know he's dating someone like you?" Your chest tightened, but the anger you felt overcame any apprehension you might have had. Facing her again you matched Minseok's original poisonous tone.

"It's like every time you talk sewage leaves your mouth you're so full of shit. You can't even prove anything is happening, and do you really wanna open that can of worms on yourself? Who's going to be more hated; the rumored girlfriend or the bitch that cheated on him?" That fear re-entered her eyes. "Maybe if you used the few brain cells you have you'd have thought that through."

"Y/N I think that's enough," Minseok spoke calmly.

"I can't--" You took a breath. "I can't be here anymore. Lord help the poor bastard who's fucking this human garbage pile." Before she could say anything more you turned. A hand caught your arm. You went to tell Minseok to let go, but it was Kyungsoo. He was looking at you finally. It was such a lost expression, eyes round and clinging to you. He got to his feet and took a step forward to be by your side.

"You were right," he told you softly. "I'm so sorry. I need to talk to you in private." Kyungsoo glanced at the other woman, tone hardening. "You don't even deserve to be insulted. Y/N is everything to me. If I see or hear from you again you will regret ever speaking about her that way." He let up as his gaze drifted back to you. "Let's go home." You yanked your arm free. Did he think it would be that simple?

"I'm leaving. Talk to me when you aren't brainwashed." Then you walked out of the restaraunt. You kept your head low passing the other patrons who drilled holes in the back of your head as you exited. Your eyes still stung. Your feet carried you to your car and your fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel. The anger wasn't leaving. You needed a way to vent. Kyungsoo could go back to his dorms with Minseok, so you drove to a place you knew you could be alone for a while.


	21. The Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo surprises you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I was thinking of when writing near the end of this chapter was this one if you're interested.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpl61Z53Apo
> 
> It's a really beautiful piece, but you can imagine your own favorite if you wish.

A concert hall when there's no concerts planned is rather surreal. The large theater-like auditorium was eerily quiet, and you only turned on a few of the backstage lights so you could see. It cast long shadows through the narrow hallways, each of your footsteps echoing. You went into a green room of sorts where there was an old sofa and a storage of chairs. The tall stacks took up half the room. Not normally one to get mad or jealous left you feeling overwhelmed. You didn't have much experience dealing with it so it continued to make you itchy and restless. You paced. How can one human live with being so vile? Her only good qualities seemed to be how cute she looked and her cooking. She was a liar, and unfaithful, and manipulative, and shallow, and so plastic Barbie would gawk. Her whole attitude soured your afternoon. Just thinking about her nasally, fake sing-song voice grated your nerves. You don't think you've ever hated someone as much as you did her. She encompassed every quality you despised in a person. It was almost impressive.

The anger still tangled. Driving had helped, but thinking about it brought it all back again with a new force. You jerked down one of the stacks in the room, a dozen or so metal and plastic chairs clattering to the ground in a cacophony of screeches and bangs that hurt your ears. You can't recall ever raising your hand to anyone like that before. How could Kyungsoo ever like a monster like that? How could he have been so blind to how horrible she was? How could he not feel the urge to puke every time she crossed his mind? How could he not do anything about it but say she wasn't worth his time? Were you any better for stooping down to her level by calling her names and almost slapping her? Your lungs constricted, heart galloping to gain speed. You collapsed on to the sofa, the springs protesting, and let your tears fall hot on your face.

How could he let her touch him like that? Speak like that? Who even says shit like that like you're not even there? You allowed yourself to think about why that hurt so much. The way he looked at her was familiar to how he looked at you sometimes. Your fists curled in on themselves. At some point he had fucked her. He fucked that villain of a woman. Those same sweet, plump lips had wandered her skin. She had heard his little breathless moans and sweet whispers. She had felt his dick inside her. Before you. He had touched her in ways you didn't know; free of apprehension and caution. Not chained by his trust issues or worries. Lingering, sweeping caresses filled with undeniable affection. Ways you could only dream about. She still had her claws in him. Your chest got tighter, unable to keep your breathing even. You were having trouble keeping your thoughts rational. Didn't you matter enough to him? Weren't you enough? Your heart was compressed painfully. You couldn't stop from wondering if he had ever thought about her with you. Was he watching for warning signs that you were similar? Did he actively avoid holding you in the same way he had with her? Would you never know what it was like to be truly, deeply loved by Kyungsoo? It made you sick to think you might share any qualities with that snake. Your stomach churned, and a pit swallowed your insides. Your gut was hollow. Like someone had reached in and licked them clean. Tears rolled down your cheeks. This was fifty times worse then when Chanyeol had sex with you drunk in high school. You felt violated somehow. You were empty. Alone. An uneasiness cacooned you in your own isolated corner of the universe sat there on that old sofa in a dark concert theater.

An electronic ringing startled you. It was your phone. Correction: it was Kyungsoo trying to call your phone. You tapped the red button. You needed time to cool down. The conclusion smacked in to you like a train. This is how Chanyeol felt watching Kyungsoo be with you. Knowing you were touching Kyungsoo like you used to hold him. This is how Kyungsoo felt when Chanyeol or the others got too close. Afraid another person would know what it was like to be loved by you and siphon it away from him. To a lesser degree you imagined, but the jealousy seeped through your veins and corroded your heart like acid. Just when he was putting more faith in you you go and act like some over-reactive lunatic. You were disappointed in yourself for lashing out immaturely. You should be better than this, but when he licked his lips as she leaned closer your brain flooded with the fear that he would kiss her. Your unwavering trust in him suddenly grew a grain of doubt. If you hadn't jumped in would he have kissed her? The majority of you wanted to believe he had enough sense not to hurt you the same way he had been hurt. He wasn't a hypocrite, but there was always that nagging voice in the back of your mind. It pointed out that for the first three months you were together he had no problem lying to you about his job. It was different, but also not. The way he got trapped in a trance with her around...you couldn't say he would never hurt you with complete certainty anymore. That fact is what you resented the most out of this situation.

After a couple of hours you drove back to your apartment. You had calmed down and cleaned up the chairs then strolled around the empty building trying to clear your head. Kyungsoo had called five more times before giving up. You weren't sure what you would say to him, but you knew you were drained and wanted to sleep. It was a long fucking day.

Only when you got to your front door Kyungsoo was sitting on the floor slumped against it. He was blocking the way. When you ran off your roommate should have been there. She was gone when you returned, but that would mean he specifically denied waiting inside so you couldn't avoid him. He had been sitting there for hours. A pang of guilt hit you. When you stepped closer he looked up and sighed in relief. He pushed himself to his feet. You noticed how red and puffy his eyes were, dark circles sitting underneath from where he hadn't caught up on his sleep.

"You should be resting," you couldn't help but say. "You look exhausted. Health comes first, Soo." He side-stepped to allow you to unlock the door and followed you inside. Once he re-locked the door he realized you were already halfway across the room. He hurridly threw off his shoes and ran after you, catching your shoulder before you could leave the living area. He didn't try to turn you around, voice small and afraid.

"Please don't leave." When you didn't move he continued. "You have every right to be upset with me. I don't know what came over me. I couldn't move. Please believe me." His voice cracked on the last words and you swallowed the sudden lump in your throat. His second hand rested on your other shoulder and stepped closer. You felt the heat radiating off his body. Kyungsoo dropped his forehead next to his left hand. His tone lowered to a whisper to hide his straining voice. "She means nothing to me. I can't lose you. I'm so sorry. I never...I swear--"

"It's not like I'm in the clear either," you replied solemnly. "I shouldn't have blown up like that. When she touched you and talked to you like that...I just got so jealous."

"No, no," Kyungsoo consoled instantly. His hands massaged slowly over your shoulders down your arms while he spoke. "I've never seen anyone stand up to her like that before. I couldn't believe it. It was amazing."

"Amazing?" you repeated gently. "I almost hit someone, Soo. I've never been that angry before. I hated it." He placed a lazy kiss to the side of your throat. Flashes of him kissing her came behind your eyelids. The same lips her fingers had grazed hours before. The same pair he parted for those fingers. You resisted recoiling from the touch. It didn't work. You didn't dare look back in fear of his reaction.

"You were defending me. Protecting me. I was in awe, jagiya." His fingers slipped to your waist. "That's all you've ever done, isn't it? You've given so much of yourself and your time to take care of me. You're far more generous than I deserve. I don't know what I'd be like if I never met you. I don't think I'd like that Kyungsoo. You've done so much for me. I owe you everything." His shoulders shook once, choking back a sob. Remorse covered his next words. It steadied the frantic swirling of emotions that had built up in your chest so you could sort them out. It meant you could help, and that's something you enjoyed. Helping others be happy. "I'm a terrible boyfriend. I should be stronger for you. I shouldn't have to rely on you for everything."

"You know, I kinda like taking care of you," you reminded him gently. "I really haven't done all that much. You're the one who's stayed strong. I like it when you can rely on me for a few things." His lips returned to your neck, mouthing against the sensitive skin. You tensed, but didn't flinch away that time.

"Stop. You're comforting me again and that's not the point."

"What do you want me to say? I don't understand why you're upset with yourself."

"Because it's you," he answered. It was like he was pleading with you. He needed you to understand. Acting like he was more worried of your reaction than the actual issue. Didn't he know you weren't going to yell or send him away? You blamed the snake for this. She had severely messed with his head. Kyungsoo should realize you were more empathetic and less petty than that. "It's you and you're wonderful and I just sat there. I can't even listen to myself. How am I supposed to expect you to not get too close with the other members if I can't even tell one woman to stop? I might as well have fucked her on the table." Something wet splattered on your skin. It trickled down and soaked in to the collar of your shirt. "I've tried for so long, but I'm never going to deserve you. Oh god, and now you're going to leave because I was an idiot." You whirled around to face him at that. Your arms embraced him. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, hands on your back.

"That was the stupidest thing I've heard you say. I'm not leaving, Kyungsoo," you told him in a low soothing voice. "Don't you ever think that." You weaved a hand through his short hair. His heat and firmness combined as he leaned against you and you felt his small puffs of air at your ear, sending goosebumps all over your skin. He touched every surface of your body he could in the position. You shoved down the image of him holding the other woman like this. He was trembling.

"I'm sorry," he repeated guiltily. "I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

"Calm down, sweetheart," you cooed lovingly. More wetness hit your skin. You started lowering, legs tired and unwilling to move. He followed you to the ground, sitting on your haunches. Kyungsoo let himself collapse into you, limp in your arms. A sob cracked his voice, sniffling. You carded your fingers through his hair, other hand running up and down his back. "I'm right here, Kyungsoo. I'm not letting go."

"Why not?" he rasped defeatedly.

"Because I love you," you replied without thinking. Any other time he would have grinned and said it back. That time he only cried harder, air escaping him unevenly and being gasped back in in tiny hiccups.

"You should be furious. Why aren't you mad?"

"I am upset, but I can't change that right now. I know I need a few days to calm down. You do, too. You're exhausted."

"Not for you," he argued stubbornly. "Let me make it up to you. Let me take care of you."

"Kyungsoo--" your voice snagged in your throat as his lips met your neck. They pressed softly to your flesh, peppering affections up the line of your jaw. When they reached the joint by your ear they became more urgent, trailing back down.

"Let me make you feel good," he whispered hotly, the words spilling from him in a rush to speak in between kisses. "Let me make you cum in the way only I can." You bit your tongue to prevent any noise from escaping. The tip of his tongue darted out to taste your skin. You knew he must have caught his tears in the process. You jerked away and immediately regretted it. Your eyes met his. They were bloodshot and dewy. The dark circles underneath puffed out with his cheeks that were blotchy and red. A single new streak stained his face from the center of his right eye where a salty droplet had collected on his lower lashes, and something inside of his dark brown irises fractured. He was pouting. Bottom lip jutting out past the upper, and your chest ached. You spoke slowly, absorbed in his eyes. Torn between comforting Kyungsoo and protecting yourself.

"Don't...look at me like that." He sucked in his plump lower lip to nibble at in an attempt to hide the emotions oozing through in physical form. You thumbed at his cheek to wipe away the wetness there. His gaze danced around your features before drifting to your own lips longingly and darting up again like he was afraid of getting caught.

"Like what?" His speech was just as drawled out.

"Like I'm breaking your heart."

"Then let me feel you." It wasn't right. Both of your mindsets were all wrong. Without replying you rose to your feet. He remained stunned on the floor. You walked to the kitchen and poured a few sips of whiskey in a glass then returned to him. When you kneeled he swiped at his eyes and choked back a sob. It didn't work well. His small gasp was sharp and loud in the quietness of the apartment. You took up his hand and urged his fingers to grasp the cup. He threw the liquor back, glass thudding on the hardwood afterward. Another sharp, choking gasp. More tears fell. He was panicking, his whole body quaking as it became more difficult for him to breathe. He hunched over, legs falling out beside him, forearms on the floor, hiding his face in the space between. Calmly, you brought a big, fluffy blanket back to where he lay huddled in on himself. Panic attacks you knew how to handle. His wasn't full blown yet, but you saw the harsh breathing and scared look on his face. Everything had become too much for him to conceal behind his stoic features. It didn't surprise you that with his stressful job something like this could happen. He was mentally and physically drained from touring and running into his abusive ex that afternoon. He had pushed himself too hard. Put too many expectations on himself. On you. You weren't perfect, and you weren't going to instantly forgive every transgression of his towards you, but you weren't going to close him out either. You didn't always know what to do and say despite what he thought.

Draping the blanket over his small frame did nothing. He needed something to ground him to reality. You hugged his middle awkwardly from the side, resting your head on his back. The touch made him flinch at first, but when he realized your intention he curled up tighter. His shaking hands pulled the blanket around his face, his sharp gasps elongating, attempting to control his breathing.

"It's okay," you said quietly. "Just breathe. I'm here, Kyungsoo. Listen to me. Nothing bad is going to happen. Don't force yourself. It's okay to cry. I won't leave you. You're not alone through this. Just breathe." You huffed as his arms came around you suddenly, pulling you to your side. He hugged your waist, face hidden under your chin, fingers digging into your back, grappling to you like a life buoy. You embraced him while he sobbed and shook in your arms.

This was the only way he'd ever hold you.

Desperation.

Desperate to feel your contact, desperate to claim you, desperate to keep you. Was that what you had become? Not just a support, but the cure-all to his hurts? The bandage? The balm? You promised to help him trust again and be by his side. But...somewhere along the way did you cease to exist without his name following you? Y/N and Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo and Y/N. Kyungsoo brought his girlfriend today. Kyungsoo's girlfriend invited us all over for dinner. Kyungsoo gets anxious when you touch his girl. They're attached at the hip. Kyungsoo's moving in with her soon.

You had been steadily stripped down. You were his. Not just in heart; in name and soul. In your quest to make his heart more accepting you had isolated yourself. You had let his unhealthy habits creep up on you and take over. You were too soft. Gave in to his indulgences too readily. Kyungsoo made you weak. You couldn't resist him at all.

After near an hour passed Kyungsoo evened out his breathing, but didn't let up his hold. He let you raise his head to look at you. You wiped his face and nose with the blanket.

"There. Now will you come sleep?" He nodded silently. Kyungsoo leaned forward to kiss you, but you turned away. He frowned and croaked out,

"Why won't you let me touch you?" You blushed, ashamed by the answer, and tried to move. He pulled you down and held you still. "Why?" You shoved on his chest. It was hard to think with his big, round, sad eyes that close. You leaned on your elbow, staring at the floor.

"Because," you muttered bitterly. "What's the point?"

"What's the point?" he scoffed in disbelief. "Comfort? Relief? Pleasure? Love?"

"What love?" The words slipped before you could stop them. His eyes widened. You both sat up. More word vomit left your mouth without thinking. "You just fuck me because you're possessive. I'm sure little miss perfect chef got all your real love. You've never just touched me."

"What do you mean?" You sighed.

"It won't ever be enough, will it?"

"I don't understand, jagi. Of course I love you."

"I know you do, but how else do I know except from your word alone? What parts of you did she get that I'm not? How much more did you touch her and mean it? It feels like she got the real Kyungsoo and I'm only getting the pieces she left behind. She was so fucking amused I was picking up her leftovers. That sounds so selfish and stupid out loud, but how else am I supposed to think when the only times you fuck me are when you need me for something? Comfort or someone to claim as yours. Why can't I be enough for you as I am? Why do I have to wait for you to be hurting?" Your voice cracked on the last sentence. "I don't understand why you can't just love me with your whole heart. It hurts, Kyungsoo. It hurts knowing the person you love with every fiber of your being doesn't trust you and return that feeling."

"You think I don't?" he exhaled pitifully. His eyebrows came together and rose up. Lost and pained. "Y/N. Jagiya..." He wiped his eyes clear of any lingering tears. "Is that why you were so upset?"

"Partially."

"I never--" He paused and started over, trying to find the right words. You continued staring at the floor. "We were only together once, and I didn't enjoy it. Not like I love being with you. You showed me how amazing it could feel to be with someone because you care about them. I was an awkward mess around her. It wasn't me. It's so easy for me to be myself with you." Your gaze lifted.

"Really?"

"Really really." The corner of your mouth ticked upward. Kyungsoo stroked your cheek, fingers tangling in your hair. "She didn't even care to get to know me, but you know me better than anyone. I promise I love you wholeheartedly. I do trust you. You have me; all of me. Not pieces or leftovers. She didn't know what the fuck she was talking about."

"Why don't you act like it?"

"Because I'm an idiot," he chuckled. You scoffed, but an amused smirk pulled on your lips. You really were weak around him. "Are you still mad?"

"A little." He frowned.

"Why?"

"I don't believe you."

"I don't understand."

"It doesn't feel like I know you. I'm constantly guessing. I've never been able to understand you."

"Oh...really?" He blinked at you innocently. "I've always thought it was amazing how intuitive you are." You huffed out a weak laugh.

"Then you must not know me either." Kyungsoo made a pensive expression then stood. You watched, unsure, as he bent down and held out his hands. After hesitating a moment you took them and he pulled you to your feet. You followed silently as he walked through your apartment to the living room. He tossed the blanket you gave him over the sofa. You tilted your head in questioning. He pushed the coffee table aside then took out his phone. He set it on the sofa and faced you, bowing at the waist as the music started. A waltz. The strings established the rhythm, plucking lightly. They were joined by a clarinet then a saxophone who began the melody. Kyungsoo outstretched a hand with a hopeful half smile.

"Dance with me?" You stood shocked. He closed the distance and wrapped his fingers around yours with one hand. They still trembled slightly. He guided the other to his shoulder before resting his on your waist. You gaped.

"Y-you dance? Like, ballroom?"

"I learned," he answered. Before you could say anything the rest of the orchestra came through the speaker on his phone, all joining the melody, and he pulled you in to step with him. It was more of a small shuffle in the tiny space, but it was dancing. You kept up after shaking off the shock, avoiding his feet. "I saw you dancing in the kitchen a few times when you thought I was in the bathroom," he explained. "So I asked your roommate and she said you liked old fairytale tropes more than you'd admit. Told me you always secretely dreamed of dancing spontaneously with your significant other. I've been listening to classical music and decided to watch a few videos on waltzing. I was going to surprise you when we moved in to our new apartment." It was hard to take in. Not only had Kyungsoo been studying the music you loved to play, but he learned to dance to some of that music. It was extremely touching. No one had ever tried to get in to classical music for your sake. They brushed it off as boring or didn't want to take the time. Playing music in an orchestral setting was the thing you loved doing more than anything else in the world, and he took the time to understand that. To immerse himself in it. He listened and took it to heart. He knew you better than you'd thought.

"Kyungsoo..." you breathed. He blushed under your stare, losing some of his nerve.

"Am I not turning enough? Did I pick a bad song?"

"I had no idea you were listening to this music for me."

"Of course. You listen to mine."

"But dancing too?" He chortled and shook his head in mock disappointment.

"Unbelievable. Your eyes are all sparkly like stars. How did I fall for such a dork?" The key changed in the song, more violins joining. You held his hand tighter. He smiled warmly, face inches from yours. And he had insisted in the past he wasn't one for grand romantic gestures. Liar. A smirk pulled on your lips.

"I seem to recall it was because you got shitfaced drunk and had to be taken care of like a lost puppy."

"Low blow."

"A cute, small puppy." He scowled, a playful glint in the twitch of his lips.

"You're gonna take that back." The strings did a flourish as the music crescendoed and changed back to the original key. Kyungsoo stepped quickly and spun you out from his body, still keeping hold of one hand. You were standing beside him. Then on the next count he tugged you to reverse the spin. You collided ungracefully with his chest. Kyungsoo held you close as you continued waltzing in your living room. He was grinning. You wavered a moment at the blinding quality. His eyes weren't bloodshot anymore. He was genuinely happy. You felt your heart skip. "Still think I'm cute?" You couldn't answer. The words wouldn't form. You were struck speechless. Kyungsoo slid his hand to the small of your back and mumbled, "such a dork." It was almost as if your fight hadn't occured. Almost.

The dance went on. One two turn, one two turn, one two turn. Right back left, right back left, right back left, all in a circle. It wasn't your rug anymore. You were twirling on a cloud. And he was the gentleman to sweep you off your feet. It was something you'd only dreamed about. There was a magical quality to being able to dance with someone else. Normally you spun around a ghost in the kitchen while cooking or cleaning. An invisible partner was nothing compared to this. Your daydreams weren't perfect, but this was. Your feet naturally followed beside his. His palm in yours grew clammy. The second your other hand slipped from his shoulder to his chest you could feel his heartbeat. It fluttered under your fingertips. This was real. His love for you was real. You felt like such an ass for doubting him.

"You've done a lot for me too you know," you pointed out meekly. He looked at you pointedly, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

"Well first, you did all this for me."

"You like the dancing?"

"I like that you tried to take interest in my passions. Let's not even count the number of times you've helped me get better at cooking or just did it for me. You also support my work. I can't even begin to find the words to show my appreciation for that encouragement. I can tell you've changed since I met you. Maybe that's just you opening up more, but I think you worked really hard to forget about the bad habits your ex instilled in you. Seeing her today couldn't have been easy. Especially with me there making a mess of things." The tempo slowed. Kyungsoo focused on you with a ferocity only he could accomplish while simultaneously looking relaxed. It was always an experience being under his scrutiny. It astounded you how completely he could narrow in on one goal and stay on it. It showed in his work every day. He made you feel like you were the only existing thing. Like your little universe was only populated by you two. That only you mattered. It was thrilling and terrifying, and filled your chest with warmth. It was safe locked in his gaze. Comforting.

"You don't need to apologize. I wouldn't have been able to get through that if you weren't there for me."

"Shut up a minute I'm trying to be corny." He chuckled at your outburst. "You're warm and kind, and thoughtful. Smart and talented. Maybe a little too practical sometimes, and you're grumpy when you're bored."

"I thought you were going to compliment me."

"But I love you," you finished. "I'll always love you. I can't imagine a future without you there. I'm sorry for getting jealous and doubting your feelings. It was stupid. I'm happiest with you. You're safe."

"That sounds awfully close to boring."

"Not at all. I just mean you make me feel at home." You sighed and jokingly added, "It's like lately we've switched places. I'm being insecure and you're taking chances." The tempo was gradually increasing again as the strings kept the counter-melody lighter with short notes.

"So my dancing is charming enough to get you to forgive me?"

"Yeah. Sure. I'll still need a few days to cool down though." The lower brass entered bombastically, and Kyungsoo did one sharper turn to catch you off guard, making you gasp. He grinned and laughed at your reaction.

"Is this the first time you've danced with anyone?"

"Of course. It's not exactly commonplace."

"Well remind me to do it more often," he declared. "Your face is priceless." Your cheeks flamed up. The entire orchestra came back in in a different key, loud and magnificent. It swept you up with a feeling of nostalgia and romance. You wished you could remain in his arms all night like this. The song was coming to a close. A solo violin took over the last few bars. "Do you still want to move in with me?"

"Absolutely," you answered without hesitating. Kyungsoo slowed your steps gradually until you were standing still, eyes fixed on you. He looked enchanted. Your mind jumped back to the restaurant one last time. The way he was trapped under her in a trance...wasn't the same. He had been rigid and almost frightened. Here with you it was different. Almost like he wanted to be drowned by you. He welcomed your call to come closer. He yearned for the emotions to swallow him up. You couldn't quite place your finger on it, but it was more transparent than before. He leaned closer, letting your hand go so he could cup your face. There were no masks or illusions or fancy words. Kyungsoo was open; drawing you in through his heady gaze.

The violin cried through a long fermata. Then he kissed you. Just a whispered touch. The first in an ever deepening pool that would threaten to consume you. He kept coming back for more, plush lips pressing languid, lingering touches to yours. His breath fanned across your face. His tongue teased your lower lip, and you opened to him. The hand on your back urged you forward, molding his body to yours while his other threaded fingers in your hair. You ran your palms over the plane of his chest, feeling the muscles tense and jump at the simplest brush of skin. Your fingers linked around the back of his neck. Little sighs and breathless moans like fading sunlight poured into your mouth. His desperation melded with yours and grew with every gentle caress. He splayed his hands on your back, cradling you as if he had been practicing exactly how to in his head all night. He pressed more firmly against you. His lips brushed against yours more incessantly. If there was a time you could pinpoint where you forgot about everything and gave in, that was it.

The desire to direct how the night would end dissapated. You didn't care. Kyungsoo could have kissed that monster of a woman in the restaraunt and you'd still love him. He was it. You knew it deep down in your bones. You may not believe in soulmates, and it's true no one is perfect, but Kyungsoo was perfect for you. There was no one else you'd rather spend your time with. You'd be his forever if he asked.

Kyungsoo stepped forward. You stumbled backward with him. He continued with this until the backs of your knees hit your bed. He gingerly lowered you to the mattress, refusing to disconnect your mouths. Body pressed tightly to yours, you ran out of air. You gasped for breath. His lips traveled to your ear.

"I love you," he mumbled sweetly. You shivered visibly. "Completely and always." He rolled so you were laying on his chest. Your legs intertwined with his, arms wrapping around you securely.

"I love you, too Kyungsoo. Always." He sighed contentedly and you rested your head on his shoulder. One of his hands slid up the card through your hair. Then a low vibration hit your ears. His chest rumbled. He was humming. The notes drifted around the small bedroom like a lullaby. The waltz. It was relaxing and his voice soothed all the heartache. Smooth and rich. Like a colorful ribbon dancing around and gently touching each note. You loved his voice. Always overflowing with emotion. It never failed to lighten your mood when the world around weighed on you. Naturally, you joined. The harmonization was one you never tried before. You weren't trained like he was. But you had the ear for music, and it was hard to mess up humming. Kyungsoo smiled kindly, surprised by hearing your voice. He kept playing with your hair, sending shivers down your spine. Before you realized it you were drifting off to sleep.


	22. Fresh Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your one year anniversary with Kyungsoo and everyone has come over for dinner.

"Congratulations!"

"Happy one year anniversary!"

"Happy anniversary, guys."

"Congrats on the apartment. It looks great."

"Congratulations, Y/N. A whole year putting up with this dork isn't easy."

"I can't believe it's been a year since you came into our lives."

"Congratulations. Thank you for having us over. I know you'd probably rather be celebrating a bit more privately."

"It was my idea actually," Kyungsoo chimed in after the other members greeted you. He touched your shoulder and gestured with a nod to the front door. Conversations halted when your eyes met a ninth person entering your new shared apartment. You closed the space and wrapped your old friend in a tight embrace. Chanyeol hugged you back, warm and laughing brightly.

"I've missed you, too."

"It's been so long," you breathed, elated at the surprise.

"Six months," he agreed. "Too long." You released his waist and stepped back, your smile just a tad wider.

"Please, come in. Help yourself to food and drinks. I'm so happy to see you." Chanyeol's gaze flickered over your shoulder then back to you. His grin was forced, but not entirely. There wasn't any masked pain, but you could tell he was having to put effort in to being extra polite. Maybe he was tired.

"I'm glad I could come visit. I'm sorry I couldn't help you guys move, though."

"No problem," you scoffed. "We had these seven strong, fine young gentlemen help us out. We were done in a day."

"One long day," Baekhyun grumbled behind you. Kyungsoo stepped up beside you with a small smile.

"Should I go give the tour while you catch up?"

"That's okay, Soo," Chanyeol answered before you could. "Baekhyun and Sehun are blabbermouths. I already know what you've been up to. Congratulations on getting that symphony audition by the way. You'll nail it for sure. And your anniversary I guess." The tall rapper scratched the back of his head. "It's weird thinking just a year ago you were waiting outside a restaurant for a date with a guy you didn't know the name of and now you're living together."

"Not to me," Kyungsoo declared. You felt soft lips on your temple which caused your cheeks to start heating. "I knew the moment I talked to her she was someone special." There was a few groans and a duet of 'aww' from Minseok and Yixing. The younger of the two was the one to speak up next.

"Like love at first sight?"

"Not so shallow as that, no, but definitely..." You watched his eyes turn molten, brain trying to conjure the correct words as he stared at you dreamily. "I don't know. It just felt right."

"I'm about to contract a disease from the sweetness," Jongin mockingly gagged, earning a few chuckles. Kyungsoo's face shaded a fetching red and turned away bashfully fighting the pull on the corners of his mouth.

Turning on your heels you gestured around the wide space. There wasn't much to tour, but you could show where dinner was prepared and ready to be served and such. Once you entered there was a small dining table to the left where dinner was layed out. Past that in the far back left corner was the kitchen. It was surprisingly modern, but the tiny island was really the only counter space you had. The rest of the immediate space was the living area. Neither Kyungsoo or you owned your own tv so the sofa your old roommate very generously gifted you was placed partway in the room facing the far wall. Said wall had a couple unpacked boxes leaning against it. The last of your things to put away. You used two moving boxes as a temporary coffee table and surrounded them with dining chairs to accomodate all the members. The back of the sofa lined up with the short hallway to the right that lead to the bathroom and single bedroom. Finally, the last thing you could see in the main space of the apartment was to the immediate right of the front door. A bookshelf filled with knick knacks and movies, and music. For his birthday not long ago you had given Kyungsoo a pair of headphones that were perched on one shelf. Nice ones that helped muffle outside noise for when he was traveling. Your instrument and other music supplies were sitting in the corner next to it.

"Welcome to our apartment," you beamed while everyone gandered at the setup. It felt good to say it out loud. Our apartment. It made it more real.

"How long have you been here again?" questioned Chanyeol.

"Just under a week."

"It looks a lot better without the boxes everywhere," Jongdae commented from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Baekhyun agreed at the back of the sofa. "Like someone actually lives here." Junmyeon jumped in, ever the mother hen.

"Do you guys need help unpacking the rest? Is there anything you need to finish getting settled?"

"Thank you, but no," Kyungsoo replied. "We have a system." In your head you thought of how you had to do a majority of the unpacking because of his work schedule, but he had helped with any time he could spare. So you couldn't be bitter. Kyungsoo had been trying his best to do better for you despite your assurances he was perfect as he was. He knew it was a lie. No one is perfect. He knew you were beginning to resent his jealous habits toward his band members. It wasn't inhibiting, but it was there. You were accepting of it like how he got annoyed at you for not wearing enough layers when it was cold outside, but he was stubborn. Just like you would insist you weren't cold even if you were shivering because that would mean admitting he was right and you'd end up looking like a walking coat if you dressed like him. Then he'd hug you in his warmth while complaining anyway. And you would keep your distance from the members despite thinking nothing was wrong because he would get quiet and anxious. You loved him in spite of the little things like that. It wasn't important to you, but it was to him. Therefore you left him to do what he wanted. Like invite Chanyeol to your anniversary/welcome home dinner appearently. Things hadn't clicked back to how they used to be, but in your head they shouldn't. You were both learning and growing. Figuring it out as you go along.

"What system?" Sehun scoffed. "You just put things away."

"Exactly. Things have a place." The youngest pouted and tried to shrug off the remark. You remember hearing he wasn't exactly the most organized one at the dorms. "Now let's eat before it gets cold."

"I bought more beer earlier. Would everyone like one?" you asked as you walked to the fridge. All except Chanyeol agreed.

"I'm driving."

"Hey Y/N, what are you going to do for the symphony audition?" Jongin asked as everyone went around the dining table to serve their plates. You started transferring drinks to the temporary coffee table while answering.

"Well it's prelims so I need to really stand out. There are ten required excerpts I've been practicing and one I get to choose plus a sight reading piece."

"Wait. There are prelims for symphonies?"

"Sure are. If they think I'm good enough I'll get called back for final auditions about two months from now. Those you have less time to prepare so I'm going to be really busy if I get called back."

"Of course you will," Baekhyun assured, plopping down in one of the chairs, plate of food in hand. His genuine smile eased your nerves. He was so sure. You wish you could be as confident. "You're amazing."

"You work almost as hard as us sometimes," Yixing added. "You deserve that spot." Your face warmed at all the compliments. Kyungsoo came to you with two plates. He gave one to you. "What spot is that again?" The room chuckled at Yixing's bewildered face.

"Third chair," you replied. "I'd say there's always other opportunities, but this is actually kind of rare and getting third chair would be like a dream come true for me."

"Why not first?"

"Then you have most of the solos and you have to lead the section. Besides, third gets all the best harmonies." Yixing shook his head in disapproval.

"I couldn't stand that."

"Well you have more ambition than me, and more talent to back it up."

"Not true. I build up my skill. Talent only takes you so far. Hard work gets you to the top."

"Sounds like you'd get along with my dad. He had a saying."

"What's that?"

"Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect." He nodded once, absorbing the information. "Kind of means it doesn't matter how much you practice if you're doing it wrong. Then you'll just repeat and ingrain your mistakes. It's why I always treat rehearsals like actual concerts. It won't work for everything, but it works for me."

"That's an interesting approach. I'll have to think about that."

"I wouldn't advise copying me. My section thinks I'm no fun because I'm so serious all the time." Everyone sat around your meager living area. You settled in the middle of the sofa between Kyungsoo and Jongin. Going left was Baekhyun, Jongdae, Junmyeon, Minseok, Yixing, Chanyeol and Sehun.

"Are you nervous?" Jongdae inquired while everyone ate.

"Not like I used to be, but yeah. I mean, of course. I don't want to screw up."

"Maybe you can play in front of us first. Then we can give you feedback on how you sound." You shook your head.

"I already film myself. That's how I've always practiced."

"That's pretty intense." You shrugged. His brows knit together in worry, pouting. It amused you how he was still trying to act cute to get what he wanted from you.

"I'll think about it I guess." His cat-like grin reformed, shoveling rice in his mouth. You settled into Kyungsoo's side and ate with everyone as other converstions popped up. You were sure your leg and arm would be bruised from Jongin's abuse during his laughing fits. Now you understood why no one else sat on the sofa before you. You were gradually shifting closer to Kyungsoo in your attempt at escape. It was when you draped your legs over his and curled into his side that the others questioned you.

"Okay we get you're in love and all, but jesus Y/N are you about to start getting Soo off right here?" Sehun mocked. You giggled nervously. Kyungsoo tensed.

"Jongin just...hits really hard," you replied meekly. Said boy looked at you guiltily.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, no of course not," you lied. "I'm fine."

"Sorry, I'll stop."

"Yeah Jongin," Sehun teasingly slapped him on the shoulder. "Quit abusing the lady."

"Really, I'm fine."

"Speaking of public affection," Junmyeon diverted. "The manager wants to talk to you tomorrow." Kyungsoo's eyes widened a fraction but otherwise showed no reaction. Jongin surprised you by raising his voice.

"For what?! They've been careful. Doesn't he see how happy Kyungsoo has been? The fans have. They love it."

"Calm down. He didn't say what for. It could be nothing. I haven't seen any news so I doubt it's that."

"I'll find him first thing in the morning," the man next to you said dutifully. You noticed the way he swallowed thickly after the statement. Did he know something you didn't? You decided not to push it. He would tell you if it was important. Instead you stood and went to the bookshelf.

"I'm gonna pick some music," you announced. "Preferences?"

"It's whatever you want, jagi." The others nodded. It would be background noise anyway. You rifled through some CD's before pulling out a concert performance from an orchestra over in Europe. You opened the lid, but it was a collection of Chopin. Your brows knit together and you mumbled,

"How the hell did this get here? I swear I hate when these aren't organized." You sighed and tried a different case. It said Mozart but had Ravel. Just in case you tried a third. The cover was for a pop group, but it was more Chopin. You sighed, annoyed, and grabbed the Chopin. It started playing at a low volume. Just enough to create some atmosphere. The piano sung in a whisper through the air. You sat back down and were surprised to have Kyungsoo put his arm around you. His other hand brushed fingertips on your jaw, turning you to face him. You couldn't quite read his expression, but one side of his mouth twitched upward. He chastely kissed you. His fingers fell from your face to braid them with yours in your lap. You were still trying to understand he kissed you in front of people not out of jealousy. Even if they were his bandmates. That was something he was never comfortable with.

"Perfect fit," he whispered. You cocked your head to the side in questioning, but he simply chuckled under his breath and looked away where Baekhyun was gesturing animatedly. Your hands were a perfect fit? Your lips? What possessed him to do that? And why was your heart racing? You scoffed at yourself mentally. You knew why. It had been a--well let's say a good while since you were intimate with Kyungsoo. Before your fight he had been on tour, and when he returned he had been too tired to do anything. Then you were preoccupied with moving, and he spent more time at work. There never seemed to be time.

"You know, sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it."

"I'm sorry," you shook your head clear and turned to Baekhyun. You had missed something in the conversation. "If what is worth it?"

"All of it," he answered straightly. You'd never seen him so serious before. "So what if I have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Western artists are never forced to hide that shit. Look at Taylor Swift."

"I don't know if you want to be compared with her."

"Whatever. My point is, it's my life. My private life. Why the fuck should it matter?"

"Baek," Minseok sighed. "We know it shouldn't, but you can't change the system overnight. Stop working yourself up. You're not quitting just because you can't date who you want openly."

"What if they're the love of my life?"

"Quit being extreme. You're not even dating right now."

"That's easy for the man whore to say." Minseok crossed his arms, but said nothing while the younger continued. "I could be, and I think I'd make a great boyfriend."

"Have you met someone?" Jongin questioned.

"Yes, in fact. And so has Sehun," he replied smugly. The youngest coughed on his beer. Taken by surprise. He waved a hand innocently in surrender.

"It's nothing serious."

"But it could be," Baekhyun argued passionately. "If you weren't afraid of the managers."

"Are you afraid, Baekhyunnie?" You asked curiously. You leaned forward on your knees. This subject was something Kyungsoo avoided. For good reason. There was a lot of politics and unpleasant things surrounding the situation. You had read a few online articles of idols who dated openly and the results were less than encouraging for you. Fans hating on their partners, demanding they break up, artists losing followers for staying their ground. It seemed better in recent years, but like Minseok said, it wouldn't change overnight. It fascinated you to hear their perspectives on it since they had to deal with it firsthand.

"Maybe a little. But I shouldn't be. He's really amazing. You'd love him, Y/N. He was a sound engineer on our last tour. Really clever, really handsome. He was always extra nice to me, and his ass? Almost as good as Sehun's."

"Ugh, again with the ass," Chanyeol jokingly complained. "We get it."

"Did you ever ask him out?"

"No," the boy answered in a small voice. "I got scared. And now I don't know where he is. I never got his number."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was my fault. I just get so upset when I think about all the fun we could have had together but didn't. I mean, Sehun, doesn't it bother you? Or even you Kyungsoo?"

"All the time," the youngest responded. "But that's just how it is. I'm not going to compromise the group by being selfish. She knows it can't be anything serious."

"Why not?" you found yourself defending.

"I didn't mean--"

"Love isn't selfish. Everyone deserves love. If they're really your fans they'll understand that this is what makes you happy. You're not some pass-around doll strictly for their fantasies. You're a real person with real human needs. You're all in your 20's for fucks sake. Do millions of people really believe you'll stay innocent little cupcakes forever? You're not some object."

"You're such an idealist," Jongdae spoke up, shaking his head and smiling.

"As much as I hate it too," Chanyeol added. The gentle giant shrugged. "That's what we signed up for."

"Bullshit!"

"Yeah, fucking bullshit!" Baekhyun mimicked. "Not every fan is like that, but obviously enough are to warrent the managers scrutiny. Down with the system! Screw the bastards oppressing our freedoms!"

"Calm down there, Gandhi," the leader cut in. "I know it's hard, but that's what we're here for. To support eachother."

"But having to hide a whole part of your lives just for some stupid boyfriend image?" You didn't mean to get so heated, but the situation baffled you. "You control your private lives, not some company. Saying you can't date is like stripping you of your humanity. All of you deserve to find your soulmates and live happily ever after. What kind of fucked up mindset do you have to be in to think otherwise? Morally that's just...so...agh! I know you love your fans more than anything, but you won't be doing this forever. That's just unrealistic. If any of those so-called fans think you shouldn't date then that's the most selfish thing I've ever heard." You looked pointedly at Sehun. "They should want you to be happy. Not on their own terms, but genuinely. That's just common decency, and if they don't then they don't deserve your love and support."

"Whoa," the youngest member gawked. "I didn't realize you were so passionate about this."

"Is this because you don't like being kept a secret?" Chanyeol asked. You leaned back into the cushions trying to calm yourself. Kyungsoo's arm was there to hold around your middle, fingers resting on your side.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to sound so angry. I just hate seeing my friends upset. Something like love shouldn't be up for debate like this. You love who you love so you should be together. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?"

"We've all had to fight our demons," your old friend told you. You watched how his large eyes drifted down, remembering the past. "Most of us grew up hiding who we love. It's nothing new." Baekhyun spoke up again.

"I still have to be careful flirting with guys."

"It isn't easy," Sehun declared. "But what's the alternative? Love is never easy."

"Love is a bitch," Minseok scoffed.

"Listen to all you pessimists," Yixing exaggerated with a grin, attempting to lighten the mood. "Y/N is trying to encourage us to chase what we want like Kyungsoo. I think it's romantic. Baekhyun, if you like the guy then ask one of the producers for his contact info. Sehun, if you want to get more serious with your girlfriend then do it. Talk to her. Minseok, you do what you want, but I agree with Y/N. Love is worth fighting for, and any true fans would stick by our sides no matter what."

"Two optimists," Jongdae sighed.

"And why not?"

"If it's so easy then why don't we just tell the world about her living with Kyungsoo!" All the air sucked out of the room. It was tense and everyone perked up in their seats like some trigger had been pulled. Kyungsoo's arm around your waist tightened protectively.

"Jongdae," the leader warned. "This is not a joke."

"I'm not joking." You tensed up at his words. You hadn't realized how much that idea frightened you until now. Being in the spotlight. The boy turned to you and pointed, words passionate. "Why don't you walk the walk, Y/N? Or are you a hypocrite?"

"That's enough," Junmyeon snapped. Jongdae slouched back in his chair like a scolded child. "We all agreed never to expose our own members to a scandal. We can't afford it. If it got out Kyungsoo has been living with a secret girlfriend it doesn't just hurt him. It hurts all of us. Even you, Jongdae. Try and be mature about this. Kyungsoo will tell the fans when they're ready, and we'll discuss how before it happens. Nothing less."

"Sorry. I didn't mean it." Minseok arched an inquisitive eyebrow perfectly in your direction. His angled eyes were absurdly expressive. You saw the mischief peeking through the curiousity. He was very poised, you decided. Arms still crossed, fingers drumming on his bicep.

"You know, you never answered Chanyeol. Do you resent keeping this a secret?"

"Of course not," you answered as evenly as you could. He didn't buy it. "Who would I tell anyway? The only people I talk to outside of you guys are the people I play music with and my students. Personal things don't come up often."

"All the more reason for you to want someone to vent to."

"Minnie," you partially laughed, using his nickname to try and coerse him. You felt the weight of the groups eyes on you. "I'm not even totally comfortable performing solos surrounded by an orchestra. My roommate didn't even know until you showed up out of nowhere at my concert. You think I want to purposefully drag myself in to public scrutiny? No. I don't care that I'm a secret. I get it; I'm too much trouble waiting to happen for you guys. I'm perfectly happy hiding behind closed doors."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" Kyungsoo spoke up for the first time. His expression was blank, but the colorful oils painting his irises showed his thoughts spreading in his head, searching.

"Isn't it?" You asked slowly, carefully.

"Oh honey," someone sighed sympathetically. Jongin. You turned your head to see him sporting a half smile. "Some of us have been too ashamed in the past, but Soo would never treat you like you should be hidden. He's protecting you."

"Yeah," Baekhyun agreed, his fued against the system forgotten. "As soon as it's out your life's gonna be picked apart. Everything you have on social media, your history with Chanyeol. There will be reporters trying to follow you when you go out." Sehun added on with,

"It's not just us who will get hounded with questions."

"You need to be ready to face that because it won't stop. It might cool down after a while, but there's always going to be someone circulating the latest photo of Kyungsoo and you out walking in the park or articles about fictionalized drama."

"We only want you to be happy and comfortable together. Right Soo?" Jongin finished. Your gaze flickered back to his unreadable face.

"I'd tell the whole universe if I didn't think you'd get hurt. I don't care what the company says." Baekhyun laughed and clapped his hands together.

"Remember when you told the manager you were moving in with Y/N? Oh man, that was crazy. I swear we could hear him yelling through the practice room down the hall. I was worried he'd punch you, or the other way around."

"What?!" you exclaimed. "He was yelling?" Baekhyun's smile simmered down.

"You...didn't know?" Kyungsoo's fingers tightened on your side. He shook his head minutely, begging silently that you don't pursue this.

"Kyungsoo just told me he talked to your manager and we could start apartment hunting. What happened?"

"He threatened to force Soo to break up with you," the singer answered honestly. That earned him a glare, but he didn't back down. "That's why Soo's been swamped with schedules. The manager figured if he was going to stay with you no matter what he said he'd give Soo more work to keep him away. Jokes on him, right? You guys look better than ever."

"Well I didn't want to worry her," Kyungsoo said, restraining himself. So he had been protecting you at the same time you had been trying to take care of him. Why did he insist on saying he owed you again? You might never understand him. He probably didn't even realize how safe he made you feel. You decided to take the lighthearted approach and chuckled.

"You know me too well by now."

"You're not mad?" Jongdae questioned.

"No, because he's right. It does make me worry for him. I'll deal with it later. Right now let's just enjoy this. We've spent too long talking about work. You're all so serious tonight. It's no fun."

"Oh shut up you love us."

"Make me." You giggled when a smirk grew on his face, air returning to the room.

"Wouldn't you like that?" Some of the others joined in the laughter that followed. You rested a hand on Kyungsoo's knee absently, leaning into his side. His arm around you relaxed and when you glanced he was forcing away a small smile, the corners of his mouth pinched together. His other hand inched closer until his fingers covered yours on his leg, thumb rubbing the back of your hand. The warmth was familiar. It made it easier to push your worries aside for a few hours.

The rest of the visit went by normally. Even Chanyeol seemed more like his old self. His gaze didn't linger sadly on you and Kyungsoo. He laughed, he joked, he ate most of your food. It was a giant weight off your shoulders to see him enjoying life. An even greater relief from all your current stress was the visit in general. It felt good to relax with friends. It made you realize just how long it had been since you unwound.

It wasn't until after the others left and you got ready for bed with Kyungsoo that you realized something was up. You were standing in your new shared bedroom pulling back the covers. The lights outside shut off. Then you heard his voice behind you, gentle and quiet.

"Close your eyes, jagi." It wasn't demanding, but playful. The corner of your mouth lifted.

"What for?"

"Just trust me."

"Alright." Your eyes fell closed, standing still.

"No peeking."

"I promise," you chuckled. Footsteps moved around the room. Hands went to your shoulders, swiveling you to face a different direction. Paper crinkled. He took up your right hand and slid something cold on your third finger. "Kyungsoo," you spoke warily. "Should I be worried?"

"Open your eyes." When you did your gaze shot down to your hand he was still holding. A thin ring sat there. Like two delicate silver strings had been twisted together. No gems or other frills. Simple. Exactly his style. You raised your eyes to meet his. Kyungsoo's entire face was beet red, starkly contrasted by the dark frames of his glasses, eyes darting around attempting to measure your reaction. "I-It's a promise ring." His words wavered the smallest bit, but soldiered on before you could say anything. It sounded like a prepared speech. It might have been considering how nervous he appeared. "I know both our jobs keep us apart a lot. Sometimes for weeks, b-but..." He licked his lips and swallowed to gather his words. His feet shuffled forward. "I want you to remember that I'll always come back to you, a-and whenever you look at it know I'm always th-thinking about you. No matter where I am." Kyungsoo squeezed his fingers around yours. "It also represents this new promise I want to make." The hand not around yours reached beside him to the dresser and came back with a sheet of paper. It had been folded and smoothed out several times. He replaced his fingers with the paper and let you read, anxiously fiddling his thumbs in front of him. In neat handwriting with black ink was a list. The first few lines said, ' _Day at the beach_ ', ' _Amusement park_ ', ' _Week abroad_ ', ' _Stargazing/Camping_ ', ' _Concert_ ', ' _Meet family_ ', ' _Roadtrip_ '. Further down you skimmed, ' _Cook for ourselves_ ', ' _Dance in kitchen_ ', ' _Dog?_ ', ' _Stay in bed all day_ ', ' _Prove to Y/N nachos are better',_ ' _Get kicked out of somewhere'_ , ' _Introduce to fans_ ', and ' _Kiss in the rain_ '.

"What is it?" you asked.

"A list of a hundred things I've never been able to or didn't want to do with partners in the past. I started running out of creative ideas, but they could still be fun. I promise to always make time for you so we can continue crossing these off. Does that...sound like something you'd accept?"

"Our own adventure log?" A grin stretched your lips. "Are you kidding? This is incredible. I don't know what to say."

"So you like it?"

"This is the nicest gift I've ever gotten, Kyungsoo. Thank you." He smiled shyly and glanced down. "The ring wasn't necessary you know. It's beautiful, but--"

"Just accept it," he interrupted. He knew you would reject any gift that you deemed expensive. "Let me spoil you sometimes." You set the list back on the dresser. Lifting his chin to meet your gaze, his nerves began draining away. You fit your lips with his shortly, lingering afterward.

"You don't need to spoil me. Having you is enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally down for writing little spin-offs of the 100 things if anyone is interested. Either comment one I had or make up your own and I'd be more than happy to write for you. It can be date ideas or random things people do together. Any genre. Doesn't matter.


	23. Private Possession*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is directly after the last chapter. Hope you enjoy.

"You don't need to spoil me. Having you is enough."

His eyes darkened. Scanning you from toe to head. Waiting for you to move first. His voice came out low and raw.

"Then...have me." Your thoughts stammered to a halt. Kyungsoo hesitated briefly before lifting his shirt over his head. The material dropped to the floor. "Tell me what to do." Red slowly rose up his neck to his cheeks. The longer you stared the more embarrassed he became. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, grasping for courage. You bit your lip. It had been what seemed like forever since you were with him like this. Your gaze roamed over his prominant collarbones and followed the gorgeous curve of his waist to where it dipped in to his narrow hips. He wasn't the strongest, but he was fit, and it showed on the flat expanse of his stomach. He insisted he had gained weight and had a round belly, but you didn't agree. It looked healthy instead of him being all skin and bones. You found it attractive. Especially the extra roundness to his cheeks. He readjusted his glasses anxiously.

"This isn't exactly what I meant, you know," you said without thinking. He started to apologize, recoiling in on himself. You stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Wait." Bringing your other hand up to his chest, a smile grew on your lips to reassure him. "That doesn't mean I don't like it. You look really good, sweetheart." One side of his mouth twitched up in a sardonic smirk.

"Just because you add a nickname doesn't detract from your first reaction. Jagi."

"I was caught off guard. Please." He hung his head dejectedly.

"Please what? You still don't want me to touch you. What is it? Am I that disgusting to you now?"

"Would you let me finish." Kyungsoo waited for you to continue, staring at the floor. His glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. "I only want to make sure you're doing this because you want to. Not because you think you have to make something up to me."

"Of course I want to," he muttered. "But I want to prove I'm not selfish. You said I only have sex with you when I'm being possessive. I hate that you think that."

"I've never thought you were selfish, though."

"It's implied."

"You're ridiculous."

"Whatever. Let's just go to bed then."

"Kyungsoo," you cooed sweetly. He froze. Your fingers wandered down his sides and hooked into the top of his pants, pulling him closer. "You don't have to prove anything. I think you're amazing no matter what." Your thumbs traced his hipbones. "I love the way you touch me." His brown eyes flickered up with renewed interest. "You always manage to make me feel special even when you're rough. You've never left me unsatisfied. I thought you weren't doing anything these last few weeks because you're always tired from work."

"I thought you were still upset with me."

"I can't believe we haven't been sleeping together because of this."

"So you haven't been avoiding me?"

"Of course not," you chuckled. "How could I stay away from you? I can't resist this. You're far too sexy." A smile broke over his face, laughing awkwardly and blushing.

"So...does this mean I can kiss you now?"

"Oh you can do much more than kiss me, Kyungsoo." He was still smiling when he connected his lips to yours softly. He automatically held your hips. You tilted your head to deepen the kiss, tongue sliding along his. It was unhurried and tender. The way he pulled you closer with each movement was just as hypnotizing as before. His palms glided up your frame to the middle of your back then down again. The next time he moved his hands slipped under your shirt, feeling your smooth warm skin. You shivered at his cold hands. When he broke the kiss he mumbled,

"I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Kyungsoo." Your shirt raised, and you helped him discard it.

"Now," he spoke in that velvety tone he reserved just for you. "Let's make up for lost time." Heat gathered in between your legs. His nose brushed your cheek as he passed it to nibble on your earlobe. Sliding your hands around you snuck your fingers under his sweatpants and grabbed his backside. His breath hitched, releasing your ear. "Handsy."

"I've missed you," you repeated in your own silky tone.

"I feel that, sugar. You want to get on the bed with me?"

"Can we strip first?"

"Anything you want." Both of you let go to throw away the rest of your clothing. After laying on the bed Kyungsoo got on beside you so you were facing eachother. He put a hand flat on your thigh and ran it up slowly, eyes following the movement, soaking in your appearence. "You're always so beautiful."

"You're always so handsome," you retaliated. He chuckled airily before pulling you flush with his body. His mouth traversed your neck to your collarbone, nipping and licking as it went. It sent ripples of pleasure across your skin. Then his hand was molding around your breast and you were moaning. You felt his growing arousal on your hip and stomach. He was pinching and rolling your nipple, kneading the soft flesh. Your nails found purchase in his lower back, shaping crescents there. It was a high already simply having him touch you again like he used to. You could have laid there for an eternity while his pillowy lips wandered over every part of you. Electricity fired through your veins when he bit particularly hard just above your heart.

"Sorry," he whispered frantically, hand leaving to go to your back. "Habit." He kissed the underside of your jaw.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Marking you," he answered, embarrassed.

"Stop worrying. I like it when you're a little possessive."

"But--"

"It's only a problem if you try to control my life outside with it. Like if you said I couldn't hang out with Baekhyun. However what isn't a problem is you wanting to leave behind a few tokens so I'll remember who made me feel good when we're alone. And trust me, it feels really good. That, I love. Because it's you." You could see him building up his nerve.

"I do really like seeing them. The way they contrast your skin and how wrecked you look after. All the sounds you make when I bite you. Knowing you're walking around thinking about me."

"Then do it."

"Maybe not yet." You raised a brow in his direction. "I want to go slow." You agreed immediately, earning a small smile. He moved closer, paused, then fit his upper lip between yours. His lips molded perfectly against yours, synching effortlessly. It was so easy with him. You'd never been this comfortable being so vulnerable around someone. Only Kyungsoo. He was safety and comfort and understanding. He was laughter and sunshine, and the cool mist before rain. Late mornings and even later nights. Raw cookie dough and midnight swims. Lazy afternoons on the couch watching movies. Snide remarks to see you smile, even when they're directed at you. Long walks in the park and lingering gazes. Braided fingers that feel too tight to ever come undone. He was everything you loved because you loved everything about him. You keened in the back of your throat, making him chuckle. His lips stretched out over his teeth. Then he pinched your lower lip between them playfully. "You're adorable."

"How dare you," you giggled. "I'm sexy."

"So adorable." To prove your point you dipped your head to press your mouth to his shoulder. You trailed down his collarbone to his chest. His fingers drew mindless patterns on your back, holding you, stroking your skin. Just feeling you in his arms. Kyungsoo moaned lowly when you reached his nipple, biting lightly before circling your tongue. He hissed when you bit harder, nails scraping up his side simultaneously, arching into the touch. You felt his length move against you. The soft rub of his skin on yours. It gave you confidence that you could effect Kyungsoo like this. To make him yearn for you. To tease him until he broke and snatched the control. He would do the same to you. It was only fair, you told yourself.

Going slow was never a thing you were good at. You didn't have the patience for it. When you wanted to go further you did, and Kyungsoo never stopped you. At the beginning of your relationship you had thought he was adverse to a lot of touching, but when you grew closer you learned that wasn't true at all. He was just picky. Typically he was the one to escalate things when you were showing physical affection. Then you were the one to encourage it. He enjoyed having you close. To just lay with you or hold you, hug you from behind, cuddle with you. Whether on the sofa or in bed to sleep. Even simply holding your hand or a reassuring touch somewhere more conservative like your knee or back. You think it was a coping mechanism of some kind. His job always put enormous amounts of stress on him. Being with you was like a breath of fresh air to escape it all. To allow him to relax and be himself. You were outside of that sphere of idols and cameras and such. Therefore, he gravitated toward you, and you were happy to relieve that weight.

So you would do your best to move at the pace he wanted no matter how antsy you got. You slipped your hands down to grab his ass, hooking a leg over him and pulling him toward you. Your mouth wandered back up to his collarbone, creating a mark of your own. He cupped your breast with his free hand, thumb running over your hardened bud. The gentle touch sent shivers through you. Your name fell from his lips. All air and no substance.

"It's okay to leave marks. Wherever you want." You shook your head.

"You have work tomorrow."

"It'll be okay. Trust me." And you did. You dragged your lips up until his breath caught. Your teeth sank into the softness of his neck, rolling it then creating suction. A strangled noise left Kyungsoo, eyes fluttering closed. Your core pulsed with arousal, hips canting forward in search of friction. You continued until the patch of skin was discolored and stood out, admiring your work. It made you want more. So you shifted closer to his ear and made another. The hand on your breast snaked down and you gasped when two of his fingers went through your folds, gathering the wetness there to make it easy to circle your clit.

"Kyungsoo--"

"Is this okay? Does it feel good?"

"You know how this feels Soo. Fucking tease." You chuckled. He was worrying too much.

"I'm not trying to," he argued lamely.

"Liar."

"Am not." You tilted your head to fit your lips to his, shutting him up. There was something submissive in the way he handled you. It wasn't like him. He was letting you lead him without a fight. Relaxing under your ministrations. Not that you would complain. It was new territory, though. You weren't as assured in what you were doing as he was. You didn't possess his same confidence in what he liked. His fingers dipped down and pushed inside of you, curling past the knuckles. You wriggled and felt his length once more on your stomach. The velvety texture of his soft skin was contrasted in that unique way you loved with the stiffness of his member. It was thick and heavy trapped between your bodies. Slick from his precum. The two digits inside you pumped once, pulling a small moan from you. Your wetness resounded in the small bedroom. "Fuck I want you," he groaned. Your breaths mixed in the inches seperating you.

"I can see that." You smiled to lighten his mood. "I feel good knowing you feel good, remember? Do what you want." He nodded, swallowing thickly.

"I'll try. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be."

"Sorry." Your eyes rolled and he chuckled. "Can I use my mouth on you first?"

"You don't have to ask."

"I know, but it's been so long that I just...I sound stupid, don't I?"

"Never. I think it's sweet."

"Now who's lying?"

"You can be so stubborn." You reached down to grab his wrist, pulling his fingers from you and bringing them to your lips. You took them in your mouth, sucking them clean. He bit down on his lip.

"And you aren't?" After removing his digits from your mouth you replied

"I'm a different breed of stubborn from you."

"You always have to be right."

"Well I am most of the time."

"Why am I in love with such a control freak?"

"Why am I in love with such a perfectionist?"

"The world may never know."

"Shut up and fuck me, Kyungsoo." Instead of laughing and kissing you like you came to expect from your foreplay banter, he looked away bashfully.

"Actually," he mumbled. "I was hoping you would be on top tonight."

"Oh yeah?" You smirked and rolled him to his back, straddling him. You pressed his hands to the mattress on either side of his head, centimeters from his face. "Why's that?" He refused to meet your eyes, shifting to the wall to the side.

"I like watching you use me to get off."

"You like feeling used?"

"No, but it's..." he trailed. You ghosted your lips across his to encourage him.

"Yes?"

"You get so passionate. The way your body moves. I like watching you ride me. It's all really, really sexy."

"It is?"

"You know you're sexy."

"Maybe, but I like hearing it from you."

"What's the difference?"

"I can see you get flustered and blush."

"I'm not flustered," he defended.

"Liar~" you sing-songed back with a smile. A grin cracked his facade, scoffing good-naturedly at your behavior. His body relaxed under you, gaze flickering to yours finally. "There you are. Stay still. I need to get a condom." Kyungsoo nodded eagerly, unmoving as you released him to reach for the nightstand. You fished out a condom packet before tearing it open, the foil fluttering to the ground in your lack of patience to properly throw it away. Sitting back, you rolled the latex over his length. Using his chest for balance, you raised yourself and lined him up with your entrance. He sucked in a lungful of air as you sank down on his hard member. Jaw clenching as he held in a moan. The stretch alone forced you to move slowly. It really had been a long time. Kyungsoo's fingers curled in, fisting the pillow on either side of his head. The weight of his intensive stare made you look over.

There was fire in his molten brown eyes. A burning desire. Plump bottom lip caught between his teeth. You felt yourself reciprocating. The urge to have his hands on you again had you reaching forward. You brought his palms to cover your breasts, and he took the hint. Gently kneading and pinching the soft mounds. You were wrapped up in the sensations for a minute. The fullness. Until Kyungsoo bucked upwards impatiently, grabbing your attention. With the steadying force of his chest, you raised up and rolled your hips while sinking down. Kyungsoo groaned and thrashed his head to the side, eyes pinching shut, hands flying down to the sheets. After so long without you he was extremely sensitive. So you kept a torturous pace, taking special care that you envelop his entire length every time you went down on him.

"Fuck," he gritted through his teeth. "Y-you...you're so much tighter than I remember. Have you--" He cut himself off to pry his eyelids open. His long eyelashes fluttered as he focused on you. "Haven't you touched yourself while I was away?" You shook your head. "No toys?"

"No. Felt wrong," you admitted breathily. His head pressed into the pillow, tipping backwards with a drawn out,

"Fuck. Even through all this you're still my good girl." A shudder rippled down your spine. With his head like that it exposed his slender neck. Your two marks stood out on one side. You licked your lips, wanting another taste. "How's it even possible for you to feel this damn good? Have I mentioned I love being inside you, jagi?"

"Maybe once or twice." His legs shifted behind you. His heels dug into the mattress. Then you saw his stomach muscles tighten as he sat up. Kyungsoo's hands cupped your breasts, mouth coming around one of your nipples hungrily. Sucking and licking and gnawing. Your stomach knotted tighter. You lifted a hand to the back of his head, moaning to encourage him. Your nails scraped at his scalp, making him groan. The vibrations rattled your chest. The rhythm you had set was stringing him along. He was trapped in your control. And you weren't going to let him go easily now that you had a sample. Everything was so spectacularly electric. The bedroom got hotter. Kyungsoo released your breast panting, resting his forehead to your collarbone. "Does that feel good, sweetheart?" Large palms dragged down to grip your hips. Not directing, but guiding. Helping your steady pace. He nodded. A smile graced your lips as you scratched his scalp again. A visible shiver made goosebumps rise on the nape of his neck, exhale quivering past his lips onto your heated skin. He held your hips harder and groaned.

"Please sugar, I want you to ride me faster." Your core ached to do what he said, but you knew you weren't as worked up as him. If you went faster he'd crumble before you.

"Not yet," you decided. "Lay back down." His head hit the pillow. You bent forward to join your lips together. Unable to stay away. Coaxing his moans onto your tongue. Rolling them around in your mouth. Relishing in their timbre and obscenity. The angle change pushed him closer to your sweet spot. He craned his neck when your mouth journeyed the line of his jaw to his ear, giving you unfettered access to wherever you wanted to go. You gently nipped the shell of his ear before creating a trail of kisses down the column of his throat. As you continued he thrust up to meet your hips in an attempt to make you speed up, but you slowed to a stop. "You're being greedy," you whispered teasingly.

"Sugar," he rasped. "Do you want to try something new?"

"Name it," you agreed instantly. You straightened your posture a bit to see his face twisted in pleasure. He forced his eyes to focus on you. One of his hands gripped your wrist and guided your hand across his collarbone. His palm covered yours and moved your fingers to wrap around the base of his throat. You froze, wary. "Are you sure about this?" To answer he forced you to apply pressure with your fingertips. It was hardly anything, but the sudden hiss and accompanying cracked whine that escaped him wiped away any doubts. His hooded eyes smoldered. Dangerous, sharp and alluring. A city clad in night. They were daring you. Pulling you closer.

"Harder," he said eagerly. His hand fell away to take its place on your hip once more. If this is what he wanted then you would give it to him. It was new, but plenty of people you knew expressed indulging in the same thing so you thought nothing more of it. You added enough pressure so not all of his air supply was blocked, but he could feel it. Kyungsoo gasped sharply, eyes rolling back in his head as his eyelids drifted shut. His following groan vibrated up your arm, sounding louder and denser in the tiny room. A thrill catapulted down your spine. "Fuck me." A smile tugged on the corner of your mouth. You let up so he could speak clearly.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Fuck me," he repeated more desperately. "I haven't been with you for months. I want you to fuck me. Please."

"Since you asked nicely," you lilted while revitalising your grip. You raised yourself before going down. You both released satisfied moans simultaneously. Kyungsoo mewled as you steadily built a decent rhythm. His hips thrusting up to meet you each time, driving himself deeper. This time you didn't care. He was lost in the sensations. Your free hand braced on his shoulder. His jaw went slack as you switched the movement of your hips to your original moderate tempo. Blood was rushing to his face as he struggled to breathe properly. His tongue darted out to swipe along his lower lip, leaving a temporary shine. It was like he was experiencing constant, full body gratification; totally strung out. He was on a whole different plane of pleasure. He looked utterly sinful. Hair ruffled, glasses falling high on his face, sweat blanketing, skin flushed. And it was all because of your hand. Your delicate fingers possessing him, and he wanted nothing more than to be taken. Kyungsoo did his best to look at you, only a sliver of his irises not consumed with black, unfocused as his vision got fuzzier.

"Fuck," you muttered. The realization that you were enjoying this almost as much as him shocked you at first. You never thought of yourself as the aggressive or possessive type, but there was something in the way that the simple action of restricting his breathing had brought him to such a depraved state. And so quickly, too. It was an addicting sense of control. He was open. You could see every tiny emotion that crossed his features with no barriers to what he was thinking. It was all laid bare. No confusing paintings; only base human instincts. It was carnal and honest. You were connecting with him in a deeper sense. It was hard to explain in the moment, but you would recodnize it later.

The longer your grip stayed the less Kyungsoo was able to do. His hips stilled first. Then his hold on you grew weaker. When he could no longer keep his eyes open you relented. You weren't going to teeter him on the fringes of consciousness. He was on the verge of blacking out so you let up on his throat and he gulped in large lungfuls of air.

"Again," Kyungsoo said huskily. Then in a raised, pleading tone. "Please. So close. W-wanna cum."

"You want to cum?" you taunted. "You want to cum with my hand around your neck?" He nodded as much as the position of your fingers beneath his adams apple allowed and whimpered. You stroked the line of his jugular with your thumb. "Say it one more time for me."

"Please let me cum." Zero hesitation.

"You're so fucking beautiful," you sighed. Then you were applying a safe amount of force. His hands regained their strong grip, pulling you down by your hips the same time his snapped up to help you go faster. The red hue grew brighter on his face, eyebrows knitting together. Whines and strained staccato moans filled the room and wound the coil inside you tighter. You'd never heard more erotic, exhilerating sounds in your life. His voice had become choked off and fragile. Each time you went down on him a small mewl left him. All underlying depth masked by air. If his voice was stronger they would be growls or rough groans. Instead it was all breathy incoherent noises. You were spellbound. His thighs twitched and tensed along with his lower stomach muscles. Skin flushed and glossy from sweat. The knuckles on his hands were white, clinging to reality. He was close. Pride swelled in your chest. You were the only person allowed to see Kyungsoo like this. The only person who he wanted to make him like this. To strip away everything else and watch him fall apart. He was showing you he wasn't holding anything back anymore. He was yours as much as you were his in all aspects. Equal ground.

"Cum for me," you encouraged in a silky voice. The hand on his shoulder grabbed harder, nails etching prominant red lines. "Cum for me Kyungsoo." The pitch in his moans raised until a few moments later. Your fingers loosened. Oxygen flooded his brain, chasing it back into his system in harsh gasps. He reached his peak, choked out moans and whimpers tumbling from his lips as his hips jerked sporatically. You slowed and brought him down from his high while he caught his breath. It must have been fairly intense because it took longer than normal for him to get his bearings.

"Shit," he exhaled and blinked open his eyes. "I'm sorry. You didn't finish. I didn't realize--I wasn't thinking."

"Shush," you replied softly. You closed the distance between your mouths. Kyungsoo followed your lazy kisses in an enchanted-like state. Basking in the afterglow with your coaxing to relax. Warm hands glided up your sides to your back. Holding you in the secure confines of his arms. One ventured further into your hair. You broke away with a kind smile. "I'm really glad you shared that with me. Thank you."

"So you...liked it?" he asked slightly bashful.

"Yeah," you chuckled. His large eyes shined peering up at you innocently. Your heart nearly skipped. You'd never seen him so submissive. How could he have a conversation about breath control play while acting so adorable? Add that to quirks you didn't expect to make you like him more. You eased off of his softening member and talked while he got rid of the used condom in a nearby trash bin. "By the way, no need to feel sorry for finishing before me, sweet thing." You sat back, spreading your legs. Kyungsoo was paralyzed momentarily when he turned around. You smirked at the red blossoms that never quite left his cheeks. "But if you want you did mention using your mouth on me." Without missing a beat Kyungsoo quickly fell on the bed in front of you. His hands gripped your thighs tightly, going forward, and his tongue delved between your folds. He moaned as he licked up your wetness like a man starved. His thick lips enveloped in your heat. "That's it sweetheart," you sighed pleasantly. "Oh fuck, use that talented tongue of yours. Just like that." His tongue swirled near your clit before his lips closed around it. "Now add your fingers." Kyungsoo pushed two practiced digits past your entrance and began stroking your inner walls. Every few thrusts he would change something. How fast his fingers moved, how hard he sucked and licked at your clit, the angle his fingertips curled. All of it was speeding you towards your end.

With his free hand Kyungsoo lifted one of your legs over his shoulder. Your thighs trembled with the building tension in your body. You weaved your fingers through his soft, damp hair and urged him closer, leaning back on your elbow. Kyungsoo met your gaze through his eyelashes and made a show of flattening his tongue, letting you glimpse at the way your arousal made his mouth glisten. Starting by his fingers, he pressed the wet muscle hard against your center, licking up until his full lips could capture your sensitive bud again. He drove his fingers as deep as he could, curled them up, and moaned like you were his last meal. The guttural, lewd sound tipped you over the edge. Kyungsoo removed his fingers to hold your legs apart as he lapped up all your juices. You shook and mewled, intense pleasure being stretched out by his restless tongue. Muscles pulled taut throughout your limbs in an effort to absorb the waves with more ease. No matter how hard you tried you still ended up looking ungraceful.

After what felt like an eternity he sat back on his knees. He was still fighting to even out his breathing, wiping around his mouth and chin clean. You eased your legs closed and sat up properly. Instead of simply collapsing Kyungsoo leaned over and kissed you first. The fingertips from one of his hands played around with your figure, following the curve over the top of your breast before pinching a nipple roughly, making you gasp. He used the opportunity to tease his tongue inside your mouth. You could taste yourself. Kyungsoo backed away moments later. It was short, but the meaning behind it left you with a sweet tang. He smiled affectionately.

"Round two?"

"Already?" you guffawed. "You can't be serious."

"Don't tell me you're too tired already?"

"No but--"

"Come on jagi," he cooed and pecked your lips. "Take my breath away."

"I can't believe you never told me about that kink by the way." His grin simmered down.

"It's embarrassing."

"Please, I tell you I like being called names the first night we're together and you're embarrassed about wanting to be choked? That's so normal. You're ridiculous sometimes."

"Like you haven't hidden any crazy fantasies from me?"

"No, I tell you everything." He cocked an eyebrow. "Okay fine, but they're not crazy and it's not like it ever comes up."

"It's up now." You mulled it over for an agonizing few seconds. Kyungsoo inched closer, forcing you on your back and hovering over you. "Please tell me."

"Fine," you agreed begrudgingly. "Sometimes I think about what would happen if you made me cum in public." His eyes widened, tensing.

"How much in public?"

"Like under a table while we're at dinner or in one of the practice rooms at your work." He sighed in relief, a smirk forming on his kiss swollen lips.

"That I can do."

"What? Really? I thought you'd be too uncomfortable."

"Are you joking?" he chuckled. "A chance to fuck you when the other members might catch us? Now if you had said in a park or backstage at a concert I would have said no. In a soundproof studio room? God yes." You smiled at his enthusiasm and wrapped your arms around him. "I can already imagine their faces if they find me fucking you against the wall, or see you riding me in my chair." Kyungsoo pressed closer, his member twitching back to life. "So fucking hot," he muttered before slamming his mouth to yours. It was bruising. The passion he poured into everything evident. You let him indulge for a minute before pulling away for air. "You're sure you don't mind doing this?"

"I'm sure, sweet thing. I got really turned on watching you enjoy yourself. If I can make you feel good then I'll do it."

"Okay. We should have a signal in case it's too much and I can't speak."

"Of course. Anything you want."

"How about tapping out?"

"How about three taps? So I know it's deliberate."

"Sounds good," Kyungsoo agreed. He glanced away briefly, smile sagging. A sense of forlorness fell over the atmosphere.

"What is it, Soo?"

"Nothing. I just...I love you. I want to be with you forever. I'd do anything for you. You know that right?" Your heart fluttered. Reaching a hand to cup his face, he leaned in to it.

"Of course. I love you too. Always."

"You make me happier than I ever thought possible."

"I'm so proud of you, Kyungsoo. It takes a lot to open up to someone. Especially I imagine in your position. It makes me so extremely happy to know you feel that way it's hard to express. You're always safe with me, you know."

"I know. I trust you. I mean it this time."

"I feel stupid; my heart is racing right now."

"Really?" At your nod he added, "Can I feel it?" shyly. You gestured down. He brought a hand tentatively to your chest, fingers splayed out over your heart. Your blood pounded through your veins. After a couple of seconds his hand slid up, two fingers going to your pulse. "That's pretty fast."

"Now that you have proof I'm flustered what are you going to do?" Kyungsoo hummed in thought, narrowing his eyes as a smile played with the edges of his mouth.

"How does getting fucked while you choke me sound?"

"Sounds pretty great. Are you sure you're hard enough already? It hasn't been long."

"Can you maybe kiss my neck a little first? I liked the way that felt." You urged his head down, mouth going to his pulse. A moan washed over your ears, vibrating against your lips, as you began creating a new mark. It was on the opposite side from the first two. You bit on the tender skin, enjoying the way it gave under your teeth. So elastic but fragile. Smooth and a little salty from persperation. He was so perfect to you. How could someone be as strong as Kyungsoo yet delicate at the same time? He was steadfast, but caring. As you caressed his torso you felt the change. The firm muscles on his back to the softness of his belly to the sharp edges of his hips. His weight on you was comforting in an odd way as well. You were connected. One intimate action rolling into the other so you became one entity. Everything you did was natural; comfortable. Kyungsoo had the knowledge from learning over a year what you would do and how to help so everything flowed. It wasn't awkward. You knew eachother in a way you'd never thought anyone had accomplished before. There was still more to learn, too. You would stay wrapped up in Kyungsoo forever if you could.

Satisfied with the new splotch of color you journeyed lower. Warm breath tickled your ear. His member was gradually growing harder at your ministrations. Slipping along your center, coating it in your arousal. Teasing you. The next time you licked up the saltiness on his skin you raked your nails down his back. He shuddered and choked back a moan, voice catching in his throat.

"Ready, sugar?" You hummed an affirmitive.

Then you were being lifted. Kyungsoo sat back on his knees, pulling you on to his lap, chests pressed close, cradling you. The lenses on his glasses were fogged from body heat. You both laughed at how dorky he looked and he removed them from his face. He reached out blindly for your nightstand, setting the dark frames aside then retreiving a second condom, and you slipped it on for him. You pumped his length a few times, making sure he was ready. Being abstinent had made him needy it appeared as he was already back to full hardness. His hands moved to grab your ass, directing you onto his cock. His mouth connected with yours, swallowing your moan as he filled you. The fullness reached your chest and your heart felt like it couldn't take it. You loved this man so much. You were so happy you could burst. That's how you stayed for a good minute before a sudden smack surprised you. Your left ass cheek stung and Kyungsoo chuckled at your doe-ish eyes.

"Come on, jagi. You aren't warming my cock. That comes later."

"You distracted me," you defended lamely. His amused smirk remained. In a soft mumble you added, "you're a really good kisser."

"So the great Y/N can't multi-task?" You didn't have a comeback. Instead you started riding him. The position made you realize how tired your thighs were. Your head collapsed onto his shoulder. His hands supported you, making it easier to glide up and down. "Tell me how much you love fucking me."

"So fucking much," you replied.

"No one can make you cum like I can, is that it?"

"No," you whimpered, nails digging into his flesh. "No one."

"I love how you fuck me too. The only one who knows my heart is you, Y/N. You know me better than anyone." You bit one of your previous marks on his neck, earning a small grunt. Manuevering up the edge of his jaw, you kissed him once shortly before placing your fingers to the base of his throat. He nodded almost imperceptibly. The new ring he gifted you pressed in harder with your grip. Kyungsoo's hips stuttered as you added more pressure than the last time. He was already glazed over with lust. Battling for his willpower. You continued to move on him without his help. His mouth opened, but his words were lost somewhere. You came closer, feeling his tiny puffs of weak air on your face.

"It's okay...it's okay," you repeated against his desperate lips. You weren't sure what you were assuring him of, but he understood nonetheless. His eyes shimmered, fixed on you. His fingers dug harder into the flesh of your ass. Something dense evaporated between you. An invisible curse lifted. A stone broken down to pebbles and dust. A weight you had compressing your chest for months. A burden you didn't see as such because it was his, but it had been dragging you both down under the water. He had found his balance. Showing and saying his affection while letting you see him more intimately. Inviting you into his life like you had with him. Giving as much as he got.

Kyungsoo thrusted to collide with your hips each time you came down. It forced him deeper, and you were melting in his arms. Knees turning to jelly. Each slap of skin flooded your body with pleasure. You weren't going to hold out very long in that position. When you gave Kyungsoo a moment to gulp oxygen into his body you told him so.

"Can't do this for much longer."

"Is it your legs, jagi?" he panted hotly against your lips. You nodded. "Okay darling. Don't worry. I'll take care of you."

"I know you will," you grinned back.

"Hold on to me tight." Slinging your arms around his shoulders, he halted his movements. He lowered you to the mattress. Palms sliding up your thighs and waist as you sunk into the pillows. You brought his lips to yours by the back of his head, second hand slipping to his throat. He broke away once you squeezed, leaning his weight into your palm. Eyes shut, he licked his lips. "Tighter." You hooked your legs around his waist and cut off his air supply completely. A strangled whine escaped him as he began rocking his hips once more. It started light, shallow. Then his hands switched to support himself better, going to his forearms so your slicked bodies were pressed together. The friction spurred him on; going much harder, wilder. Snapping his hips into yours faster and faster. Your free hand clutched the back of his shoulder. Your whole body was on edge. So was his going by the sloppiness inching its way in to his movements.

"Fuck you feel good, Kyungsoo," you praised. "You're so good for me." You released his neck and he immediately buried his face in the crook of yours, gasping harshly, voice broken. Body shaking from the strain of holding on. An arm shifted, fingers found your clit, and your voice got trapped halfway as you fell over the edge. It was stronger than the first. Head light and thoughts blank. Kyungsoo clawed for air as he followed you in mind-numbing pleasure. His teeth dug in to your shoulder to dampen the noises flowing from his mouth. You probably looked pathetic to outsiders; weak and chests heaving, barely able to call out.

It took several minutes for the two of you to return to regular breathing. Kyungsoo made sure you were alright before pulling out and turning to get rid of the used condom. You pouted when he returned. Red ringed the base of his neck where your hand had been. You sat up in front of him and gingerly traced it.

"That looks painful."

"It's not," he replied kindly. He wrapped your hand in both of his. "Thank you, jagi." You laughed a little.

"You don't need to thank me for having sex with you." It seemed he just realized what it sounded like and chuckled with you, blushing minutely.

"I meant thank you for doing that. For not holding back." One of his hands dropped. His thumb and pointer finger twirled the new ring on your hand. Absently fidgeting with the jewelry. "Are your legs too tired to shower?" You groaned and leaned on his chest.

"Do I have to? The bed is so comfortable. And you're here."

"Well if I shower I'll be in there. Come on, lazy. Let's go."


	24. Future Anxieties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and angst I guess?

Bolting down the familiar hallway, out of breath, and grinning even though you tried to stop. Your heart was sprinting as fast as you, skidding around the last corner. You threw open the door to the dance practice room. The smell of sweat and weirdly enough spicy noodles hit your nose. Eyes darted around the room and found who you were looking for. The other three members with him--Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Minseok--stepped sideways to give you room upon seeing the wild glint in your eyes. You ran to Kyungsoo, practically tackling him in the tightest hug you'd ever given. He staggered back a few steps, arms frozen out beside him.

"Kyungsoo," you panted. "I got it. They called. I got it." There was a beat of silence before he clicked the pieces together.

"The orchestra position?" You nodded. His arms flung around you, laughing. "I'm so proud of you, jagi."

"I couldn't wait to tell you. And Chanyeol." Pulling from Kyungsoo's embrace you turned to your childhood friend. He had a goofy, crooked smile plastered on his face. Which you expected. What you didn't expect was for him to wrap you up and lift your feet off the floor, spinning once, and setting you down. You registered his face moving closer somewhere in your brain. Ecstatic from the news, you knew he was too caught up to realize what he was doing. You wouldn't let it ruin this moment, turning so your lips brushed his cheek. He did the same then rested his head on your shoulder. Hunched over to accomplish it. The usual way he hugged you comforting you in the warmest way. He had been there since the beginning of your addiction to music. You had grown up playing together; whether at private recitals, practicing at eachothers houses, or in school. He was there when you wanted to give up. And he was the reason you didn't.

It was third year of high school. You were miserable, but you couldn't figure out why. You had okay grades, Chanyeol and you were dating, a good family. In all accounts you should have been perfectly fine. Life never gives reasons for the things it puts you through. You just have to figure out how to move forward. Your solution was drastic change. It must be routine that's getting to you, you told yourself. Routine and stress.

One morning as you zoned out in math class your brain decided it had enough. Your thoughts raced about what the future held, leg bouncing anxiously under the desk. Then you felt it. The vine snaking around your lungs and coiling tighter. It was hard to breath. Why did your chest hurt? Excusing yourself to the bathroom was your only way out. You snatched your backpack off the floor and stood abruptly. When the teacher questioned the bag you uttered a quick,

"Girl stuff," and ran out the door. You walked as quickly as you could without jogging to your normal meeting spot with Chanyeol. The entire time you were just focused on breathing so you didn't pass out. Your feet swerving like you were drunk as the edges of your vision grew fuzzy. It only managed to terrify you more. What was wrong with you?

There was a corner if you went to the outside cafeteria area and behind the library where teachers couldn't see you. The bricks surrounded you, sitting on the concrete, but the fresh air helped. You sent a quick text to Chanyeol, hands shaking.

"Come to our spot. I need you." In hindsight you could've worded it better, but you weren't thinking clearly. You clutched your head, knees pulled up to your chest, chanting to yourself internally that everything was okay. You didn't believe yourself. By the time Chanyeol arrived your were lightheaded and crying. He sat beside you and pulled you into his lap. Arms around your waist, head on your shoulder, whispering in your ear.

"Listen, I'm here. It's okay now. I'm here, dove. Everything is okay." You curled into his embrace, clawing desperately for control over yourself. You had panicked. Or maybe it was an anxiety attack. All you knew is that it hurt and it sucked and you hated it. But Chanyeol was there. He was warm and all-encompassing in the best way. His touch grounded you to reality so your mind didn't spiral. He held you until class ended, students filed by, and a new class started. Your breathing was evening out, but your hands would continue to tremble for a few hours. Chanyeol wiped your tears before asking, "what made you cry, huh?"

"Everything," you laughed mirthlessly. He kissed your temple, petting your hair. "We've been assimilated in this school system our entire lives and suddenly I'm supposed to magically grow a mind of my own and choose what to do for the rest of my life in college? Like I've ever done anything on my own? I hate it, Chanyeol. What if I don't know? What do I do? I'm so lost and scared."

"Oh honey," he cooed gently. "Don't be scared. I'll always be here for you. You already have a plan, remember? You want to study music performance."

"What if I don't though? What if that's just what I've been doing for so long that I never looked anywhere else? What if behind the music I'm nothing? Just a boring stupid teenager with a boring stupid existance."

"Well I think you're pretty great." That got one side of your mouth to twitch up, arms going around his neck.

"Just pretty great?"

"Well you did burn a pot trying to cook pasta," he snickered.

"Fair enough. I think you're pretty great, too." Chanyeol scoffed.

"Best kisser this side of the bus stop." You chuckled then sighed. "Feel better?"

"A little. Still think I'll quit band next year."

"What?!" You startled at his loud voice, sitting back enough to see his face. "How can you--no! You can't! You love music!"

"I just think I need to try different things. My whole life has revolved around music. What if I fall in love with art or photography?"

"Then try it in your free time. Don't quit band just because of some young existential crisis." You leaned forward and molded your lips together. It was always so nice kissing Chanyeol. Soft and slow. He hummed pleasantly, but pulled away after a moment, pouting. "Don't try to distract me with kissing. You're not quitting band."

"Oh I'm not?" You asked incredulously.

"No. I know you too well. You'll regret it. One year isn't that long. Plus I'd be devastated if you left me alone."

"You know everyone at this school," you scoffed. "You wouldn't be alone."

"But I'd be lonely not seeing you every morning."

"So syrupy." A grin stretched his lips.

"Don't pretend you don't love it." You stole one more kiss. "Why the sudden desire to quit? Besides what you already said."

"I need change. Something's off."

"Off how?"

"I don't know. Like heartache, but less concrete." Chanyeol squinted and tilted his head like a confused puppy. "It's nothing with you. I just can't stand it here anymore. I hate thinking about the future. It makes it hard to breathe." An idea sparked in his eyes.

"Then let's leave."

"What?"

"Not forever, but, you know. Now. Ditch school for the day and go somewhere. I have my mom's car."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, let's do it. I already have the first place we should go in mind."

"Actually, so do I." A smile grew on your lips. Chanyeol mirrored it and helped you to stand up with him. He braided his long fingers with yours, picked up your backpack, and walked with you to the parking lot. You directed him to a hair salon. He was reticent at first, but waited for you as you did the first thing most people do in this situation. It was a bit textbook, you thought as the stylist tied your long hair back, but you were excited to try something new. The scissors sliced through, and just like that you had donated your hair. After getting it shaped and stepping out you shook your head around happily. It was so much lighter and bouncy. More than just the weight of your hair seemed to disappear. Chanyeol ran his fingers through it from the drivers seat of his mom's car, the feathered sides slipping through like, well, feathers. Tucking the strands behind your ear.

"It looks good," he grinned crookedly. "Really soft. Do you like it?"

"A lot. Your hair is almost as long as mine now," you teased. It was true. His bangs had grown to ungodly lengths, the rest pulled back loosely by a hair tie. When you sat in his room and watched him mindlessly pick at his guitar you could swear you were just a groupie witnissing the next ages rock star. But then in that pathetic old car with his swimming dark eyes staring at you, he was just Chanyeol. The Chanyeol you loved. The dork who started using beauty products because he was worried he wasn't handsome enough for you. A ridiculous notion that you assured him was such, but you wouldn't complain considering the lack of breakouts that occured on his face and the fruity scent his shampoo wafted past you since. Still a dork at heart, but he was your dork. He just looked so kissable in that moment. So you voiced it. He chuckled at the abruptness.

"Just can't get enough, can you?" His lips covered yours, hand on the back of your neck. The angle bending over the center console was uncomfortable so it didn't last as long as you would have liked. The warm, tingly feeling lingering on your lips afterward was enough for now.

Next was his idea. An ice cream shop. You realized you had hours to kill before going home so you drove out of town after. Chanyeol took you to a lake that was surrounded by hills. It was a popular spot you had been to before, but mid-day the place was abandoned. A quiet picnic bench and still walking trails were the only things in sight. At first you just sat on the edge of a self made dock, hanging your feet in the cool water. You allowed the wind and calm to wrap you in its peacefulness. Chanyeol covered your hand with his between your bodies on the wood and leaned his head on your shoulder.

"Not to be a cliche teenager," he prompted. "But do you want to swim?"

"In what? And don't say our underwear."

"Fine. Then how about naked?" You tensed but tried to keep your teasing tone.

"It's the middle of the day, troublemaker."

"Never stopped you from blowing me on the bus to our last concert." Your face flared with heat at the memory. Since you rode with the loudest section--percussion--it had been the perfect storm to get away with it. The rowdy group of teenagers distracting the one chaperone and the tall backs of the seats hiding you from view. It was so difficult to stay annoyed at him, though. Especially after he laughed. And it was pretty miraculous you weren't caught that day. So you laughed softly beside him.

"Underwear or not at all. I don't trust you."

"That hurts my feelings," he whined and pouted. Chanyeol moved, but it wasn't to undress. His cheek shifted on your shoulder, angling his face so you felt his warm puffs of air as he breathed steadily. There was a pause then he shifted closer, mouth connecting to the side of your neck. It was slow, tongue peeking out to wet your skin. Chills made you shiver all over. Your heart drummed heavy against your ribs as he moved up closer and closer until you caved and kissed him directly.

"You know, this is exactly why I don't trust you." His soft lips stretched into a smile. His nose rubbed against yours.

"But you love me, right?"

"Always. Don't think it's possible for me not to."

"When you totally don't quit band and sit third chair in some famous symphony I'll be your number one fan."

"I'll reserve your seat," you grinned back jovially. "And when you're a famous singer I can warn the world about how small your dick is." His head shot up, mouth agape in stunned shock. You took in a large lungful of air as your stomach turned, and then the sky was in front of you. Ice enveloped your body. Then your vision. Your arms flailed and your head emerged from the water. You gasped and wiped the water from your eyes. Chanyeol was in hysterics, slapping his knees and clapping. Let him be that way, you thought before grabbing his ankle. You yanked as hard as you could. The giant tumbled into the lake with you. He waded in front of you and shook his head like a wet dog, water droplets flinging in your face. Much less annoyed at being in the water with his clothes on than you. Clumps of his hair stuck to his face. He ran a palm up to slick it back out of the way.

"I was joking, ass."

"But I solved our swimming problem," he laughed back.

"You can forget me watching all your concerts now." Chanyeol continued smiling, but pulled you closer and whined.

"No, you have to be there. I want every single fan to be jealous of how much I love you."

"Agh, that seems like so much trouble." His pitch slid up and down like a rollar coaster saying your name. He peppered kisses up your jaw. You giggled and gave in. "Fine, fine. Crybaby. I'd be too sad watching you from the sidelines anyway."

"You'd pine after me from afar?" Chanyeol mocked your voice. "Oh, Chan, how could I ever let you go out touring alone? How I miss my love so. My handsome, talented, sexy prince." Your nose scrunched in distaste, splashing his face with water. He laughed and went back to his regular deep timbre.

"You've always wanted this opportunity," he congratulated. Voice overflowing with pride and sincerity. You slammed back to the present at a blistering speed. Suddenly your heart ached in the most beautiful way. He was there when you started at nothing. He prevented you from becoming nothing, because surely without music that's all you'd amount to. And here you were watching him from a distance while he lived his dreams. Out of the way. Hidden. You would need to make more effort in supporting him. "I'll be in the front row to all your concerts. Oh dove, I'm so happy for you I could cry."

"Please don't cry," you chuckled, ignoring his use of your old pet name. "You'll make me cry, too."

"Quit hogging her!" Baekhyun pouted behind you. Chanyeol released you, letting you hug the singer. Chanyeol's face tinted a rosy pink. Baekhyun smiled against your ear and whispered, "congratulations Y/N. I promise to see your concert in person this time." Lastly was Minseok. The eldest yanked you closer by the arm and embraced you, hands wandering to your hips when he pulled back.

"I can't wait to hear you play. Rumor says you're decent." The both of you laughed right as the practice room door burst open. Jongin came rushing in out of breath. He was the one to let you in the building, but you ditched him to get here faster.

"What the hell?" He called over.

"Sorry," you replied, stepping away from Minseok. "I was just so excited. I got into the orchestra." His eyes widened.

"Well then? Don't I get a hug too?" You grinned and he walked over to wrap his long arms around your shoulders briefly. These boys were so needy. After he stepped away Chanyeol drifted to your side, patting your head then kissing your hair.

"This calls for a celebration," he declared. "It's not every day your dreams come true. Anything you want?"

"A decent nights rest?" you quipped.

"Is Soo keeping our precious dove up all night?" Baekhyun cut in with a smirk.

"When did you start calling me dove?"

"Just now. It's cute, isn't it?"

"I haven't decided yet." The news really sinking in again had you over the moon. It was actually happening. Smiling and stepping over to Kyungsoo his arm naturally came around you, and you kissed him firmly. "Thank you." He blinked at you.

"For what?" he chuckled. His other hand came up, thumb swiping along your cheek. The one Chanyeol had kissed, you noted. Like he was trying to clean off what his friends lips tainted. Or you could be overthinking the loving actions of your boyfriend. His eyes gave nothing away so you ignored the thought.

"Supporting me. You're the best." That got you a bashful smile and pink cheeks.

"You earned it on your own," he mumbled.

"When's your first rehearsal?" Chanyeol questioned. He practically vibrated with excitement, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

"Two days from now. I can't wait. The section leader was so nice, and the concert music has Strauss and Ravel! I've never been this happy I'm still processing everything. Oh god, I need to practice! If I don't have everything prepared I'll look like an idiot!" Minseok raised an eyebrow in your direction.

"Isn't that the point of rehearsals?"

"This is professional, big league stuff, Minnie. We get our music in advance and only come together to run through what we've practiced on our own two or three times before a concert. Just enough to blend our sound and make minor adjustments the conductor wants. That's the magic! We're one big symbiotic thing, reading off eachother and constantly adjusting to fit into one cohesive sound. I love it so much. I can't wait. I should get home and start practicing." You turned, but was stopped by Baekhyun.

"Hold on. Chanyeol said we should celebrate. Your place tonight? Drinks?"

"If Kyungsoo doesn't mind I'd love that." All eyes went to him. Kyungsoo sighed and shrugged.

"I don't see why not."

"Is tonight the night then?" Jongin questioned innocently. You knew what he meant. It had been two months since you made amends with Kyungsoo and things had really fallen into place. So when he brought up introducing you to the fans you weren't surprised. You had to have a long discussion about it, but ultimately you got frustrated at talking in circles. You were both stressed and tired, heads throbbing from over-complicated situations. That's how you came to the agreement that once you learned if you got the orchestra seat or not you would give him your answer.

"Maybe," you smiled slightly. Kyungsoo perked up at your response. He really wanted you to meet his fans. He felt it was important since you had been together so long in secret. Which meant he thought this would last for much longer into the future, and you hoped for the same. The thought that you could celebrate more anniversaries together made your heart leap.

"I'll call you in a few hours then?" Kyungsoo grinned dreamily.

"I'll keep my phone nearby." He waved smally as you exited. Jongin pushed his back, forcing him forward.

"Dude! Go walk her out!" You heard this over your shoulder and waited at the door. Kyungsoo shook his head clear and jogged over, holding the door for you. You thanked him as you made your way down the complicated corridors.

"So," he started awkwardly. "Did you mean it? About tonight?"

"I'm still scared," you answered truthfully. "I like my privacy, you know? And I don't know if it will help or hurt my career, but...I trust you. If this is really what you want then I'll do it."

"Hey." Kyungsoo laced his fingers with yours as you came to the elevator. You pressed the call button. His deep, gentle voice calmed your nerves. "We'll do everything we can to protect you. All of us. I can't promise nothing bad will happen, but I can promise to be there if it does. I'll bet you even get some of your own fans after this." This had all been said before. You were tired of repeating yourself. The elevator doors opened. One person stepped out and you both went in. The small metal box shook as it started its descent. Kyungsoo came closer, taking up your other hand as well. "You're the most talented, intelligent, beautiful, hard-working woman I know. Once they see that they'll love you just as much as I do."

"Not all of them," you muttered. There will always be someone who hates you no matter what. That's in regular life, too. The flute section leader already voiced her distaste at someone so young joining the orchestra. She deemed you irresponsible on day one.

"Is that what you're scared of? Hate comments?"

"Not really," you partially lied. "I can handle that." Not a lie. "Just scared in general I think. Or anxious. It's hard to tell apart."

"Listen to me." Your hands were released in favor of him cupping either side of your face. He leaned in and brushed his lips over yours shortly. "All of Exo love you. That's all that matters. Anything else is background noise, okay? As long as we're happy together. We control our own lives, yeah?"

"Yeah," you agreed with a soft smile.

"Are you happy with me?"

"Every day."

"G-good," he stumbled suddenly, heat rising up his neck. The elevator dinged, doors creaking open. He stepped away quickly, cleared his throat, and you walked out. The door to the parking deck was just behind you. He held his arm in front of the elevator to prevent the metal doors from shutting. "Promise me you're ready? I need to know you're 100% certain."

"I promise." He sighed in relief.

"I'll tell Junmyeon and see you tonight."

"Come home safe."

"I will," he chuckled. "Don't forget to eat in between practicing."

"I won't."

"I love you." The sudden tenderness to his tone made your heart flutter. His sparkling eyes and wide smile didn't help either. "Felt like...saying that," he explained shyly.

"I love you, too." You waved. He lifted his arm, fingers waving one by one starting from pinky to pointer. Like a kid too shy to hug someone goodbye. It was cute. The elevator closed without his limb to block it. Still the same flustered mess you first went out to dinner with a little over a year ago, you lamented. You were so in love it made your stomach ache. How did people do this their whole lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blowjob on the bus story really happened in my old school by the way. Except in real life they were caught because the bus hit a bump and she bit his dick by accident. It was hilarious, not gonna lie hahaha


	25. Liquor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tiny confession and a big announcement feat. drunk members

Practice went well. You remembered Kyungsoo's well-meaning words and stopped to make yourself some food. A light sandwich would do since the boys would be over in a few hours to eat and drink. After you sat the plate down you looked for a drink. The longer you stared inside the fridge the more unsteady you felt. The tighter your chest became.

Okay, just stop, you told yourself and shut the door to the fridge. Stop everything and breathe. That was how you had always curbed your anxiety attacks. It didn't work every time, but it would at least prevent things from escalating too much while you were alone. Deep breath in. Out. In. Out. Why were you anxious suddenly? You didn't have to search your thoughts for long. The announcement. Soon the entire world would know you're dating Kyungsoo. It was exciting but terrifying. Much like your relationship when you first met. This would be good, you convinced yourself. Long inhale. Long exhale. Even if things went bad you could stay away from the comments. You had avoided too much about Kyungsoo's group on the internet so far. You only knew what he told you. It would be fine. You would be fine.

Just in case, though. You pivoted on your heel and opened a cabinet. Liquor. All the arrangements you kept for when the members came over. You grabbed the weakest one and poured a glass. This would calm your trembling hands until Kyungsoo came home. Which was sooner than you thought.

Two hours passed before the front door clicked open and shut. The sandwich was long gone. But so was the bottle you had been sipping out of. You had a fairly high tolerance, and it was weak booze, so you stood to greet him. Kyungsoo's eyes flitted from the dining table with the empty liquor bottle to your flushed face as he put away his coat.

"Y/N, how drunk are you?"

"Not very," you answered. You smiled proudly at how non-slurred your words were. Man he looked good, you thought. Those tight jeans and baggy sweatshirt. You chewed on your bottom lip as he came closer. Were his hips swaying? Or was that the alcohol? Kyungsoo opened his mouth to speak, but you wrapped your arms around his neck and crashed your lips together. It was short and uncoordinated. He backed away with a wet smack, eyebrows pulled together in consternation.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," you giggled. Your hands had a mind of their own running down his chest and sides. Then tugging up his sweatshirt to hold his slim waist. "Can't I kiss you hello?" His fingers came around your wrists, guiding your hands off his skin to your dismay. You were itching to touch him. How were you supposed to resist him when he looked so delicious? And how had you never noticed how handsome he looked in that sweatshirt before now? The soft, black material hung off his slight frame down to his thighs. Those thighs. The ones that looked like they might burst the seams of his pants with how thick and firm they were from dancing so often. It was sinful. Teasing you with the bare skin you knew was underneath. You suddenly had the urge to tear off his skinny jeans and ride him with only the sweatshirt on. Heat rushed between your legs at the thought.

"Jagi, are you listening to me?" His scolding tone snapped you back to the present. He was practically glaring now. Dammit he was hot. "I've never seen you day drink. In fact I don't think I've ever seen you completely drunk at all."

"I'm not," you assured with a cute smile. "I'm not even swaying in place yet. See?" You took your hands back and stood still in front of him. It was true you didn't show obvious outward signs, but your vision was bordering on swimming. You were aware enough to know you were teetering on drunk, but he didn't need to know that. So you focused on controlling the symptoms. Don't laugh at everything, don't stumble, speak clearly, and touch him. Wait, no. You mentally slapped yourself. Control your hormones.

"I don't believe you," he spoke with a shake of his head. Then he was leading you to the bathroom. You followed without questioning it. "You're staring at me weirdly. I don't have time to deal with this."

"I can't think you're sexy?"

"Not when eight other guys are about to walk through that door with a camera." Kyungsoo stopped you at the sink and turned to start the shower. The last half of his sentence went completely over your head.

"Let them come in. Didn't you talk about wanting them to catch us fucking?" He grumbled something under his breath, shoulders tense. He bent over to grab a shampoo bottle that had fallen. You tilted your head and stared wantonly, biting your lip hard. The dark denim stretched and strained over his backside. So much effort just to hold his assets. It would be so easy to relieve the stress those jeans were under. His full, rounded ass on display. Were those pants melded to his body? How were they so tight without ripping? You were about to combust. Kyungsoo shot up swiftly, owlish eyes finding your heavily lidded ones.

"Did you just moan?" Did you? You didn't notice. Your teeth released your abused lip. "I heard you. You moaned while staring at my ass." You shrugged. Kyungsoo scoffed, one side of his mouth lifting in a bemused smirk. He set the shampoo aside. "You're a horny drunk." It wasn't a question.

"Horny is such a gross word." He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes sparking with amusement.

"Is this why you have that 'no sex while drunk' rule? Did you wake up in some random bed when you were younger with someone you didn't like?"

"No," you refuted a little too aggressively, pouting.

"Strip." Your hands went for your shirt first without thought. Then your pants. While Kyungsoo stood there watching with that cocky smirk.

"I did like him thank you very much." You felt very defensive suddenly. Like your pride needed protecting. Or you were just tired of keeping this story secret and you had lost part of your filter. "That's the problem."

"Was it awkward or something?"

"Of course it was awkward, I didn't remember half of it." Your pants were kicked off. Next was your bra.

"Did he ask for a play-by-play or something?" It was meant as a joke, but your heart stung at the un-intentional jab.

"I just felt bad, okay? It was my first time." His smirk flattened. Your fingers paused at the clasp on your back. Too tired to take it off. You hugged yourself and looked down, feeling strangely vulnerable. Your voice lowered. "I felt gross." Kyungsoo called your name softly. Strong arms wrapped you in an embrace. You hid your face in his sweatshirt. "That's why I have the rule. I don't want to feel that way again. Ever."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"No one knows. It was too embarrassing."

"If it makes you feel better my first time wasn't that great either."

"But you remember it." His chest heaved with a long sigh.

"I do. I'm sorry."

"I never even told him. I was so scared of hurting him."

"I take it it didn't end well?"

"Well he's still not so secretly in love with me and I'm living with his best friend so no. Not really." Kyungsoo pulled back.

"It was Chanyeol?" You already missed his warmth. You clutched his sweatshirt and tugged him closer, head on his chest. You hummed pleasantly. "We'll talk about it later," he sighed quietly. Kyungsoo went back to nagging mode. Prying your hands off, him he unhooked your bra and slid it off your arms. "You still need to sober up. Come on, jagi." The room bobbed back and forth. You chuckled and swayed with it to keep it in place.

"I think that last glass is kicking in." His fingers hooked in your underwear. The thin material dropped around your ankles. You stepped out of them and leaned forward. Your lips met his neck, but he stepped back. "Kyungsoo," you whined. "Come on, I've been wet ever since you came home. Play with me."

"Not like this," he answered montonously. "Shower. Now." A grin played on your lips.

"Will you join me?"

"No." You placed your hands on his hips.

"You're so cruel."

"You shouldn't have been drinking this much. Do you realize we're planning to livestream our announcement in an hour? I came home early to cook. Not to babysit."

"You're so sexy when you scold me."

"Y/N," he said firmly, shoving your hands away. "I said no. Take a cold shower and dress in something nice."

"Make me."

"No, don't go there." You noticed the way his jaw clenched when he swallowed, adams apple bobbing. You moved closer. This time when you kissed his neck he stayed put. One of your hands wandered to the front of his jeans. Your lips ghosted over the shell of his ear.

"Why don't you take off these tight pants and fuck me until I behave?" His head turned, lips fitting with yours in a bruising kiss. You moaned and followed his lead. Eager for what was to come. You stumbled backwards. Then you yelped. When you opened your eyes you were in the shower. The icy water pelted your shoulder and side. Your whole body immediately began to shiver. Kyungsoo laughed at his victory. "A-a-asshole," you stammered. Teeth chattering.

"I'm going to start dinner. You better be sober and ready for company in an hour." Then he picked up your clothes and left.

When you emerged from your room, dry and dressed, you looked sheepishly to Kyungsoo. He was in the kitchen stirring something in a large pot, glasses perched on his nose. It smelled delicious. Tomato-y, whatever it was. You had put on dark jeans and a pastel top. One of the few nice shirts you owned that wasn't black or white. You even put on an undershirt so your bra didn't show through which you normally didn't care about. He saw you from the corner of his eye and smiled.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah. My head cleared up a lot. Thanks." He jerked his head towards the dining table.

"There's a glass of water waiting for you." Indeed there was.

"I'm sorry about earlier," you told him softly. Kyungsoo tapped the handle of the spoon he stirred with on the edge of the pot and set it on the counter. "For coming on to you like that, and blabbering that stupid story. You didn't need to hear that." He faced you with a confused look.

"First of all, 'coming on to me'? Are we in a fifties high school movie? Should I tell the audience tonight we're 'going steady'? Second, I'm glad you told me." His eyebrows ticked up in a reaction you couldn't quite place. Like he was thinking, 'it was crazy, but good.' He walked to one of the cabinets, pulled out some salt and pepper and went back to the pot. "I have questions, but they can wait until tonight." You went to the table, picked up your glass of water, and stood on the opposite side of the island from him. Your eyes drifted. Even sober you loved these pants. They hugged him in all the right places, and if only that damn oversized sweatshirt wasn't blocking your view of his ass--no. Focus.

"What kind of questions?"

"Don't worry about it."

"No, go ahead. I told you this much. Why not the rest of my secrets?" He sprinkled the salt and pepper on his palm before dumping them in. He stirred.

"He didn't--I mean he didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No."

"It's just, I've heard his side of the story. Before I met you when we all talked about our...stories. He never mentioned it being awkward."

"Well he's a liar," you chuckled. Kyungsoo spooned some of whatever he was cooking in his mouth to taste. He decided to add another pinch of salt. "We didn't talk for a week after it happened."

"You never told him you don't remember?"

"Well I remember parts. It's embarrassing."

"Most first time stories are. It's okay."

"It just felt like...you know that empty feeling you get when you're lonely? It was like that, but inside of me. It's hard to explain."

"You felt violated," he provided. You stared wide-eyed at the back of his head. How did he know? Kyungsoo set the spoon down on the counter and strolled over so he was in front of you. He leaned his hip on the island, arms crossed. "Right?"

"Yeah, but--"

"But you loved him." Your brows stitched together, searching his face, but it was blank. "That's how I felt after that snake. I mean, it's different because I knew she was cheating at the time." His ex, the chef you met. Your mouth shaped an 'o' in understanding. He must have let her have sex with him because he thought it would make her stop cheating. He thought if he gave her what she wanted she would stay with him. Then to find out it didn't matter. That she used him. It broke your heart knowing he endured that. It was no wonder he was so withdrawn when you first started dating. He needed to know you weren't going to leave him once you had sex. That you cared. "I just don't understand why you stayed with him after that. If he made you feel like shit why did you date him? She siphoned something out of me that night. I couldn't stand to be near her. My skin crawled and my stomach would be upset. Why was Chanyeol different?"

"He didn't use me," you replied slowly. "We were stupid kids drunk at a party, but he loved me. He took the hurt away after."

"So you never felt violated again after that?"

"Of course not." Kyungsoo sighed deeply and kissed your forehead.

"That all I needed to know." With his gentle smile to reassure you and lift the mood you went over to the two pots on the stove with him. The larger one he had been stirring was filled with a red sauce. The second pot had drained noodles. Spaghetti. He scooped some sauce on his stirring spoon and held it out to you. You blew on it before tasting it and hummed.

"Perfect. That's really good, Soo."

"Good," he chirped happily. He switched off the stove, poured the noodles in the sauce pot, and gave the spoon to you. So you put your water down. "Can you mix that together while I get changed?"

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?"

"I want to look nice for the broadcast."

"You look great," you grinned.

"I'll be right back." You gulped down the water while incorperating the noodles and sauce together. After finishing you filled a second glass and got out dishes to serve dinner on. Kyungsoo came back a few minutes later with a plain black t-shirt on. You couldn't help but laugh.

"Kyungsoo, you hardly look different."

"Sure I do," he argued with a smile. "You can see my waistline now." You walked over to him and kissed his cheek with a giggle.

"Very chic." That's when you paused. "Wait, did you put on make-up?" There was evidence of concealer on his more red spots and powder to cover up the shine on his nose.

"Just a little." You rolled your eyes, but couldn't stop smiling. He cared more than he let on that tonight go well. Not long after you heard the knocks on the door and you opened it to let the other eight men inside. You greeted and ate like normal. The conversation you were dreading occured as you all sat around the living room after dinner.

"Alright, good," Junmyeon started. "Everyone on the floor against the wall. We can't give away where we are. Y/N, did Kyungsoo go over the rules?"

"Rules?"

"Sorry I haven't," Kyungsoo answered. Junmyeon gave a tight-lipped smile and faced you as the others got ready. The energy in the room completely shifted. Everyone was buzzing with anticipation. Sitting huddled on the floor in front of the blank wall where you still didn't own a tv. You don't think you'd ever get one to be honest. It wasn't necessary when you could cuddle next to Kyungsoo in bed at night with a laptop. Something warm wrapped around your hand and you looked to see Junmyeon tightening his grip.

"You're doing great, Y/N." The assuring words forced you to pause and take a deep breath. He was pulling you away from the commotion, thumb stroking the back of your palm. His soft voice was like magic. Your pulse slowed. The conversations and bickering of the other eight faded to the background and you nodded to show you were listening. "I know it's a lot to take in at once, but we all believe you're ready for it. Since you haven't been involved with our group you don't know what to expect totally. That's why I'm here now. I put Chanyeol in charge of starting the livestream. We'll all greet the audience and give it a minute for people to tune in. We'll announce that we have news and Kyungsoo will introduce you. Here's where the rules kick in." You nodded again so he knew you weren't tuning him out. "Don't give away any details you're not comfortable with the whole world knowing. No locations, numbers, stuff like that. No over the top physical affection. And especially watch your language, please. All our content is meant to be suitable for a younger audience."

"Okay," you agreed slowly, processing everything.

"In the future maybe we'll reveal your job, but for now with your new position in the orchestra it's better to wait so you're not harassed. Chanyeol agreed to letting everyone know you grew up together, but leave out the messy details. Are you okay with that?"

"Lie?"

"No, just omit that you dated."

"Yeah that's fine."

"Good. Then that's it. We'll probably talk about our upcoming schedules and answer a few comments and say goodbye. It won't be long. Still nervous?" He saw right through you. You chuckled and nodded. His arms came around to embrace you, rubbing up and down your back to act like he was scrubbing off your jittery energy.

"Thanks, Junmyeon."

"My pleasure, dove."

"So the name is sticking, huh?"

"Baek told me. I thought it was cute."

"From you it is. From him it sounds like teasing." Junmyeon laughed brightly and let you go.

"The fans will learn to love you just as much as us. You're wonderful. Don't doubt this."

"I'm not. You really are something else, Junmyeon. Thank you for taking care of me." His smile widened.

"You're like a sister. Of course I'm gonna take care of you. Ready?"

"Yeah." He pat your shoulder before joining the others, leaving you out of frame in the kitchen. Kyungsoo moved so he was closest to you while Chanyeol got out his phone. You took a deep breath. The screen mirrored their faces and Chanyeol greeted the camera. The members behind him couldn't keep still, whispering their excitement. They so were not subtle at all. It was adorable to witness actually.

"Get to it!" Jongdae urged. "They can play back the beginning later."

"Alright, everyone, we have a special announcment to make. Kyungsoo." He tilted the camera so they both showed clearly. Heat rose up his face as he started talking.

"We want to introduce you to someone. Please welcome this person with the same amount of love, support and respect you have with us." He looked over at you with a nervous smile and motioned you over. You sat next to him on the floor, grinning and waving at the camera. "This is Y/N. My girlfriend."

"Hello, everyone," you said brightly. "It's wonderful to finally greet you."

"We've been together for a while, but we kept it secret for privacy's sake. You guys are an important part of my life, but over the time we've been together Y/N has grown to be as well. It only felt right to introduce these two worlds together. The two things that make me happiest. I know this might come as a shock, but we're really great together. She's great. I hope you all grow to love her as much as I do."

"Don't leave us out!" Baekhyun interjected. "We love you too, Y/N."

"How did you meet? I have that answer," Chanyeol read out loud. "Y/N and I were childhood friends. I introduced them." You suppose it was only partially a lie since he was one of the ones who forced Kyungsoo out that night you met. You laughed and ruffled his hair.

"I've known this goofball for ages." Your hand instinctually fell back down onto Kyungsoo's knee. He covered it with his, interlocking your fingers. It knocked him out of his trance and he glanced to the camera again. All the members huddled to search the comments. Jongin chuckled out of nowhere.

"Someone thought you were going to show off a new dog, Soo."

"Well she is family," Sehun added.

"Aw, guys. You're going to make me blush."

"Y/N, answer that one!" Baekhyun pointed excitedly. The text was scrolling too fast for you.

"I missed it."

"Your job."

"Oh, I'm a musician. I play and teach." You did your best to read the comments. One that flew by made you laugh. "Yes, Chanyeol's ears have always been huge."

"Hey! I'm sensitive about my ears." The giant whined. That was when you noticed Kyungsoo fiddling with the ring on your finger. A habit he had picked up since giving it to you. Whenever he held your hand he found himself twirling the small silver band mindlessly. It didn't do any harm so you never pointed it out. You doubt he even knew he did it.

"She takes great care of us." Yixing's voice brought you back to the conversation. Junmyeon cut in next, taking the phone from Chanyeol. Like most of the others you weren't in frame anymore.

"She's very encouraging and helpful to our members. Sometimes on especially busy weeks she'll surprise us with food to force us to take a break." Sehun leaned on the leaders' shoulder. "I've never met someone I so quickly considered a close friend. She's really incredible."

"Stop," you chuckled. "I'm normal. I just care a lot. You make me seem like some perfect person."

"But you are pretty close," Kyungsoo whispered. The others didn't hear it, but you felt yourself blush at his words. You nudged his shoulder with yours.

"Charmer." Kyungsoo chuckled softly and looked away shyly, fighting the pull of a smile on his lips. They directed the topic away to their schedules for the remainder of the stream. Which you were grateful for. You could relax and laugh at the boys' usual antics from the sideline where you preferred to be.

When the stream ended you were caught off guard. Chanyeol was turning around as he put away his phone. You opened your mouth to thank all of them when your lips were suddenly smothered. Several gasps and a few giggles were heard. Your eyes blew open wide. Out of the corner you saw Jongin slapping Sehun's shoulder in a fit of excitement, mouth agape and eyes smiling. Sehun was complaining how it hurt, but it went on deaf ears. Kyungsoo was pressed up against you, forcing you to lose your balance. Your eyes fluttered closed as you fell on your back. Kyungsoo tugged on your lip with his teeth before his tongue darted out and you caved. Your hands went around and pulled him even closer, his upper body twisted on top of yours. A small moan slipped from you, and it only made him use that much more ferosity. His soft lips bruising yours with deep, ebbing pushes and bites to suck you back in. Tongue rolling into your mouth tantalizingly. A few cheers came from beside you. The air was stifling. One of Kyungsoo's hands groped up your side. Halting just below your breast. His thumb traced the edge of your bra. He manuevered a leg between yours so he was on top of you. Your heart raced. How far was he going to go? How far would you go? Would you let him touch you in front of eight other people? His bandmates no less? Turns out you didn't have to answer that question yet.

"Stop!" A booming voice cut through suddenly. "What the hell?!" Kyungsoo's heat left your mouth as he pulled away. Staring down at you with those daring eyes. Do it, they taunted silently. Make everyone see you're mine.

"Sorry Junmyeon," he threw over his shoulder. "I had to do that."

"Bullshit!" Jondae laughed. "But I'm not complaining."

"By all means continue," Minseok added. You didn't have to look to know he was smirking. He probably had an eyebrow raised in your direction too. Those wide, expressive eyes lurking up your body. You felt their stares turn hot on you. It wasn't just Minseok. That's when it occured to you. The one who almost never shut up hadn't made a peep in minutes. Baekhyun. You broke from Kyungsoo's eyes to chance a look over and there he was. His gaze was heavy on you, pink lips slightly parted. Breath passed in and out at a forcibly steady rate like he was focused on it not shrinking and becoming shallow. Sitting stiffly in between Jongdae and Sehun.

Another thought passed your mind and you quickly squirmed out from under Kyungsoo. Sitting up against the wall with your knees to your chest and a strong blush coloring your face. Kyungsoo sat up as well, following your eyes to Chanyeol. He was paralyzed. Almost frightened looking. Tears gathered in his eyes. His gaze darted from your lips to Kyungsoo then back to you.

"Chanyeol, I'm so sorry." He forced a smile and shook his head clear. The corners of his mouth were going up and down like he was glitching.

"No," he replied weakly. "Don't be sorry. Why should you be sorry? You were just kissing Kyungsoo. In front of us. I should go."

"Oh come on you big baby!" Minseok whined, tugging on Chanyeol's sleeve. "We haven't even started drinking. Celebrate with us."

"Right. Drinks. That sounds really good right now."

"Yeol," Sehun called after him. Chanyeol was already emptying your liquor cabinet onto the island in the kitchen. "Maybe you're not in the best headspace for this." Kyungsoo glanced at you guiltily. "I can go back to the dorms with you if you want. I'm not a big drinker anyway."

"No," he refused as he retrieved glasses. The group began to sit in their regular places around the living room, Minseok and Yixing moving silently to help pour drinks. "What kind of best friend would I be if I abandoned Y/N like that?" His anxious energy was slowly being released. His smile less forced and twitchy. The atmosphere still needed a kick in the right direction, though.

Chanyeol was normally a hard lemonade or beer kind of guy, but that night he went straight to the vodka. He brought you a glass of the same mixed drink and clinked the cups together before drinking. You took a long swig. Chanyeol coughed, face twisting as he got down his own large gulp with difficulty. Baekhyun picked up a conversation while everyone sat down with their choice drinks. You didn't pay much attention. You were worried over Chanyeol. He continued to force down alcohol like a man who wants to forget. Whether that be the situation or his feelings you couldn't determine yet, but you would be sure to take care he doesn't get sick.

Without realizing it you had polished off three glasses in no time. Sipping whenever you felt anxious. Which turned out to be all the time. You kept an eye on your old friend as he gradually made his drinks stronger. Yours tasted more and more like vodka with each glass as well. Minseok not so subtly mentioning wanting to compete with you on who could hold their liquor better. Your fourth is when your head began feeling woozy. Not drunk, but that floaty, giggly lightness that comes with being tipsy. Normally that's when you'd stop, but that night you had something to prove.

"I'm a fantastic drinker," you boasted. Minseok smiled.

"I bet you'll be sloppy drunk way before me."

"What do I get if I win?"

"How about a favor?"

"What kind?"

"Anything you want. But if I win, I get a favor from you."

"I don't know about anything. Nothing illegal. And no sex stuff."

"Fine. Deal?"

"Deal." You bumped your glasses together and finished off your fourth drink for the night. Minseok had been keeping up with you just to propose this. The others encouraged you while Minseok refilled both of your drinks. Kyungsoo draped his arm on your shoulders from next to you on the sofa. Still on his second rum mixture.

"You know," Chanyeol spoke up. The rapper had his legs sprawled wide on the floor, sitting back against the blank wall on a pillow to cushion his ass. You lost count of his drinks after Minseok stole your attention away. "We haven't drunk together since that band camp party third year."

"Oh yeah," you recalled fondly. A laugh escaped you. "That saxophone player almost blew us all up."

"And you insisted on staying inside afterward."

"What happened?" Sehun questioned. All ears turned to you. Minseok brought your refill and sat down.

"There was a party our band had after we won competition that spring. Someone started a bonfire after it got dark, but someone else brought fireworks. It fell over right before going off and exploded inside the bonfire."

"I thought I'd shit myself!" Chanyeol barked out in laughter. You joined.

"I was so terrified. We had to fucking leap away while splinters flew everywhere! No one was hurt, but holy shit..."

"You reached a new level of drunk that night."

"There are levels?" Baekhyun asked excitedly.

"First." Chanyeol held up the corresponding amount of fingers. "The giggly bitch. Laughs at everything." As if to prove his point you giggled at his statement. "Two. Clumsy. Loss of coordination and balance. I can always tell she's starting to get drunk when she sways in place. This is usually where she stops because she doesn't want to reach peak drunk Y/N. Peak drunk Y/N is super flirty and loose."

"Oh my god," Baekhyun beamed. "Our dove is a slutty drunk!"

"Maybe a little," you admitted with a grin, making everyone laugh.

"So what was the level at the band party?" Jongdae asked.

"I'm getting there," Chanyeol replied with an amused smirk "Level four. Clingy. It doesn't matter what you're doing Y/N will want your attention and physical affection. And finally, level five. She passes out." You recall the night in question. You had actually pretended to fall asleep so he wouldn't try to have sex with you. But no amount of drinks would make you admit that to him. Because then you would have to explain how you felt after the first time. Never. Never seemed a good time for that.

"Damn," Jongin scoffed. "Which of those levels do you blackout at?"

"Somewhere in between three and four. Only did that once, though. I don't like getting drunk."

"Wake up in some assholes bed?"

"Something like that." Kyungsoo's arm slipped down to your waist and tightened around you, leaning his head on your shoulder.

"Hey!" Chanyeol yelled in mock offense. "I was not an asshole! I bought you pizza the next morning for the hangover."

"It was delicious pizza I'll give you that." He seemed satisfied with that and the conversation cleared to something Jongdae said.

It took an hour for the alcohol to catch up with you. The room swayed. Your vision processed slower. Everyone was in relatively the same state, but some hid it better. Kyungsoo for example was laughing more freely and not moving your hand from his thigh, but that was about it. At one point his fingers dug into your upper thigh, but Jongin teased him for being handsy so he stopped. While on the other spectrum Minseok was very, very flirty. Once the tongues were loosened you knew you were in trouble.

"I think you both lose," Sehun announced.

"Why?" Minseok defended.

"Because you're both sloppy."

"Am not," you replied. "I'm still perfectly aware. If anyone is sloppy it's Baekhyun."

"I'm not part of your bet," the boy called over.

"No, but you've been eye fucking me all night. At least you're usually more subtle about it."

"What?"

"Don't act innocent. I notice how you've watch Kyungsoo and me for months with those pretty eyes. You're not getting a show no matter how hard you wish for it, pervert."

"Ha!" Minseok exclaimed. "She's got you pegged!" Baekhyun's face went bright red, stammering.

"I-I do not want to watch my two friends fucking. Are you kidding me? That-that sounds s-so wrong."

"I've thought about it," the oldest shrugged with a smirk. "But Soo was the one watching."

"Careful," Kyungsoo warned.

"Although it would feed your jealous kick to fuck your precious jagi in front of us, wouldn't it?"

"Please," you scoffed in return. "Like I'd ever let any of you near me."

"Oh you wouldn't?" Minseok was challenging you again. He stood from his chair and swaggered over to the couch. Kyungsoo put his lips to your ear and murmered a low,

"Behave." It sent shivers down your spine. Then his body heat was retreating from your side. You watched Minseok intently as he stood in front of you, large eyes appraising you. That cocky, hungry look he reserved for his prey. You did your best to quell the warmth spreading through your body. It was a powerful look coming from him. Honed over the years to affect anyone on the recieving end. He plucked your drink from your hands and took a sip. His free hand popped open the top button on his shirt. You snickered at his attempt to seduce you. Minseok glared.

"Why are you laughing?"

"You look ridiculous."

"Then how would you try to get Kyungsoo's attention, miss perfect?"

"I don't have to try at all." That earned some ooh's and stifled laughter.

"How does he get yours, then?" You motioned like you were zipping your lips shut. His smirk grew. Your drink was put on the coffee table and then Minseok was bending over, hands supporting himself on your thighs. His face was inches from yours. "Does he touch you? Or maybe our cute Kyungsoo isn't so cute in the bedroom? Dirty talk? Does he call you a special name, babygirl?" Your face flushed, glancing away from his burdensome stare. "Bingo."

"What is it, Soo?" Jongdae questioned with a grin. Yixing laughed it off.

"Definitely not babygirl. I bet it's something traditional like sweetheart or darling."

"No no no," Jongin objected. "It's gotta be more sweet. Like princess." They threw out a couple more nicknames. Kyungsoo was sinking further into the cushions with embarrassment. Then Baekhyun's eyebrows shot up with a revelation.

"Oh my god," he grinned proudly. "It's sugar, isn't it? I remember overhearing Soo on the phone one time." Minseok's fingertips held tighter to your legs.

"Oh, I do remember that now. How cute." You kissed Minseok's cheek and winked. His face tinted a fetching pink.

"You're gonna need to try harder to fluster me."

"Try teasing whore," Chanyeol commented. You shot him a glare. "Trust me on this, Min. She likes it rough." His smirk returned. Minseok lifted a hand to grip your chin lightly, tilting your face up.

"Our dove is like this? Now I want to know more than ever if you're a good girl." His tongue ran over his lips. "Or are you really a dirty little slut hiding behind these clothes? Care to show me? I've always wondered what it would be like to be a mistress in an affair." How was his gaze so intoxicating? You were dizzy. It was hard to focus. His face inched closer. You narrowed your eyes. Was he actually about to try and kiss you? A new touch pulled your attention away. Kyungsoo had his hand high on your thigh. A warning. You weakly pushed on Minseok's chest. He took a step back and straightened his posture. You leaned into Kyungsoo's side, hiding your face in his neck.

"Kyungsoo," you whimpered pathetically. His palm rubbed up and down your thigh sensually. The simple touch had heat rising in your body. You squeezed your legs together tightly. You wanted those fingers inside you. Not massaging your thigh. It was getting harder to think about anything else. The desire was clouding your mind.

"She's mine," he declared calmly. "That's all you need to know." You dragged a heavy palm down the center of Kyungsoo's chest, stopping just above his jeans. Those tight, sinful jeans.

"His," you breathed softly. To the point you weren't even sure Kyungsoo heard it.

"Enough teasing Minseok," Jongin brushed off. "You know it's hard to tell when you're joking." Their words drowned out after that. The only thing you could think of was how good it felt being pressed against Kyungsoo. How swimmy your head was. How delicious he smelled. How every time you shifted your clothes rubbed on your body and made it uncomfortable. It was too hot in this damn apartment. He must be dying to get out of those boiling pants. Like you were dying to have his fingers in you. Kyungsoo would fix it, you thought. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo...

The body under you stiffened. Your hand was moved, and you looked up. Kyungsoo had this bewildered, scandalized look twisting his features. You blinked slowly, not comprehending.

"I take it back," Sehun spoke. "Y/N loses. She is clearly off her face."

"What'd I do?" you whined. "Kyungsoo?"

"Holy shit Chanyeol," Baekhyun snickered. "You weren't kidding at all." Whatever. It must not matter. You bunched Kyungsoo's shirt in your hand and squirmed, lips going to the crook of his neck.

"Play with me," you whispered hotly. "I'm so wet already for you. Fuck you're sexy..."

"This is so unfair," Minseok piped up. The sofa dipped beside you, but you refused to acknowledge it. Not when Kyungsoo's long, slender neck kept tempting you to mark it. "Why do I have to try so hard to get womens' attention? Kyungsoo spent an hour with Y/N when they met and now they're in love!"

"Bitter much?" Jongdae teased.

"Maybe if you weren't such a playboy," the leader muttered. "People see through that, you know." Something pushed on your shoulders, forcing your lips from Kyungsoo's skin. Any other comments or conversations the others were having passed over your head. He was so utterly stunning. Dark brown eyes, thick eyebrows, soft nose, supple pink lips, defined jaw.

"I think it's time to get you to bed," he said sternly. "Come on, jagi." When he stood he grabbed your hand and you followed blindly. He stopped at the kitchen sink to fill a cup. Once his hand left yours you clung to his shoulders for balance. Your fingers wandered around his waist. Your core throbbed with need. You wanted him in a bad way. Anything to quell the ache between your legs. Your fingers reached for the button on his pants. He gasped and jumped, slapping your hands away. "I told you to behave," he growled lowly. You snagged your lip with your teeth. He turned to face you, setting the glass of water aside. You grappled to his shirt, pressing your bodies closer.

"How can I when all I want is you fucking me until I can't walk? Kyungsoo~" You knew you sounded petulant, but you didn't care. You rested your head on his chest. "I want you so much it hurts. Please stay with me."

"Maybe you should be good then, or is it past time for a punishment?" Your restless hands went up so your arms were around his neck.

"Make it hurt."

"You're impossible in this state," he grumbled. Kyungsoo forced you off him. "Get in bed. I'll be there as soon as I can, sugar." That sounded like a promise. You beamed. "But drink this before you go." He held out the water. You nodded and gulped down the entire glass. Then you obediantly turned and wished the rest of the boys goodnight. They all waved and were polite as could be. All the escapades of the night forgotten already.

"Hey dove," Baekhyun cooed. "I'm sorry for staring so much. I don't mean it in a wrong way." You went over and pushed his bangs aside, kissing his forehead.

"I know, Baekkie. You're so sweet. Sleep well." Your fingers combed through his locks one more time. "You have really soft hair."

"Enjoy your night with Soo," he whispered back with a wink. You giggled and went to your shared room. Enjoy it you would. The first step in doing that: removing all of your uncomfortable clothes.


	26. After Effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo does his best to respect your rules, but loopholes were okay right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff with mild smut at the end.

Minutes passed. What felt like hours passed. You had discarded most of your clothes. The material hot and scratchy on your skin. Left only in your underwear, you waited lying in bed. Aimlessly staring at the ceiling, the wall, the closet. Rolling around bored out of your mind waiting for Kyungsoo. Your fingers itched to roam over warm skin and tangle in short hair. To coax those lovely little moans and trembling exhales from Kyungsoo that fed your addiction.

The door creeped open. Kyungsoo entered, flicking on the light switch. You grinned and sat up. His eyes widened slightly, and he bolted over to the dresser. You watched confused until Chanyeol entered moments later. Kyungsoo swiped a large shirt and pulled it over your head quickly.

"Hold on," you complained. He let you go. You reached back and slid your bra off, tossing it on the floor. Chanyeol shut the door behind him. You pushed your arms through the sleeves, now somewhat decent, but comfortable. You sat criss cross while Kyungsoo sat beside you on the edge of the bed. Chanyeol came closer, standing at the foot of the mattress. "What's up, Yeol?" The bright greeting didn't faze him. Some other purpose sat behind his eyes. His expression grim. "Are you okay?" Still no answer. You became worried, going to your knees and reaching out to him. "I'm sorry for earlier. Do you need a hug?" His deep brown eyes drifted around your bedroom. Lost in thought. They passed over the plain walls and shared nightstand, catching the condom packet you laid out in hopes it would get used. The clean sheets and the dresser against the other wall. The knick-knacks that littered the top were the only semblage of messiness in the room. Then after floating back over to you he shook his head slowly. You dropped your arms. Feeling unsteady, you plopped back in your original position. Kyungsoo was there.

"Well?" he asked. Except it was directed at the tall rapper. Chanyeol scowled in his direction, mocking him.

"Well, first of all, how can you live with someone and not know how to ask for something?"

"I tried asking. She wasn't listening," Kyungsoo shot back. You were lost. Simply listening while they bickered.

"No you didn't ask. You told. She's a person. You can't just order her around all the time."

"Well I've never seen her like this before. I don't know what to do." Chanyeol threw his hands up in the air exasperratedly.

"Give her what she wants!"

"I can't."

"Why not? Just take off your pants and fuck her. It's not like you haven't done it before."

"I don't want to hurt her."

"Hurt her?!" Chanyeol scoffed. One of Kyungsoo's hands reached out to cover your knee. His voice remained calm and centered.

"She's not in her right mind. I don't want to take advantage of her." You caught the roll in Chanyeol's eyes. He was drunk and annoyed, you realized. He was being overly dramatic for effect. He knew Kyungsoo was right, right? Even if you wanted to break your rule in that moment.

"Fine," he sighed. "But you wouldn't need my advice if you just asked her like a normal person."

"Asked me what?" When you spoke the dense air evaporated. Chanyeol's lips stretched into a warm smile, sitting across from Kyungsoo beside you.

"Hey dove," he began softly. "Kyungsoo asked me to help you go to bed."

"But I'm not sleepy," you pouted.

"I know." His arm lifted, fingers running along your cheek before he was cupping your face. You hummed pleasantly and leaned into it. He glanced over at Kyungsoo. "See? She's not only after sex. She just wants to be held. To feel close to someone."

"I don't know about that," you chuckled. "You've always been the needier one out of us. Begging for attention so I pet your hair and stuff. Made me feel like I was taking good care of you. You're so cute, Yeol." You pushed his hand off, your own going to his ears. Tugging on them to see them stick out even further. "With your big cute ears." Down to pinch his cheeks. His face scrunched in distaste which only made you laugh. "And your cute face." Your fingers fell to grasp his hoodie limply. "It's crazy seeing you live this dream. You're this big star, and I haven't even seen one of your concerts." Tilting your head you inquired, "do you remember that day we ditched school?" His eyebrows came together before it dawned on him.

"Yeah. You cut off all your hair."

"You pushed me in a lake." Both of you cracked up laughing at the memories. After calming down your grin simmered to a nostalgic kind of smile. "I was thinking about that earlier. How you calmed me down from my anxiety attack and told me to stay in band. I never would've accomplished my dream if it wasn't for you." Your fingers fell weakly in your lap. His hand you had shoved away ghosted down your shoulder and arm, calmy stroking your skin. "What kind of person am I, huh? I keep my promises. And I promised to be there to support you." You poked a digit to his lips. They squished around it, soft and pink. "My cute, clumbsy Chanyeol." He grabbed your hand loosely, moving it away from his face. "I never didn't love you, you know that right? I don't say it but I love all of you so much. Minseok, and Baekhyun, and Junmyeon, and Yixing, and--"

"I know," Chanyeol whispered sadly, silencing you. His puppy dog eyes wavered and sank down to your lap. "They all love you, too." Your fingers twitched and he released them. You immediately began carding them through his messy hair. The action was soothing for both of you. It gave you something to focus on and get your manic energy out. He had always found the feeling of fingers in his hair and lightly scratching his scalp pleasant. You didn't let his glum mood affect you. You probably seemed clueless from an outside perspective.

"Can I see you perform some time?"

"Of course."

"You're still sad. I wish I could change that."

"Stop worrying about me."

"Never. Despite when you tried to cut me out, you're still my closest friend. You're too good to me." His eyes closed, taking a deep breath. "My Chanyeol." Leaning forward, you buried your nose in his soft, fluffy locks, kissing his head. He smelled sweet. A fruity kind of sweetness from shampoo. It was so crisp and clean and nice.

"Stop saying that," he chuckled weakly. "You'll make Soo jealous." You giggled.

"Don't be ridiculous. Kyungsoo knows."

"Knows what?"

"That you get special treatment for taking care of me." His hair bounced as your digits combed through it. "Thank you." You tried to convey a million things you were thanking him for in the two simple words. He sighed softly. His next words also carried more than the surface told. Quiet, fragile words that went against everything you knew about your best friend; everything he promised your last night together.

"I can't be yours forever." Suddenly your limbs felt heavier. Your motions through his hair were slower. But somewhere in your hazy mind you knew it was the truth. He hadn't really been yours for a long time. Since that night he kissed you a year ago, you think. He stopped being a confidant the moment he betrayed his heart. Or perhaps you had been holding on to a part of him unfairly. A piece he needed to be able to truly move on, tucked away for an emergency that would never come. Nevertheless you were proud of him for saying it.

"I guess so," you acknowledged aloud.

"I need to go."

"Why?"

"Kyungsoo's waiting to go to sleep with you, and I think I did my part in calming you down."

"Oh, okay." You easily stopped and pulled away. Chanyeol flashed you a smile. "Get home safe."

"I will. Please be nice to him. He's worried over you." Your head whipped around to see Kyungsoo watching your exchange with fascination.

"You are?" He couldn't contain the quiet laugh that bubbled up out of his chest. His distinct laugh too bright for the late hours of the night. Or was it morning at this point?

"Yes."

"Aw, how sweet," you cooed lovingly. Your eyes were torn away by cojoling fingers grazing your jaw. Chanyeol was close, and his smile was still in place, and somehow you knew this one wasn't forced. Maybe your acknowledgement of his statement is what he needed to get that little sliver of himself back. Release the burden that part of him was yours still. Maybe. You could hope. His fingertips traced your cheekbone to your lips and halted under your chin.

"What you said to me all those times," he began in his deep, sincere voice. The one that sounded louder even though he was speaking lower. "I am happy. I'll always be happy as long as my friends are smiling and laughing alongside me. I may act like a baby sometimes, but I'll always have the group and you to hold me, so don't worry. I promise."

"As long as you promise." He came forward, lips pressing to your forehead gently. You closed your eyes, letting the warmth radiate out from the touch. It felt like so much more than a goodbye, and that was okay. Because he promised. As long as he was whole and happy.

After Chanyeol pulled away, he turned and left the bedroom. Kyungsoo stood. Your mind immediately switched gears and was distracted. Fear washed over you.

"Where are you going?" you whined.

"To make sure everyone leaves safely. I'll be back before you know it."

"And you won't run away?" An odd expression twisted his features.

"No," he answered slowly. "I live here."

"Okay..." you agreed begrudgingly, realizing how dumb you sounded. As you waited you spaced out staring at the cracked doorway. You could hear the laughing and fading voices of his group members saying their goodnights. A gloomy, swampy feeling settled over you. Over your head and chest. It shrouded your thoughts in a haze. Maybe you were sobering up because you felt guilt twist into your heart. Guilt over what, though? Wanting to have sex with Kyungsoo? Yes, a small voice whispered back somewhere. You worried him. You practically assaulted him in front of his friends. You were pawing at him like he was a piece of meat. How did Chanyeol ever put up with you? Give in to you even. Teenage hormones?

The sounds of water running brought your eyes back to the doorway. There was less light coming in. Quieter. He was using the bathroom, you realized. Shoulders slumped, lips pouted, you sat and waited. The water cut off. A minute later Kyungsoo's silhouette appeared, pushing the door open then shutting it behind him. He went to the dresser and started changing. You watched without really looking. Not even the sight of him peeling off his jeans that you'd craved so richly before perked you up. With a sudden new sense of patience you waited for him to get in his usual night time wear of loose boxers, but instead of coming to bed he reached in the top drawer--your junk drawer--and took out a crumpled piece of paper and a pen. He scratched the pen on it briefly before facing you with a proud smile. Your eyes widened slightly. It was the list he gave you on your anniversary. The writing was too small for you to read it from the bed, but you knew what he was showcasing. Right near the top there were three words carefully crossed out. 'Introduce to fans'.

"That's three down." Kyungsoo said it like...well...like Kyungsoo, you suppose. It didn't remind you of anything. He was happy. That's all you could notice. Genuinely excited about this list he created. His smile was contagious.

"97 left to go right?" He nodded before putting the paper and pen back in the drawer. Kyungsoo switched off the lights and finally joined you in bed after setting his glasses aside. Both of you were on your side. You faced him while he pulled the covers up your bodies. The sheets went over your shoulders, and to your surprise and delight, his fingers followed. You shivered as they slid down your arm to your waist then pulled you closer, face centimeters from his. One of your legs automatically tangled with his lower down, palms laying on his bare chest. You looked down as your eyes adjusted to the darkness, feeling his chest rise and fall slowly with his breathing. His breath smelled like mint, jarring your thoughts. You should have brushed your teeth, too. He didn't seem to care, however, when he tilted his head and puzzled your lips together. Dancing unhurried to a silent rhythm that always accompanied him. His entire existence was music to you. The beat of his measured strides, his absent humming, the melodious tones of his voice with syncopated words, the constant surprises that were somehow entirely predictable. And just like music, you realized, you couldn't ever imagine living without him.

A large hand dipped under the hem of the shirt you wore, splaying on your waist, then ran around to cradle your torso from the back. His lips broke from yours with a subtle smack, but his arm hugged you tighter to his firm body. Your breath hitched at the intimate action. He was boiling hot, but you didn't mind. It was calming. Your own arms went around his middle. Right as you found the courage to look up his eyelids drifted shut with a contented sigh. The corners of his mouth were attempting to relax, but he was still smiling a little. His hand began to move then. Gliding ever so gently up and down your spine. A barely there touch, but it seemed to spark your body on fire. You couldn't help it. Your head was still swimming with alcohol and you craved physical attention. He was only giving you a taste.

"I'm sorry," you breathed quietly. One of his eyes peeked open, mumbling,

"What for?"

"Being...how I am like this, I guess." His other eye opened. Yours averted to his chest, his neck, over his shoulder. Anywhere but those captivating brown eyes. The ones that prevented you from forming real words if you stared directly at them too closely. "Please don't go to sleep yet." Your name hummed from the back of his throat, and you had to close your eyes for a moment to collect your thoughts. What his voice alone could do to you...

"I won't risk making you feel violated. It doesn't matter if this is different from Chanyeol; you have rules for good reason and I won't put you through that."

"Not that," you replied. "Well, a little, but I'm not tired. And it's so nice when you hold me. Safe and comfortable and not lonely. I just...don't want you to think badly of me. I can't seem to help myself. I want to be close to you all the time. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Earlier. I kept trying to touch you. It was stupid."

"It was a myriad of things, but stupid was not one of them." You hid your face in his chest. When he realized you weren't going to say anything back he shifted to get more comfortable, wiggling his legs to encase yours more. His hand halted on your back. "Why were you worried I was going to run away?"

"Because that's what they do," you answered, words muffled.

"Who?"

"People."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because they do. When I'm drunk. No one likes me. I'm too clingy."

"I like it when you're clingy."

"Only Chanyeol likes it," you denied. "He's nice to me when I want attention. He doesn't care where we are cause he's clingy, too. It's nice."

"I'm not being nice to you?"

"You pushed me away all day." After responding you hugged him tighter. "This is nice now. I love laying with you."

"Well I honestly do like this side of you. I'm sorry for making you feel that I didn't love every part of you. I was only trying to keep you from regretting anything. But I could have been better about it."

"I could never regret anything with you," you sighed pleasantly. The darkness was beginning to invade your body, dragging your eyelids closed. "I want to spend every night with you. Even with your weird face." Kyungsoo jerked back, and you blinked wearily up at him. He was shocked to say the least. A grin stretched your lips as you giggled at the funny expression.

"Excuse me?" The arm around him came up, tracing a finger gingerly over his cheek. You poked it. The flesh squished, and he shook you off. You moved to trace the bridge of his nose. What a soft nose, you thought absently.

"Yeah, you have a weird face." Next you went around his hairline. He caught on that you were rambling to keep him awake. He began to relax, allowing you to map out his face. You continued doing your best to ignore his intense stare. How warm you were becoming the longer it stayed fixed on you. His skin was soft and supple. He worked hard to maintain a good routine since he was in and out of make-up all the time. The pad of your finger lingered over each freckle. Gliding over his cheekbones. He was holding back a smile, the corners of his mouth turning down. "You get this diamond shape around your smile," you informed him as if this was new information to him. The man who had owned said face for over two decades.

"Not a heart?" He asked, voice like honey. Soft honey. If that made sense. It probably didn't. It was the same timbre he took on when he was affected by you. His bedroom voice, so to speak.

"Not your lips," you replied. "Around them. Here." You drew where the edges of his mouth would push up the apples of his cheeks and down where it would mirror it to the point of his chin. "When you smile really big it's a diamond." Next was the indent between his nose and upper lip. You carefully traced the curves of his cupids bow.

"That makes my face weird?" he mumbled. He pursed his lips, making them puff out and you giggled.

"No, but I like teasing you, and you make a lot of weird faces when we're having sex." His eyebrows shot up, allowing his smile to break out.

"What?" You put your palm to his cheek, cupping his face.

"I like it, though. You're expressive. I like that you can't control yourself. Most of the time it's sexy more than weird."

"And when it's more weird?"

"Are you gonna be self conscious now?" you giggled. "I'm sure I make them too and I don't care."

"You're beautiful no matter what."

"See? Same goes for you. My beautiful weirdo."

"Thanks...I guess." Maybe you could try to be sneaky. You kissed him slowly, and he followed your lead. Your hand wandered down his neck and shoulder around to his lower back. Urging his body closer to yours. Heat traveled down between your legs, whimpering into his mouth. When you moved your hips against him you felt him through his boxers and smiled internally. Then he broke away and looked at you sternly. Your hopes shattered instantly. "I said no, Y/N. Just--" Kyungsoo stopped himself and sighed. His scowl softened. "Can I just hold you tonight? Please?" You dug your nails into the small of his back, whining and writhing against him.

"I need you so badly, Kyungsoo. Can't I at least get myself off if you're not in the mood? I need to cum." His eyes squeezed tightly shut, taking a calming breath.

"You don't...need permission for that," he breathed.

"But you said you're the only one who can touch me. You never let me when you're away."

"Well...I'm not away, am I?" His eyelids raised slowly. You marveled at his long eyelashes and shook your head smally. "Besides, I couldn't stop you when I was touring. You're stubborn. You'll do what you want."

"That's true," you agreed with a smile. He chuckled, fingers tracing patterns on your back.

"So you're just gonna do it here?"

"Nothing you haven't seen before." His arm released you as you rolled on to your back. "I'm just glad you're finally out of those fucking pants. I was dying watching your thighs and ass in those jeans." You threw your underwear off to the floor, leaving you in only a loose t-shirt.

"You do love a good ass."

"And you have the best," you smirked. He chuckled again.

"Why thank you. I try." You slipped one hand under the shirt, feeling your breast in your hand and teasing a nipple.

"I know. You torture me almost every morning with your stretching and yoga."

"You do it, too," he defended. It was true. You had picked it up from him. It had really improved a lot of things. Not all sexual. He needed it to get ready for work on days they had dance practice, and you liked having another thing to share with him. It was all rather domestic. Once the first week passed in all truthfullness, however, you had gotten over watching him in all the different poses because you were beside him. Not every morning, but enough you felt yourself improving. It was another thing in the background while you woke up. It helped he moved to the living room instead of waking up to him bent over on the floor of your bedroom. It also helped it was just normal stretching most mornings. Waking himself up while getting ready for a morning workout. Something you did even though you almost never worked out just because it was healthy and felt nice. But in that moment it was all fair game to quip at eachother.

Your other hand moved lower, running a finger through your center. You sucked in a breath, eyes closing. The arousal that had been building all night was evident, so you added a second finger and decided to circle your clit. You just wanted it over. You needed release from the pooling heat in the pit of your stomach. The shocks sent from your sensitive bundle of nerves meant your touch was gentle but fast. Your toes curled imagining Kyungsoo's hands on you. Replaying the breathless moans that delighted you beyond belief. Writhing as you inched closer to the edge, and you let a moan slip.

A new heat startled you, eyes snapping open. Kyungsoo had moved closer, his hand replacing yours on your breast, gently massaging and rolling your nipple between his dextrous fingers. He sat up on his elbow, pushing your shirt up and the covers down to your waist. The cold air made you shiver, but his dark eyes were there to bring new heat. It crept up your face as he gazed intently at you. The look a man gives someone he admires with all his heart. And you possessed the body he worshipped with that gaze. Your blood was racing.

"You're so gorgeous," he rasped lowly. Even though he said he wouldn't give in he was helping you. You loved he couldn't resist you. And it didn't count as breaking your rule since you were touching yourself, right? "You can do it, sugar. I know how badly you want to cum." You nodded in agreement. A whimper morphed into a groan as Kyungsoo bent over, plush lips coming over your other breast. Your free hand grappled at the sheets beside your head, arching into his mouth. His tongue swirled, sucking and kissing your chest. Your fingers stuttered their movements, but resumed soon with new purpose.

Your head was foggy. The end was right there, just out of reach. Hours of sexual frustration finally being released. You were too wound up to tease yourself. Your muscles were tensing. A silent scream lodged in your throat. The stimulation his hand and mouth added pushed you over the edge violently. You called out, voice breaking as waves of relief flooded you. Kyungsoo's mouth left you, hand running over every part of you he could, feeling your muscles shaking and jumping. His lips went to your jaw as you came down all too quickly from your high. An empty sort of pleasure replacing your need. Your satisfaction was skin deep, but it would have to do. Wiping your fingers off, you closed your eyes and relaxed. Kyungsoo's breath tickled your neck.

"I can't believe you're mine." You hummed in response, too exhausted suddenly to talk. You blindly grabbed his hand on your stomach, forcing his lips off you as you rolled back to your position on your side. You put his arm around you and did the same to him, burying your face in his chest. The next hum sounded more like a moan as you got comfortable. Chest full and happy with the person you loved holding you. The world could wait until morning.

"Night," you mumbled sleepily. His arm hugged you tightly to his body, murmering a quiet,

"Goodnight, jagi." Then his body relaxed and soon his even breaths lulled you into sleep.


	27. Close*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe humor, mostly smut

The morning came sooner than you hoped. Only, when your eyes opened, it was still dark outside your window. The cold bit through your skin. You didn't need to look to know Kyungsoo was probably on his stomach with half the covers hanging off his end of the bed. But the cold alone wouldn't have made you wake up that easily.

A shrill, piercing ring snapped your vision to your phone. You rushed over, sitting up, and squinted at the bright screen. It was your old roommate. This would be her normal hours since she worked nights. You picked up and whispered,

"Hello?"

"Hey, is this a bad time?" You smiled and rubbed your eyes. You hadn't realized how much you missed her voice. It had been two months since the last time you hung out. But she was one of those friends that doesn't care if it's been two years. She'll make it feel like you never stopped talking. She was a treasure.

"Just give me a second." You left the bedroom as quietly as you could, shutting the door behind you and going to sit on the couch. Not wanting to risk waking Kyungsoo and the fact your eyesight was good in the dark meant the lights stayed off. The fabric directly on your ass reminded you of your state so you wrapped a blanket around yourself for warmth. "Alright, what's up?"

"Why didn't you tell me Kyungsoo was in a band?" You heard the grin in her voice. You chuckled at the imagery.

"He's not out riffing it on a guitar."

"Idol group. Whatever."

"How did you hear?"

"The new nurse I was helping tonight is a fan. She was freaking the fuck out over some livestream he did where he introduced a girlfriend. Of course I knew it was you." Your first inklings of fear entered your mind. That's how you were certain you were sober.

"What did...she say about me?"

"So many things," she sighed. "I came in here to take my lunch break cause she wouldn't stop rambling. She's a rambler. It's exhausting trying to get a word in."

"Hopefully she'll get it out of her sytem soon."

"Yeah. Anyway, don't worry. I can feel you worrying. She was in love with you. Or him. I don't fucking know, but she was wishing she saw more of you. Appearently your relationship is 'so cute she can't function' and you're a 'precious angel who must be protected'. She went on for twenty minutes how she wished she could find a boyfriend who looked at her the way Kyungsoo did with you. Describing very vividly her ideal type." She groaned. "Ugh, shoot me."

"Oh. Thanks I guess?" You heard a wrapper and a crunch. She was at her lunch after all. There was a small pause while she chewed. When she spoke again it was garbled by the food in her mouth.

"Explains all the secrecy, though. And why he's so good at sex: dancers hips. Oh, and the improbably hot guys at your concert."

"I guess so," you laughed. "Did it ever work out with Sehun?"

"That? Kinda." She swallowed. "We were fucking casually for a while-"

"Yes, I remember," you interrupted.

"Just wanted to brag a little," she teased you back with a snicker. "Anyway, I couldn't handle his weird-ass schedule."

"That's too bad."

"I'm not torn up about it, I guess. We just didn't click. Knowing he's in that group with Kyungsoo now, though, means he's probably over me with some other guy or girl which is comforting. I was worried he'd gotten attached. I mean he had a big dick and was nice and all, but..."

"Not right for you."

"Yeah. Not right for me. Question."

"Go ahead," you agreed. "Actually let me put you on speaker. I feel like making tea." You stood. The blanket fell off your shoulders to the sofa, and you put your phone on speaker. Setting it on the island you called, "okay, go ahead." You started filling the kettle part way with water.

"Do you still want it a secret? I mean, should I not mention I know you and Kyungsoo?"

"With all the warnings Soo gave me, if you want to keep your privacy, then no. But I'm not the boss of you."

"No, but you're my best friend and I love your weird ass." You set the kettle on the stove. Time to get a mug and a bag of tea. You yawned. "And I know how much you like your privacy. No worries from this end. Damn, that must be some guy to get you to flash your life to the world like this." A crunch came through the speaker while she ate. You leaned on the island, waiting for the water to boil. Head resting on your hand.

"He's the best thing that ever happened to me."

"You would say something cringey like that," your friend jokingly replied, mouth half full. You chuckled. "The Y/N I knew wouldn't even let me in her bedroom without permission when we lived together. Now you're in news articles that talk about your relationship with your boyfriend. It's weird."

"A good weird?" A pause where she was finishing chewing.

"Honey, you're the best kind of weird."

"Aw, thanks."

"I'm just glad you're happy again. I didn't say it back then, but I was worried you were relapsing before you met Kyungsoo."

"Yeah, that was a pretty shitty time for me. I didn't deserve all the chances you gave me."

"No need," she answered. "I knew you were working yourself sick trying to save money, even if you couldn't get out of the apartment for a few days at a time, and I love you."

"I love you, too," you exhaled softly. All these mushy feeling in the early morning wasn't good for your aloof image, but you didn't care as much anymore. It was nice to say what you felt and thought lately. Odd, but nice. Much like a long sigh after holding your breath. You didn't have the compulsion to hide parts of yourself anymore. Maybe that's why you told Kyungsoo your secret about Chanyeol the day before. You glanced at the kettle. Still not steaming. "And I'm so stupidly in love with Kyungsoo. It's like those dumb cliches you hear about your partner being your best friend. He really is. He isn't afraid to be goofy or cry or anything with me. I fucking thrive off giving him support and love, and he's the same with me. That's why it wasn't that hard for me to go public with him. It made him happy. He still looks at me so softly, hun. Like I'm the brightest star. And when we kiss it's like the first time all over. I got butterflies when he held my hand watching a movie a few days ago. Some random little moment will happen where I just have to smile or hug him or something cause my heart is so full it feels like it might combust. I just--" You had to stop yourself to phrase your words right. "He is...the other half of my soul." Your friends voice was warmer than you'd ever heard replying.

"Does this mean you've given up denying it's fate?"

"Possibly."

"Think you'll get married some day?"

"I think it's early for that yet," you grinned. Your eyes drifted down to the promise ring on your hand. You twirled it with your thumb. It would make a nice wedding band. Your face heated at the image of Kyungsoo sporting a matching ring, your fingers intertwined. Growing wrinkled and grey together. Still kissing him like it was the first time. It seemed like a dream. It wasn't something you contemplated a lot, looking ahead. You'd rather take things as they come and enjoy the present. "Maybe in the future." The kettle began a tiny whistle. You jolted to take it off the heat before it got louder and filled your mug. "I know I want to stay with him, though. As long as he'll put up with me. You know me. I don't plan that much. I'm not even sure what I'm doing after my lessons and practice tomorrow. Maybe shopping? I'm almost out of floss and we need bread." After your thoughts out loud session you turned to lean over your phone again, steeping mug of tea in hand.

"So he got over that whole jealous thing? You know how toxic that was, right? Don't get me wrong, a little is normal, but he was trying to control your friendships."

"I know, but he's been working on it. I think he trusts me now. I even got drunk with his bandmates last night and he didn't say anything when I was being flirty."

"Oh? That's good. Even I have to pull you back when you're drunk."

"Everything's fine hun," you chuckled. "Better than fine. Don't worry anymore. He's always been good to me."

"If I didn't know any better I might think you were provoking him when you were drunk so he'd fuck you nice and rough." You smiled affectionately. She was back to her normal crude jokes. She wasn't one to keep a deep conversation for long. "So, did he take you back to bed and make you remember who you belong to with his hand on your throat and pulling your hair? You are his pretty little slut after all, aren't you? Was he loud? I know how you love it when he's vocal. Are you sore? If your cunt isn't sore after jealousy sex you're doing it wrong."

"Shut up," you giggled. You brought the mug in front of you, blowing gently to cool off the beverage quicker.

"Well he didn't fuck your throat raw or else you'd sound different." She gasped, pitch raising in her excitement. "Did he bring out toys? I always pegged him for--" You froze, blocking out the rest of her sentence, lips pursed about to take a sip of tea. Kyungsoo appeared from the hall, standing on the opposite side of the island. Eyelids droopy with sleep, slight pout to his lips, the comforter of your bed wrapped over his head and around body like a shield against the cold. Pinched beneath his chin to keep it together. It made him appear twice his size with all the shadows hiding him. He looked so cozy and adorable. One big lump of warmth. You giggled and wanted to join him in his little fortress. But you still worried under it all.

"I-I'm sorry, did I wake you up? Was it the kettle whistling? I was trying not to be--" He interrupted you with a noise that almost resembled 'no', but the shake of his head translated it for you. He shuffled closer, practically waddling, until he was against your side. His comforter helmeted head fell on your shoulder lamely.

"Is that Kyungsoo you're talking to?" Your friends voice on the counter piped up cheerfully. "I heard about the announcement. Congrats on telling the world you're getting that good pussy."

"Thanks," he drolled gruffly, voice still waking up. Everything about him screamed exhausted. Well, monotonously mumbled would be more accurate in his state. "Jagi, can you make me some tea too?" You hummed your confirmation as you set your drink down. His head lifted while you swivled to fetch another mug.

"My break is almost over. Quick, Kyungsoo, name all the bones in your hand."

"Fuck you."

"Love you too," she laughed hysterically. "I'll try to come by for a movie soon. We'll finish catching up later."

"That sounds great," you agreed, turning back with two steaming mugs of tea. "I missed hearing your voice. This was nice. Try not to lose your mind with the new girl. Get lots of rest and water."

"I missed yours, too, and I will. Love you, hun. Night."

"Goodnight." The call ended, the screen going black. Kyungsoo grumbled something and began going back to the bedroom. You followed him with both teas. He crawled on the bed and adjusted so he was sitting up against the headboard, comforter open. He took his mug with one hand, the other holding the covers up, and you sat beside him. His arm wrapped around you so both of you could share warmth. You crossed your legs, pulling the comforter to cover both of your legs as much as you could. Your own blanket cacoon. Kyungsoo's hand fell to your waist, head resting on your shoulder. You used your free hand to run through his messy hair, smiling affectionately.

"So how much did you actually hear?"

"Came out at 'best thing that ever happend to me'." You laughed nervously. You weren't even bothered by the eavedropping.

"Oh man, I'm so sorry you had to hear all that. That's embarrassing." Kyungsoo shifted his head so his lips brushed the side of your throat, nuzzling the crook of your neck with his nose.

"You're the other half of my soul, too."

"I guess that does sound really sappy out loud." Kyungsoo hummed. Out of comfort or agreement you weren't sure. You put both hands around your mug and brought it to your lips. You moaned as the heat slipped down and hit your stomach, warming you from the inside. Kyungsoo raised his head to join you. Both of you sat in silence while you enjoyed sipping your teas. It was a peaceful little moment that felt special. Then a thought popped into your head. A nasty, wonderful idea. After setting your empty mug on the nightstand you snuggled into his side. "Is it good?" He hummed tiredly again then held it out.

"All done." A lazy smile pulled on the corners of his mouth. You put his mug by yours. He yanked the comforter out from behind you to drape over your bodies, slinking down the headboard to the pillows. You urged him to lay on his side so you could curl up behind him, putting one arm under him so you could hug him fully. The arm he rested on was around his chest. The other on his ribs. He was so fragile in your hold, skin burning hot. All cute and sleepy. You couldn't help but kiss the back of his neck while your more free hand slid down his stomach. You figured you should inact your idea before he drifted off into dreams. He didn't stop you as your fingertips brushed along his length over his underwear. So you did it again, adding the pressure of your palm. He groaned and pushed his hips back into you, cock twitching to life. You smirked and peppered more kisses along his shoulder. You teased around the line of his boxers before dipping under, nails lightly running up his thigh and hip. Kyungsoo shivered. Then you grabbed a handfull of his ass while beginning to suck a mark into the crook of his neck. He mumbled your name, fingers bunching the sheets briefly. You massaged the flesh once, feeling it give in your hand, before going back to his stomach.

"Yes sweetheart?" you asked coyly. Tracing circles around his hipbones and down the v there without going back to where he wanted. When he didn't respond right away you figured you'd have to try harder. So you pulled the waistband down to expose his cock. He pushed his hips toward your hand. You sat up slightly so you could kiss his jaw. He immediately craned his neck so you could fit your mouths together. He was so relaxed. Lips pliant as they molded around yours, sucking on your lower lip. It was the softest thing you'd felt. Then your digits found his bare cock and he lost it. Breath catching as the pads of your fingers whispered up his entire length. You dipped back down so you could do the same to his balls. Barely touching them. Gently stimulating them in the way you knew drove him crazy. Your mouth moved down the column of his throat as your name spilled forth from him again. That time it sounded more like a plea. You spotted his hand going to touch himself and caught his wrist, pressing it to the mattress by his face. You tutted condescendingly. Chastising him in the sweetest voice you could muster. "Greedy Kyungsoo. I want to play with what's mine first." He nodded slowly, licking his lips. You released his wrist so you could go back to stroking the skin around his cock. Gliding along the inside of his thigh, then the outside going up to scratch his lower stomach lightly. His breathing picked up. You kissed the shell of his ear, whispering faintly. "You're so beautiful like this." Your other hand slid down and pinched his nipple, earning a whimper. He helped wriggle his underwear further down his thighs with you. He kicked them off entirely. You had to squeeze his ample ass one more time, releasing it quickly so it jiggled slightly. You bit your lip. Finally; you'd wanted to do that all night. Pulling his hips back into yours, you caressed his waist. The smooth, soft curves. Feeling his ribs expand and shrink with his uneven breaths. When your fingertips went back to teasingly going up and down his length it twitched, already hard and aching for more. Liquid beading at the tip. You drew a nail as gingerly as you could up a vein and Kyungsoo's whole body shuddered. "This is fun. I see why you like being in charge so much. Should I see how long it takes for you to beg?"

"Please," he rasped. You cocked an eyebrow. His eyes drifted closed, fisting the sheets. "Please..." You took your pointer finger and brought it across his slit, the rest of your hand going around him. The digit rubbed back and forth a few times, and Kyungsoo moaned deeply. "Holy shit," he sighed heavily.

"You like this?" Just as you asked you stopped, thumb pressing where your tongue normally did on the underside of his head. "You like being mine?" You gripped him firmly, giving him one, long pump. He whimpered and hid his face in the pillow. That just wouldn't do. Your other hand curled around his throat, catching his attention while not doing anything yet. He froze. When he swallowed his adams apple moved against your palm. You adjusted accordingly to be more safe. Biting his ear gently, your mouth shifted to his shoulder once more. "Answer me, Kyungsoo."

"Y-yeah. Yeah. Yes. Do it, please." His stuttering was magical. You loved seeing him become a mess for you. Because of you. You pressed a lingering kiss to his skin.

"Do what?"

"Choke me. Please. I'll be good." His voice was the perfect blend of whiny and breathless. How could you say no? This had been your plan after all. "Please, jagi." Your hand applied a moderate amount of force, and he took in choppy amounts of air. You kissed the nape of his neck sloppily, teeth and tongue raising goosebumps as your other hand began stroking him leizurely. His knuckles went white as he bunched the sheets. Depraved, broken moans filled the room. You were reveling in this submissive side of him until he began thrusting into your hand. You stopped everything instantly, gripping his hip hard.

"No moving."

"S-sor...sorry..."

"That's okay, sweet thing." You couldn't be upset with him in this state. He was so incredibly soft and obediant. He was trying his best even while he fell into tatters. It made you simultaneously want to pamper him until he was a panting, sweating mess who could do nothing but make incoherent noises and blush, and fuck him so hard he got cramps when he came. Guess you'd have to find a middle ground. As you picked up your actions again you rewarded his obediance by tightening your hold on his airway. Your thumb gathered the precum that built up and spread it while you pumped his member. "Is this what you wanted, Kyungsoo?" you cooed, honey dripping off your tongue. "You're so handsome all whimpering and gasping for me. Just look at how red your face is. You're mine, understand? My desperate, sweet thing." He did his best to nod, back arching. Ass going into you. The strained whimpers he let out were incredibly erotic. You wouldn't be able to hold back for long. And he was going to cum too soon this way. You paused everything again, wanting to edge him for a while. He clawed for air while your hands stroked and held him, kissing his temple. Kyungsoo whined when you pinched his nipples roughly then groaned as you cupped his balls, your body pressing tighter along his back. You placed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. His lips didn't co-operate, but that was fine for now. You tilted his face out of the pillow towards you. His eyelids fluttered open partially. When he saw you smiling one side of his mouth twitched upward.

"All...yours," he panted wispily.

"If you can talk I guess you're ready for more." Fingers flexing, you watched a content smile appear on his face as you cut off his air. Your second hand went around his cock, gripping firmer as your wrist twisted on each stroke. His following moan was long and loud and cracked at the edges. Kyungsoo let go of the sheets with one hand, reaching behind him to the back of your thigh as you ground yourself on him unconsciously. It brought your attention to the intense ache between your legs. You were extremely needy for him to be inside you, but the blissed out look on his face as his eyes rolled back, mouth hanging open, was too fucking good to let go. "Are you gonna cum, Kyungsoo?" you taunted. "You need to wait for me. Be good and wait, sweetheart." His grip turned bruising on your leg, struggling in vain for air. Your fingers loosened around his neck so he could have another break.

"Fuck," he gasped, voice tight and rough. Then longer as your fist continued working his cock. "Fuck~" his head thrashed to the side, straining towards you. His eyebrows furrowed. He was almost there. You stopped. Kyungsoo whined. Your hand splayed on his hip. You pressed a slow kiss to his mouth trailing down his jaw.

"My sweet thing. What do you want?"

"I--" He was still gasping. Chest heaving with each ragged breath. Blood pumping oxygen back to his brain so he could think. "I want...you...so badly..." Kyungsoo's eyes peeked open, dark and lustful. His voice dipped lower to emphasize his last word. "Please." It was the please that did you in. You kissed his lips and softly smiled.

"How do you want me, Kyungsoo?" He could only find one word.

"Please." It made your smile widen. You were toying with him, and he was begging for more. Begging for you. It filled you with this insatiable need to satisfy him. You'd do anything to overwhelm his senses with pleasure. Anything to make him feel good. To witness him lose his grip on the world around him as his mind went blank. The force of his climax turning his limbs to jelly. He had done the same for you countless times. Anything for Kyungsoo to feel that.

Impatient, You backed away enough to be able to roll him to his back. His arms fell sprawled on either side of himself. He dragged one heavy limb up, head turning sideways, until the back of his hand was to his forehead. He wiped the sweat there. Except it was clumbsy and slow. Like he didn't have control over what he did while waiting for more orders. He was fidgeting, muttering something you couldn't hear under his breath. You straddled his legs, throwing the cumbersome covers to the ground. Then you pinned his hips to the mattress before commanding,

"Hands by your head." His other arm lifted without question, fingers curling the pillow tightly in his fists in preperation. You took a moment to memorize him like that. Short hair ruffled and sticking out on the pillow, his heavy gaze as he did his best to keep you in focus. Pink, swollen lips slightly chapped from catching his breath. Flushed skin that traveled all the way to where your hand had constricted, and on one side, a couple of blossoming marks. The light sheen of sweat that made him glow with the peeking moonbeams from your window across the room. You'd never get over how much you loved the shape of his figure, waist curving in like he had been sculpted. Even his cock glistened as it lay on his stomach waiting for your touch. He was an angel. And you wanted to taste him.

Bending over, at first you only let your breath fan over his length. Drawing out everything only made the ending more satisfying in your eyes, and from how many times Kyungsoo's edged you he thought the same. It was letting him drink up his own delicious torture. Then you did your sweet motion on his balls again. Almost a come hither motion, and the air stuttered on its way to his lungs. Kyungsoo let his eyes shut, head pressing into the pillow. Using every ounce of self control not to move his lower half. You let your lips meet the base of his cock, drawing them up slowly. Savoring the soft texture before pushing your tongue to a sensative spot of his. Not being able to see his face well, the only reaction you noticed was one of his legs bending at the knee and opening wider. Well, as wide as he could with you straddling him.

"P-plea...please," Kyungsoo whined. You kissed the base of his cock again, your hands running up his sides. On their way back down to his hips you moaned softly as your nails scratched little red trails into his skin. He sucked in a sharp breath, releasing it as a quiet, "please." His length only proved his desperation further as it moved on his stomach, precum building once more.

"You're so sensitive today," you whispered in a praising manner. "It makes me want to spoil you." Kyungsoo took a second to swallow the lump in his throat and lick his suddenly very dry lips.

"Do you w-want me as badly as I want you right now?" He was still trying to play your game. Speaking like he would decide what to do with you once you answered. How adorable. He didn't have any power anymore. You needed to show him that. Sitting up, you maneuvered up his body so your knees were on either side of his hips. At the absence of your heat he pryed open his eyes again. You prepared yourself for the jolt of stimulation as you lowered yourself, your center coming in contact with his member. Rolling your hips allowed you to slide along his length going all the way until his tip brushed your clit then back down, your arousal providing plenty of lubrication. Kyungsoo groaned and adjusted his harsh grip on the pillow. Twisting the fabric between white knuckles in an effort to continue obeying you. He didn't have permission to touch you after all. You repeated the action. The glide of his stiff cock along your folds wasn't enough to do much to you, but seeing what it did to him was what gave you a rush. How he glanced down to see his cock trapped between you and his stomach, your fluids mixing without being inside you. How his jaw went slack and he struggled to breathe evenly. Failing to breathe hardly at all. How he immediately began begging for an end.

"Please." His voice was all desperation with no substance. His eyes darted up to yours. "P-please jagi. Let me cum. I wanna cum so badly. Please I wanna give it to you. I want to give it to you please. I'm s-so..." He gasped in a large lungful of air as you pressed harder on your next pass. "So close." At the admission you stopped and lifted your hips.

Kyungsoo whined and writhed under you, practically sobbing with frustration. In order to placate him you leaned over and captured his lips. To distract him with a different soothing touch. It worked for a minute. His mouth and tongue synching with yours in a familiar rhythm, pausing every few seconds for him to breathe. Puffs of hot air hitting your face. You stroked his sweating form throughout. Allowing your fingertips to wander and tease. As it went on he needed less breaks, fingers losing their stone grip on the pillow. He tentatively touched your shoulder. You forced his hand back to the sheets. He still needed to know you were calling the shots. You broke from his lips and straightened your posture.

"Not yet, Kyungsoo." By then he'd finally caught his breath from when he lost it the first time you'd touched him. His eyebrows curved up as a way of appearing pathetic--doing all but pouting--when he pleaded,

"Why?"

"Because I want you to know what it feels like." That answer shut him up. "Do you get it now? How absolutely crazy you make me? I mean it when I tell you how much I want you. How much I love you." You raised your shirt over your head. Tossing it to the ground carelessly. Both of you finally bare. His eyes were molten and sparkling. A galaxy in the deep brown and black, memorizing your shape for the thousandth time. Admiring every aberration as a star admires a constellation. Beautiful on its own, but once together, formed into something greater full of wonder. He truly was so completely and utterly enamored with you. Your fingers feathered up his chest to curl around his throat. Not yet constricting.

"Is this revenge for teasing you yesterday?" Kyungsoo questioned. You smiled and he worried on his lower lip, dragging it under his teeth before releasing it.

"No," you answered gently. Your thumb ran the line of his jaw and around his adams apple. "You do this for me. I want you to feel the same because I love it when you keep me on edge then overstimulate me." He nodded enthusiastically.

"I do love this. I love you. So much more than I can find words for. I just want to be with you. Touch you. Feel you." One of his hands bunched the sheets. The other raised, arm bending around the top of his head, and buried his fingers in his own hair. "I love you forever. Will love you forever," he quickly corrected himself. "I mean, I'll always love you. Fuck, I was trying to be romantic. You know what I mean. I can't think straight. All the blood is rushing to my dick right now." You giggled and moved your hand to his cheek, kissing him once soundly.

"Good. I think it's time to put those birth control pills to use."

"You mean...?" With your free hand you took his length and lined him up. With a slight nod you buried him inside of you and choked on the gasp your lungs tried bringing in. You were so full. You could've cried with how amazing it felt. Reaching all the right places inside you. Kyungsoo was in worse shape than you, cursing and mewling at the sudden silky heat enveloping him. When you first moved on top of him he bucked up into you, unable to control himself any longer.

"Fuck," you moaned airily. Setting a slow pace with your hips as you rode him. You pushed up to balance on his chest. His body rolled under you, matching you each time you came down and back, taking him as deeply as you could. "That's right, Kyungsoo. Fuck you feel amazing inside me. You know exactly how to make me feel good."

"Yeah?" He struggled to voice. All air again. You'd stolen his breath much quicker that time. "I love seeing you on top of me. Fuck you're beautiful."

"Shh," you hushed gently, but with a blush creeping up your face. "You don't have to talk. You've been so tense and stressed lately. Just enjoy it, Kyungsoo." You slid a palm to his cheek. He leaned into it, groaning.

"What if I like telling you how fucking perfect you feel around me? How badly I wish I could grab your hips and make you scream?" You resisted the urge to chuckle, but failed to restrain your smirk. He was trying to hold himself back by distracting his thoughts with words.

"You're just trying to delay the inevitable, Kyungsoo."

"What?"

"That this time, you're gonna cum before me." Your thumb swiped along his lower lip. His tongue peeked out to lick the pad, attempting to suck on it. You pulled it back before he could. "And you're gonna keep cumming for me. Cause you're good for your jagi." Kyungsoo sighed heavily, eyes falling closed and moaned,

"I'm yours, jagi. I'm all yours."

"All of you?" you prodded, wanting more of his sweet words. Craving the way they made your heart flutter. "Are you sure?" He groaned and nodded, eyebrows scrunching together as he tried to concentrate. You decided to make it harder by tightening around him as you continued rocking your hips. Your name stammered from his mouth, hissing, thighs twitching. Glancing back afforded you to sight of his toes curled, legs restless to readjust yet forcing themselves to stay put. He wanted to get the leverage to fuck up into you, but that would be against your orders of not being greedy. Then, you got what you wanted. He always gave you what you wanted when he was bottoming. This time it was thick, sugary words that made you ache in the most wonderful way.

"I'll be so good. Let me be so g-good for you. I'll do anything, I promise. I'll be so fucking good." The satisfaction of having him on a string was too much. He was too fucking much. You wanted him looking at you when he fell apart, but his expression was already lost in lust and it was goddamn beautiful.

Hand poised, you added some pressure to his throat and Kyungsoo choked on his moans. He raised both hands above his head and readjusted his grip on the pillow. As his face flushed a brighter red you sped up. It took him a few thrusts to register the change and match you.

"Kyungsoo," you whined. Knowing it drove him wild when you called out his name. "Yes. You can cum this time, Kyungsoo. I want to see you cum like this. Please." The please was a bit out of character, but in the moment both of your thoughts were too hazy to care. Moments later he pulsed inside of you and was able to let go, his entire body trembling with the force of his orgasm as his mouth opened wide in a silent cry. Your hand released his neck, stilling with him inside you. He should be aware enough to feel what it's like to cum inside of you uninhibited. Gasping and coughing, Kyungsoo blinked his eyes open, chest heaving. And a huge smile broke out over his face. The edges of his mouth twitching like he was trying to contain himself as he wet his lips and worked to even out his breathing. You couldn't help but smile back. Praising him in the sweetest voice you could manage. "That's my Kyungsoo. Do you want to touch me still?" Those dark brown eyes snapped to you--his constellation--fingers already inching off the pillow. Sliding over the fabric closer to your hips. He nodded. The desperation oozing off him. The desperate need to please you. The overwhelming craving for more of your praise. Knowing he was the sole cause for making you feel good. You started going up, feeling his cock leave you, and instead something else warm slowly leaked out. The second your hands gripped the headboard he understood, arms sneaking under your thighs as you moved up his body. He watched eagerly as your center drew closer to his face, hands going to hold your ass once you were in position. A trembling sigh passed his lips, and when he spoke his voice was rougher. From the breathplay or the constant use you weren't sure. Yet still airy. Like he was in wonder.

"I really got to cum inside you. It's strange that I'm so excited seeing this, right? But it's so fucking..." He trailed as his mouth got closer to you. His tongue reached out to catch his dripping release from your inner thigh. Eyelids heavy and his tight grip moving to your hips. "It's like a new way to mark you mine. Is that why you let me, jagi?" Lowering a hand, you threaded your fingers through his short hair and tugged lightly, coaxing a small whimper.

"I'm so happy you enjoyed it as much as I did, Kyungsoo. Now make me cum with that pretty mouth of yours." His agreeing hum was more like a submissive whine, but you couldn't think on it as his tongue flattened and licked up your entire slit. Swallowing your intertwined flavors and moaning low in his throat.

"That tastes like fucking heaven."

"What do we say?"

"Thank you, sugar." Chills. You got chills all up your spine at his use of your nickname in this situation. He knew it would affect you, too. He was smirking afterward. The darkness to his gaze allowing his sinful nature to come through and reach you. Fuck the angel bullshit. He was a siren using his voice to lure you in before devouring you whole. Hypnotizing you so you sunk deeper. Eventually you'd drown, but fuck it couldn't come soon enough. Pulling his hair harder, you struggled to keep your breathing from getting too shallow.

"Good boy." Kyungsoo shut his eyes briefly. His legs shifted behind you. Knees bent to keep his muscles from getting too stiff. His face showed pure rapture, lips slightly parted, sucking in a large breath. It trembled as he exhaled, mouth going back to your cunt with renewed fervor. His tongue pushed inside you, creating all kinds of crude, wet sounds as he drank up everything he'd spilled a minute ago. Your hand left his hair to go back to the headboard, knuckles turning white. The tightening in your gut was dizzying. You continuously praised him with quiet, high-pitched moans of, "yes", "don't stop" and, "Kyungsoo." It had the desired effect; he was refusing to come away from your pussy. Your hips grinded on his tongue as he moved to stimulate your clit again. He sucked hard and moaned. Doing his best to get you to cum as quickly as he could, and it was working. Releasing the headboard, you leaned back on him instead, hands near the base of his ribs, giving you a better angle to control what he did. It was building inside you. Inching its way up into your throat to steal your articulation. The tip of his tongue flicking lightly repeatedly.

Then the pressure snapped. You called out as your thighs quivered and the pleasure rolled through your bones. Kyungsoo slowed, lapping up your wetness until you moved away. You shifted down his body so you could lean over and kiss him. Uncaring of the slick mess on the whole lower half of his face. The sign of his enthusiasm. His hands ran up your back, holding you close. You pulled away, gasping. Now that the throbbing between your legs was gone it was easier to think. To keep control. The haze was gone, and you could continue with your rare time of switching roles.

"Wipe your face, Soo. And keep your eyes on me." One of his hands came up immediately to clean around his mouth. You started a trail of kisses from his cheek traveling down. Adoring, open-mouthed kisses to set his senses on fire. Pausing every few times to brand marks on his smooth, tan skin. Drenched in sweat. You licked up a droplet that was cascading down his neck towards his hairline. The saltiness overpowering the taste you had of yourself from Kyungsoo's lips. Forcing him to watch as patches of purple and red were created and your fingers caressed the parts of him your lips weren't. Practically worshipping his form. Because you loved him. You loved every inch of him and you wanted to show him that. Muttering, "I could spend hours just like this," by his navel. Then you skipped down to his thighs. Spreading his legs so you knelt between. Leaving fleeting presses up the inside where it was most sensitive. Kyungsoo propped himself up on his elbows so he could keep his gaze on you better. You held back a smirk when his muscles trembled against your lips, and out of the corner of your eye you saw his cock stir. You repeated the same unhurried actions on his other thigh before stopping, hovering over his length. It was half hard again already, still glistening from when you rode him.

You glanced up. His eyes were fixed on you, wide with arousal and anticipation. Holding him in one hand, you wrapped your lips around him and he moaned softly. Your tongue swirled then pressed to one of his weak spots and he breathed heavily, entranced by the sight. Breaking from his dangerous eyes you set to your task. Relaxing your throat, you took him all the way in. You practiced a lot with him for it to be possible comfortably. Now it was paying off as you bobbed your head slowly and added suction. Feeling him grow harder with each pass. Filling your mouth until all you could do was focus on breathing. Tears pricking your eyes as his moans grew louder. You paused one time at the base of his cock. Stretching your tongue out past your lower lip to stroke and taste as much of him as possible. When you glanced up Kyungsoo was in total awe. Eyes transfixed on the sight of your lips enveloping his length. You swallowed around him and suddenly a hand was in your hair. Brushing it away from your face and stroking your cheek with shaking fingers and feather light touches. He called your name through an unstable voice. You moaned around him then pulled off, leaving one last kiss on his tip.

"Please," he continued. "Can I please fuck you properly?" You contemplated while placing a kiss to his hip.

"Will you still be good for me?"

"Yes, I promise," he spat out quickly.

"Alright, Kyungsoo. Get behind me." He moved without question, going around you as you went to your hands and knees. You looked over your shoulder as he grabbed your hips, widening your legs to be at the right height. "Go slow," you instructed. He nodded. A palm went to the small of your back, hand splayed over your warm skin. Steadying you. Then you felt him at your entrance. He pushed forward carefully and you shut your eyes. Allowing your focus to dull as your other senses kicked up.

There would never be anything as intoxicating as the feeling of Kyungsoo filling you. Moving inside of you. Connecting with you deeper than anyone on every level. Body and soul tangling together in the most intimate, breathtaking ways. And as he molded his chest to your back, swollen lips pressing to your neck and shoulder, you couldn't imagine anything else existed in this universe that would tear you away from him.

He moved your hair to one side with one hand, the other going on top of yours on the sheets. Fingers braided with yours, curling in to hold you down. The pace he set was torturous in the best way. Rocking into you over and over in a way that let the heat in your gut simmer. In a few minutes you'd probably want more, but for now it was wonderful just to enjoy being with Kyungsoo. No time limit. No alarm to worry about forcing him to leave you to work. No need to finish because of weeks being seperated or interruptions to worry about. Nothing was being asked of you. You could just be. It was then you realized your lips yearned to be on his. To see his body and face. To witness the passion in his eyes. You didn't need to hide from them anymore. You didn't need to stay distant to stay in control. You could let go, because you trusted him.

"Kyungsoo?"

"Jagi?" he breathed in response.

"Stop. I want to turn over." He obeyed, pulling out and sitting up while you flopped over on your back. His eyes narrowed in concern. Flitting over you like searching for a wound.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no," you replied with a smile. You reached out, urging him down to hover over you. Your fingertips passed over the previous marks you created as one hand cupped his face. The other ran through the damp hair on the back of his head. "I want to see your face." It was difficult to tell through his already hot cheeks if he blushed, but his bashful smirk was enough to make your heart jump. He chuckled low in his throat.

"Your legs are tired, aren't they?" Your mouth opened in shock, laughing an unconvincing,

"No."

"That's okay," he said warmly. One of his hands went to your thigh, pushing it out and down, pinning your leg to the bed. Holding you open and vulnerable. "I saw your legs shaking when you were sucking my cock. It's hard work being on top, isn't it?" You hooked your other leg on his hip. Drawing him closer.

"Maybe," you gave in. Unable to deny it felt good to lay down. "But switching really is just because I want to see your face. And kiss you." He froze momentarily, then shook his head with a grin.

"You're such a sap." You opened your mouth to retort when he thrust back inside of you, making you gasp. The hand on his face snapped to his bicep, fingernails digging in his flesh at the shock. It was the same slow rhythm as before, but the way his hips rolled to join with yours was much smoother in this position. He could control more, making sure to brush all your weak spots. Letting you feel every last bit of him entering and exiting you. The words he stole morphed in your throat, stuttering,

"I'll forgive you f-for that b-because I love you."

"I love you too jagi," he replied then kissed you once briefly. The hints of a smile still present on his features. The arm you clutched moved, his hand engulfing yours and holding it tightly in his against the mattress. "And I love that you're a sap that enjoys my weird sex faces." The shock ebbed away to a familiar simmering pleasure. It was easier to talk when you weren't being fucked within an inch of your life. So you teased him.

"I knew you'd be insecure about that."

"I'll try not to be." You cherished the little conversations you shared in these intimate situations. The fact that you  _could_  talk, and you  _could_  laugh with him in any setting just proved how comfortable you were with eachother. How carefree and close he'd become with you. He was your partner, but he was also so much more. It's one thing to love someone, but another to like them as well, and you'd been fortunate enough to have Kyungsoo like you back. No rush and no worries. Just Kyungsoo and you in your own world. It still amazed you that you could literally have his dick inside of you and think, 'this is my best friend' fondly. You wished you could tattoo these moments in your memory forever. Holding each other in bed, looking at one another and knowing that all that waiting and all that strife, and all that distance was worth it to be close now. His sparkling brown eyes seeing nothing but you. His soft lips on yours, fitting together like they were meant for no one else's. Tongues dancing better than you ever could with your feet.

The friction between your bodies continued until Kyungsoo was gasping, mouth parting from yours with a smack. Your free hand stroked up his back and in his hair slick with persperation. The silent question pleaded in his eyes. You nodded and wiped his forehead.

"You can go harder. I need you, Kyungsoo." Fingers knotting in his thick black locks, his eyebrows came together and up. Jaw clenching and groaning. The hand that had been trapping your thigh left to support himself better and bunched the sheets by your head. Now both of your legs could go around him. His pace only increased a little, but the force he entered you made you call out, sparks flashing up your body. Pausing each time he crashed into you like his body wouldn't let him pull away from you because he belonged there. Savoring the feeling of being buried in you. The way your face twisted in pleasure. How your breath hitched each time his hips snapped forward. You caught on to his new rhythm and matched him with your hips. That time his jaw went slack and his face scrunched in what you knew was the first sign he was getting close. His cries and whispered curses and moans falling from his mouth more readily than before, his desire growing. He tried to bury his face in your neck, but you tugged his hair to catch his gaze again. The red on his cheeks grew brighter, spreading to his chest, but he didn't try to hide anymore. The knot in your gut sinched tighter. Fraying at the edges with every demanding thrust. Demanding that you be consumed by him. The water was filling your lungs. His decadent, shimmering voice was all you could hear along the pounding in your ears. His name flowed from your lips naturally, drawing it over your tongue like a piece of art.

After some time your muscles ached and trembled with the need to release, and it didn't help Kyungsoo was keeping himself on edge as well. Every once in a while he'd close the tiny gap between your mouths, sucking your lip sweetly then teasing his tongue along the abused flesh. Pulling away slowly so his taste and his contact lingered. They were too short for your liking, but you were too entranced to say anything. Caught in the waves his body rolled over you. He must have seen it and decided he'd had enough teasing as well, his tempo speeding up just enough so he didn't sacrifice any of the depth. Continuing to hit all the right spots. You lost coherency at that moment. It was so good. So mind-numbingly good. He was fucking you into oblivion. Filling your cunt better than anything you felt before. It was raw and powerful, and when your high hit you couldn't control yourself, clinging to Kyungsoo. Everything but him felt so far away. But he was there, and he was warm and perfect. Allowing you to mar his back and choke out a scream and quake around him. You used all your willpower to keep your gaze trained on Kyungsoo's face as his ragged, choppy breaths told you he was cumming. Moans swirling around in your head, mixing with your own. Features twisting together as his hips stuttered and halted inside of you before relaxing into pure serenity.

The blood rushing in your ears died down after a few seconds as you emerged from your spellbound state. Kyungsoo's eyelashes fluttered when he blinked his eyes open. They were teary and shining. It took a moment for him to focus on you, chest heaving while he fought to control his breathing. Your hands traveled up to either side of his head, bringing his lips to yours in a fiery kiss. He opened his mouth right away, tongue delving out to share as much space with you as possible. When he could no longer breathe he broke away, dragging his soft lips down your neck to stop by your collarbone, panting. Whispering more sweet words about how beautiful and amazing you were. You embraced him tightly against your chest and kissed his temple.

"Thank you," you returned. His rambling quit. "You were so good. That was so fucking...good." You had to break to breathe. "I don't think I've ever cum so hard. Fuck, Kyungsoo...you're amazing. I love you so much. So much more than anything."

"I love you, too. You know I do," he mumbled back. A quick kiss brushed your throat. "More and more every day." He moved to sit up so you let go. When he pulled his softening length out of you the emptiness was heartwrenching. You wanted him to stay. He sat on the edge of the bed so you stretched your legs out as his release eased out of you partially. A new ache had taken place over your lust. Now you were just plain sore. He extended each of his legs out as well, grunting in slight discomfort. "Cramp," he explained over his shoulder. You were strangely proud of that.

Once he finished Kyungsoo grabbed a few tissues and cleaned up between your legs. While he did the rest of the world began to come back into focus, and you realized with confusion that you could see Kyungsoo rather easily. The moonlight had been replaced with streaks of deep orange and red and yellow. You whined and pulled him to lay next to you. Both of you were still damp with sweat and he smiled tiredly at you as you snuggled closer. Your hands traced the familiar curves of his body lazily. Going along his side and over his ass then following the muscles on his back upward.

"We should shower."

"I'm not moving for at least a week," you pouted. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you flush with him, chuckling. Legs tangling. His sirens voice rumbling with how low and quiet he'd become.

"I like your plan better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll do my best not to keep y'all waiting too long, but work has me swamped for the next month or two so it's probably going to be the same wait for the last few chapters. I want to take my time on them since the story is coming to an end, but I'm excited to hear your reactions


	28. Settled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minseok wants to cash in on the favor you owe

It was time. You had lost a bet with Minseok and now he had decided what his favor should be. The suggestive smirk spoke more than the greeting on his lips the instant he stepped into your apartment. He closed the front door behind him then slung an arm around your shoulders. You hadn't thrown on much before rushing to the door when you heard knocking. Only Kyungsoo's shirt and some sweatpants. You had panicked, thinking it was one of your neighbors coming to complain about noise from the night before. When Minseok had grinned in the doorway you relaxed. However, with his heat pressed to your side you froze awkwardly. He seemed to sense you weren't comfortable and shuffled away a few paces.

"What's up?" you asked as you strolled to the kitchen. He followed you, leaning on the island while you rummaged through the fridge for breakfast.

"I figured I'd take Soo to work today, and I thought of your punishment." You settled on a cup of yogurt for yourself and a bagel with cream cheese for Kyungsoo. You'd both put off getting out of bed for so long neither of you had time to cook. Your knees were still chattering with the effort of holding you up. As you got the proper utensils and began spreading the cream cheese you spoke to your unexpected guest.

"So? What is it?"

"At least act a little worried," the man pouted.

"I'm too tired to act like anything, Minnie. Plus we agreed it wouldn't be sexual favors so I don't care."

"Why are you so tired?"

"Didn't sleep well."

"Oh, well anyway. You know how we wear masks and stuff out in public?"

"Please get to the point," you sighed.

"Buy sex toys for me?" Your eyes snapped up, incredulous. Minseok was smiling and batting his eyelashes.

"You know you can do that online, right?"

"But I want you to do it."

"Will you pay me back?"

"Of course."

"Alright," you shrugged. His smile dropped, shoulders sagging.

"What? You're not embarrassed?"

"I understand why you don't want to be seen buying that stuff, but I don't care. I can go to the store I usually go to. The people there are really nice and helpful. Do you want something that's hard to find?" His pout was back. It was fun to see his plan to mess with you crumbling.

"No, but I haven't had the chance to..." His words trailed. He had an idea. You saw it in his eyes. He leaned his chest over the counter more as if he had cleavage he was trying to flaunt. "Since you're so casual about sex can you buy me those things anyway and still do a punishment?"

"And why should she?" Kyungsoo stepped in. Shirtless in only jeans, to your confusion. Not on why; it was quite normal when you were alone, and you knew Kyungsoo was really close to all the other members. But your emotions went haywire when you saw the messy trail of bitemarks, scratches and hickies spotting his torso out in full daylight. Your face flushed hot. You swallowed the sudden amount of saliva you had with a fat tongue. You tried with all your power to pry your eyes off his gorgeous, heavily marked skin, but jesus fucking christ that man made you weak. A rush of arousal hit you like a monster truck as your gaze followed the irritated red scratches on his sides going up to his ribs then around out of sight on his back. As you remembered when you made them. The way he felt inside of you, slamming into you while looking at you through it all. You remembered biting those crescents by his collarbone and on his shoulder. The way his voice echoed in your ears as he moaned and swore he was yours. Your eyes drifted to the red and bruised patches that traveled from the base of his neck over his chest and stomach then to the one peeking out on his hip. Only partly covered by the band of his underwear that barely stuck out from his jeans. You had to brace yourself with a hand on the counter. Your joints were jelly. Your legs felt like they might come out from under you. Then someone touched your cheek and you snapped out of your memories. Kyungsoo was much closer, and when you looked up at his face he was holding back a grin. He pressed his lips lightly to yours then steadied you with a hand on the small of your back.

"Are you okay, jagi?"

"Ah~" Minseok drew out. He giggled like he found out a secret. "Didn't sleep well, was it?" He was ignored by both of you. Kyungsoo's hands slipped to your waist and suddenly you were sitting on the island counter. You reached out without thought, urging him by his shoulders to come stand between your legs. The grin he'd fought cracked his lips as he leaned closer, and your fingers slipped into his hair. It was still damp from the shower he just finished before Minseok came.

"Your face is all red." You could hear the amusement in his voice. Your nails scratched the base of his skull lightly, mesmerized by the way his expressions shifted faintly as he talked. How focused he was. "Let's eat and I'll help you back into bed." There was a magnetic pull to touch him. So you didn't debate. You practically fell forward to catch his lips. They gave under the weight of your own for a moment before you felt them tightening and stretching into a smile. He chuckled, letting you taste his happiness, and pulled away. You leaned your head on his shoulder and mumbled,

"You look breathtaking." Kyungsoo laughed once then whispered,

"Thank you." It was very quiet for several seconds before he backed away completely, leaving your reach. Minseok was handing him a collared navy shirt. You hadn't noticed him leaving to retrieve it. Kyungsoo pulled his arms through and began buttoning it closed. Your gaze finally widened to the rest of reality with your nights escapades hidden under fabric. Is that how Kyungsoo felt when you walked around with his marks? Cause if so, how the hell did he control himself? Your blood was on fire. But holy shit it felt good to see his pleasure stamped into his skin. He'd feel those bruises for days, thinking of you. Wanting you again. Your head was dizzy with delight.

"Hey dove," the eldest called your attention. "If you're too sore from last night I can come back later for that favor."

"No," you responded then shook your head clear. Your voice more stable and audible. "No, I have work anyway. I'll...I'll go after my lessons. What did you want again?" Minseok smiled. To his right Kyungsoo was tucking his shirt into his jeans.

"I'll write it down. Thanks again. Um, about the bet though..."

"Yes I'll still do a punishment," you replied in mock exasperration. He sprang up and clapped happily. His smile lit up the small apartment.

"Good! I had a backup! You have to watch one of my dramas with me." You sighed. "Without mocking it." That made you groan.

"But the shows you like are stupid."

"Just because they use tropes doesn't mean it's bad."

"No, but they write it horribly. And the acting is so over the top. I don't know how people enjoy that bullshit."

"I said no bad-mouthing," Minseok scowled. You grit your teeth.

"Fine."

"Good. Now where's some paper?"

"I have some in my music bag." You jumped down from the counter on wobbly legs. Slow to stand upright. When you did you faked more strength when you noticed Kyungsoo watching you warily. You went to the corner and on the floor by the bookshelf was your bag. You grabbed a small stack of sticky notes and a pencil, and gave them the Minseok. Normally you used them to mark a students lesson book so they knew what to practice at home. He wrote while Kyungsoo tied his shoes, sitting on the sofa. When he finished Minseok gave your things back with a,

"Come on. We're gonna be late," over his shoulder. Kyungsoo grabbed the bagel you made for him and started following the eldest toward the front door. He stopped long enough to kiss your cheek.

"Sorry I can't sit and eat with you. Don't push yourself too hard today, jagi. I'll be home late tonight."

"H-hold on," you stammered. You flung your arms around his neck and hugged him. Then you whispered, "I'll be thinking of you." Kyungsoo smiled and chuckled, understanding the implication.

"I'll miss you, too." You felt his free hand on your waist, fingertips tightening in a brief reassuring squeeze. Your heart raced. The heat from his hand burning through the thin borrowed t-shirt. "But I really have to go now."

"Sorry," you replied and quickly let go. Minseok waved with a,

"I'll come over tonight for that drama session." Then they left. You hauled yourself to the kitchen for your yogurt and collapsed. Your legs screaming in joy as you relaxed.

As the day went on your muscles regained their strength. Luckily for you all your music lessons were taught sitting down so you could recover. The feeblness in your knees especially lasted much longer than it ever had before. You really needed to work out your legs if you were going to repeat the previous night more often. Which you suspected Kyungsoo would enjoy. You would very much like it, too.

Buying Minseok's list of things was easy. It wasn't really much of a list anyway. He just wanted a dildo, to which he gave you a brand and model name, a rubber cock ring and a decent pair of leather cushioned handcuffs. You imagined he had been using ties and shirts until now and needed something more sturdy. After lessons you ate, went to the adult toy store, bought a few odd groceries and went back to the apartment. There was only one weird thing to happen while you were out, but you weren't sure what to make of it. So you would wait until Minseok came over and ask his opinion.

To pass the time you practiced your new set for the orchestra. You had previously introduced yourself to the neighbors on either side of you to make sure they were okay with you practicing since you could be loud. They both worked during the day so there was nothing stopping you like at your last place. At least on weekdays. One had even come over one afternoon just to compliment how well you sounded because they were home sick. You didn't practice as long that day so they could sleep and brought them some honey to put in their tea.

Once you finished practice you got a text from Minseok saying he was almost done for the day. You ordered pizza and not ten minutes after it arrived Minseok was knocking on your door. He didn't waste any time getting food and settling on your sofa. You smiled as you grabbed your own food and two beers and joined him. It was nice to have friends who felt comfortable in your shared apartment. He propped his feet on your coffee table, plate on his lap, one arm on the back of the sofa behind you. You pulled up your laptop and settled into his side while he used his free hand to search for his show. When it started you did your best not to roll your eyes at the cheesy soundtrack.

If his goal was to get you hooked he failed miserably. Although it was a good distraction to keep your thoughts from lingering on Kyungsoo and the marks you left on him. He picked an episode in the middle of the series and kept talking over the dialogue to catch you up on the plot. When he wasn't explaining why something was happening he was ranting about the characters. How he hates this girl for doing this. Why he thinks this should happen. Quick, look at that guy; I'd totally go down on him. Minseok was more entertaining than the show. He'd hardly even touched his pizza by the end. The show you still hated, but seeing Minseok so invested in these characters was fun. So when one episode ended you clicked on the next one. Ready to hear your binging buddy's raving commentary. Turns out, the more beer he had the more trash he'd talk. You were howling with laughter by the end of it, your punishment of not being allowed to mock thrown out the window. Your head had moved from his shoulder to a pillow he put on his lap. Both of you pointing out dumb mistakes and practically screaming at the screen when someone made a bad choice. Your night of watching horrible television ended when Kyungsoo came home. You moved your legs and sat up as he sank into the cushions beside you. He leaned his head back with a deep sigh, exhausted.

"And that's my queue to leave."

"Don't feel the need to rush. I'm just tired," Kyungsoo assured. "Stay as long as you'd like." He turned his head to look at you. "How were lessons, jagi? You mentioned one of your students is graduating soon right?"

"Oh," you realized, snapping to attention. You tucked your legs under you. "I almost forgot. Something weird did happen today. I got a call earlier."

"What about?"

"They said they were your fan. Well, they said Chanyeol was their favorite." Minseok immediately jumped from the couch to go in front of you. Kyungsoo's head shot up, eyes wide.

"Were they harrassing you?" the oldest spat out quickly. "Did they say how they found you? Do we need to change your number?"

"No," you laughed. "God no. It'd be chaos giving my new number to everyone in my contacts. Plus it'd kill my teaching business. She was nice. She said she's been thinking about starting piano." Minseok's shoulders relaxed. So did Kyungsoo's features. Your words settling over them like dust.

"So why was it weird?"

"I don't know. It was just...my first time talking to one of your fans. It was surreal to hear about y'all from that perspective I guess."

"What did you talk about?"

"Well, not much. She introduced herself and told me her and her friends online were happy for me. I was kind of flustered so she assured me not to be nervous. That very few people were actually upset Kyungsoo is dating, which was really comforting actually," you chuckled nervously. "She looked up some of my performences, too. Then she mentioned wanting to learn piano because of Chanyeol and asked if that's how we became friends as kids. She said she would have to call me back after she knows she can afford music lessons."

"So nothing scary?"

"No, just weird. Good weird," you reassured with a smile.

"Aren't you worried about more fans calling you?" Kyungsoo questioned.

"Maybe, but for now not really. It's not like she stalked me to find it. If you search my name I have my website. It has clips of me performing and credentials for people who want to hire me, and my teaching information with ways to contact me. They can either ask for lessons or I'll block them. Whatever." With a shrug the two men accepted your answer for now. You were confident your anxieties from before were for nothing. Kyungsoo had been right. As long as you're happy with him everything else was background noise. Whether his fans hate or love you, you would stay. He would do the same. You knew it without a shred of doubt. No matter what occurs it looks like fate has you two tied together.

"Well thanks for hanging out dove," Minseok waved as he grabbed the opaque black bag with the toys you bought him. "It's nice watching those shows with someone."

"Anytime Minnie. I actually had fun." Kyungsoo waved lazily over his shoulder as Minseok went to the front door.

"See you tomorrow." You watched the door open and shut, leaving you alone with Kyungsoo. Leaning your head on his chest you sighed contentedly. You felt him take a deep breath, fingers going into your hair. Pulling the strands through his digits before they fluttered down and tickled your skin.

"So, how was your work today?"


	29. Overthinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo tries to ask you a question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a significant time jump from the last chapter, but it's explained. This is just fair warning.

"So what's the special occasion?" The question had been choked down for hours in the back of your throat. He made you promise to trust him when he came home that night and told you to dress up as he hurried to put on a suit. So you did and followed him to a restaurant. The one you went to on your first date, you noted. You even sat at the same booth. Everyone else around you wore comfortable jeans and other casual wear. You felt terribly overdressed. But the real thing that tipped you off that something more was going on--something more than a normal date night--was when he ordered two glasses of expensive wine. It just wasn't like him to drink that often. At least not fancy rosé like the waiter was pouring for you both. Filling the tall stemmed glasses a third of the way with the shimmering pale pink liquid. Kyungsoo was fidgeting also. Tugging on the cuffs of his sleeves and smoothing his tie. Going to run his fingers through his hair only to remember he styled it up and stopping himself. Pushing up his glasses instead. He was nervous about something. So once the waiter left with your food orders you let your curiousity be known. You adjusted your dress as you waited for him to answer your question.

"Well, I-" Kyungsoo halted with a dry voice. He held up a finger for you to wait then grabbed his wine glass. Tipping the alcohol past his lips, you watched him swallow twice before setting down an almost empty glass. You reached partway across the table, palm up, and lowered your voice.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? You're worrying me." He reacted immediately by placing his hand in yours, curling his fingers around it. His palm was sweaty.

"Nothing," he urged with a shake of his head. Kyungsoo exhaled forcibly to calm himself and smiled, the corners of his mouth fighting with his will to show he wasn't anxious. His gaze settling on you in that way that filtered out the rest of the world. "Absolutely nothing could be wrong with you here." You giggled and squeezed his hand in a comforting gesture.

"My heart still does funny things when you talk like that."

"In a good way?"

"You're endlessly charming. You should know that by now, Kyungsoo." You stroked the side of his hand with your thumb. His eyes flickered to the movement. His focus was back on your features just as quickly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm trying to surprise you, but I'm not very good at hiding my nerves."

"Why would you be nervous? You know I love surprises." He looked away. Back to your joined hands. You stopped your thumb when he pinched the silver band on your ring finger and began to twirl it. His answer was spoken slowly. Carefully. Trying to keep his secret.

"I...don't know how you'll react to this one."

"Well then I'll wait until we're done eating. That way you can have time to relax and think of what to say and even if I don't like it, which I seriously doubt, we'll still have had a nice dinner together. Dressing up was a cute idea by the way."

"Yeah?" Then he repeated it as if to confirm to himself. "Yeah, after eating. Sounds good." You reached for your wine glass with your free hand, swirling the liquid inside first to see the little layer of film appear. You took a small sip, letting the sharp tang hover on your tongue before swallowing. It was sweeter than you anticipated. You brightened your smile and changed topics. Fingertips playing with the stem of your glass.

"So, did Chanyeol tell you about his new project?" Kyungsoo shook his head, eyes hesitantly raising to yours. "He's making a mixtape for his girlfriend for christmas."

"They've been together a year right?"

"Almost. I remember because they started dating about a month after our third anniversary."

"It's crazy how almost four years can feel like a lifetime," Kyungsoo mumbled with a softness to his tone.

"As long as he doesn't recreate our accidental audio for the boys then I think he'll be fine." You both laughed at the memory. The day Junmyeon called to scold Kyungsoo and you on speaker over the phone had to be the most embarrassed you've ever been. Appearently Yixing was the first to discover the recording and had frozen in shock and horror. Sehun thought his face would be permanently red. It was deleted in every way imaginable before you could even apologize.

One day while visiting Kyungsoo at work things got a little out of control in the practice room. It had been on your fantasy list, you could turn on a light to show not to disturb the people inside, and it was soundproof. The perfect spot to get away with having sex. So you thought. Turns out when Kyungsoo flipped on the light outside the door he started recording by accident. The two microphones in the room picked up everything. Yes, everything. Especially to your frustration the next few weeks after that, the way Kyungsoo spoke to you when he was dominating you. Baekhyun and Jongdae and Sehun had teased you for so long. Now, however, it was just another funny story on your list of anecdotes that you could laugh at with everyone. It was over a year ago at this point.

"Speaking of dates," you continued. "Your christmas concert is next week right? Then those extra concerts in southern Japan. Will you be back in time for your birthday?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well what about our anniversary? I know five is supposed to be the bigger one, but we can make four fun too." You saw his thoughts flickering behind his eyes. Staring into space. Had he even heard you? Then his eyebrows twitched up minutely. Like he had an idea. He snapped back to reality.

"Actually, I...I wanted to talk to you about that." He must have seen how your smile sagged because he laced your fingers together tightly and corrected himself quickly before you could assume anything bad. "I meant the concert. Yes I'll be home for our anniversary. Shit, my brain is all over the place right now." So he had heard you.

"Okay," you answered warily before perking up. Letting his odd behavior roll off your back. "What's up?"

"Maybe you can come with me?"

"To Japan?"

"Yes. You always talk about wanting to see our concerts but never being able to buy tickets. Let me talk to our manager about letting you come."

"Kyungsoo, we've discussed you just letting me in your concerts. It doesn't feel right."

"Then you can pay for your own flight and share a hotel room with me just like we would on holiday. Consider the concert my christmas gift." His hopeful grin made you want to accept. It widened when he saw you contemplating the offer. "Come on, I'd love to share my work with you. You can watch us perform and hear the fanchants. The whole experience. And we get to spend christmas together." Your heart began to melt until you remembered something.

"Christmas..." You took your hand back dejectedly. Both of you wiped the dampness off from his sweating palm. "I have my christmas concert with the orchestra. I can't leave."

"Oh...that's right." He was already thinking up a plan to get this to work. "Don't they have substitutes? You could say you're sick."

"I'd love to spend christmas with you, sweetheart. You know I would. But some of the other orchestra members know Exo. They'll see I was at your concert. I'd never ditch my job like that anyway." He downed the rest of his rosé. You witnessed his hope crumbling. Biting the inside of his lip to contain his frown. You wanted to make it work. For him. Brain working toward a compromise. "...but I can fly out to the concert after that. That's only three days after christmas. We can do that." The joy he exuded at your offer could have lit up the universe. Or maybe that was just the illusion since his eyes held so many stars. You wanted to take his face in your hands and kiss him breathless. You imagined the other restaurant patrons wouldn't appreciate that so much, though. He was about to burst with happiness. You needed to add your condition before he got too carried away. "If your manager says it's fine, then I'll quietly sit backstage so I don't feel like I'm taking anyone's spot who bought a ticket."

"Yes, of course. Anything. I'll talk to him first thing tomorrow, jagi. Thank you." The waiter came back to refill your wine glasses. He left right after with a quick mention that your food was almost done.

"Is that what you were so nervous about before Kyungsoo?"

"No, but uh, well." He was searching for the right words. "Why wait until after eating? I, uh, got a part in a new movie." It didn't sound very practiced. You wondered for a second if this was truly what had him so worked up before.

"Why were you so nervous then? That's fantastic news, darling. Now I understand why we dressed up. This is so nice."

"Because, uh...there's a kissing scene."

"Kyungsoo," you laughed. "How ridiculous. It's just acting. I won't be upset. It's so great you can keep making films. Can you tell me anything about the plot or is it a secret?"

"Secret," he sighed in relief. One side of his mouth pulling up further than the other in a lop-sided smile.

"Are you the lead? I mean you must be with how good you are." He chuckled bashfully at your compliment.

"Thank you, but I'm still learning."

"So...?"

"Yes, me and the two actors playing beside me are the leads."

"When do you start working on it?"

"The first table read is in two weeks."

"See? That wasn't so hard." You raised your glass. "To the success of your career." He mimicked you and added,

"To you coming to our concert." The crystal rang when you tapped your glasses together, stopping as you both sipped the sweet wine. Ready to enjoy your dinner with no nerves getting in the way.

The amount of notifications you got the next week from all the members was staggering. They were all so excited to show you their tour life. You recieved the okay from their manager to sit backstage or stand by the security at the front of the stage so you could watch as well as listen. So once you finished the last day of your own christmas concerts you flew out to meet them. The venue was huge and you had to put on a staff badge Kyungsoo had given you so no one would kick you out. You arrived hours ahead so you could see the rehearsal. Sneaking in and sitting near the stage to watch as they finalized the lighting setup and ran through a few of the sets to check the audio. Smiling to yourself as you observed their professionalism even when going over where they were meant to stand on stage during dance breaks and such. It was fascinating. The differences between your concert prep and theirs was incredible. The rush of taking in a multitude of new things at once was exhilerating. There must have been dozens of lighting techs and audio engineers and stage hands. Not to mention the power it took to use all these ginormous LED walls and spotlights. Then you had to coordinate them all together. There was an expert for every facet of the concert. It was the largest front of house setup you'd ever seen. You were half afraid of the chaos you would find backstage.

It was after the staff declared they were prepared and the members went away that you made your way backstage. Sure it was a humungous space, but you had been inside enough concert halls in your life to navigate your way easily enough. Plus the boys were pretty loud. You found them in the green room away from staff fighting over snacks. The space was fairly large for a green room with two big sofas, a wall of vanities for makeup, and a table with an assortment of drinks and food on it on the far wall. You were frightened to think of the disarray it would all be in by the end of the night.

When you entered and said hello all nine of them came barreling to give you a hug. You laughed and greeted each of them. They were more chipper than usual. Hyped up for the concert, you imagined. Kyungsoo waited to be the last, dipping down for a quick kiss before inviting you to sit with him. Everyone slowly trickling back to the sofas with you as they got their snacks and water. You chatted like normal until a few makeup artists came in. You were introduced before they stole away a few of the members at a time to get them ready. You followed Kyungsoo to the vanity out of curiousity and talked with the woman doing his makeup as she worked. Doing your best trying to understand what Kyungsoo experienced whenever he had to tour. You weren't sure how he managed it all. There were a million things he had to remember and keep organized, and he had to do it while smiling and having fun. You know they all loved it, but you would've collapsed from exhaustion years ago. It was a blessing they all had such bright and energetic personalities. It made everything easier for them. It was no wonder why Kyungsoo had been so grateful towards you all that time back when you first started dating. Your support and encouragement meant a lot to him in times like these. When days blurred together and there was so much to memorize and adapt to. You were his grounding force. The calm amidst the flurry of busy schedules. You only wish you could always be there for him. Like on christmas.

"Alright," the woman doing his makeup declared. Snapping you out of your thoughts. She set down the brush she had just been using and switched it for a pencil and a pink tube. "I'm doing his lips, so no more kissing tonight."

"Yes ma'am," you chuckled. It had been amazing watching him transform. The makeup itself was subtle, but it highlighted some of his best features. The eyeliner, the slightest contour of his cheekbones, and his lips. She matched his shade almost exactly. The wand with the tinted lip gloss painting on the last touches to his look. Kyungsoo smacked his lips together a few times, making a popping noise.

"You're all done. You know the drill." She began packing up her things while Kyungsoo stood and took your hand.

"Follow me," he told you. The next stop was in a different room down the hall nearest the stage. Some of the others were already in chairs on one side. The other half of the room was dedicated to clothing racks with nine variations of each outfit they'd wear that night. And every rack had a tag with a members name on it. Kyungsoo paused in front of his and let go of your hand. You stood to the side while he changed. This room smelled like various hair products. Exactly like a salon. Right as you thought that a woman turned on a hairdryer and began blowing out Jongdae's hair. You did your best to stay out of the way when Kyungsoo sat in one of the empty chairs and started getting his hair styled. The man doing it was friendly and rambled on about his wife and two daughters while he worked various mousses and sprays into Kyungsoo's thick locks. Blowing it out even though there wasn't much for his brush to grab so it had more volume and stayed in place. Suddenly you felt someone poking your sides and you startled with a tiny gasp and whirled around to see Baekhyun. He chuckled and pulled you away from Kyungsoo, leaning close.

"I have a question for you." You weren't sure why he was speaking so conspiratorially, but didn't think much about it.

"What is it?"

"Have you ever thought about how Kyungsoo will propose to you?" You grinned and shook you head. It wasn't even a question to the others if he was going to at some point by now. They joked about how you acted married already. You had to scold them to stop pestering him with it a while back.

"Well that's out of nowhere. Not really. Why?"

"Oh I was just thinking about it seeing you here. I could see him calling you out on stage at the end of the concert and asking. Don't you? That'd be really romantic."

"You mean awful?" you scoffed. Baekhyun's grin dimmed slightly. "Being the center of focus in front of thousands of people sounds like my nightmare scenario. Why do you think I love being third chair in the orchestra? No solos." His eyes darted over your shoulder. You glanced and greeted Kyungsoo as he strolled up beside you.

"B-but,' Baekhyun stammered like he was working to get his thoughts out as quickly as possible. "I thought you loved big romantic gestures and all that?"

"In movies," you replied. "I'd probably get a panic attack if he took me up on stage. Besides," you nudged Kyungsoo with your shoulder. "He doesn't need to try. He's already naturally a prince charming." You expected a hardier chuckle from him, but they both only gave you forced smiles and a quiet,

"Thanks jagi," from beside you.

"Anyway," you brushed off. "Fairy tales are nice and all, but we're private people. I couldn't imagine Soo kneeling on stage. It just wouldn't be him. You, maybe. Chanyeol, definitely." Baekhyun joined your laughter then.

"Yeah. Yeol would pull something like that. Hey, uh, why don't we do your concert ritual?"

"But it's not my concert."

"Well maybe I want to start doing it too."

"You want to walk around all the different seating sections to see the stage through your audiences eyes?" you questioned skeptically. Not for his intention. He had a good heart. But going around the whole arena would take time he didn't seem to have.

"Well then we'll skip to sitting in the back row. Can I steal her Soo?"

"Yeah," he answered slowly. Then his brain caught up and he pointed at Baekhyun. "But you need to be back in twenty minutes for micing."

"You got it." The singer grabbed your hand and bounded away, pulling you with him.

It took half the time alotted just to walk up to the furthest row. When you sat you both marveled at how small the staff appeared. Even the front of house looked like ants. Imagining what it would look like once the seats were filled. Baekhyun set his hand on your knee. You looked over but he was still focused on the stage. He began massaging your knee anxiously. Voice soft and eyes serious.

"Everything's going to change, isn't it?"

"Why do you think that?"

"When you marry Kyungsoo for real."

"Baekhyunnie," you cooed. "Is there something you want to tell me about tonight?"

"No," he answered calmly. "No, just...saw something online. That's all." You rested your hand on top of his to still it and hopefully comfort him. He took a deep breath and clasped your hands together. His fingers squeezing tightly.

"Have you all been getting enough sleep? I know how you get."

"That's not it."

"Are you sure? Because everyone's been acting a little strange since I got here, and I'd like to blame it on excess adrenaline."

"You've just never seen us before a concert," he smirked. As his mood brightened it eased your worry slightly, but you weren't stupid. Something was going on. You put your other hand over the ones already joined, encapsulating his soft hand in both of yours.

"Well please take care of yourself. You make me worry when you talk like that. You know Kyungsoo loves you. He would never leave. Not even for me."

"He left the dorm for you, and he said he'd never do that."

"Oh honey," you breathed before pulling him in for a hug. Both of you twisted sideways in your chairs to reach comfortably. You felt him hide his face in your neck. He might have smudged his makeup so you threw caution out and carded your fingers through his hair. Petting him to soothe him. It was still soft under all the hairspray. "Even if Kyungsoo wanted to run off and elope with me tonight nothing would change tomorrow. Marriage isn't some all-encompasing event that changes everything. It's a piece of paper and some words. Adding one more member to your family doesn't sound that scary, does it?"

"You're already family," he spoke firmly. Words muffled by your clothes. "But you're right. You make it sound like it's not that big. Thank you." You eased him off you and smiled gently while fixing his hair back into place.

"Besides, who knows if we'll ever even get married. Either way we'll be here for you. All of us together. Okay? I promise. Do you feel better?" He nodded and returned your smile. You noticed his smudged eyeliner and did your best to wipe it with your thumb just under the outside corner of his eye, but it would need to be fixed properly. "Let's go back before you get scolded, okay?"

"Hold my hand?"

"Sure," you chuckled as you stood and took his hand. He followed you that time. When you arrived back he was nagged at by the makeup artist while she properly corrected the eyeliner before being rushed to get his mic set up. You stayed out of the way for a while. Waiting in the green room on your phone until the lights dimmed. You shut off your phone and walked quietly behind the center of the stage where you saw all nine of them getting ready. You went to Kyungsoo and told him you'd be enjoying the performance from the camera monitors backstage. He bent his mic away from his mouth and took out one of his earpieces.

"Are you sure?" he questioned. "The manager said you could stand in front of the barracade with security to see better. Or with the front of the house."

"I don't want to stick out."

"Well, maybe just for the last part then? They'll play a video and you can sneak out to watch the ending mention and the final song. It would mean so much to me to see you in the crowd." You glanced toward the stage. The joined conversations of all the waiting fans seemingly getting louder the longer you stared. There were so many people out there. Your ears hummed with their garbled speech. Then you looked back at Kyungsoo. His kind, hopeful eyes and his wavering grin. The rest of the world didn't seem so noisy anymore. He got you to go this far for him. What was standing by a crowd with a few cameras pointing at you? Nothing, if it made him happy.

"Okay." Yixing leaned over.

"You're going out there later?"

"Yes." At your answer he turned around and started passing the word around to the others. "You're going to be wonderful Kyungsoo. Just like always."

"Thank you jagi. Now I'm all fired up!" Kyungsoo jumped in place and laughed, clapping his hands together in excitement. He looked over your shoulder before hurridly stealing a kiss. You giggled and covered your mouth with your hand. You felt where he had rubbed the tinted lip gloss on your face. Doing your best to wipe it off before someone saw. He smacked his lips together playfully and grinned. "Enjoy the performance."

You more than enjoyed it. You loved it. Watching them dance and sing and talk with their fans. Seeing them run past you during the video clips to change outfits, dab off sweat and chug water. Hearing the fanchants and seeing the ocean of lights. You didn't think you'd get your heart to calm down for days it was such a rush. When the final video clip was playing you froze staring at the split in the equipment that opened to the steps that would lead you in front of the barracade and out to the front of the stage. You could peek at a group of people who were making comments to eachother while they watched the video. Suddenly it wasn't just excitement making your heart race. You couldn't get what Baekhyun said out of your head. What if Kyungsoo was going to propose to you? What would you do if he asked you to stand on stage with him? You clutched your chest and took a deep breath. Doing your best to put away the anxiety. Because even if he did, would it really be that terrifying?

No. No...you don't think it would be that bad at all. If nothing else, you rationalized, you would do your best to tune out the crowd. Just focus on Kyungsoo. He would ground you. That's what you told yourself.

Taking the first few steps forward, you squinted at the dark floor and found your way to a security staff who, once you gave your name to them, they smiled and escorted you to the right place. Informing the guard they were leaving you with of the situation before going back to their post. You ended up where the stage branched in two directions. It was taller than it looked on camera, but you could see the large semi-circle that made up the back part of the stage. The part that connected to the straight walkway you were beside. A perfect view for where they'd be standing during their mention. You remembered that from rehearsal.

The people behind you were talking quietly. You did your best not to look around. If you saw just how many people were around you you knew you'd panic. You began using your thumb to massage the opposite hand and focused on the stage.

"Hey," you heard from behind you. Then it was repeated with your name attached, so you couldn't help but pivot on your heels. It was a girl who looked a few years younger than you. She waved her lightstick and smiled. "You're Kyungsoo's girlfriend. I didn't see you before. Are you here for something special?"

"Oh, no," you answered politely with a small smile. "We've both been working so I was only able to come support him today."

"I saw clips of your concert on christmas eve and christmas. It was very beautiful. You must be very proud."

"I am. Thank you very much."

"You must be really tired from flying. I hope you ate."

"I did. And not tired don't worry. Just anxious with so many people in one room."

"Oh you have anxiety? Is that why you've never gone to an Exo concert before?"

"Plus it's so damn hard to buy a ticket." You both laughed and the video ended. The room filled with screams and cheers. The girl included. You turned back around and your eyes immediately found Kyungsoo. Junmyeon started talking so the space grew quieter. Kyungsoo was squinting, trying to see past the stage lights, scanning the crowd around the edges of the stage. Then he found you. The corners of his mouth lifted. You grinned back and waved. The hand holding his mic spared two fingers to subtly wave back. Chanyeol tapped his shoulder and whispered in his ear. Kyungsoo nodded his head in your direction and Chanyeol found you as well. He was less subtle. Shaking Kyungsoo in his excitement before going around to get Jongin's attention and point at you. Each of the members had seen where you were by the time three of them had finished their mentions. It was so surreal to see the men you drank and hung out with for years standing under spotlights and talking to their fans. Their very real, very loud fans. You were so caught up in your thoughts you were startled when you realized Kyungsoo had already been speaking.

"And I'm so grateful to have the people closest to me here supporting me tonight, and every day." His gaze landed on you. "I know even when we're far apart you're sending me your love. To the ones who give me strength, thank you." Kyungsoo looked away to see more of the crowd, but you were stuck with a dopey grin on your face. "I hope you all travel home safely and eat a good meal. Be careul of the weather also. It's getting colder since it's almost janurary. Thank you for coming out tonight." He bowed deeply and everyone cheered. Suddenly they were all done and their final song started. The members broke apart to spread around the stage. It was a ballad. You heaved a sigh of relief. No proposal. He didn't even mention you were here directly. You went mostly unnoticed.

Until Baekhyun sent you links to different posts online anyway. They were positive, but it was embarrassing to see your lovestruck, stupid face from five seperate angles with captions and comments about how in love Kyungsoo and you were. A thousand screenshots shared a thousand times from when they were singing and he kneeled in front of you. The moment when Kyungsoo winked at you before returning to wave at fans. The girl you talked to briefly had made a popular post recounting the little chat. People were sharing it like wildfire. Saying how great it was that you overcame your anxiety to watch Exo live. Re-sharing old stories about you interacting with Exo fans as evidence of how kind you are. There were negative comments as well just like every other damn thing posted on the internet, so you got off your phone. Re-affirming to yourself on why you were glad you hadn't created any social media accounts. At least not one where you interacted openly as yourself. Private accounts existed for a reason.

The final straw that proved once and for all that Kyungsoo was planning to propose to you happened the day after he got back from Japan. He had insisted you go for a walk in the park. You say insisted because you'd rather he catch up on sleep and it had gotten late already. He had on suit pants and a button down white shirt instead of clothes he was more comfortable in. That was suspicious enough, but he also went out without anything to cover his face. All you had were your coats. Fingers braided together, he lead you to the river. Following the paved path. It wasn't as abandoned as you suspected it would be. There was at least a dozen other people you could spot. You kept your free hand out of the cold in your coat pocket. The one linked with his growing clammy. He was nervous again. After some time passed, however, your nose began to get icy from the wind.

"Hey Soo," you called softly. He looked over at you, slowing his steps. "We've been out here a while. I love walking with you, but my face is starting to freeze. Can we go home?" He chuckled.

"Sorry, I...I guess I just don't know how to start this."

"Start what?" Instead of answering right away he turned off the path. Taking you into the grass closer to the river bank and stopping to face you. The lamps from the park cast shadows around you and made his skin glow.

"You know I've always been crazy in love with you right?" His free hand went up to your cold cheek, stepping closer. "I feel like because of my position as an idol our relationship hasn't been able to progress in the most traditional manner, but I wouldn't change a thing."

"Of course, sweetheart. I love you too."

"Well I--I actually..." Kyungsoo cleared his throat, eyes darting around your face. He laughed nervously, trying to keep composed. "I've been trying to do this for a long time." Your heart galloped in your chest. You pressed your lips together tightly. Trying your best not to give away you knew by smiling full-on. His palm lowered from your cheek, reaching into his pocket. You were on edge, voice caught in the back of your throat. Ready to scream 'yes'. His visage shaded a bright pink you hoped wasn't only from the chilly wind. It really was freezing out. You were starting to shiver.

"Oh my god!" Someone shouted beside you. You whipped your head around to see a group of five girls and three boys coming your way. They were students. Still in their uniforms. You knew the drill at this point. Dropping your hand from his, you took a step back while Kyungsoo greeted them. They apologized for interrupting, he assured them it was alright, and signed some of their notebooks. Keeping idle chat throughout to be polite. As they apologized again for barging in on your date another couple saw the commotion and came over. Kyungsoo talked with them as well. You smiled to yourself.

Once he was done he took your hand again and you both said goodbye to the small crowd. Kyungsoo walked faster than before away from them towards your apartment. Jaw set in a hard line.

Guess you'd have to wait for him to plan a different proposal.


	30. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo finds the perfectly imperfect time.

It was three days early, but that was okay. Kyungsoo had been working almost non-stop for weeks and you were eager to do something special for him. When he called saying his last schedule for the day was canceled you couldn't wait for your anniversary to come. He was going to come home early and be pampered. You were determined. First you cleaned everything in the apartment, and then yourself. Putting on your newly bought black lingerie and an oversized white sweater; knowing he loved the tease of skin. You admired how your legs looked in the stockings, the garter straps barely visible, and contemplated wearing heels, but ultimately it seemed pointless so you remained comfortable.

Next was dinner. Kyungsoo had taught you how to use an oven properly so you would utilize this new skill by roasting potatoes. You saw a cooking show where they used salt, pepper, parsley, basil, paprika and olive oil to flavor the slices they cut so you decided to do that. Staring holes into a recipe for the sausage dish that would go with it as you cooked. Hyper focused on getting every measurement and cooking time right. It was taking you twice as long as it should have to cut the vegetables. Kyungsoo would return soon. So you decided you could set up a nice bath for him to relax in while you finished dinner. It would help with his muscle ache from dancing and he rarely treated himself. Lighting a few candles around the edge and putting his favorite scented soap nearby to add to the water. You put your laptop on the sink so he could choose some music to play.

Then a thought occured to you. This would check off an item on your list of things to do together if you were to join him. You could at least give him the option. This was a night for whatever he wanted after all. When you went to get the paper from your dresser, however, it was missing. Thus your search began. It didn't just evaporate. You went through the bookshelf first, then around the living room and kitchen. Still nowhere. So you checked the pockets in both of your coats. Nothing. The only place left to search was the bathroom, and since you knew it wasn't in your drawer of stuff you opened Kyungsoo's.

"Aha!" There it was. Perfectly folded into a tiny square next to his comb. You picked it up and shut the drawer. Opening up the paper. Right as you did the front door opened and closed. Kyungsoo called your name. After a moment you heard his footsteps coming closer.

"Why was the stove on without any food in the pan?" You couldn't respond. You were paralyzed by the words on the page. Because under everything there was a new line. Under the hundred things both crossed off and waiting to be done, written in perfect black ink. Kyungsoo had added one more thing to do. He appeared with wide eyes in the doorway to the bathroom. You looked up at him, mouth struggling to form words. Suddenly he lunged forward. It wasn't for the paper, however. He squeezed past you in the small bathroom, rushing for the bathtub. Profanities spilling from his lips. As your eyes followed him your entire body tensed.

The shower curtain had caught fire. You placed one of the candles too close and now bright orange flames were licking up the edge of the fabric. The curtain was perfect fuel. You felt useless as Kyungsoo yanked the cloth off its hooks and threw it in the tub. Doing his best to have as little contact with the burning thing as possible. He turned on the water, the shower head raining, panting as the flames died down. He had caught it early. Small wifts of smoke drifted up as the quarter blackened ash of what used to be your shower curtain was revealed. You inched closer warily. Trying to get a better look at the damage. Kyungsoo whipped around then, grabbing your shoulders. Glaring harshly at you, mouth opening to scold you. You flinched and prepared, but his words were lost somewhere. His eyes darted from your face to the paper you still clutched in your shaking hands then back to you. His glare softened. Unfurrowing his eyebrows. Licking his lips. His attention fixed on you with stars in his eyes. He looked...inspired. Enchanted. Then he breathed two little words and your blood turned to rocket fuel in your veins.

"Marry me."

Those two simple words turned your whole world upside down. Marry...marry Kyungsoo? The man in front of you? With his big eyes and uneven breaths. With his nerves tightening his fingers on your shoulders. The man who stole the covers on the bed during cold nights. The man who was hardly home except to sleep a lot of the time. The one who got upset when you ruined "his kitchen" trying to cook. Who eats your leftovers without asking. Who leaves hair on the sink after he shaves. The man who always pulls you closer when you sit together. Who turns innocent cuddling during movies into steamy kisses with his hand down your pants or up your shirt. The man that always kisses you after sex. Who holds you when you're anxious and refuses to leave your side until you calm down. Who does what you need before you even know you need it yourself. The man who grew past his trust issues so he could love you whole-heartedly. Your best friend. The person you couldn't imagine your life without. You could only respond one way.

"What?" You were doe-eyed and slow to catch up to your racing thoughts. Kyungsoo lost part of his confidence. Repeating himself in the form of a question. Like he was worried he didn't do it right the first time.

"Please marry me?" You didn't have a chance to answer. His pre-prepared speech rambling off his tongue as if you'd refuse if he didn't say these words first. "I knew I wanted to marry you years ago. When we moved in together on our first anniversary and you were complaining about your cd's not being organized. It was so mundane and normal, but it was so _you_ a-and I just...knew. No matter what happens it'll be okay, because I will always love you. I've never been good at this; loving openly." One of Kyungsoo's hands slid up to the side of your face. His dark brown eyes starting to shimmer with building tears. Voice tight. "But I've always known I was meant to love you for the rest of my life." Your emotions lodged in your throat. Finding it hard to hold back your own tears. The corners of his mouth fought to keep from grinning so wide his face would crack. Twitching and tightening in that adorable way you admired whenever he got bashful. "You once said you'd prove I'm the only one you want to be with however many times it took. Now it's my turn. I will choose you. With every morning waking up beside you. With every minute I'm away. With every touch and 'I love you'. With every breath. I will always choose you. I know...usually the speech comes before the question..." You both chuckled faintly. When you blinked a tear fell out and he brushed it away with his thumb. "But you did promise I would be part of one of your stories where something catches on fire." You choked out a laugh and rolled your eyes, smiling.

"So that's why this moment is perfect? I almost burned down the apartment?"

"Things kept getting in the way before." It was so absurd, his reasoning. So much like Kyungsoo's thinking. It was perfect. You wrapped your arms around his neck and crashed your lips to his. Feeling them give as his eyes slid closed and his other hand went around your waist on your back. Holding you closer. You barely broke from his mouth. Only enough to speak.

"I love you." Another kiss. "I love you so much. Yes." Another.

"Yes?" Kyungsoo opened his eyes to stare at you in wonder. Wet streaks on his cheeks from where his emotions had spilled over. Past the exhaustion and past the stress you saw his nerves begin to shift and calm. Face glowing. One last affirmation and it was done. He could cross off the last line on the paper scrunched in your hand. You would have a new vow attributed to your promise ring. You'd be with your best friend forever. A new adventure. A new beginning. With infinite more stories to tell. You couldn't be happier.

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you so much for reading and leaving such kind comments on this. I had a lot of fun writing it.
> 
> If you're interested in more of my Exo writing & content you can follow me at dorkyungsoowrites.tumblr.com & even request stuff if you want♡ Thanks again.


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